How to cope with the regrets of having been overweight and bodily effects of major weight loss.

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peachvine29
peachvine29 Posts: 400 Member
edited April 2019 in Motivation and Support
This post may be a bit negative. Just a fair warning. I am mainly looking for emotional support or healthy perspectives on the effects of having been overweight (stretch marks) and the effects that losing weight (loose skin, aging) has on the body as I have been struggling lately.

I am 26, female. I have always struggled with my weight, mainly due to having learned emotional eating in childhood and a love of food, and my weight has fluctuated through the years. In high school, I remember I did get pretty thin at one time due to experimenting with raw foods and veganism, and was at 135 lbs., still with belly fat. After high school, I had a rough time at life due to my indecision of what to study in college, struggling with depression and social and general anxiety, and dating an alcoholic boyfriend who I let influence me into drinking. I rarely ever weighed myself, but I know that my highest weight ever recorded was in January 2017 and I was 200 lbs. I am 5’7.5’’ and have a small frame and an ideal weight for me is around 130 lbs.

In February 2018 I had a routine blood test done and my liver enzymes were high, indicating slight liver damage. I went to see a liver specialist and he told me that I probably just needed to lose weight, and told me to aim for about 160 lbs. which would put me in the normal weight range for my BMI. I had been wanting to lose weight for years and tried a variety of restrictive diets here and there (vegan, paleo, AIP) that didn’t really work for me and weren’t sustainable. I was always pretty consistently active with hiking, riding my bike, and weight lifting, but had never tried counting calories, and decided to give that a try.

In late February 2018 I weighed in at 189 lbs. and started my weight loss journey with counting calories and MFP. And the weight started coming off. I have logged into MFP for over 400 days straight. I haven’t logged every single thing and am a little loose here and there but it’s still working. I have occasional unplanned maintenance or over calorie days, but I’m consistent enough to where it doesn’t matter. Since February 2018, I have lost almost 50 lbs., at an average rate of about 0.8 lbs. per week. Today, I weighed in at my lowest weight, 140.2 lbs. My original target weight was 135 lbs., but I have since moved it to 130 lbs., since I feel I have a lot of belly and back fat to lose still. I have been weight training hard three times a week (upper and lower body split) as well. I also work and go to school both full time.

I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my foods and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attractive when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.

I am looking forward to being at goal weight. I have regrets on how heavy I let myself get without much noticing. I just always thought I’d lose weight in the future and never thought about the loose skin or permanent stretch marks I may have. I had no awareness of how much I weighed really until last year. But, I know that this journey has taught me a lot. A lot about the values of determination, consistency, dedication, strength, discipline. I feel I can accomplish other things now, since I know it really does just take time and commitment to make changes and learn something different, a different way of life. But in my low moods I wish I would have never been over weight in the first place.

I hope this doesn’t sound whiney. Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!
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Replies

  • peachvine29
    peachvine29 Posts: 400 Member
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    I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my fodos and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attracted when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.

    Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!

    Have you taken a diet break at any time?

    Set your calories to maintenance for a week or four. Go back to deficit when you feel better.

    I have not. Now that it's closer to summer I hesitate to. But I may consider it to help my moods!
  • kimny72
    kimny72 Posts: 16,013 Member
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    I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my fodos and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attracted when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.

    Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!

    Have you taken a diet break at any time?

    Set your calories to maintenance for a week or four. Go back to deficit when you feel better.

    I have not. Now that it's closer to summer I hesitate to. But I may consider it to help my moods!

    Here is a thread about diet breaks if you're interested:

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10604863/of-refeeds-and-diet-breaks/p1

    As far as the rest, it can take some time to get used to your new shape, for your skin to react, for your remaining fat to "smooth out". I wish I had more to say that would help, but dealing with regret is not my strong suit :blush: Hang in there!
  • robertwroach1250
    robertwroach1250 Posts: 12 Member
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    Did your weight loss correct you medical concern ?
  • peachvine29
    peachvine29 Posts: 400 Member
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    Skin takes time to recover, give it at least 2 years of maintaining a healthy weight to see what results you will have. It may surprise you how well it can recover but it does take time. You are still so young! I was so much older than you when I lost my excess weight and I had the same concerns you did but my skin improved a lot after 2 years of maintaining and now it’s not even an issue. I also had the elevated liver enzymes and that was the last straw for me and what made me take action to get fit. Stay active and continue exercising, most of the love I have for my body comes from the strength it has developed and what it’s capable of now, not how it looks. Keep going, keep looking after your health, love the only body you will ever have and give it more time <3

    That's very helpful and makes me hopeful. I'm sure time will help. I'll work on loving my body as I know that's the only way to feeling better and is what I need most :)<3 Thank You
  • peachvine29
    peachvine29 Posts: 400 Member
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    MikePTY wrote: »
    I second the idea of taking a diet break. Eat at maintenance for at least a few weeks to reset yourself mentally before you continue to try to lose more weight. You may find that it is a big help.

    The other thing that I think is really important is to realize that our bodies will never be perfect. Loving our bodies is something that is done through work emotionally and mentally, not physically. There is no "if I reach my goal weight, then I will love my body." We will always have imperfections, and we can easily define ourselves by them if we let them. Poor self-image is something that affects a lot of us, no matter how big or small. All the models and celebrities that people model themselves after and say "I wish I looked like that," they often feel the same way about their bodies. If you continually feel negative about your body, it may be worth looking at talking with someone who can assist you with that.

    Also, you are quite young. Your body is more resilient than you think. A lot of the things you think you may be doomed with forever (loose skin, stretch marks, etc), will fade or disappear overtime. I wish I would have gotten to it at your age. You've actually realized the negative effects of obesity a lot earlier in life than most of us, so kudos to that.

    One last recommendation is if you are not already, try to start working in some weight lifting and strength training into your routine. That can help a lot with overall body composition.

    I ate at nearly maintenance yesterday (unplanned) and it did seem to help a bit. I've been very active lately so I'm sure it's good for my body to get some good nutrition in (I ate pretty healthy). And yes it is so true that we will never be perfect and I have to work on accepting that just like everyone else. I know it will make me a lot happier and less stressed.

    And I've been lifting pretty much the whole time while losing weight. I think I've mostly maintained strength (I just started tracking my weights...). I'm looking forward to maintenance and when I can bulk a little and get muscles!
  • rossbaker2_sc
    rossbaker2_sc Posts: 43 Member
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    Your battle with the emotional and mental aspects of weight loss reminds me a lot of myself and the biggest success for me has been joining WW and having other people experiencing similar problems to share those feelings with.
  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
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    I too lost alot of weight late in life (59 to 61). I have been at goal weight for about a year and a half and am amazed at how my skin has improved in my buttocks and thighs. I had a tummy tuck when I reached goal but was depressed at the rest of my body. Give it time you may be surprised at how much it improves in a couple years.
  • peachvine29
    peachvine29 Posts: 400 Member
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    I too lost alot of weight late in life (59 to 61). I have been at goal weight for about a year and a half and am amazed at how my skin has improved in my buttocks and thighs. I had a tummy tuck when I reached goal but was depressed at the rest of my body. Give it time you may be surprised at how much it improves in a couple years.

    That is encouraging! I can't wait to see how I'll be in my healthiest size for a couple years. Thank you
  • mstarks01
    mstarks01 Posts: 109 Member
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    I just want to say well done. You have come a long way and you deserve to feel good about the progress you have made.
  • peachvine29
    peachvine29 Posts: 400 Member
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    mstarks01 wrote: »
    I just want to say well done. You have come a long way and you deserve to feel good about the progress you have made.

    Thank you :):) I should recognize that more
  • tirowow12385
    tirowow12385 Posts: 698 Member
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    I can relate to your post so to cope I remind myself there's No point in crying over spilled milk.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,464 Member
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    PS I forgot to mention, my liver enzymes have been up and down a few times, even during maintenance. Generally the doctors haven't been too concerned because they weren't off by a lot.
  • jnomadica
    jnomadica Posts: 280 Member
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    Regret is such a tough emotion. I’ve struggled with it too. My biggest regret is all the student loans I took out for my PhD. It’s very frustrating. However, I can’t look at that in isolation, but rather need to look at the whole picture. If I hadn’t gone to grad school, I would not have met my husband, and I wouldn’t have our amazing son and all the other lovely parts of my life! For you, what you have gone through has brought you to this place where you are a healthy, active young woman working hard to achieve your goals (Heath-wise and professionally). That’s amazing!! Your skin will tighten up and stretch marks will fade, but now you’ll always know that you are someone who can work hard, persevere, and accomplish great things:)
  • telissamaylor
    telissamaylor Posts: 16 Member
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    I can relate, may I add you?