Quit feeling sorry for yourself

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Replies

  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Losing 125 lbs and losing 25lbs are different animals. On the one hand, the person with 125 lbs to lose is facing a really daunting task, and likely has actual physical limitations and health risks keeping them from being able to exercise the same way as someone who is not obese, as well as a high likelihood of health complications and other annoying things, like finding shoes with enough support for their weight and workout clothes in their size. But, the weight will actually come off easier. It's actually much harder to lose the last 25 lbs than the first 25lbs of 125 and takes much more time and dedication.

    Harder in some way, certainly. The psychology of weight loss after years of obesity and emotional eating can be just as hard. My point was not that one is harder than the other. My point was exactly what I posted. That it is different and that those that haven't walked that path rarely understand it.
  • CSYounce
    CSYounce Posts: 19 Member
    This is what I am going with now. I hear about it everday about how the diet and MFP does not work but she is not putting in the effort. Telling her over and over she can do it, its ok you had a rough day is just not working anymore. Now she is complaining because her husband can eat whatever he wants and does not gain weight but its MFP fault that her three icecreams made her feel bad because she went over her cals. How the heck do you keep supporting that?


    My guess is that if this lady is on your friends' list and sees your post she'll delete you anyway and then your problem will be solved. Or, and this is just putting it out there, you could try deleting friends who annoy you rather than suffer to the point you need to come vent about them in public :smile:

    Winner!!
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.
    they lost like 20% of their body weight... i wouldn't say that they have no idea what the struggles of losing weight are... :grumble:

    It is different. Losing 25 lbs vs. losing 125 lb is different. Overcoming a lifetime of overeating and dependence on food as comfort vs. dropping a few extra lbs is different. Being young with only 10 lbs to lose you wouldn’t understand either. Being old with 30 lbs to lose I don’t understand their struggle, but I absolutely understand that their struggle is different.


    uhm, yeah. i went from 136 pounds and 32% body fat to 115 pounds at 18% body fat.

    this over generalization is crap in my opinion.

    You can't judge someone else's experience by examining your own. Suggesting that everyone who is losing weight has had the same experiences is crappy generalization.
  • 1princesswarrior
    1princesswarrior Posts: 1,242 Member
    Losing 125 lbs and losing 25lbs are different animals. On the one hand, the person with 125 lbs to lose is facing a really daunting task, and likely has actual physical limitations and health risks keeping them from being able to exercise the same way as someone who is not obese, as well as a high likelihood of health complications and other annoying things, like finding shoes with enough support for their weight and workout clothes in their size. But, the weight will actually come off easier. It's actually much harder to lose the last 25 lbs than the first 25lbs of 125 and takes much more time and dedication.

    Harder in some way, certainly. The psychology of weight loss after years of obesity and emotional eating can be just as hard. My point was not that one is harder than the other. My point was exactly what I posted. That it is different and that those that haven't walked that path rarely understand it.

    Think about all those that have 125, 50, 25 or whatever to lose and don't have the will to even try because the task is so daunting. One day one of those people in the world comes on MFP, finds a friend. That friend either says something in the form of "suck it up, get on board" or "hey, this is a long, hard road ahead, let me know if you have any questions." One month later the said person is still struggling, one friend says "you're just not working hard enough, quit complaining about what you eat and going over, just fix it", the other friend says "what's going on, did you have a bad week? that's okay, here's what you did successfully (add list), now try setting small goals you know you can achieve to build your self-confidence. This will become habit over time."

    Which friend would likely drive this person back into their hole and which one would maybe help them out?
  • CSYounce
    CSYounce Posts: 19 Member
    If we are on this site - we need this site. We have weight to lose - from 10 to 100+ pounds. We all have a right to our own opinions - strong as they may be. However, we do not have the right to judge each other. Support - yes. Encourage - yes. Tough love - maybe sometimes yes. Judge and humiliate - never. We all have the ability to move on from people we feel are having a negative influence. This journey is hard enough.
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    It seems to me that there's a bit of a trend on these forums for the boot-camp style, shouty, 'Suck it up! Push Harder! Don't be a whiner! Second is the first of the losers!" type of support. It's as though the tougher the image you project, the more of a 'winner' you are.

    I guess it works for some people, personally though I tend to want to take people who do that, lock them in the medieval stocks on my village green and pelt them with dog crap until they relent and promise not to talk in tedious post-it note motivational soundbites ever again.

    :laugh: :laugh: :drinker:
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    In...for the "don't tell me what do comments" and excuse why losing is difficult...
  • Wildflower0106
    Wildflower0106 Posts: 247 Member
    OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.

    I agree with the op... was I fat enough to understand the struggles?
  • Wildflower0106
    Wildflower0106 Posts: 247 Member
    If we are on this site - we need this site. We have weight to lose - from 10 to 100+ pounds. We all have a right to our own opinions - strong as they may be. However, we do not have the right to judge each other. Support - yes. Encourage - yes. Tough love - maybe sometimes yes. Judge and humiliate - never. We all have the ability to move on from people we feel are having a negative influence. This journey is hard enough.

    Or people are here for fitness, weight gaining, maintaining ect...
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    So very tired of whining.

    There's a difference, as least for me, between someone who suffers from emotional issues but truly wants to change and puts in the effort, and those that simply want to make excuses. It's hard to tell sometimes, but I have a limited attention span and only so much time in the day to devote to other's issues. People have to decide for themselves what they want and what they're willing to do about it. It's not up to the rest of us to "fix" them.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I try to be as supportive to individuals as I can because I have struggled in the past, but when people post things like "OMG I went over my cal goal again"; well of course you did you had 3 ice cream bars. We all have gotten ourselves where we are today by eating unhealthy, so quit feeling sorry for yourself and get your butt to work. You are brining down other people with your negativitly due to a lack of commitment (in most cases, not all). No one said everything is going to taste like chocolate covered strawberrys; suck it up and in 6 months to a year you can eat what you want in moderation.

    The individuals I am speaking of are the ones that continue to post how dispointed they are and they just want to quit everday because it is too hard. No one said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it!

    Yeah, poor you having to read that all the time. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I feel so sorry for you. Now it's your turn. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and put those "friends" on "hide" in your newsfeed. You'll never have to see them on your newsfeed feeling sorry for themselves again, or post a thread feeling sorry for yourself or lure me in here to make me end up feeling sorry for myself.

    Now save the feeling sorries for people who really need it. WWMD?

    paula-and-martha__oPt.jpg
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    Did you consider just saying this to the people who you want the message to go to rather than putting your friends on blast in a public forum?


    ETA: ohhh wait.. Nvm...its not your friends that you're trying to help, its all of MFP you're trying to boss around. Got it.

    No way! Don't you know airing dirty laundry in public is was more dramatic? Plus, it's good to be the queen (in your own mind anyway).
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    "brining" down, eh? Are you giving a class on pickling? Let me get my pencil...

    Yes, and don't forget to get your ppl already dispointed from the butcher. because it is so hard to get thru all that when trying to dispoint them yourself at home.

    and for your viewing pleasure
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7yK8cuP1Bw
    "hot" bod, irrational disappointment, drama, and a big knife for those serious "dispoint" tasks.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    OP, according to your ticker you went from 128 to 103 lbs. No offense, but you really have no idea of the struggles of a person that has been obese for many years who is now trying to lose that weight.

    I agree with the op... was I fat enough to understand the struggles?

    I'm sure you understand your *own* struggles. Since you reached your goal and all........:wink:


    Congrats, btw! :flowerforyou:
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    I try to be as supportive to individuals as I can because I have struggled in the past, but when people post things like "OMG I went over my cal goal again"; well of course you did you had 3 ice cream bars. We all have gotten ourselves where we are today by eating unhealthy, so quit feeling sorry for yourself and get your butt to work. You are brining down other people with your negativitly due to a lack of commitment (in most cases, not all). No one said everything is going to taste like chocolate covered strawberrys; suck it up and in 6 months to a year you can eat what you want in moderation.

    The individuals I am speaking of are the ones that continue to post how dispointed they are and they just want to quit everday because it is too hard. No one said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it!

    Yeah, poor you having to read that all the time. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I feel so sorry for you. Now it's your turn. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and put those "friends" on "hide" in your newsfeed. You'll never have to see them on your newsfeed feeling sorry for themselves again, or post a thread feeling sorry for yourself or lure me in here to make me end up feeling sorry for myself.

    Now save the feeling sorries for people who really need it. WWMD?

    paula-and-martha__oPt.jpg

    :drinker:

    Good point! I have done this myself, with great success. Sometimes we add MFPs that turn out to annoy us. So unfriend them. Problem solved. *shrugs*
  • NarneyK
    NarneyK Posts: 264 Member
    A negative thread about other's negativity? huh :huh:
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    So very tired of whining.

    There's a difference, as least for me, between someone who suffers from emotional issues but truly wants to change and puts in the effort, and those that simply want to make excuses. It's hard to tell sometimes, but I have a limited attention span and only so much time in the day to devote to other's issues. People have to decide for themselves what they want and what they're willing to do about it. It's not up to the rest of us to "fix" them.

    PREACH!!!

    tumblr_inline_mown52cQYj1qz4rgp.gif
  • teamAmelia
    teamAmelia Posts: 1,247 Member
    Did you consider just saying this to the people who you want the message to go to rather than putting your friends on blast in a public forum?


    ETA: ohhh wait.. Nvm...its not your friends that you're trying to help, its all of MFP you're trying to boss around. Got it.

    Not very supportive of the ppl she's friends w on MFP. I have MFP friends who - I don't call it whining/complaining - but, some of them do that. It doesn't bother me. They're just frustrated and obviously don't understand why they keep going over. I just try to motivate them to get back on track or help them understand why they're going over. That's what we're all here for, right? To help each other.

    ETA: And, when your MFP friends see this, they're probably going to overeat again. :frown: You have to be careful what you say to ppl on this site.
  • JDHINAZ
    JDHINAZ Posts: 641 Member
    A negative thread about other's negativity? huh :huh:

    :laugh: :laugh:

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