Struggling

Tattoos_and_Tea
Tattoos_and_Tea Posts: 529 Member
edited March 2019 in Motivation and Support
Hey everyone, hope your all well.

As the post is titled really, I'm struggling. Mentally more than anything. I want to lose weight, like another 9lb, but I've been there before and I wasn't any happier then, so why do I think losing 9lb to get to bang on 140lb is going to make me happy this time? It's not is it, and I know that, yet here I am putting pressure on myself to do so.

I wasn't happy when I was 205lb and I wasn't happy at 120lb. Now I'm 149lb and not happy so it's a problem with my mind right?

I havnt managed to lose any weight since November, I've been around 149lb since then. Maybe this is just my bodies way of saying 'Sarah, your 35, get over it and accept this is who you are' but my mind says otherwise.

I've lowered my calories this week to try and shock my body into losing weight. I'm aiming for 1200, and yes before people jump down my throat I know it's low, but I felt desperate. It's crap though as I'm starving.

I've been calorie counting on here since 2011 and I don't know any different, but I can't keep this up any more. My mental state is taking a battering.

Anyone else been in this situation before? What have you done about it?

Fyi, I'm 35, 5'5" and 149.4lb. I work out (strength, not much cardio as I hate it) at the gym 3 times a week. I have a 5yo so run around after him a lot.

Thank you.

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Replies

  • Tattoos_and_Tea
    Tattoos_and_Tea Posts: 529 Member
    Thank you, don't feel it though. I havnt tried talking therapy. Guess i don't want to admit I may have a problem? I do use a food scale x
  • Tattoos_and_Tea
    Tattoos_and_Tea Posts: 529 Member
    Very true hun
  • goo927
    goo927 Posts: 19 Member
    Sazzle 1983
    I completely understand what your going though. It’s almost like the number on the scale defines who we are. And I agree with the others, therapy can really help-I’ve been doing it for years. I always say it just helps get the nonsense out of my head and helps me to reevaluate my priorities.
    You not in this alone.. and by the way- I think you look great!!!!
  • Unknown
    Unknown
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  • TarahByte
    TarahByte Posts: 125 Member
    pointguard12 wrote: »
    Are you having enough sex and drugs? Sometimes that helps me when my mind just won't cooperate

    ^^ This. He's ain't wrong. :-)

    Also I only feel like I look good when I'm lifting weights and have muscle filling me out in the good spots.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    If I was you I would look into recomp and refeeds and get back to a place where you can eat a decent amount of calories and still lose some fat.

    I also 100% agree with finding someone to talk to about your body image/ self esteem.

    You are so much more than a number on the scales.
  • Kathryn247
    Kathryn247 Posts: 570 Member
    Try to separate your happiness and your weight and look at them as 2 different issues, because they are.
    Try the talk therapy to work on the happiness part. Therapy rocks and changed my life.
    For your weight, what are you going for? A certain level of fitness, to fit into your prom dress again, to just be healthy? Then eat and exercise in a logical, sensible, long-term way to reach those goals.

    Don't punish yourself for not being happy by starving yourself or overeating. That doesn't fix anything. Take a deep breath and call a therapist. <3
  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
    edited March 2019
    Oh my goodness! I could have written this myself. Only I'm 62. But I'm 5'5" and run between 147 and 149. I can tell you honestly you look amazing! You don't need to lose any more. Personally I'm thinking of getting some counselling because my high weight was 251 and I'm absolutely terrified of going back there. I still feel like I'm fat. I've tried everything to lose another 10 - 15 pounds and nothing has worked so let's face it, I'm where I should be. So are you.

    I have a weird theory about the weight we expect vs where we are. Think about when you were over 200 lbs.... your body probably reinforced your bones and muscles back then. Chances are you are thinner than someone who has never been overweight. My trainer who is a tiny petite thing measured my thighs and exclaimed that mine we only an inch larger than hers. Now granted she probably has more muscle but she weighs probably at least 35 pounds less than I do. So my theory is that my bones weigh more, lol. Hang in there and if it keeps getting you down consider some personal counselling. You worked too hard to get here and not enjoy it.
  • Tattoos_and_Tea
    Tattoos_and_Tea Posts: 529 Member
    Thank you all for your responses and advice, I trust appreciate it. My mind still believes I'm 205lb, that's the problem.

    Katherine, I would just like to me a comfy UK size 10 again x
  • tusshay
    tusshay Posts: 26 Member
    Ask yourself what WOULD make you happy!
    If it’s not the number on the scale, what is it?
    Something deeper? Maybe you need a vacation?
    Time spent with loved ones?
  • JLose65
    JLose65 Posts: 9 Member
    Girl, uou look awesome! Put a smile on your face when you take that beautiful picture! :) And I’m just going to ask straight out... what are you unhappy about? Are things going on in your life that have you down, or is it strictly about the weight? You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to, you can just answer yourself. If it’s depression, then you really need to go to a doc and get a script and some therapy to help you. Nothing wrong with that. And in the winter i think it’s harder to lose weight bc your body wants to keep itself warm and put on a few pounds.
    I have the opposite problem myself... I still feel like I’m my 125-130 lb body that i have always been up till about 5 years ago and can’t stand looking at myself with all this weight on. I’m happy I lost 22 lbs so far at 1200cal since November and it doesn’t feel like I’m starving myself most of the time but i still hate how i look... it hasn’t made much difference yet in looks. But I am not out of breath anymore and Not having the GERD symptoms I was with the extra weight and i don’t crave the junk anymore so that’s good. I’m a single mom and i need to be healthy! So do you. I decided to just go with my body rhythm and intermittent fast daily... so I eat a little during the day and most at night when my cravings are... opposite of what most recommend.. it’s really helped. Maybe give yourself the freedom to NOT do what they say.
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,205 Member
    seeing a therapist/psychologist has changed my life two different times. sometimes insurance coverage will really surprise you! i paid $5 per visit.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    sazzle1983 wrote: »
    Thank you all for your responses and advice, I trust appreciate it. My mind still believes I'm 205lb, that's the problem.

    Katherine, I would just like to me a comfy UK size 10 again x

    but that isn't the issue. you said yourself in your OP. being a size 10 wont magically solve your problems.
  • maraingerham
    maraingerham Posts: 8 Member
    Happiness and feeling fulfilled in your life have so much more to do with who you are, what you value, what is meaningful to you, relationships, etc than your physical size. Period. I’ve been 95 lbs at 5’5” and I’ve been up to 150 lbs and everywhere in between, always thinking that looking a certain way would make me feel happy and fulfilled.... I’m now 40.... it never worked.
    Therapy literally saved my life and gave me a whole new lease on my life. I am finally HAPPY, on a truly deep level independent of what I look like or how much I weigh. I work out and my goals are PROGRESS ORIENTED (pull-up’s here I come!) not SCALE-BASED (which is muscle, water, bone, tissues, fat, water retention... SO inaccurate as a measure of where you’re at. If you’re going for fat loss, there are FAR BETTER ways to measure that).
    Anyways, I wish you real happiness. *kitten* 140. *kitten* 120. Find an awesome therapist who can help you question your beliefs that currently dominate your mind and do nothing but serve to make you unhappy.
    Lots of love & ROCK ON!
    Mara
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,281 Member
    Oh. I'm bummed that you don't see yourself the way most people do. Judging by the responses to your post from strangers, you need to be kinder to yourself. It's a strange thing that we take care of physical ailments, but not mental ones. We are proactive and have check ups even when we are healthy, but we don't get "How are you feeling?" check ups. Maybe you need to frame it as a way to learn something new about yourself. A neutral 3rd party person can be really helpful. They ask questions and you have to think about it. As adults, we forget that we don't stop learning new things. Going to talk to someone also doesn't necessarily tie you up into a year of therapy. Might just be a few visits to work through something that you didn't realize about yourself.

    You look great, by the way. Your hard work paid off. For some reason though, there's a disconnect between your eyes and your brain. It might be worth exploring that a little... :heart:
  • c_ward1983
    c_ward1983 Posts: 22 Member
    I would suggest exercise more than diet. Diet's don't improve your mood, where as exercise does. Aim for a 1200 calorie deficit but allow yourself to eat back exercise calories up to 1500. This will give you some extra motivation to hit the gym (or whatever). Exercise really really helps with mood.
  • chocolate1902
    chocolate1902 Posts: 48 Member
    edited March 2019
    Meditation is very very helpful. Honestly, shut the electronics down or get them out of your house, put on some beautiful meditation music, light some candles or do some aromatherapy and just meditate to a complete calm and do this for 10 minutes every evening if you can in the morning too. Every time you have a negative thought replace it with 20 positive thoughts. Oh, by the way I’ve had therapy sessions as well and it works wonders !! Agree with the support group here that you look very fit. Keep up the great job.
  • Charlotteincharlotte
    Charlotteincharlotte Posts: 6 Member
    RelCanonical wrote: »
    sazzle1983 wrote: »
    Thank you, don't feel it though. I havnt tried talking therapy. Guess i don't want to admit I may have a problem? I do use a food scale x

    Everybody has problems in their head, but not everyone admits it, even to themselves. I think that if more people admitted they have mental roadblocks instead of stubbornly believing they "turned out fine", the world would be a better place. Going to therapy doesn't mean you have to have a diagnosis. It just means you'd like to talk it out with a neutral person who has been trained to help you work through some of your problems.

    wonderfully put! <3
  • rdthoms
    rdthoms Posts: 61 Member
    +1 for exercise especially if you can get into a good group class (like bootcamp is good) that has a good supportive group of folks. Some groups I have been in are like a fitness family and very motivating and supportive. Some are just groups of folks doing the same workout but no real interaction. I don't know how to find which is which but you can often trial classes. Best of luck!
  • cdubs4better
    cdubs4better Posts: 3 Member
    Been there, selfies helped me, I started for negative before and after reasons, but I found I recognized the now 40 year old dad body was me, not someone who was in better shape once or someone who was 300lbs... So i started doing some kind of selfie everyday... it sounds funny and nuts, but it worked for me.... I'm not my best, but i feel my best.
  • hroderick
    hroderick Posts: 756 Member
    Lots of good ideas above. I have some experiences to add.

    I've never been to England but I hear the winters are gloomy and that brings a seasonal depression to many. Maintaining weight through the winter holidays counts as a win! As we seek increased happiness we too often neglect the happiness we already have. Look into what a gratitude journal can do for you.

    Spring is just around the corner and lifts spirits. Get outside often. As a Christian, I let Easter add so much hope and self-forgiveness to the resolutions I made for New Years.

    The absolute best way I increase my happiness is to serve others. It helps me better appreciate what I have and know that the world needs me to make it better. If you need ideas on how to help, try www.justserve.org

    Finally, As you go through different phases of life, let go of past pleasures and relish the new opportunities. It is hard transitioning to mid-life but struggling against it won't make it go away, so roll with it.

  • Bopo_Amy
    Bopo_Amy Posts: 19 Member
    If you want some support I am here to help. Friend me. Hang in there girly!

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