Friend making unwise choices

wannabeskinnycat

Imagine your friend is a smoker and is trying to quit. She could tell you on a Monday that she's quitting, has the patches/tablets/vape/whatever and is serious about it. You see her on the Wednesday with a cigarette and she says ah it's only the one and a few days later you can smell smoke on her. You know full well that telling her to stop smoking will have no effect. Even showing her pics of black lungs etc won't make any difference.

No matter how many times she tries, she'll only give up the cigs if she wants to. Willpower is from within and as much as people can cheerlead it has to be the person's own choice.

Stopping an unhealthy lifestyle is similar to stopping smoking in that you have to want to do it, work at it every single day, have alternatives in place and make good choices.

The hard thing about food is it's everywhere and we are plied with adverts by companies who only want to increase their profits. Add to that the emotions that attach to overeating, self-loathing, envy, depression etc and there's a very lonely person feeling a lot of pain.

Be her friend. Make sure she knows she can talk to you about anything, even if it's about how awful she feels cos she binged last night. If she wants a health mentor she can find one (I did). If she wants a gimmick weight loss plan she can find one. When she needs a friend she has one - you.

deputy_randolph

I had a friend like this. We were bff for 16 years. She constantly made unhealthy choices for temporary, quick weight loss. She inevitably gained the weight...it was a continual cycle. She would lament that I "didn't understand" her struggles (we started out at the same weight...I lost weight and maintained for 15 years). She didn't want advice...she wanted "excuses."

Eventually, I realized that she repeated this same pattern in so many aspects of her life. She couldn't stop smoking after multiple attempts; she would lament that I didn't understand b/c I never smoked. She was in multiple unhealthy relationships; she would lament that I didn't understand b/c I had never been cheated on...or ever loved so deeply...etc.

We're not friends anymore. It's painful to watch someone self-sabatoge. You can care about someone from a safe distance. Sometimes caring for your own mental well-being is more important.

JohnnytotheB

She will have to learn on her own what works and does not work for her. At the start she will probably have some good results but longer term will not. I understand that most friends want to be supportive but the fact is most people will not take your advice no matter how great it is. As a matter of fact, most people seek advice not to change or actually hear what you say but that you give them an OK on what there plan is. All you can do is be as supportive as possible to what your friend wants to do.