How should I feel??????

1longroad

First off, you are beautiful and you have had an amazing journey to get where you are today! I know you feel the accomplishment, as it shows in your profile picture and the smile that is there! No one, not even a self absorbed, rude person can take that away from you!

His actions suggest jealousy, for what he can not or will not accomplish for himself,

resentment, for 'bettering' yourself and leaving him behind,

lack of respect for you, his wife, whom he should be able to lift up and encourage,

an overinflated ego, that sounds as if it is in no shape, size or way deserved


If and when you feel able to, I would discuss your feelings with him. If he listens to you and changes his attitude, it will be a win-win situation. If he is unable to change his behavior patters/condescending actions, only you can decide how you want to handle the situation!

madworld1

Honestly, I would be pissed and hurt. You are smoking hot!!! So, I think that he is jealous and doesn't want you to realize how hot you are. You just keep doing your thing. Your anger is justified.

stealthq

I'd have two reactions to this behavior.

1) An immediate knee-jerk reaction, where my knee impacted his crotch.
2) I'd make sure to look my best for that wedding, then promptly leave dear hubs and find myself a much better male escort once I arrived.

You might be able to guess that I'm not married and probably will never be :laugh:

BTW, I've had a few friends in emotionally abusive marriages. Picking out outfits and judging the wife's appearance? A common occurrence with them. If this is a one time thing, maybe it's just an *kitten* moment. If not, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship.

Andimadx

I would have dumped him the first time he called me Fat
If he wasn't supportive when you were heavy, and he's not supportive now that you lost so much weight, then he will NEVER be supportive and he will always put you down.

dump his *kitten* and find someone who loves you for you

MyM0wM0w

His response......." About a 7 - 7 1/2 with room for improvement!"

Next time he say something like that, respond with ..."Sweet, with your 21/2 - 3 we make a perfect 10!!"

JenniferPlus2

Sounds like insecurity to me. You've achieved something he cannot, and subconsciously (or maybe consciously) he doesn't want you feeling like you are better than him.

This^. i have a feeling he had already decided to put you down before he even asked you to dress up for the gathering.

This is what I think as well. Do not give him the silent treatment. Call him out on what is really going on and how it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

determinedbutlazy

Go to the party, remain icy to husband, flirt mercilessly with his business partners.

bunbunzee44

what an idiot for not realizing what he's got. I think he must be bitter that you could do it while he still remains the same.

alisonlynn1976

Clearly, this guy does NOT want you to have healthy self-esteem.

Why do people stay in these horrible relationships?

MattLBennett

Coming from a male : what a complete and utter tool!

nursenelson

Next time he say something like that, respond with ..."Sweet, with your 21/2 - 3 we make a perfect 10!!"


OMG that is AWESOME!
Just brilliant!
bahahahahahahahahahaha

taso42

It's not you, it's him.

kimosabe1

I wouldn't say a word & make him come to u. Then I would tell him to get on the "take care of yourself" boat....... (douche)

MelissaBoydston82

I don't know that I could stay around something like that for very long. And if I did, I would probably cuss him out multiple times daily. ahh marriage.

Anyway, you're not the first person I've heard of losing a LOT of weight whose spouse basically turned verbally abusive once they succeeded. He definitely sounds insecure.

MelissaBoydston82

first, to ask you to step it up for the wedding. wtf, as if you were going to go in tatters?
then to rate you?

awwww hell no. you deserve better treatment than that. i just looked at your photos. your transformation is nothing short of amazing. and he sounds like a miserable git.

yes!

As soon as I read "step it up for the wedding" I was annoyed. EFF him. I wouldn't want to be seen with him at the wedding.

MelissaBoydston82

Sounds like insecurity to me. You've achieved something he cannot, and subconsciously (or maybe consciously) he doesn't want you feeling like you are better than him.

bingo!

Oishii

OP, I read your profile and you have made an amazing change to benefit your health and therefore your whole family. Unfortunately, your transformation won't have transformed your husband. I know, from far less dramatic experience, that you can't expect your DH to treat you better just because you have improved. I think you are quite within your rights to feel upset, but I wouldn't feel surprised.

When I ask my DH how I look, he has learnt to play it safe, but maybe, when you didn't feel you looked good, you didn't ask and he didn't learn the 'right' answer...

cazcarr89

It sounds as though he jealous, and putting you down makes him feel better!

Try telling him hes a '2 with room for improvement'

cazcarr89

Absolutely awful. I sit at home at almost 250 pounds in sweat pants, no makeup and a baggy shirt with my hair up and my husband constantly tells me I'm beautiful.


^ This is a real, man! He should love you no matter what x

IronPhyllida

Start scoring his appearance on a daily basis, be brutal and honest and see how he likes it. Sounds as if he's a 2 in my opinion. And I'm being generous. What a kn*b.

furrina

i don't usually get involved in topics like this but this is really awful. No one should be able to treat you that way. Regardless of whether he is fat or fit (that could mean he's messed up, insecure, too self loathing to fix his own obesity or his resentment of those who can, etc etc etc but never even mind that for the moment), someone who shares your life should not be able to make you feel the way anyone would feel after such a completely douchey, unwarranted, abusive insult.

I know nothing of the kind of relationship you have or of your ability to thrive without it, but it sounds from your post that you let him get away with treating you like that, which most likely pushes him even further to see how far he can go with the psychological abuse. I am not saying it is your fault at all. He is the one who is wrong. But my uninformed, unprofessional opinion is you should not put up with being treated this way. You'd be better off alone than with someone who makes you feel this way.

After the wedding you should say straight to him that he so obviously was a complete a**h*le to you and made you feel like s*it. You should also say you can pick out your own clothes because at 43 you have learned to dress yourself and you know damn well what looks good. And if he doesn't like it, or feels you are anything but top-notch when compared to his high standards, he can take his two hundred and fifty pound *kitten* out the door and find someone who will put up with him and free you to find happiness with someone who appreciates who you are inside and out (which from your pics would not be the most difficult thing since you look pretty great).

just my $.02

siany01

Let me see if I understand you right...

Your husband is fat, gluttonous, BALD and rude, and he has the audacity to act cocky and arrogantly call a smoking hotbox like yourself a 7.5? WTH?

He wouldn't act that way if you didn't allow it. Ratchet your standards up a little and expect more from him. It's clear he has no idea how good he has it.

Personally I would have very calmly taken off the nice dress (that HE picked out), yanked on an old pair of cutoffs and dirty flip flops, messed up my hair and taken off every scrap of makeup and say, "ok, ready to go!" If he won't appreciate you looking your best, then he deserves your worst.

^^ This

curly1986

Sorry not read all the other replies but it sounds like he is jealous of your success and insecure that you could, if you wanted, go out and get a younger, thinner, hotter man.

Maybe its his stupid way of making sure you never leave him, to ruin your confidence so you dont believe how lovely you are.

It's a totally crap, ape man, way to go about it. I know it would be so easy to do the silent treatment but I think you both need to talk. He maybe needs to know that you still love him dearly regardless of the change, but that he is being very hurtful with his comments. And he needs to talk about why he makes those comments, and where they are coming from.