I'm not trying to insult anyone by trying to lose weight.

tantsihoppjohanna

Weight is often an inaccurate way of saying whether a person is 'fit', because it often comes down to body fat and i can tell you from my own experience, i'm only around 62 kg and 167 cm tall, but I am very out of shape, especially in the tummy department. You would think a person at this weight and height would be in great shape, but my belly literally (*not at all figuratively*) sticks out so much I look 6 months pregnant. It's frustrating, because my arms and legs and face are quite thin so no wonder there are people who have thought me to be pregnant...:S Granted, i have pcos so all the fat does go into my belly area. but i want to and have to lose it, my waist circumference is too large for it to be healthy. So just because my weight is great, does not mean I am in good shape. I just have a very uneven fat distribution and all that fat is around the bad area, and since you can't spot reduce... I gotta reduce it everywhere.
i'd suggest you do weight lifting to lower body fat percentage, rather than just lose those 20 pounds to eating less or doing too much cardio. That is what I'm planning to do at least.

LorinaLynn

I read through your other thread. If people were insulted or offended, I think they were more upset with the way you talk about yourself than your goal weight. Saying you're "very fat" and "can't face your boyfriend" like you are. You're not very fat. You're not even fat. You just weigh a bit more than you'd like right now. And any guy who'd leave you over that is one you'd be well rid of.

Doing it the healthy way is more than just calories and nutrients and exercise. It's the mental/internal struggle as well. Maybe even MOST of it is mental. Success and health, in my opinion, comes from a place of love, not a place of punishment and self-hate. I eat right and exercise because it's what my body and mind needs to feel it's best, not because I'm a fat, lazy cow who doesn't deserve a treat and needs to undo all the damage she's done by exercising.

taunto

I have a feeling that this thread is highly derailed and also have the feeling that the OP can get it back on track by NOT talking about her past thread. That is ofcourse, if she don't want to derail the thread.

MyaPapaya75

I wish I would've nipped my extra weight in the bud when I only had 10 lbs to lose.
Having to lose 100 lbs sucks.

u can say that again .....

Pearsquared

I read through your other thread. If people were insulted or offended, I think they were more upset with the way you talk about yourself than your goal weight. Saying you're "very fat" and "can't face your boyfriend" like you are. You're not very fat. You're not even fat. You just weigh a bit more than you'd like right now. And any guy who'd leave you over that is one you'd be well rid of.

Doing it the healthy way is more than just calories and nutrients and exercise. It's the mental/internal struggle as well. Maybe even MOST of it is mental. Success and health, in my opinion, comes from a place of love, not a place of punishment and self-hate. I eat right and exercise because it's what my body and mind needs to feel it's best, not because I'm a fat, lazy cow who doesn't deserve a treat and needs to undo all the damage she's done by exercising.

This is kind of how I'm feeling after reading the other thread as well. My gut reaction was to feel insulted because I'M 147 lbs. (and 5'1''!) and I don't consider myself "very fat". After reading a bit more, it quickly turned to concern because, despite saying that she has overcome her struggles, the OP still seems to have some mental struggles with body image but doesn't recognize them as such.

There are plenty of people (one of whom is a good MFP friend) who are already at a "safe" weight but want to lose more. However, their mental reasoning for doing so seemed...different? Like, they were losing more weight to be the fittest they could be, and not because they considered their current weight a negative.

NovemberJune

If I had lost 100lbs, people would be pushing me to lose the last 20 to look good, not feeling insulted over it. I guess I just don't understand the mindset.

That's not at all true. There are countless threads on the topic. Seems like a lot of people have a similar experience -- if you've lost a lot of weight, people will start telling you you're too skinny when you're still overweight.
That being said, I'm 5'3.75" and 133 and I wouldn't mind to lose 5-10 lbs of fat When someone tells me I'm too skinny, I just tell them not to worry, that I feel comfortable in my own ability to tell whether my weight is healthy or not.

miniversion

Just do what is best for you If someone feels insulted by your choice, that is his/her problem. I too get told that I don't need to lose weight, or they would ask me "where"? Lol I personally just wanted to eat better, get back to being slender with no unwanted "insert proper word here" hehe...Looking forwad getting to 105 lbs but it sure is hard to get there...

ellebrosseau

I have a feeling that this thread is highly derailed and also have the feeling that the OP can get it back on track by NOT talking about her past thread. That is ofcourse, if she don't want to derail the thread.

No more talking about my past thread.
Sorry I'm just emotionally screwed and not fat enough by everyone's standards.
Sorry I "pissed off" a group of people who have to lose weight the size of a "fifth grade boy."
Sorry I asked for support instead of discouragement.
Sorry I was honest.
Next time I'll lie and say I'm 400lbs and have a history of eating too much.
Then I'll tell you I went through treatment and everything was perfect- never had a relapse.
And then maybe everyone won't get so upset when I ask how to do things right.
I mean... damn.

jen4relient22

i understand completely... i started at 152 and i am 5'7, and for me it just felt like a really bad weight for me. i called myself fat all the time, even though i was still a healthy BMI. i've dropped about 20lbs and feel much better but still feel like i have at least 5 more pounds to go.... but because there are so many people who need to lose much more, i really don't post much and haven't posted before/afters or anything like that....

good for you for taking these steps before it's gotten to more weight to lose!

nathotte

On your last post you stated that your mother was anorexic and she kept telling you to lose weight. That is why I said that you need to seek counseling. Also you had stated that your primary reason for losing weight is for your boyfriend . When you put it like that what do you think is going to happen.

I don't understand why the reason matters as long as I'm not being unhealthy?

Any change like that wether it be losing weight, quitting drinking. quitting smoking etc etc etc has to be for yourself if you truly want to be happy!!!! Plus stop fixating on a number on a scale or you will be disappointed a lot.

Hildy_J

I have read a few posters on here criticising others - telling people they need counselling/a psychologist.... If you are one of these then STOP with your amateur diagnoses. Now.

And a few too many using that word 'should'. It's not on.

Nobody comes to the forum for criticism and nobody deserves it. Be positive, be supportive, people. We're all playing for the same team. :-)

Peace out,

Jenny x

Serah87

I have a feeling that this thread is highly derailed and also have the feeling that the OP can get it back on track by NOT talking about her past thread. That is ofcourse, if she don't want to derail the thread.

No more talking about my past thread.
Sorry I'm just emotionally screwed and not fat enough by everyone's standards.
Sorry I "pissed off" a group of people who have to lose weight the size of a "fifth grade boy."
Sorry I asked for support instead of discouragement.
Sorry I was honest.
Next time I'll lie and say I'm 400lbs and have a history of eating too much.
Then I'll tell you I went through treatment and everything was perfect- never had a relapse.
And then maybe everyone won't get so upset when I ask how to do things right.
I mean... damn.

Stop having a pitty party, nothing wrong with you losing weight, as long as you do it the healthy way!!! Lose the weight for yourself, not for your boyfriend or anyone else!! Good luck. :flowerforyou:

ellebrosseau

I have a feeling that this thread is highly derailed and also have the feeling that the OP can get it back on track by NOT talking about her past thread. That is ofcourse, if she don't want to derail the thread.

No more talking about my past thread.
Sorry I'm just emotionally screwed and not fat enough by everyone's standards.
Sorry I "pissed off" a group of people who have to lose weight the size of a "fifth grade boy."
Sorry I asked for support instead of discouragement.
Sorry I was honest.
Next time I'll lie and say I'm 400lbs and have a history of eating too much.
Then I'll tell you I went through treatment and everything was perfect- never had a relapse.
And then maybe everyone won't get so upset when I ask how to do things right.
I mean... damn.

Stop having a pitty party, nothing wrong with you losing weight, as long as you do it the healthy way!!! Lose the weight for yourself, not for your boyfriend or anyone else!! Good luck. :flowerforyou:

In my defense, that wasn't an actual pity party... that was me being sarcastic. Not that that's any better. In fact, that's actually worse since it's kinda mean... Sorry everyone.

Pearsquared

On your last post you stated that your mother was anorexic and she kept telling you to lose weight. That is why I said that you need to seek counseling. Also you had stated that your primary reason for losing weight is for your boyfriend . When you put it like that what do you think is going to happen.

I don't understand why the reason matters as long as I'm not being unhealthy?

Any change like that wether it be losing weight, quitting drinking. quitting smoking etc etc etc has to be for yourself if you truly want to be happy!!!! Plus stop fixating on a number on a scale or you will be disappointed a lot.

There was another thread that talked about this, where the OP of that thread was worried because she was indeed losing the weight for someone else.

The big problem comes when the weight is lost and that person doesn't care or doesn't even notice. If that happens, then losing the weight almost seems pointless, and that's not a fun place to be after all that work.

ellebrosseau

Is there a way to close or delete a thread..?

...if there isn't, consider me done here anyway.

nedtoloseme

Sweetheart, stop being so defensive! You're 18 and some of the things you are doing show that you're 18. First, some people have posted very encouraging things on here and you have ignored them to complain about the few who have said negative things. Also, since I have been on MFP I have posted a few issues, and people have been nothing but supportive. I don't think everyone who has posted who said something you don't want to hear are coming out of a place of jealousy - in fact it sounds like they are concerned. Some of us on here are older (I'm 52) and have done some of the things you are doing, and look at the amount of weight we have had to lose! People just want you to be the best you can be. And as for your boyfriend you don't say whether he is overseas or not, but let me say this as someone who had relatives overseas, he will be happy just to put his arms around you and see you again. He probably won't even notice what you weigh. We are more self conscience about ourselves than others are. Again, ENJOY your journey and stop stressing!

sweetpea129

I just read that thread and I don't think anyone was mean to you at all? Your problem wasnt in saying that you wanted to lose 20 lbs. It was in calling yourself "VERY fat". How do you think people who are much larger than you are going to take that? You even said yourself in this thread that you aren't fat so why call yourself VERY fat in the original one? So people will tell you that you're not fat? Anyways, its over and in the past. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to lose 20 more lbs if that's what your going for.

ellebrosseau

I just read that thread and I don't think anyone was mean to you at all? Your problem wasnt in saying that you wanted to lose 20 lbs. It was in calling yourself "VERY fat". How do you think people who are much larger than you are going to take that? You even said yourself in this thread that you aren't fat so why call yourself VERY fat in the original one? So people will tell you that you're not fat? Anyways, its over and in the past. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to lose 20 more lbs if that's what your going for.

In my original I meant very fat by my own standards. In this thread I meant fat by everyone else's. I know my standards are different. That's no reason for me not to lose weight.

marcgo2

I have read a few posters on here criticising others - telling people they need counselling/a psychologist.... If you are one of these then STOP with your amateur diagnoses.

How is that a criticism? Sometimes people need to be talking to a professional rather than seeking help from strangers on the internet.

sweetpea129

I just read that thread and I don't think anyone was mean to you at all? Your problem wasnt in saying that you wanted to lose 20 lbs. It was in calling yourself "VERY fat". How do you think people who are much larger than you are going to take that? You even said yourself in this thread that you aren't fat so why call yourself VERY fat in the original one? So people will tell you that you're not fat? Anyways, its over and in the past. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to lose 20 more lbs if that's what your going for.

In my original I meant very fat by my own standards. In this thread I meant fat by everyone else's. I know my standards are different. That's no reason for me not to lose weight.

I agree with you 100%. I think the wording was just wrong and thats why people may have been insulted. Not by you actually wanting to lose 20 lbs. And even so, i may have been insulted that you wanted to lose 20 lbs if you told me that 2 years ago when i was morbidly obese but that would have been plain jealousy. Just let it slide off and move forward. There are lots of people here who are in a normal/almost normal BMI who still want to lose weight. Myself included.