Insecure after losing weight

beth0277

I’ve lost about 60 pounds and have about 10 to go before my goal. I’m feeling more insecure than ever. I just thought I’d be happier by this point by I’m not. I still find I’m not happy with how my body looks but I feel like I’m even more critical than before I lost the weight. Has anyone else felt this way?

JeromeBarry1

You're healthier. Your personality is not a function of your weight. You can work on it. It takes time and practice and self-awareness.

NovusDies

If your area has a bariatric center they probably have a counselor on staff that has specifically dealt with this before. It might be worth making an appointment.

Good work on losing 60 pounds and being so close to goal! That is quite the accomplishment.

peachvine29

beth0277 wrote: »

I’ve lost about 60 pounds and have about 10 to go before my goal. I’m feeling more insecure than ever. I just thought I’d be happier by this point by I’m not. I still find I’m not happy with how my body looks but I feel like I’m even more critical than before I lost the weight. Has anyone else felt this way?

I feel this way! I've lost 65 lbs. and am also about 10 lbs. from goal (currently 138 at 5'7''). I feel like beofre I was sort of oblivious to how overweight I really was, I still felt attractive, and now, I'm constantly thinking about my looser skin (not sagging but when I pinch it it wrinkles up a lot more), stretch marks (they're really not ever bad but I do have them all over), and wonder if my belly button will look like a frown face, and wondering how my body will look at goal. I also pull on my fat more and feel more flabby than ever. In pictures, I look SO much better though and I know it's all in my head...

I don't have a solution yet. I'm just letting you know I totally feel the same and it's disappointing. I'm not at goal yet, though. I'm still super motivated to keep going and see what I can do with my body. I know it's emotional work that I really need, self love and acceptance, I'll find a way to get there...

rheddmobile

Congrats on your loss! Would it help to set some non-appearance related fitness goals, so that you can enjoy the things your new, slimmer body can do? Lifting weights and running are great for my self-confidence, but anything you want to do could work. And getting more activity will help add muscle to fill in loose skin and improve your overall shape.

AnnPT77

It's common to believe that being fat is the cause of problems that, in fact, it doesn't cause. (Sometimes it was the reverse, the problem was part of what led to becoming fat; sometimes it's really unrelated.)

I think being fat has a weird sort of place in our culture, being attached to various stereotypes with no rational basis ("fat people are lazy" "fat people are jolly", etc.), and assumptions ("fat people must feel miserable"). Talking about fat is taboo in many contexts, and even factual statements about it (in oneself) can be met with denial by others, as if it were a character fault rather than a physical characteristic.

Confidence is a thing all to itself, including body confidence. Fat people, thin people, and people in between can be body confident; and general confidence can be completely unrelated to appearance.

Here's the good stuff: You've lost enough weight to materially improve your health and health prospects. That's a truly excellent achievement. And you've recognized that you have an additional thing you'd like to work on: Improving your confidence and sense of security. There are lots of ways to do that, including talking with a counselor, as others have suggested. (There are also practical strategies in books and online.) Your weight loss should tell you that you are able to take on a big goal, and succeed at it.

I hesitate to suggest that you continue to focus directly on your appearance, if the larger problem is feeling insecure or unconfident. It's always possible to change and even improve appearance, such as by focused exercise programs and excellent nutrition; but if the impulse to self-criticism is still there, there's a that no improvement will ever seem like enough to feel positive. Better: Learning to celebrate your strengths, the wonderful things you and your body can do, and to make potential goals less about "faults to fix" and more "opportunities to improve". The difference between a fault and an opportunity is just how we think and feel about it.

Best wishes! :flowerforyou:

Danp

Sounds to me, based on the limited information provided and in my capacity as an absolutely unqualified know-it-all like this might be reversed cause and effect.

Is it perhaps that you were overweight (effect) because you were insecure and unhappy (cause), rather than you were insecure and unhappy (effect) because you were overweight (cause)??

ahoy_m8

AnnPT77 wrote: »

It's common to believe that being fat is the cause of problems that, in fact, it doesn't cause. (Sometimes it was the reverse, the problem was part of what led to becoming fat; sometimes it's really unrelated.)

I think being fat has a weird sort of place in our culture, being attached to various stereotypes with no rational basis ("fat people are lazy" "fat people are jolly", etc.), and assumptions ("fat people must feel miserable"). Talking about fat is taboo in many contexts, and even factual statements about it (in oneself) can be met with denial by others, as if it were a character fault rather than a physical characteristic.

Confidence is a thing all to itself, including body confidence. Fat people, thin people, and people in between can be body confident; and general confidence can be completely unrelated to appearance.

Here's the good stuff: You've lost enough weight to materially improve your health and health prospects. That's a truly excellent achievement. And you've recognized that you have an additional thing you'd like to work on: Improving your confidence and sense of security. There are lots of ways to do that, including talking with a counselor, as others have suggested. (There are also practical strategies in books and online.) Your weight loss should tell you that you are able to take on a big goal, and succeed at it.

I hesitate to suggest that you continue to focus directly on your appearance, if the larger problem is feeling insecure or unconfident. It's always possible to change and even improve appearance, such as by focused exercise programs and excellent nutrition; but if the impulse to self-criticism is still there, there's a that no improvement will ever seem like enough to feel positive. Better: Learning to celebrate your strengths, the wonderful things you and your body can do, and to make potential goals less about "faults to fix" and more "opportunities to improve". The difference between a fault and an opportunity is just how we think and feel about it.

Best wishes! :flowerforyou:

Just want to tag on bolded part. Good job, OP! Give yourself some credit where it’s deserved, and you might feel self esteem rise.

rainbow198

I understand where you are coming from OP.

After reaching my goal I thought I would be completely happy with my body. It didn't happen that way. I was happy with the way I looked in clothes, but I still needed work on my body composition after losing a large amount of weight.

It took me a couple years of maintenance and no weight regain, but I made it. My skin tighten up everywhere and stretch marks and cellulite went away too (this is just my experience).

Try to keep going and have patience. Mostly importantly congrats on losing 60 lbs! You should be proud!

RelCanonical

I understand your feeling. I've dealt with it as well. I had to apply my cognitive behavioral therapy that I've been doing with my therapist and recognize that my body is only part of my life, and that I'm doing this to become a better person overall, not just to see a number on the scale. I've struggled a lot with body image. For me, a lot of it also had to do with the fact that the weight loss was such a big part of my life, and I realized there was nothing to fill the void once I entered maintenance. I didn't figure this out the first time and ended up gaining the weight back. This time, I've been catching on, and while it definitely not "fixed", I feel a lot better about where I'm heading because I have other goals in my life that I'm also working towards.

Not sure how much sense that made.

Commander_Keen

beth0277 wrote: »

I’ve lost about 60 pounds and have about 10 to go before my goal. I’m feeling more insecure than ever. I just thought I’d be happier by this point by I’m not. I still find I’m not happy with how my body looks but I feel like I’m even more critical than before I lost the weight. Has anyone else felt this way?

Thats ok. !st be happy and proud of yourself for losing 60 lbs.
It took you x-amount of time Not X-amount-+Time.
Be proud that you didn't quite.
Be proud that you got it done.
Be proud that you did It !!!

Now.. start to buy clothing, a shirt, a skirt, shoes that fits you, that makes you look good.

Then look at the threads on how to put on muscle mass and the body that you want.

gvizzle74

I lost 145 pounds and felt weirder about my body at first than i did before i lost weight (i've been maintaining for over three years now and feel much better about my body).
When i pictured my "goal weight body" it didn't include loose skin, a flat *kitten*, and small boobs. I pictured the body of a woman who'd never been obese. So i was disappointed and a little angry. So i started focusing on body recomp - weight training, building strength and endurance. I still have loose skin - but it's not as loose and it's better than being full of fat. I still have a flat *kitten* but thanks to a million squats and lunges it's a little less flat. I still have small boobs but thanks to push up bras that's my little secret.
Losing weight isn't a magic bullet that fixes your insecurities or makes you instantly happy with your body - sad but true. It almost makes things worse because you worked so hard to get there - but the work isn't done when your scale says you're at your goal. It can be - but it doesn't have to be. Set new fitness goals. Build strength and endurance. See what your new body can do.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Now on to the next adventure.

Commander_Keen

@OP - Listen to Gvizzle74 It sounds like she knows what she's talking about.

cheryldumais

Ok first off I just want to throw this out there. I lost about 100 lbs and after I was so frustrated with all the hanging skin. It's now a year and a half after losing and it is so much better. It takes a while for the skin to catch up. Not all of us will be perfect but it does improve. I admit I had a tummy tuck but my butt, thighs and arms have not been surgically altered and they are beginning to look much better.

It took me a long time after losing weight to even think of myself as normal. Give yourself some time.

As for the rest, we tend to think all our problems are because of our weight. When that's gone we have to face the fact that we have other issues to deal with. For some of us those come up quicker now because we aren't stuffing them down with food. If this fits you then you might want to see a counsellor.

Last of all I just want to say... Even skinny people are insecure. We just don't know that until we are one of them.

I hope it gets better for you and in fact I believe it will but just remember every change takes time. Sending you a virtual hug.

seltzermint555

I agree about gvizzle74 knowing her stuff. 100%

I never expected to have a "perfect" body or even "acceptable" body. I would look at the before & after pics in magazines captioned "They lost 100 lb" and scoff at the lack of loose skin or stretch marks or any belly fat. I know some people do have that experience but I think it's pretty rare for those who lose a LOT of weight. Anyway, I find that insecurity takes many forms. After losing 130+ and maintaining for about 5.5 years so far...I have far fewer body insecurities than I did for most of my life. I feel free to dance around and act silly at any moment and in front of anyone. I am comfortable in my clothes and never shy away from photos or stand behind others to hide. BUT I'm still insecure. I transfer that to other things like aging skin and being critical of features I was never critical of when I was heavier. It's just part of being a human and all we can do (IMHO) is work on being less critical and taking actions where we can to improve how we feel and sometimes, how we look. YMMV!