Do people wait for love/intimacy?
I think I wrote about this somewhere before. I'm kinda disturbed by the thought that some people rush to find someone or rush back to their ex for no good reason. What about all the guys/girls out there who deserve connection and may deserve your time more? there's a lot of people out there so it makes sense in a way to wait for someone meaningful...makes sense to be independent as well and let something happen years from now. But I don't know if a lot of people wait.
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I think a lot of people are denial about whether they do this, but it's definitely a thing. I'd rather be alone than in a dysfunctional relationship.
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That seems like an oxymoron to me, “serial monogamist”.2
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wanderingarcher wrote: »That seems like an oxymoron to me, “serial monogamist”.
Doesn't the word serial just mean to follow in a series? So, if you were a serial monogamist you would be in one monogamous relationship after another with very little break in the middle.
I suppose to some extent anyone who engages in solely monogamous relationships is a serial monogamist, but the material point with this phrase is that the person HAS to be in a relationship all the time and cannot bear to be alone.2 -
Quite possibly MGTOW, but I wouldn't say the Feminist movement is about women rejecting relationships with men.
It does seem that you spend a lot of time contemplating this topic though, and maybe going round and round in circles.0 -
Why do you say too fickle?0
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MistressSara wrote: »RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »wanderingarcher wrote: »That seems like an oxymoron to me, “serial monogamist”.
Doesn't the word serial just mean to follow in a series? So, if you were a serial monogamist you would be in one monogamous relationship after another with very little break in the middle.
I suppose to some extent anyone who engages in solely monogamous relationships is a serial monogamist, but the material point with this phrase is that the person HAS to be in a relationship all the time and cannot bear to be alone.
Yeah this is a thing.
I’d probably frame it differently though.
Someone who enjoys getting to know a partner within the confines of a semi-committed relationship.
A relationship that isn’t permanent isn’t a failure by default or definition. It can be a happy, satisfying thing.
I think
My personal experience of someone I would call a serial monogamist is a close friend. They are always either in a relationship or on the verge of being in one and repeatedly going back and forth between currents and exes.
Imo a serial monogamist is different to simply a monogamist due to the actual desperate need to be in a relationship or dating someone all the time.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing by any means, it's not my place to judge what makes them happy. I'm just saying that it's not something I do currently. I think I've done it in the past though, but self reflection has taught me that I've been in dysfunctional relationships due to that compulsion.3 -
Maybe it's my own problem.. I seem to keep changing my feelings for things, I'm a big mess actually. And I know for a fact that I'm not mentally right to date as of now. But if I noticed a girl sizing me up, I could lose my *kitten* altogether.RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »Why do you say too fickle?
I also recall you mentioning this and it seems that you're in a rough place my friend. This might not be my place, but I'm saying it out of concern for you. I really do feel you would benefit from speaking to someone about this, like a professional. If your concerns are leading you to be so reflective and constantly in flux about how you feel... Questioning yourself, it's a tough path and the sooner you find the right support the better.3 -
I suppose I’d always gone by the definition of one partner in a lifetime, and while that’s rarely a literal thing, I’d expect a monogamist to see that as the goal and therefore take their time to be very thoughtful in their choice and subsequently committed for the long term.
To jump from one exclusive relationship to another does not deserve the term monogamist imo, but I don’t define the English language, so education for me.2 -
MistressSara wrote: »RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »MistressSara wrote: »RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »wanderingarcher wrote: »That seems like an oxymoron to me, “serial monogamist”.
Doesn't the word serial just mean to follow in a series? So, if you were a serial monogamist you would be in one monogamous relationship after another with very little break in the middle.
I suppose to some extent anyone who engages in solely monogamous relationships is a serial monogamist, but the material point with this phrase is that the person HAS to be in a relationship all the time and cannot bear to be alone.
Yeah this is a thing.
I’d probably frame it differently though.
Someone who enjoys getting to know a partner within the confines of a semi-committed relationship.
A relationship that isn’t permanent isn’t a failure by default or definition. It can be a happy, satisfying thing.
I think
My personal experience of someone I would call a serial monogamist is a close friend. They are always either in a relationship or on the verge of being in one and repeatedly going back and forth between currents and exes.
Imo a serial monogamist is different to simply a monogamist due to the actual desperate need to be in a relationship or dating someone all the time.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing by any means, it's not my place to judge what makes them happy. I'm just saying that it's not something I do currently. I think I've done it in the past though, but self reflection has taught me that I've been in dysfunctional relationships due to that compulsion.
Ah. I see what you’re saying. Shades of meaning.
I guess anyone who enters more than one relationship in a lifetime can be said to be a serial monogamist. I know that’s not what we’re talking about- just saying definitions trip us up.
For example
I have a friend who was married for many years. Loved her home, job, friends, kids, community, but disliked her husband.
So she replaced him.
To the outside, to me, it looks like a kind of serial monogamy and I guiltily think, what’s the difference? Everything else is the same! Couldn’t you make do? Or be happily single? That’s what I think I would do. But she likes being in a relationship. She likes being married. And the difference is, she is happy. She’s kinder, she doesn’t make snappish man jokes, she enjoys her children more.
So, this is my biggest reference point, though there are others. Some people are just happier being hooked up even if it’s not forever.
BTW, I’m not trying to be argumentative. I genuinely like exchanging ideas with you.
Absolutely, I totally agree that there are different levels. That's kind of why I differentiate between monogamy and serial monogamy. I'm not sure where the boundary lies in terms of the length of time between relationships to be classed as monogamy or serial monogamy, so that's a grey area as well. Is it days/ weeks/ months, who knows?
My experience of serial monogamy has always been (from a personal and an outsiders perspective) fairly intrusive on the quality of the rest of the person's life.
Although, I'm happy to see that it is not always the case. I do believe there are people who thrive when they are in a relationship and those who prefer to be alone. But I guess I compare serial monogamy to an addiction in a way (again, I'm not judging, because I've been there).
It's an interesting concept, the driving factor behind a lot of human behaviour is procreation and the preservation of genes, so I wonder whether it fits in there somehow.
No worries, I didn't think you were being argumentative. I'm glad we can have a discussion in which we can have differing opinions and it doesn't become a personal attack.2 -
Anyone want to talk about oxytocin?
It appears to me all the rationalizing of relationships goes out the window when the hormones speak.2 -
Nowadays real life is worse thanks to social media. Dark perverted a-holes are all over the internet messaging girls daily. Some women on twitter exposed the kind of dm's they were getting.JustReadTheInstructions wrote: »Let me tell you what real life is like. The men dry up, and the nights get lonely.
I just hope there are still a lot of real people out there.
That makes two of us. Not many in my age group and geographical range though, that's for sure3 -
Whenever I think about Catherine Tate I ways remember Nan. That's just who she is fo ever.1
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I suppose I'm waiting for love. Seems like I'm living life in reverse though. Starting in my early 20's, I had the great 20+ year relationship with a man who loved me unconditionally and I him. When he passed away I knew from that time on that I would never feel that type of love again. It's sad as I know each relationship is different and that different kind of love can be just as satisfying. So these days are spent having fun and seeing when the next Mr. Right will catch my attention.8
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JustReadTheInstructions wrote: »Let me tell you what real life is like. The men dry up, and the nights get lonely. The only calls on your machine are for collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you never even wore.
You stalk your old high school boyfriend online, go to his daughter's soccer games, and make a scene.
You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, *you're all you need*.
One day, you're alone, tired. At your feet, a dying bird. But where did it come from? Why did you kill it? Is it because in some strange way it is you?
Absolutely *kitten* *kittenkittening* right.
You didn’t like the bird?2 -
They do...but don't have enough common sense or communication skills to understand if it's genuine or not....the world is full of really dumb adults....4
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »Anyone want to talk about oxytocin?
It appears to me all the rationalizing of relationships goes out the window when the hormones speak.
I'd put the explanation more on dopamine than oxytocin.1 -
Love sucks😂😂😂 I'm just over here loving myself!3
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RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »I think a lot of people are denial about whether they do this, but it's definitely a thing. I'd rather be alone than in a dysfunctional relationship.
Yes, it's people that are afraid of commitment. They wont even give the relationship a proper chance. As soon as there is conflict they just bail. But it's true, conflict ( and resolution)makes bonds stronger. It takes two to tango my amigo.2 -
amorfati601070 wrote: »RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »I think a lot of people are denial about whether they do this, but it's definitely a thing. I'd rather be alone than in a dysfunctional relationship.
Yes, it's people that are afraid of commitment. They wont even give the relationship a proper chance. As soon as there is conflict they just bail. But it's true, conflict ( and resolution)makes bonds stronger. It takes two to tango my amigo.
Undoubtedly, the partnership is imperative. I'm casting no judgement on the parties involved, but if one person is not committed to the relationship they are less likely to compromise or negotiate.2 -
RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »amorfati601070 wrote: »RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »I think a lot of people are denial about whether they do this, but it's definitely a thing. I'd rather be alone than in a dysfunctional relationship.
Yes, it's people that are afraid of commitment. They wont even give the relationship a proper chance. As soon as there is conflict they just bail. But it's true, conflict ( and resolution)makes bonds stronger. It takes two to tango my amigo.
Undoubtedly, the partnership is imperative. I'm casting no judgement on the parties involved, but if one person is not committed to the relationship they are less likely to compromise or negotiate.
Yeah but I also think like in the early days of a relationship things are exciting and there’s this electricity. Once that wanes and one of the parties (usually the man) starts to I dunno... get bored for lack of better words and they just crave that excitement from they get from a new partner. I think this is at the core of a lot of affairs. I am certain that there is chemistry at the atomic level responsible too. A surge in dopamine and oxytocin during the early lusty days.
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