How should I feel??????

rmsrws

I am approaching the three year mark of my weight loss journey. I am very dedicated to working out and maintaining my current weight. Now I would like to share with you a situation that happened to me over this past weekend that has me feeling, well I am not sure, I just know I am not feeling great!

We had a wedding reception to attend for one of my husbands business colleagues some of his friends were going to be there as well. My hubby asked me to step it up a notch and look my best. Not a problem! He even selected what I wore. I get dressed, do the hair, nails, make up ( I even had my eye lashes perfectly separated ).

I walk out and ask how I look......

His response......." About a 7 - 7 1/2 with room for improvement!"

I immediately gasped....and thought WTF!!!! I could deal with the 7 -7 1/2 but the "room for improvement" blew my mind! I have lost almost 150 lbs, I work out faithfully every single day. I have taken ONE rest day in the last several days. I log my food faithfully 867days here on MFP!

My first thought when he made his psychologically abusive remark......" You stupid Fat ( sorry I refrain from using those hurtful words since I was once there myself) F*** of a blithering idiot, have you looked at your sexy self in the mirror lately?" But I kept my mouth shut! My hubby has not been supportive of me on my journey I have received more love and support from my friends here on MFP. My hubby is 250 lbs, 5'6" and very bald. I love him dearly his weight does not bother me except for the health aspect of it! It does bother me that he will sit there and eat an entire box of pop tarts in front of me, and things like this.

I did flip him off, and told him to F off, and walked away. Since I have been giving him the silent treatment. But the joke is on me, this has only made him more cocky and arrogant towards me.

I am not seeking compliments from you all. I just don't know how I should feel, or how to deal with this. I just feel in awe and numb!

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

larsensue

Tell him to **** off again! you are great!!! don't let him make you feel bad. if he cannot be happy for you and love you for who you are then **** him.... cocky shmocky... give him some of his own medicine.

quirkytizzy

I'd say your anger is warranted. Is this a repeated behavior from him? The state of your marriage (and his contribution or LACK thereof) might be worth evaluating if it is.

cwolfman13

Sounds like he's a real winner...

sillygoosie

You should feel sorry that you married a ****head. You look fabulous.

UNLESS19

that's horrible! I'd be upset and angry too! you put in so much effort (mainly for him too!) & he does that!! I bet you looked fantastic and congrats on the loss- great loss! you look great and tell him to do one. some people can change, like my boyfriend has, but some people don't.. like my dad who still picks on me, my mum or my sis for anything
Don't let it get to you and take your confidence- you're great! He should be grateful to have you on his arm!
ungrateful and nasty get

djshari

Divorce him? Or if you don't feel it is worth being that drastic do not ask him for his opinion!

agdyl

All I can say is that the silent treatment is unlikely to accomplish anything. I'd say it's time to sit down and have a talk. Ask what the he actually meant - (I will say that occasionally men have a really bizarre thought process and say things without realizing what they are going to sound like). At that point I guess it's up to you to decide if he just needs some feedback on how not to sound like a jerk or if you need to be reconsidering the relationship altogether.

elizak87

I know I would feel hurt, sad and angry. I am appauled just by the fact he told you how to look and what to wear. His comment was disgusting. The fact he is now cocky about how hurt you are is really, really well bs. Your weight loss journey shows how strong you are. Maybe you need to show him how independent you are.

EileeKay

You have achieved something amazing here - most importantly you have saved your own life!!! It sounds like your husband is feeling very insecure since you look so amazing now and (I bet) receive a lot of attention from other men... It is his problem, not yours. I'm sure he knows the writing is on the wall regarding his own health but only he can do anything about that.

jwdieter

It's not a socially-acceptable response to the question. But if he's always been a social misfit, perhaps he's not being intentionally hurtful.

rich347

If I where you I would challenge him to a slap boxing match and you can let him know what he said hurt your feelings and hopefully y'all can hug it out.

twinketta

I think it is really bad of him to make you feel this way.

I also think that you are married to him and it is your decision as to how to handle it.

You will get lots of tea and sympathy from people on MFP.

If I was your buddy and just reading what you have posted I would be saying go dump him.

But seriously, it is your marriage and your life and there are sides to every story.

Talk to him, if you do not share how you feel with him then how can you expect total strangers to give you advice?

Talk to family members, they will know you both better than us strangers?

sukiwabi

first, to ask you to step it up for the wedding. wtf, as if you were going to go in tatters?
then to rate you?

awwww hell no. you deserve better treatment than that. i just looked at your photos. your transformation is nothing short of amazing. and he sounds like a miserable git.

skylark94

I'm sorry you married such an a-hole. Is this an example of how your relationship goes on a regular basis? I know if my husband talked to me like that there is no way I would stay with him. I value myself more than that. I hope you value yourself too.

rachtxaggie

You should feel so accomplished I only hope to be where you are in a year or two!!! Never let anyone allow you to feel like that and take away your sparkle, you should have told him if that's how you feel then I just won't go with you anywhere because I am a ten and I know it!! Keep your chin up you have accomplished amazing things!

TheDoctorDana

I bet there were quite a few of his friends that rated you a 10 in their heads You look great! I would re evaluate my relationship. He sounds like a control freak.

_HeartsOnFire_

All I can say is that the silent treatment is unlikely to accomplish anything. I'd say it's time to sit down and have a talk. Ask what the he actually meant - (I will say that occasionally men have a really bizarre thought process and say things without realizing what they are going to sound like). At that point I guess it's up to you to decide if he just needs some feedback on how not to sound like a jerk or if you need to be reconsidering the relationship altogether.

I agree with this...yes, it was rude of him and hurtful. However, guys do have a completely different thought process. Some guys don't have a filter. So I would just set him down and ask him what he meant. Then go from there.

cbeutler

You should feel how ever you want to feel. But what you should do with that feeling is another matter.

awebs89

Waiiiit, he asked you to "step it up a notch"? Shouldn't he be proud to be with you as you are? And he selected what you wore too? If my boyfriend tried any of that he would be in a world of hurt.

AlongCame_Molly

Let me see if I understand you right...

Your husband is fat, gluttonous, BALD and rude, and he has the audacity to act cocky and arrogantly call a smoking hotbox like yourself a 7.5? WTH?

He wouldn't act that way if you didn't allow it. Ratchet your standards up a little and expect more from him. It's clear he has no idea how good he has it.

Personally I would have very calmly taken off the nice dress (that HE picked out), yanked on an old pair of cutoffs and dirty flip flops, messed up my hair and taken off every scrap of makeup and say, "ok, ready to go!" If he won't appreciate you looking your best, then he deserves your worst.