How to cope with the regrets of having been overweight and bodily effects of major weight loss.
peachvine29
Posts: 400 Member
This post may be a bit negative. Just a fair warning. I am mainly looking for emotional support or healthy perspectives on the effects of having been overweight (stretch marks) and the effects that losing weight (loose skin, aging) has on the body as I have been struggling lately.
I am 26, female. I have always struggled with my weight, mainly due to having learned emotional eating in childhood and a love of food, and my weight has fluctuated through the years. In high school, I remember I did get pretty thin at one time due to experimenting with raw foods and veganism, and was at 135 lbs., still with belly fat. After high school, I had a rough time at life due to my indecision of what to study in college, struggling with depression and social and general anxiety, and dating an alcoholic boyfriend who I let influence me into drinking. I rarely ever weighed myself, but I know that my highest weight ever recorded was in January 2017 and I was 200 lbs. I am 5’7.5’’ and have a small frame and an ideal weight for me is around 130 lbs.
In February 2018 I had a routine blood test done and my liver enzymes were high, indicating slight liver damage. I went to see a liver specialist and he told me that I probably just needed to lose weight, and told me to aim for about 160 lbs. which would put me in the normal weight range for my BMI. I had been wanting to lose weight for years and tried a variety of restrictive diets here and there (vegan, paleo, AIP) that didn’t really work for me and weren’t sustainable. I was always pretty consistently active with hiking, riding my bike, and weight lifting, but had never tried counting calories, and decided to give that a try.
In late February 2018 I weighed in at 189 lbs. and started my weight loss journey with counting calories and MFP. And the weight started coming off. I have logged into MFP for over 400 days straight. I haven’t logged every single thing and am a little loose here and there but it’s still working. I have occasional unplanned maintenance or over calorie days, but I’m consistent enough to where it doesn’t matter. Since February 2018, I have lost almost 50 lbs., at an average rate of about 0.8 lbs. per week. Today, I weighed in at my lowest weight, 140.2 lbs. My original target weight was 135 lbs., but I have since moved it to 130 lbs., since I feel I have a lot of belly and back fat to lose still. I have been weight training hard three times a week (upper and lower body split) as well. I also work and go to school both full time.
I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my foods and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attractive when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.
I am looking forward to being at goal weight. I have regrets on how heavy I let myself get without much noticing. I just always thought I’d lose weight in the future and never thought about the loose skin or permanent stretch marks I may have. I had no awareness of how much I weighed really until last year. But, I know that this journey has taught me a lot. A lot about the values of determination, consistency, dedication, strength, discipline. I feel I can accomplish other things now, since I know it really does just take time and commitment to make changes and learn something different, a different way of life. But in my low moods I wish I would have never been over weight in the first place.
I hope this doesn’t sound whiney. Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!
I am 26, female. I have always struggled with my weight, mainly due to having learned emotional eating in childhood and a love of food, and my weight has fluctuated through the years. In high school, I remember I did get pretty thin at one time due to experimenting with raw foods and veganism, and was at 135 lbs., still with belly fat. After high school, I had a rough time at life due to my indecision of what to study in college, struggling with depression and social and general anxiety, and dating an alcoholic boyfriend who I let influence me into drinking. I rarely ever weighed myself, but I know that my highest weight ever recorded was in January 2017 and I was 200 lbs. I am 5’7.5’’ and have a small frame and an ideal weight for me is around 130 lbs.
In February 2018 I had a routine blood test done and my liver enzymes were high, indicating slight liver damage. I went to see a liver specialist and he told me that I probably just needed to lose weight, and told me to aim for about 160 lbs. which would put me in the normal weight range for my BMI. I had been wanting to lose weight for years and tried a variety of restrictive diets here and there (vegan, paleo, AIP) that didn’t really work for me and weren’t sustainable. I was always pretty consistently active with hiking, riding my bike, and weight lifting, but had never tried counting calories, and decided to give that a try.
In late February 2018 I weighed in at 189 lbs. and started my weight loss journey with counting calories and MFP. And the weight started coming off. I have logged into MFP for over 400 days straight. I haven’t logged every single thing and am a little loose here and there but it’s still working. I have occasional unplanned maintenance or over calorie days, but I’m consistent enough to where it doesn’t matter. Since February 2018, I have lost almost 50 lbs., at an average rate of about 0.8 lbs. per week. Today, I weighed in at my lowest weight, 140.2 lbs. My original target weight was 135 lbs., but I have since moved it to 130 lbs., since I feel I have a lot of belly and back fat to lose still. I have been weight training hard three times a week (upper and lower body split) as well. I also work and go to school both full time.
I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my foods and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attractive when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.
I am looking forward to being at goal weight. I have regrets on how heavy I let myself get without much noticing. I just always thought I’d lose weight in the future and never thought about the loose skin or permanent stretch marks I may have. I had no awareness of how much I weighed really until last year. But, I know that this journey has taught me a lot. A lot about the values of determination, consistency, dedication, strength, discipline. I feel I can accomplish other things now, since I know it really does just take time and commitment to make changes and learn something different, a different way of life. But in my low moods I wish I would have never been over weight in the first place.
I hope this doesn’t sound whiney. Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!
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Replies
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peachvine29 wrote: »
I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my fodos and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attracted when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.
Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!
Have you taken a diet break at any time?
Set your calories to maintenance for a week or four. Go back to deficit when you feel better.5 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »peachvine29 wrote: »
I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my fodos and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attracted when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.
Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!
Have you taken a diet break at any time?
Set your calories to maintenance for a week or four. Go back to deficit when you feel better.
I have not. Now that it's closer to summer I hesitate to. But I may consider it to help my moods!3 -
Skin takes time to recover, give it at least 2 years of maintaining a healthy weight to see what results you will have. It may surprise you how well it can recover but it does take time. You are still so young! I was so much older than you when I lost my excess weight and I had the same concerns you did but my skin improved a lot after 2 years of maintaining and now it’s not even an issue. I also had the elevated liver enzymes and that was the last straw for me and what made me take action to get fit. Stay active and continue exercising, most of the love I have for my body comes from the strength it has developed and what it’s capable of now, not how it looks. Keep going, keep looking after your health, love the only body you will ever have and give it more time
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peachvine29 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »peachvine29 wrote: »
I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my fodos and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attracted when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.
Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!
Have you taken a diet break at any time?
Set your calories to maintenance for a week or four. Go back to deficit when you feel better.
I have not. Now that it's closer to summer I hesitate to. But I may consider it to help my moods!
Here is a thread about diet breaks if you're interested:
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10604863/of-refeeds-and-diet-breaks/p1
As far as the rest, it can take some time to get used to your new shape, for your skin to react, for your remaining fat to "smooth out". I wish I had more to say that would help, but dealing with regret is not my strong suit
Hang in there! 1 -
I second the idea of taking a diet break. Eat at maintenance for at least a few weeks to reset yourself mentally before you continue to try to lose more weight. You may find that it is a big help.
The other thing that I think is really important is to realize that our bodies will never be perfect. Loving our bodies is something that is done through work emotionally and mentally, not physically. There is no "if I reach my goal weight, then I will love my body." We will always have imperfections, and we can easily define ourselves by them if we let them. Poor self-image is something that affects a lot of us, no matter how big or small. All the models and celebrities that people model themselves after and say "I wish I looked like that," they often feel the same way about their bodies. If you continually feel negative about your body, it may be worth looking at talking with someone who can assist you with that.
Also, you are quite young. Your body is more resilient than you think. A lot of the things you think you may be doomed with forever (loose skin, stretch marks, etc), will fade or disappear overtime. I wish I would have gotten to it at your age. You've actually realized the negative effects of obesity a lot earlier in life than most of us, so kudos to that.
One last recommendation is if you are not already, try to start working in some weight lifting and strength training into your routine. That can help a lot with overall body composition.
7 -
peachvine29 wrote: »This post may be a bit negative. Just a fair warning. I am mainly looking for emotional support or healthy perspectives on the effects of having been overweight (stretch marks) and the effects that losing weight (loose skin, aging) has on the body as I have been struggling lately.
I am 26, female. I have always struggled with my weight, mainly due to having learned emotional eating in childhood and a love of food, and my weight has fluctuated through the years. In high school, I remember I did get pretty thin at one time due to experimenting with raw foods and veganism, and was at 135 lbs., still with belly fat. After high school, I had a rough time at life due to my indecision of what to study in college, struggling with depression and social and general anxiety, and dating an alcoholic boyfriend who I let influence me into drinking. I rarely ever weighed myself, but I know that my highest weight ever recorded was in January 2017 and I was 200 lbs. I am 5’7.5’’ and have a small frame and an ideal weight for me is around 130 lbs.
In February 2018 I had a routine blood test done and my liver enzymes were high, indicating slight liver damage. I went to see a liver specialist and he told me that I probably just needed to lose weight, and told me to aim for about 160 lbs. which would put me in the normal weight range for my BMI. I had been wanting to lose weight for years and tried a variety of restrictive diets here and there (vegan, paleo, AIP) that didn’t really work for me and weren’t sustainable. I was always pretty consistently active with hiking, riding my bike, and weight lifting, but had never tried counting calories, and decided to give that a try.
In late February 2018 I weighed in at 189 lbs. and started my weight loss journey with counting calories and MFP. And the weight started coming off. I have logged into MFP for over 400 days straight. I haven’t logged every single thing and am a little loose here and there but it’s still working. I have occasional unplanned maintenance or over calorie days, but I’m consistent enough to where it doesn’t matter. Since February 2018, I have lost almost 50 lbs., at an average rate of about 0.8 lbs. per week. Today, I weighed in at my lowest weight, 140.2 lbs. My original target weight was 135 lbs., but I have since moved it to 130 lbs., since I feel I have a lot of belly and back fat to lose still. I have been weight training hard three times a week (upper and lower body split) as well. I also work and go to school both full time.
I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my foods and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attractive when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.
I am looking forward to being at goal weight. I have regrets on how heavy I let myself get without much noticing. I just always thought I’d lose weight in the future and never thought about the loose skin or permanent stretch marks I may have. I had no awareness of how much I weighed really until last year. But, I know that this journey has taught me a lot. A lot about the values of determination, consistency, dedication, strength, discipline. I feel I can accomplish other things now, since I know it really does just take time and commitment to make changes and learn something different, a different way of life. But in my low moods I wish I would have never been over weight in the first place.
I hope this doesn’t sound whiney. Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!
Congrats on you awesome successes! I would really encourage you to focus on all the positives you have found (see bold above). I am not a polyanna type person, but I have learned that is important to Live life with no regrets, because you can’t change the past. We all have things we have to learn to accept.
All of us wish we had never been fat. We wish we hadn’t harmed our bodies and suffered other ill effects of weight gain. I lost 150 lbs at age 59. There are lots of things I could feel awful about, but I decided that doesn’t make any sense. The past is what it is and I wanted to move on and enjoy my new life. You too have turned that around, so that is what you need to focus on. Move forward, not backwards.
A few stretch marks might seem undesirable but are far better than having them filled with fat. View them as a reminder of what you’ve accomplished and as a reminder to stay on track during maintenance, which is the rest of your life.
Feed your mind with facts, because losing weight has ADDED years and vitality to your life. Losing weight does NOT age you. So you need to recognize that as a self-lie and replace it with the positives of how your life is better now. Be glad you changed things now, at 26, so you have many years to enjoy the benefits. Some of us didn’t get it together until much later in life, 40, 50, or 60!
Again, I’m not dismissive of your concerns and am not just a “don’t worry be happy” person. I do feel you would benefit from a shift in perspective.
Finally, I would encourage you talk to a professional counselor or therapist. Your school might have someone available. I am concerned if you could be experiencing the beginnings of depression or body dysmorphia. If so, it could help to address it now before it develops further. I say this out of concern and do not mean to put you down in any way.9 -
Did your weight loss correct you medical concern ?1
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robertwroach1250 wrote: »Did your weight loss correct you medical concern ?
Yes, my AST and ALT levels are normal now
7 -
monkeefan1974 wrote: »Skin takes time to recover, give it at least 2 years of maintaining a healthy weight to see what results you will have. It may surprise you how well it can recover but it does take time. You are still so young! I was so much older than you when I lost my excess weight and I had the same concerns you did but my skin improved a lot after 2 years of maintaining and now it’s not even an issue. I also had the elevated liver enzymes and that was the last straw for me and what made me take action to get fit. Stay active and continue exercising, most of the love I have for my body comes from the strength it has developed and what it’s capable of now, not how it looks. Keep going, keep looking after your health, love the only body you will ever have and give it more time
That's very helpful and makes me hopeful. I'm sure time will help. I'll work on loving my body as I know that's the only way to feeling better and is what I need most Thank You 2 -
I second the idea of taking a diet break. Eat at maintenance for at least a few weeks to reset yourself mentally before you continue to try to lose more weight. You may find that it is a big help.
The other thing that I think is really important is to realize that our bodies will never be perfect. Loving our bodies is something that is done through work emotionally and mentally, not physically. There is no "if I reach my goal weight, then I will love my body." We will always have imperfections, and we can easily define ourselves by them if we let them. Poor self-image is something that affects a lot of us, no matter how big or small. All the models and celebrities that people model themselves after and say "I wish I looked like that," they often feel the same way about their bodies. If you continually feel negative about your body, it may be worth looking at talking with someone who can assist you with that.
Also, you are quite young. Your body is more resilient than you think. A lot of the things you think you may be doomed with forever (loose skin, stretch marks, etc), will fade or disappear overtime. I wish I would have gotten to it at your age. You've actually realized the negative effects of obesity a lot earlier in life than most of us, so kudos to that.
One last recommendation is if you are not already, try to start working in some weight lifting and strength training into your routine. That can help a lot with overall body composition.
I ate at nearly maintenance yesterday (unplanned) and it did seem to help a bit. I've been very active lately so I'm sure it's good for my body to get some good nutrition in (I ate pretty healthy). And yes it is so true that we will never be perfect and I have to work on accepting that just like everyone else. I know it will make me a lot happier and less stressed.
And I've been lifting pretty much the whole time while losing weight. I think I've mostly maintained strength (I just started tracking my weights...). I'm looking forward to maintenance and when I can bulk a little and get muscles!4 -
peachvine29 wrote: »This post may be a bit negative. Just a fair warning. I am mainly looking for emotional support or healthy perspectives on the effects of having been overweight (stretch marks) and the effects that losing weight (loose skin, aging) has on the body as I have been struggling lately.
I am 26, female. I have always struggled with my weight, mainly due to having learned emotional eating in childhood and a love of food, and my weight has fluctuated through the years. In high school, I remember I did get pretty thin at one time due to experimenting with raw foods and veganism, and was at 135 lbs., still with belly fat. After high school, I had a rough time at life due to my indecision of what to study in college, struggling with depression and social and general anxiety, and dating an alcoholic boyfriend who I let influence me into drinking. I rarely ever weighed myself, but I know that my highest weight ever recorded was in January 2017 and I was 200 lbs. I am 5’7.5’’ and have a small frame and an ideal weight for me is around 130 lbs.
In February 2018 I had a routine blood test done and my liver enzymes were high, indicating slight liver damage. I went to see a liver specialist and he told me that I probably just needed to lose weight, and told me to aim for about 160 lbs. which would put me in the normal weight range for my BMI. I had been wanting to lose weight for years and tried a variety of restrictive diets here and there (vegan, paleo, AIP) that didn’t really work for me and weren’t sustainable. I was always pretty consistently active with hiking, riding my bike, and weight lifting, but had never tried counting calories, and decided to give that a try.
In late February 2018 I weighed in at 189 lbs. and started my weight loss journey with counting calories and MFP. And the weight started coming off. I have logged into MFP for over 400 days straight. I haven’t logged every single thing and am a little loose here and there but it’s still working. I have occasional unplanned maintenance or over calorie days, but I’m consistent enough to where it doesn’t matter. Since February 2018, I have lost almost 50 lbs., at an average rate of about 0.8 lbs. per week. Today, I weighed in at my lowest weight, 140.2 lbs. My original target weight was 135 lbs., but I have since moved it to 130 lbs., since I feel I have a lot of belly and back fat to lose still. I have been weight training hard three times a week (upper and lower body split) as well. I also work and go to school both full time.
I am so happy that I finally made this change. I do feel better about myself, more attractive in pictures, and I feel proud of myself that I have been successful so far at losing that weight. However, it has also been rough. Calorie counting is a bit stressful, like weighing all my foods and cooking trying to figure out how many calories are in what, but it is worth it. It just makes me a bit crabby sometimes being in a constant deficit I think. I also look at my body and am not totally happy. I do still have fat to lose and I will, probably by the end of summer at the latest. But I also see my stretch marks and I hate them, on my inner thighs, lower belly, love handles, and boobs. My skin, when pinched, wrinkles up a lot, and never did before, on my neck, boobs, and arms. I feel like I’ve aged. Honestly I almost felt more attractive when I was overweight in a way. Maybe I’ll just have to get used to my new body shape.
I am looking forward to being at goal weight. I have regrets on how heavy I let myself get without much noticing. I just always thought I’d lose weight in the future and never thought about the loose skin or permanent stretch marks I may have. I had no awareness of how much I weighed really until last year. But, I know that this journey has taught me a lot. A lot about the values of determination, consistency, dedication, strength, discipline. I feel I can accomplish other things now, since I know it really does just take time and commitment to make changes and learn something different, a different way of life. But in my low moods I wish I would have never been over weight in the first place.
I hope this doesn’t sound whiney. Any perspectives to give from people who have been there? Thank you so much!
Congrats on you awesome successes! I would really encourage you to focus on all the positives you have found (see bold above). I am not a polyanna type person, but I have learned that is important to Live life with no regrets, because you can’t change the past. We all have things we have to learn to accept.
All of us wish we had never been fat. We wish we hadn’t harmed our bodies and suffered other ill effects of weight gain. I lost 150 lbs at age 59. There are lots of things I could feel awful about, but I decided that doesn’t make any sense. The past is what it is and I wanted to move on and enjoy my new life. You too have turned that around, so that is what you need to focus on. Move forward, not backwards.
A few stretch marks might seem undesirable but are far better than having them filled with fat. View them as a reminder of what you’ve accomplished and as a reminder to stay on track during maintenance, which is the rest of your life.
Feed your mind with facts, because losing weight has ADDED years and vitality to your life. Losing weight does NOT age you. So you need to recognize that as a self-lie and replace it with the positives of how your life is better now. Be glad you changed things now, at 26, so you have many years to enjoy the benefits. Some of us didn’t get it together until much later in life, 40, 50, or 60!
Again, I’m not dismissive of your concerns and am not just a “don’t worry be happy” person. I do feel you would benefit from a shift in perspective.
Finally, I would encourage you talk to a professional counselor or therapist. Your school might have someone available. I am concerned if you could be experiencing the beginnings of depression or body dysmorphia. If so, it could help to address it now before it develops further. I say this out of concern and do not mean to put you down in any way.
This was so helpful. Thank you. I will be rereading this when I feel low. It's much healthier to be realistic. And yes I have kind of struggled with depression and body image for most of my life. It can be worse when I'm stressed like I can be when in a caloric deficit. But thank you for the nice perspectives I'm going to try and adopt 5 -
Your battle with the emotional and mental aspects of weight loss reminds me a lot of myself and the biggest success for me has been joining WW and having other people experiencing similar problems to share those feelings with.1
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I too lost alot of weight late in life (59 to 61). I have been at goal weight for about a year and a half and am amazed at how my skin has improved in my buttocks and thighs. I had a tummy tuck when I reached goal but was depressed at the rest of my body. Give it time you may be surprised at how much it improves in a couple years.2
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cheryldumais wrote: »I too lost alot of weight late in life (59 to 61). I have been at goal weight for about a year and a half and am amazed at how my skin has improved in my buttocks and thighs. I had a tummy tuck when I reached goal but was depressed at the rest of my body. Give it time you may be surprised at how much it improves in a couple years.
That is encouraging! I can't wait to see how I'll be in my healthiest size for a couple years. Thank you1 -
I just want to say well done. You have come a long way and you deserve to feel good about the progress you have made.2
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I can relate to your post so to cope I remind myself there's No point in crying over spilled milk.0
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PS I forgot to mention, my liver enzymes have been up and down a few times, even during maintenance. Generally the doctors haven't been too concerned because they weren't off by a lot.0
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Regret is such a tough emotion. I’ve struggled with it too. My biggest regret is all the student loans I took out for my PhD. It’s very frustrating. However, I can’t look at that in isolation, but rather need to look at the whole picture. If I hadn’t gone to grad school, I would not have met my husband, and I wouldn’t have our amazing son and all the other lovely parts of my life! For you, what you have gone through has brought you to this place where you are a healthy, active young woman working hard to achieve your goals (Heath-wise and professionally). That’s amazing!! Your skin will tighten up and stretch marks will fade, but now you’ll always know that you are someone who can work hard, persevere, and accomplish great things:)2
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I can relate, may I add you?1
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Regret is such a tough emotion. I’ve struggled with it too. My biggest regret is all the student loans I took out for my PhD. It’s very frustrating. However, I can’t look at that in isolation, but rather need to look at the whole picture. If I hadn’t gone to grad school, I would not have met my husband, and I wouldn’t have our amazing son and all the other lovely parts of my life! For you, what you have gone through has brought you to this place where you are a healthy, active young woman working hard to achieve your goals (Heath-wise and professionally). That’s amazing!! Your skin will tighten up and stretch marks will fade, but now you’ll always know that you are someone who can work hard, persevere, and accomplish great things:)
Thank you so much you all have helped a lot. For real tearing up haha but thank you for the healthy perspectives. Weight loss is a tough journey sometimes but I have learned a LOT and I know we are better for it. 0 -
PS I forgot to mention, my liver enzymes have been up and down a few times, even during maintenance. Generally the doctors haven't been too concerned because they weren't off by a lot.
Yeah, I am being watched by a rheumatologist because they think I am developing autoimmune disease, and on two consecutive bloodtests the enzymes were high, so they thought I might have autoimmune liver disease which was scary. The specialist said no, you are just overweight and that was a HUGE relief. They now think I might have lupus but overall I am doing great. But the liver specialist who told me I needed to lose 40 lbs. was the first doctor to ever say I needed to lose weight, and I'm grateful for being woken up like that, he has no idea. I got very motivated and am so so glad I tried calorie counting. I didn't realize how heavy I had gotten really.3 -
Just in to comment as another who had quite a bit of loose skin (those thin wrinkles) when I reached goal (at age 60), and saw very major improvement afterward, continuing at least into my 2nd year of maintenance. At the risk of TMI, I've previously said that at first my rear view looked alarmingly like a bloodhound's face, all droops and wrinkles, but now (year 3 of maintenance, age 63) it seems like a pretty normal li'l ol' lady rear, not at all like a droopy canine.
You might get some good from this thread, partly from the body-image standpoint it focuses on, but also because there are many honest photos and reports of appearance after weight loss, babies, surgeries, and more and how those affect the belly area in women:
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10689837/does-this-uterus-make-my-stomach-look-fat/
It's so tempting to compare ourselves unfavorably to not-even-anatomically-normal photoshopped supermodels; and more important to understand our appearance in the context of being real, live, flesh and blood women. :flowerforyou:3 -
I think this is one of the most beautiful things I've read in while. I can relate to pretty much every aspect of it.
I am still in the process of losing weight. When I suck in my belly, I can already tell that I'll have loose skin on my lower belly. I actually started to get a lot of anxiety over but now I'm at that stage (spiritually, emotionally, mentally, call it whatever you want) where I am done with feeling like *kitten* or sad about myself. I have spent so many years doing so, I just want to love the *kitten* out of myself now.4 -
I think the most important thing you can do is change your mindset from weight loss to health. What’s going on inside your body and your mind. Exercise and eating healthy has done WONDERS for my mental health despite the fact I have loose belly skin and cellulite and stretch marks. I am happy, I have energy and I am grateful for what my body can accomplish and what it is capable of. The switch from “losing weight” to being healthy and eating to nourish my body was a game changer. I don’t hate my body despite its flaws. I HATED being overweight and unable to move or have energy.3
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To many of us you seem so young and we wonder why you worry, you have accomplished losing weight and have your whole life ahead of you.
Yet, I remember feeling old when I was in my late 20's ..and I can put myself in your place and see how having loose skin could be even more hard to accept at a young age than those of us who are older. We see the benefits of weight loss as it pertains to longevity.. we'd rather have some saggy skin and live another 20 to 30 years longer. But you are not at that point in life.. you're young in the social scene and physical beauty is valued.
Bottom line is you have youth on your side and your skin is most likely going to snap back. Your emotions are valid, but you can't let this bump in the road on your fitness journey derail you. I think many of us feel we looked worse during our weight loss at some points, but no longer feel that way. Hang in there.. give time a chance.2 -
elisa123gal wrote: »To many of us you seem so young and we wonder why you worry, you have accomplished losing weight and have your whole life ahead of you.
Yet, I remember feeling old when I was in my late 20's ..and I can put myself in your place and see how having loose skin could be even more hard to accept at a young age than those of us who are older. We see the benefits of weight loss as it pertains to longevity.. we'd rather have some saggy skin and live another 20 to 30 years longer. But you are not at that point in life.. you're young in the social scene and physical beauty is valued.
Bottom line is you have youth on your side and your skin is most likely going to snap back. Your emotions are valid, but you can't let this bump in the road on your fitness journey derail you. I think many of us feel we looked worse during our weight loss at some points, but no longer feel that way. Hang in there.. give time a chance.
Very insightful. Yes, I know it seems silly but sometimes I do feel old but I know I’m really not! I know someday I’ll look back and wonder why I ever worried I was old or why I cared haha. But yes, I think it may be harder to accept the looser skin at my age than if I was older and didn’t care as much about my looks and had the wisdom to really know that’s not what really even matters. It’s something I’m working on.
Honestly after all this discussion it makes me realize more than ever how much work I need to do on my mental and emotional health. Losing weight has been great and amazing, but now I like many others I’ve read about am realizing that it’s not the solution to all my problems (self confidence, esteem, security etc.). After this physical health journey is more stabilized, I suspect that the best thing for me is going to be embarking on a mental and emotional health journey, which I feel will be more difficult and longer. But I am seeing that this weight loss journey has really taught me what I am made of and I think it’ll give me the strength to continue learning more healthy ways of being.
Sorry to get a bit off topic. I am sure you are right, I do just need to give time a CHANCE to see how my body will react!!
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I think the most important thing you can do is change your mindset from weight loss to health. What’s going on inside your body and your mind. Exercise and eating healthy has done WONDERS for my mental health despite the fact I have loose belly skin and cellulite and stretch marks. I am happy, I have energy and I am grateful for what my body can accomplish and what it is capable of. The switch from “losing weight” to being healthy and eating to nourish my body was a game changer. I don’t hate my body despite its flaws. I HATED being overweight and unable to move or have energy.
Great point! I feel that would help me a lot.1 -
Renegade1990 wrote: »I think this is one of the most beautiful things I've read in while. I can relate to pretty much every aspect of it.
I am still in the process of losing weight. When I suck in my belly, I can already tell that I'll have loose skin on my lower belly. I actually started to get a lot of anxiety over but now I'm at that stage (spiritually, emotionally, mentally, call it whatever you want) where I am done with feeling like *kitten* or sad about myself. I have spent so many years doing so, I just want to love the *kitten* out of myself now.
Aw thank you. I am glad others can relate. I'm ready to move on from focusing on the negatives too. We are kicking butt and have a lot to be proud of and grateful for!!1
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