Quit feeling sorry for yourself
Replies
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I too would agree that constantly being over positive is not healthy.... I want to be praised for the things I did good, excelled and surprised myself... I want to be praised for a day to day norm. That's why we should count on a support group.... that may know us a little better for our compliments and the other times when we may need to be told to get back after it!
We all know that if you care about the outcome of someone.. you should then not support or tolerate negative behaviors... so yes there is a time and place to say... get up.. quit feeling sorry for yourself.... overcome this battle and move forward in your life! But there is also a time to let people heal, tread water and let things slide....
My point... I don't like when you friend me and I see after three days of bad eating... and your not saying why or what... I most likely will comment that your need to find your groove.... sorry I DO consider that support just as much as saying awesome job when you have done so! A support group is not a fan club.. its people to help you stay on track!0 -
I too would agree that constantly being over positive is not healthy.... I want to be praised for the things I did good, excelled and surprised myself... I want to be praised for a day to day norm. That's why we should count on a support group.... that may know us a little better for our compliments and the other times when we may need to be told to get back after it!
We all know that if you care about the outcome of someone.. you should then not support or tolerate negative behaviors... so yes there is a time and place to say... get up.. quit feeling sorry for yourself.... overcome this battle and move forward in your life! But there is also a time to let people heal, tread water and let things slide....
My point... I don't like when you friend me and I see after three days of bad eating... and your not saying why or what... I most likely will comment that your need to find your groove.... sorry I DO consider that support just as much as saying awesome job when you have done so! A support group is not a fan club.. its people to help you stay on track!
Thank You! This is what I was trying to get across and you stated it so much better!0 -
while I don't understand the need to post a ran about it (well yes I do- I'm sick of seeing "I don't want to bulk and get un-feminine" posts- and I want to vent about that) I can get the gist.
I DO understand the frustration with people who wail and moan about not meeting their goals or whatever whenever they are self sabotaging themselves. I get that the DRIVE to eat is not just hungry- or lack of discipline- there is a lot of emotional stuff going on... but at some point you need to accept that YOU got here. YOU are going to get yourself out of it. It's a long journey for many people.
It's hard. It's emotional. But yes- there needs to be a moment when you take responsibility and instead of crying about the lack of weight loss and going over the calories. Find a way to make it productive. Find a way to CHANGE what you are doing. Only you are doing to do that. It's hard- but if everyone else did it- you can find a way too.... and for those of you who say "that do or do not doesn't work for everyone"- actually yes yes it does. Saying it doesn't is just an excuse. Flame away- but tha'ts how the rest of EVERYONE ELSE has struggled- has over come- one day they just started doing. And yeah- NOT every day is a DO day- some days it's an "i didn't do .... so well "day. And that's okay. But you have to start somewhere.
It's like watching the obese co-worker complain about not losing weight and every day she eats out at McDonalds or whatever and has treats and snacks at her desk all day- she's self sabotaging. It gets frustrating- and we see it here A LOT.0 -
I too would agree that constantly being over positive is not healthy.... I want to be praised for the things I did good, excelled and surprised myself... I want to be praised for a day to day norm. That's why we should count on a support group.... that may know us a little better for our compliments and the other times when we may need to be told to get back after it!
We all know that if you care about the outcome of someone.. you should then not support or tolerate negative behaviors... so yes there is a time and place to say... get up.. quit feeling sorry for yourself.... overcome this battle and move forward in your life! But there is also a time to let people heal, tread water and let things slide....
My point... I don't like when you friend me and I see after three days of bad eating... and your not saying why or what... I most likely will comment that your need to find your groove.... sorry I DO consider that support just as much as saying awesome job when you have done so! A support group is not a fan club.. its people to help you stay on track!
Thank You! This is what I was trying to get across and you stated it so much better!
. . . and you do this on YOUR newsfeed among YOUR friends that you've developed some type of relationship with! Better yet, post it directly at the person that you're trying to support. No need to post this on the main MFP forum boards for thousands to see - we dont know you, havent established a relationship with you and like someone else said, DONT RECEIVE THIS COMING FROM YOU!0 -
It seems to me that there's a bit of a trend on these forums for the boot-camp style, shouty, 'Suck it up! Push Harder! Don't be a whiner! Second is the first of the losers!" type of support. It's as though the tougher the image you project, the more of a 'winner' you are.
I guess it works for some people, personally though I tend to want to take people who do that, lock them in the medieval stocks on my village green and pelt them with dog crap until they relent and promise not to talk in tedious post-it note motivational soundbites ever again.0 -
Rar.
This style of support works well for a lot of people. It doesn't work well for me. This is why it's important to cultivate a friend's list that supports you in the way you find most inspiring.
I do have a few friends who tell me "Not bad, could be better" and that works for me. Gets my mind into the game of "What small changes could I make TODAY that will be better for TOMORROW?" Overall, though, being told to suck it up does nothing but make go "Well, fine - **** you then, I'll do what **I** want."
That said, lots of people do well with the whole tough-love thing. DIfferent strokes for different folks.
^^^That's exactly my thought process also. The "tough love" approach doesn't work for me at all. The people in my friends list are awesome
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while I don't understand the need to post a ran about it (well yes I do- I'm sick of seeing "I don't want to bulk and get un-feminine" posts- and I want to vent about that) I can get the gist.
I DO understand the frustration with people who wail and moan about not meeting their goals or whatever whenever they are self sabotaging themselves. I get that the DRIVE to eat is not just hungry- or lack of discipline- there is a lot of emotional stuff going on... but at some point you need to accept that YOU got here. YOU are going to get yourself out of it. It's a long journey for many people.
It's hard. It's emotional. But yes- there needs to be a moment when you take responsibility and instead of crying about the lack of weight loss and going over the calories. Find a way to make it productive. Find a way to CHANGE what you are doing. Only you are doing to do that. It's hard- but if everyone else did it- you can find a way too.... and for those of you who say "that do or do not doesn't work for everyone"- actually yes yes it does. Saying it doesn't is just an excuse. Flame away- but tha'ts how the rest of EVERYONE ELSE has struggled- has over come- one day they just started doing. And yeah- NOT every day is a DO day- some days it's an "i didn't do .... so well "day. And that's okay. But you have to start somewhere.
It's like watching the obese co-worker complain about not losing weight and every day she eats out at McDonalds or whatever and has treats and snacks at her desk all day- she's self sabotaging. It gets frustrating- and we see it here A LOT.
This is what I am going with now. I hear about it everday about how the diet and MFP does not work but she is not putting in the effort. Telling her over and over she can do it, its ok you had a rough day is just not working anymore. Now she is complaining because her husband can eat whatever he wants and does not gain weight but its MFP fault that her three icecreams made her feel bad because she went over her cals. How the heck do you keep supporting that?0 -
This is what I am going with now. I hear about it everday about how the diet and MFP does not work but she is not putting in the effort. Telling her over and over she can do it, its ok you had a rough day is just not working anymore. Now she is complaining because her husband can eat whatever he wants and does not gain weight but its MFP fault that her three icecreams made her feel bad because she went over her cals. How the heck do you keep supporting that?
Um....first step might be not posting about it in the main forums?0 -
Maybe it's just me but I don't feel that emotionally invested in anyone's journey to really honestly care what is or isn't working for them. I always assume that people know what they have to do, whether or not they do it is up to them. People don't need me to breath down the back of their neck saying what they should or shouldn't do, we're all individuals.0
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Cultivate compassion and patience. You will live longer, and happier.0
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This is what I am going with now. I hear about it everday about how the diet and MFP does not work but she is not putting in the effort. Telling her over and over she can do it, its ok you had a rough day is just not working anymore. Now she is complaining because her husband can eat whatever he wants and does not gain weight but its MFP fault that her three icecreams made her feel bad because she went over her cals. How the heck do you keep supporting that?
My guess is that if this lady is on your friends' list and sees your post she'll delete you anyway and then your problem will be solved. Or, and this is just putting it out there, you could try deleting friends who annoy you rather than suffer to the point you need to come vent about them in public 0 -
don't tell me how to feel. if i want to b**ch and complain and never make progress i WILL. feel free to defriend me.
edited to say: that was me speaking on whoever's behalf.0 -
Oh mah gawd! Three ice cream bars?! That's liek soooooo much food.0
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Oh my! While I agree on some level, be careful. You soap box seems very high. We all have these moments. Maybe this is more about your friend selection than anything else. We all use MFP because we have struggled and failed in the past. Life long lifestyle change means that you will have times of stress, when you make the wrong decisions, you will be frustrated by them. It could last a bit to actually turn things around. Hopefully with we learn and time and support, we change and become stronger. Put out a note to all your friends, tell them your mission and that you might be parring down your group on your journey. Just remember that you could have a positive effect on someone that is maybe not as advanced in their process as you are.0
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Rar.
This style of support works well for a lot of people. It doesn't work well for me. This is why it's important to cultivate a friend's list that supports you in the way you find most inspiring.
I do have a few friends who tell me "Not bad, could be better" and that works for me. Gets my mind into the game of "What small changes could I make TODAY that will be better for TOMORROW?" Overall, though, being told to suck it up does nothing but make go "Well, fine - **** you then, I'll do what **I** want."
That said, lots of people do well with the whole tough-love thing. DIfferent strokes for different folks.
Well said!!!!0 -
OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.0
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suck it up and in 6 months to a year you can eat what you want in moderation.
Or you can just do that now.
That's what I was going to say. I have 95 more lbs to lose and I am not waiting to reach goal to eat what I want. I include it in my caloric budget. Seems to be working 0 -
they lost like 20% of their body weight... i wouldn't say that they have no idea what the struggles of losing weight are... :grumble:OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.0 -
they lost like 20% of their body weight... i wouldn't say that they have no idea what the struggles of losing weight are... :grumble:OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.
It is different. Losing 25 lbs vs. losing 125 lb is different. Overcoming a lifetime of overeating and dependence on food as comfort vs. dropping a few extra lbs is different. Being young with only 10 lbs to lose you wouldn’t understand either. Being old with 30 lbs to lose I don’t understand their struggle, but I absolutely understand that their struggle is different.0 -
OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.
So true....for me it's been a constant mental struggle with myself, the scale, the boredom, the depression etc etc.... all making me turn to food.
I have been carrying this 100 + lbs for over 12 years. Why???? because of my constant battle with depression, mental way of thinking in terms of food etc etc..... it's not as easy as to say suck it up!!! if it was...we wouldn't have a weight issue.0 -
they lost like 20% of their body weight... i wouldn't say that they have no idea what the struggles of losing weight are... :grumble:OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.
It is different. Losing 25 lbs vs. losing 125 lb is different. Overcoming a lifetime of overeating and dependence on food as comfort vs. dropping a few extra lbs is different. Being young with only 10 lbs to lose you wouldn’t understand either. Being old with 30 lbs to lose I don’t understand their struggle, but I absolutely understand that their struggle is different.
uhm, yeah. i went from 136 pounds and 32% body fat to 115 pounds at 18% body fat.
this over generalization is crap in my opinion.0 -
they lost like 20% of their body weight... i wouldn't say that they have no idea what the struggles of losing weight are... :grumble:OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.
It is different. Losing 25 lbs vs. losing 125 lb is different. Overcoming a lifetime of overeating and dependence on food as comfort vs. dropping a few extra lbs is different. Being young with only 10 lbs to lose you wouldn’t understand either. Being old with 30 lbs to lose I don’t understand their struggle, but I absolutely understand that their struggle is different.
uhm, yeah. i went from 136 pounds and 32% body fat to 115 pounds at 18% body fat.
this over generalization is crap in my opinion.
Okay. I'm sure you went through exactly the same thing.0 -
they lost like 20% of their body weight... i wouldn't say that they have no idea what the struggles of losing weight are... :grumble:OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.
It is different. Losing 25 lbs vs. losing 125 lb is different. Overcoming a lifetime of overeating and dependence on food as comfort vs. dropping a few extra lbs is different. Being young with only 10 lbs to lose you wouldn’t understand either. Being old with 30 lbs to lose I don’t understand their struggle, but I absolutely understand that their struggle is different.
uhm, yeah. i went from 136 pounds and 32% body fat to 115 pounds at 18% body fat.
this over generalization is crap in my opinion.
Okay. I'm sure you went through exactly the same thing.
i'm sure everyone who has a lot to lose feels like they've had to work harder and/or are better than those who have less to lose. :yawn:
yeah.... OP should just move on and not be friends with negative people. but i am sooo out of this thread because obviously there will always be those who WILL feel sorry for themselves and WILL take that out on others... So before this gets to a "We're cooler than you and have to work harder than you and you couldn't possibly imagine what it like" thread, i am SOOOOOO gone.
just for my personal point here... i've been on mfp for 3 years now. logging, exercising, lifting, CONSISTENTLY and i have not once felt sorry for myself. I put myself in the situation i was in. and i fully accept that. and it has been REALLY HARD to keep with it.0 -
they lost like 20% of their body weight... i wouldn't say that they have no idea what the struggles of losing weight are... :grumble:OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.
It is different. Losing 25 lbs vs. losing 125 lb is different. Overcoming a lifetime of overeating and dependence on food as comfort vs. dropping a few extra lbs is different. Being young with only 10 lbs to lose you wouldn’t understand either. Being old with 30 lbs to lose I don’t understand their struggle, but I absolutely understand that their struggle is different.
uhm, yeah. i went from 136 pounds and 32% body fat to 115 pounds at 18% body fat.
this over generalization is crap in my opinion.
Okay. I'm sure you went through exactly the same thing.
i'm sure everyone who has a lot to lose feels like they've had to work harder and/or are better than those who have less to lose. :yawn:
"better than"??? What are you talking about?0 -
What kind of ice cream bars?
Because now I'm really wanting a Klondike Heath. :ohwell:
p.s. I could eat three - maybe I would, too.0 -
Oh mah gawd! Three ice cream bars?! That's liek soooooo much food.
I know you're being facetious or whatever, but depending on which ice cream bars you buy, 3 of them could be 350 - 900 calories. That's about 25 - 65% of the calories I usually eat in a day. So yeah it's not a large quanity of food as far as size, but it's a f*ckload of calories and over time it adds up.
So that's my only contribution to this thread.:smokin:0 -
So talking about it on a support forum is bringing others down. I'm sorry these individuals including myself, come here for support. Not to be ridiculed for having a bad day, week or even a freaking month. They are trying, they are here daily and that deserves some credit. If you don't like it and it ruins your precious day. Then overlook their comments, ignore their words or maybe just unfriend them.....problem solved. Now you can skip merrily to the gym and have your awesome days full of success.
:noway: :laugh:
Awesome!
:drinker: 0 -
Losing 125 lbs and losing 25lbs are different animals. On the one hand, the person with 125 lbs to lose is facing a really daunting task, and likely has actual physical limitations and health risks keeping them from being able to exercise the same way as someone who is not obese, as well as a high likelihood of health complications and other annoying things, like finding shoes with enough support for their weight and workout clothes in their size. But, the weight will actually come off easier. It's actually much harder to lose the last 25 lbs than the first 25lbs of 125 and takes much more time and dedication.0
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Losing 125 lbs and losing 25lbs are different animals. On the one hand, the person with 125 lbs to lose is facing a really daunting task, and likely has actual physical limitations and health risks keeping them from being able to exercise the same way as someone who is not obese, as well as a high likelihood of health complications and other annoying things, like finding shoes with enough support for their weight and workout clothes in their size. But, the weight will actually come off easier. It's actually much harder to lose the last 25 lbs than the first 25lbs of 125 and takes much more time and dedication.
You are a very good poster0 -
In some cases it isn't that easy. Many of us here struggle with our emotions, and so we eat. And fixing our mental issues are far harder then changing the number on the scale.
Truth. Some of us might have issued because we were being told to "suck it up" all the time--literally or figuratively. A lot of us self medicate with food, without realizing it. Sometimes we don't want to feel alone in our journey. Sorry to "brine" your curve. You and your pissy friends can go off in a self-congratulatory corner and talk about how you're all so much more committed then the rest of us--with your Yoda quotes. "Do or do not. There is no try."
Bitter, much?
What exactly is wrong with congratulating yourself? Is it better to be a whiner and depend on the motivation of others to feel good about yourself? Sounds like you'd love to be one of the people with that kind of self-control and commitment. And you should be, these are the bad@sses of MFP.
Transparent jealousy is not a good look for you, honey.0
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