Quit feeling sorry for yourself

neandermagnon

I don't think I understand.. how is anyone bringing others down by their failure to eat well? You do realize that many people here have an unhealthy relationship with food, correct? It isn't that easy to just "suck it up."

There is a very unhealthy mentality around dieting, however. People try to restrict so much that they end up bingeing and consuming the 3 ice cream bars you're talking about. Moderation is key here. I think everyone needs support and to realize that one or two bad days isn't going to derail all your efforts. There are definitely people who aren't trying very hard, but the majority are working and need guidance, motivation and advice. You won't help anyone by telling them to suck it up.

^^^ I agree with this. Too much restriction and too much "sucking it up" is not sustainable in the long term. If the eating plan is that hard to stick to, or someone is frequently bingeing, then that's a sign that they're not on a suitable eating plan.

tworthen79

So talking about it on a support forum is bringing others down. I'm sorry these individuals including myself, come here for support. Not to be ridiculed for having a bad day, week or even a freaking month. They are trying, they are here daily and that deserves some credit. If you don't like it and it ruins your precious day. Then overlook their comments, ignore their words or maybe just unfriend them.....problem solved. Now you can skip merrily to the gym and have your awesome days full of success.

Crochetluvr

Short term thinking like "six months of torture then I can go back to eating normally" is the main reason why 95% of diets fail in the long term and why people get stuck in cycles of yo-yo dieting.

Exactly. Been there. Took many years for the light bulb to finally go on.

_SABOTEUR_

YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

YES I CAN. YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT. NOW GET BACK IN THE BEDROOM.

Ademar111

Not trying to boss anyone around. I actually enjoy all of the feedback be it positive or negative. This is a hot topic and has brought a lot of responses. Some will make friends from this, others will motivate them selves, and most of you will probably congratulate all of your friends on what a well job they are doing today just because you want to be the positive one.

Controversial forums tend to bring more people then happy ones unfortunately.

elyelyse

In some cases it isn't that easy. Many of us here struggle with our emotions, and so we eat. And fixing our mental issues are far harder then changing the number on the scale.

I also struggle, but I would not bring others down with me.

some people, like you maybe, like to keep the negative part of their struggle inside. For some people, sharing their struggles with their support network helps them to feel connected to other people, and helps them feel less alone, especially when someone else response with "i know just how you feel! yesterday sucked for me too, but today is better, you can do it!" And sometimes, people struggle for weeks, months, years, before they find their stride. You don't have to like it. Different strokes for different folks.

lindaland1

You and your pissy friends can go off in a self-congratulatory corner and talk about how you're all so much more committed then the rest of us--with your Yoda quotes. "Do or do not. There is no try."

Agree!!

MoreBean13

Not trying to boss anyone around. I actually enjoy all of the feedback be it positive or negative. This is a hot topic and has brought a lot of responses. Some will make friends from this, others will motivate them selves, and most of you will probably congratulate all of your friends on what a well job they are doing today just because you want to be the positive one.

Controversial forums tend to bring more people then happy ones unfortunately.

The actual subject of your post isn't a hot topic, the fact that you think you can instruct thousands of members on how to behave is what brought the people out.

herblackwings39

Not trying to boss anyone around. I actually enjoy all of the feedback be it positive or negative. This is a hot topic and has brought a lot of responses. Some will make friends from this, others will motivate them selves, and most of you will probably congratulate all of your friends on what a well job they are doing today just because you want to be the positive one.

Controversial forums tend to bring more people then happy ones unfortunately.

The actual subject of your post isn't a hot topic, the fact that you think you can instruct thousands of members on how to behave is what brought the people out.

This.

quirkytizzy

Not trying to boss anyone around. I actually enjoy all of the feedback be it positive or negative. This is a hot topic and has brought a lot of responses. Some will make friends from this, others will motivate them selves, and most of you will probably congratulate all of your friends on what a well job they are doing today just because you want to be the positive one.

Controversial forums tend to bring more people then happy ones unfortunately.

The actual subject of your post isn't a hot topic, the fact that you think you can instruct thousands of members on how to behave is what brought the people out.

This.

Many of us have spent years - if not decades or possibly a lifetime - inside a prison woven of berating ourselves, be it for weight or other reasons. The way out for those people isn't to hurt ourselves more with talk that further knocks us down. Your post flies in the face of the multitudes of human experience and your defense of it only proves your arrogance.

Doone33

I too would agree that constantly being over positive is not healthy.... I want to be praised for the things I did good, excelled and surprised myself... I want to be praised for a day to day norm. That's why we should count on a support group.... that may know us a little better for our compliments and the other times when we may need to be told to get back after it!


We all know that if you care about the outcome of someone.. you should then not support or tolerate negative behaviors... so yes there is a time and place to say... get up.. quit feeling sorry for yourself.... overcome this battle and move forward in your life! But there is also a time to let people heal, tread water and let things slide....

My point... I don't like when you friend me and I see after three days of bad eating... and your not saying why or what... I most likely will comment that your need to find your groove.... sorry I DO consider that support just as much as saying awesome job when you have done so! A support group is not a fan club.. its people to help you stay on track!

Ademar111

I too would agree that constantly being over positive is not healthy.... I want to be praised for the things I did good, excelled and surprised myself... I want to be praised for a day to day norm. That's why we should count on a support group.... that may know us a little better for our compliments and the other times when we may need to be told to get back after it!


We all know that if you care about the outcome of someone.. you should then not support or tolerate negative behaviors... so yes there is a time and place to say... get up.. quit feeling sorry for yourself.... overcome this battle and move forward in your life! But there is also a time to let people heal, tread water and let things slide....

My point... I don't like when you friend me and I see after three days of bad eating... and your not saying why or what... I most likely will comment that your need to find your groove.... sorry I DO consider that support just as much as saying awesome job when you have done so! A support group is not a fan club.. its people to help you stay on track!

Thank You! This is what I was trying to get across and you stated it so much better!

JoRocka

while I don't understand the need to post a ran about it (well yes I do- I'm sick of seeing "I don't want to bulk and get un-feminine" posts- and I want to vent about that) I can get the gist.

I DO understand the frustration with people who wail and moan about not meeting their goals or whatever whenever they are self sabotaging themselves. I get that the DRIVE to eat is not just hungry- or lack of discipline- there is a lot of emotional stuff going on... but at some point you need to accept that YOU got here. YOU are going to get yourself out of it. It's a long journey for many people.

It's hard. It's emotional. But yes- there needs to be a moment when you take responsibility and instead of crying about the lack of weight loss and going over the calories. Find a way to make it productive. Find a way to CHANGE what you are doing. Only you are doing to do that. It's hard- but if everyone else did it- you can find a way too.... and for those of you who say "that do or do not doesn't work for everyone"- actually yes yes it does. Saying it doesn't is just an excuse. Flame away- but tha'ts how the rest of EVERYONE ELSE has struggled- has over come- one day they just started doing. And yeah- NOT every day is a DO day- some days it's an "i didn't do .... so well "day. And that's okay. But you have to start somewhere.

It's like watching the obese co-worker complain about not losing weight and every day she eats out at McDonalds or whatever and has treats and snacks at her desk all day- she's self sabotaging. It gets frustrating- and we see it here A LOT.

cmurphy252

I too would agree that constantly being over positive is not healthy.... I want to be praised for the things I did good, excelled and surprised myself... I want to be praised for a day to day norm. That's why we should count on a support group.... that may know us a little better for our compliments and the other times when we may need to be told to get back after it!


We all know that if you care about the outcome of someone.. you should then not support or tolerate negative behaviors... so yes there is a time and place to say... get up.. quit feeling sorry for yourself.... overcome this battle and move forward in your life! But there is also a time to let people heal, tread water and let things slide....

My point... I don't like when you friend me and I see after three days of bad eating... and your not saying why or what... I most likely will comment that your need to find your groove.... sorry I DO consider that support just as much as saying awesome job when you have done so! A support group is not a fan club.. its people to help you stay on track!

Thank You! This is what I was trying to get across and you stated it so much better!

. . . and you do this on YOUR newsfeed among YOUR friends that you've developed some type of relationship with! Better yet, post it directly at the person that you're trying to support. No need to post this on the main MFP forum boards for thousands to see - we dont know you, havent established a relationship with you and like someone else said, DONT RECEIVE THIS COMING FROM YOU!

MsPudding

It seems to me that there's a bit of a trend on these forums for the boot-camp style, shouty, 'Suck it up! Push Harder! Don't be a whiner! Second is the first of the losers!" type of support. It's as though the tougher the image you project, the more of a 'winner' you are.

I guess it works for some people, personally though I tend to want to take people who do that, lock them in the medieval stocks on my village green and pelt them with dog crap until they relent and promise not to talk in tedious post-it note motivational soundbites ever again.

Minks_esposa

Rar.

This style of support works well for a lot of people. It doesn't work well for me. This is why it's important to cultivate a friend's list that supports you in the way you find most inspiring.

I do have a few friends who tell me "Not bad, could be better" and that works for me. Gets my mind into the game of "What small changes could I make TODAY that will be better for TOMORROW?" Overall, though, being told to suck it up does nothing but make go "Well, fine - **** you then, I'll do what **I** want."

That said, lots of people do well with the whole tough-love thing. DIfferent strokes for different folks.

^^^That's exactly my thought process also. The "tough love" approach doesn't work for me at all. The people in my friends list are awesome

Ademar111

while I don't understand the need to post a ran about it (well yes I do- I'm sick of seeing "I don't want to bulk and get un-feminine" posts- and I want to vent about that) I can get the gist.

I DO understand the frustration with people who wail and moan about not meeting their goals or whatever whenever they are self sabotaging themselves. I get that the DRIVE to eat is not just hungry- or lack of discipline- there is a lot of emotional stuff going on... but at some point you need to accept that YOU got here. YOU are going to get yourself out of it. It's a long journey for many people.

It's hard. It's emotional. But yes- there needs to be a moment when you take responsibility and instead of crying about the lack of weight loss and going over the calories. Find a way to make it productive. Find a way to CHANGE what you are doing. Only you are doing to do that. It's hard- but if everyone else did it- you can find a way too.... and for those of you who say "that do or do not doesn't work for everyone"- actually yes yes it does. Saying it doesn't is just an excuse. Flame away- but tha'ts how the rest of EVERYONE ELSE has struggled- has over come- one day they just started doing. And yeah- NOT every day is a DO day- some days it's an "i didn't do .... so well "day. And that's okay. But you have to start somewhere.

It's like watching the obese co-worker complain about not losing weight and every day she eats out at McDonalds or whatever and has treats and snacks at her desk all day- she's self sabotaging. It gets frustrating- and we see it here A LOT.

This is what I am going with now. I hear about it everday about how the diet and MFP does not work but she is not putting in the effort. Telling her over and over she can do it, its ok you had a rough day is just not working anymore. Now she is complaining because her husband can eat whatever he wants and does not gain weight but its MFP fault that her three icecreams made her feel bad because she went over her cals. How the heck do you keep supporting that?

nomeejerome

This is what I am going with now. I hear about it everday about how the diet and MFP does not work but she is not putting in the effort. Telling her over and over she can do it, its ok you had a rough day is just not working anymore. Now she is complaining because her husband can eat whatever he wants and does not gain weight but its MFP fault that her three icecreams made her feel bad because she went over her cals. How the heck do you keep supporting that?

Um....first step might be not posting about it in the main forums?

Minks_esposa

Maybe it's just me but I don't feel that emotionally invested in anyone's journey to really honestly care what is or isn't working for them. I always assume that people know what they have to do, whether or not they do it is up to them. People don't need me to breath down the back of their neck saying what they should or shouldn't do, we're all individuals.

eileen0515

Cultivate compassion and patience. You will live longer, and happier.