How do you nicely tell your partner to lose weight?

egray0308
egray0308 Posts: 8 Member
in Chit-Chat
I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...
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Replies

  • dlbohl1991
    dlbohl1991 Posts: 786 Member
    Attraction rather than promotion. Just lead by example and if the conversation does come up then approach it with a concern for their health And well being ie:make sure they know you love them and you’re not say “there’s no excuse for a man to be under 6ft tall, HIT THE GYM FATA$$” haha seriously tho lol
  • egray0308
    egray0308 Posts: 8 Member
    That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
    egray0308 wrote: »
    I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...

    Apparently, I don't live in your area. I see many couples or families where one adult is trim (like my husband) and the other adult is not (like me).

    It's one thing to be concerned about your partner's health and wellbeing. It's another entirely to want them to lose weight.
  • Cowsfan1
    Cowsfan1 Posts: 7,937 Member
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    egray0308 wrote: »
    That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
    That’s so hurtful. It would make me want to hide. And when I felt well enough to actually take care of myself it would be without him.

    Just curious on this - yeah it’s f’d up thing to say - so in Lieu of saying it - if that’s how he’s truly feeling, should he just break it off ?? But then what if she ask why - should he be brutally honest or just make something up? To spare hard feelings “it’s not you it’s me” thing

    If he’s feeling this way then he prolly truly doesn’t love her anyway right - cause if you love someone you take the good and bad right ? Or what we perceive as bad - not all perceive being overweight as bad ..

    Anyway - I find this topic interesting- where’s @1sphere - what are your thoughts homie
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
    Cowsfan1 wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    egray0308 wrote: »
    That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
    That’s so hurtful. It would make me want to hide. And when I felt well enough to actually take care of myself it would be without him.

    Just curious on this - yeah it’s f’d up thing to say - so in Lieu of saying it - if that’s how he’s truly feeling, should he just break it off ?? But then what if she ask why - should he be brutally honest or just make something up? To spare hard feelings “it’s not you it’s me” thing

    If he’s feeling this way then he prolly truly doesn’t love her anyway right - cause if you love someone you take the good and bad right ? Or what we perceive as bad - not all perceive being overweight as bad ..

    Anyway - I find this topic interesting- where’s @1sphere - what are your thoughts homie

    Depends on the nature of the relationship I guess.
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    How do you nicely tell your partner to lose weight?

    I dont think you can "nicely" "tell" someone to lose weight, or many other physical critiques (get a nose/boob etc job, gain weight, fix your teeth, change your hair, whatever)
    egray0308 wrote: »
    I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...

    I think it can be encouraging to lead by example. When I see anybody make good choices or achieve nice results it encourages me to try harder.
  • jakesmomma2004
    jakesmomma2004 Posts: 18 Member
    It's a touchy subject and hard to approach in a nice way; just try and be as tactful as possible if it truly is a concern for the others health. There are always various reasons but it's sad when people only focus on the superficial aspects.

    I have been trying to get my bf on the bandwagon for awhile due to health concerns (type 1 diabetes & high blood pressure) but it is completely up to them to make the change. Takes a toll in regards to seeing them not taking any initiative for their health.
  • runningforthetrain
    runningforthetrain Posts: 1,037 Member
    You don't. You tell him/her that you care about them & remind them having an annual physical is important.
  • egray0308
    egray0308 Posts: 8 Member
    Thank you for all the feedback. I am actually screenshotting these comments and sending them to her because EVERYONE has said the one key thing I’ve believed for so long ... HE DOESN’T LOVE HER! Keep the opinions coming 🙌🏾
  • taessane
    taessane Posts: 11 Member
    egray0308 wrote: »
    I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...

    well I guess it's bc being fit is what got them together in the first place, they met at the gym maybe, or they were struggling with the way they looked and encouraged each other to improve bc no one is patient enough to get along with someone who isn't fit and try to change them
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    egray0308 wrote: »
    That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞

    It would make me want to punch him out :#
  • Phoenixsunflr
    Phoenixsunflr Posts: 78 Member
    you simply dont
  • Cowsfan1
    Cowsfan1 Posts: 7,937 Member
    @LiftingSpirits you gotta take on this ?
  • avalonblues
    avalonblues Posts: 558 Member
    I don't think you can force someone to do something they simply do not want to do. So unless your SO expresses interest in losing weight, there is nothing you can say or do to force a change. Just as gaining weight is a choice and requires a commitment to relative inactivity & over-eating (which is really easy to make), losing weight and getting in shape is a choice that requires a commitment (difficult under any circumstances). Often people who choose a fitness lifestyle gravitate together and people who do not gravitate together, but those interests do not always hold over time.

    If you are that latter position, all you can do is be the best you you can be and pursue a healthy, fitness-oriented lifestyle for its own sake. If your partner rejects that lifestyle that's just the way it is. You each have the chance to choose what is most important to you - the relationship or pursuing a different relationship perhaps with a more compatible person. It's a hard choice. Many times, the choices we have to make are.

    Incidentally, being kind and honest or not is a kind of a choice too.
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    Considering that the individual is your friend and not your significant other, scheduling a "girls outing" to a facility like the attached might trigger her to want to change her eating habits and inculcate exercise.

    https://youtu.be/lKdQ4GY5zSY
  • egray0308
    egray0308 Posts: 8 Member
    @LyndaBSS considering that you have no idea who she is is the best part about it. If a complete stranger who knows no parties involved there can be no bias. When you’re truly friends with someone you know what would embarrass them and what would not. She’s fine with it but thanks for your concern 🙄
  • sugarcakes38
    sugarcakes38 Posts: 80 Member
    Never mind the weight loss, seems to me this girl has more on her plate to think about and commit to than diet and exercise. There’s plenty of time to lose weight, but not a lot of time to live life at your fullest potential, clock starts at the first hour of life.
    What I mean is, is she even overweight? Or just not thin enough for some people. Does she even WANT to lose weight? Or are people just trying to make this plan work for her. Lastly, is this the biggest problem her partner and you can find in her? Because it sounds as though she is being pushed from both ends, not just to lose weight, but also to be your fitness buddy? If she’s content with herself, why can’t that be okay?

    As for the question, that’s sort of like asking “How do you stab the one you’re supposed to love and respect with a dull knife without it hurting?”. There’s no nice way of telling someone they should lose weight. In fact, there’s really no valid reason to, aside from suffering from a cold hard case of narcissistic personality disorder. Maybe even more because that takes a lot of balls.

    Those in healthy relationships where one has/faces weight-related health issues, their partner don’t tell them to “lose weight”. Weight loss is not a fix a flat or a cure-all. Normally, the concern is for the seriousness of the issues, themselves. As for that type of discussion, nothing a decent amount of common sense, trust, compassion and a healthy dose of tact can’t relay effectively.

    A person’s mental/emotional health is as equally important as physical well-being (not appearance) and there’s a great divide between expressing a genuine concern for co-morbidities, and commanding a more attractive partner. The differences are like night and day, as are the conditions in which a person is left afterward. As for helping her lose weight, I’d help her love herself, first.

    As for her, I’d get started living today. Start by pulling that metaphorical knife out my back and getting rid of that horse’s *kitten* of a partner, easiest and fastest 100 lbs she’d ever lose.

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