I'm not trying to insult anyone by trying to lose weight.
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I just read that thread and I don't think anyone was mean to you at all? Your problem wasnt in saying that you wanted to lose 20 lbs. It was in calling yourself "VERY fat". How do you think people who are much larger than you are going to take that? You even said yourself in this thread that you aren't fat so why call yourself VERY fat in the original one? So people will tell you that you're not fat? Anyways, its over and in the past. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to lose 20 more lbs if that's what your going for.
In my original I meant very fat by my own standards. In this thread I meant fat by everyone else's. I know my standards are different. That's no reason for me not to lose weight.
I agree with you 100%. I think the wording was just wrong and thats why people may have been insulted. Not by you actually wanting to lose 20 lbs. And even so, i may have been insulted that you wanted to lose 20 lbs if you told me that 2 years ago when i was morbidly obese but that would have been plain jealousy. Just let it slide off and move forward. There are lots of people here who are in a normal/almost normal BMI who still want to lose weight. Myself included.
I am going to have to agree with Sweetpea here. I read the original thread just now as well, and it seems to me the issue is not you wanting to lose weight, it is your reasons for doing so as well as calling yourself "very fat."
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to shed a few pounds even if you are in the healthy range, I in fact am in the exact same boat. I am very healthy and my BMI is in the normal range, yet I am striving to lose 15 lbs and tone up. However, I would never consider myself fat. I am curvy, and maybe even slightly chubby, but I think people got so worked up about how you were speaking of yourself. If you are "very fat" at 143 pounds, then how does that make the obese readers on here feel? I think they were hurt by that statement.
According to your BMI, you are in the healthy range and are NOT considered overweight at all. Calling yourself fat at that size is causing other readers to think you are reverting back to your eating disorder ways, and that is not healthy. Lose weight to be healthy, for you, not because you think you are fat and want to please your boyfriend. He should love you at any size! In order for others to be supportive of you, you need to be supportive of yourself.0 -
i mostly see really good fit looking people on here trying to tone, bulk, or maintain *shrug*.......guess I'm looking in the wrong places?0
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No more talking about my past thread.
But when this thread is about the treatment you received for that past thread, how can we NOT discuss it?Sorry I'm just emotionally screwed and not fat enough by everyone's standards.
Sorry I "pissed off" a group of people who have to lose weight the size of a "fifth grade boy."
Sorry I asked for support instead of discouragement.
Sorry I was honest.
Next time I'll lie and say I'm 400lbs and have a history of eating too much.
Then I'll tell you I went through treatment and everything was perfect- never had a relapse.
And then maybe everyone won't get so upset when I ask how to do things right.
I mean... damn.
The melodrama, even if it's sarcastic, isn't going to help matters any.
Look, no one really cares how much weight you want to lose. There's people who join to maintain their weight, or to gain weight. The problem isn't your goal, and your goal is quite reasonable.
The problem is the way you berate yourself. I'm sure there's a good number of people - myself included - who hate seeing anyone do that to themselves. There's a smaller segment of the population who not only hates to see anyone do that to themselves, but add an extra layer of, "If she thinks SHE'S "very fat," then what does she think of someone like ME?" to the mix. And that's where you get the messages like the one you got.
You need to be able to tell that little voice inside your head to STFU when it tells you you're very fat or that your boyfriend won't be happy with you. And I know that's hard, and that's something each and every one of us deals with from time to time. I'm more than twice your age, and I've had a lot more experience telling that voice to shut up, and I still get nagged by the inner demons from time to time.0 -
You have pretty much the same stats as me. People say I am ok but I've never carried this much weight and wish to lose about 14lbs. My clothes are tight - I've gone up a dress size so I know I need to lose some. Maybe it is the dreaded mid life weight gain but I hate it.I've never dieted before. I understand exactly where you are coming from. Good luck
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Out in 'the real world', I don't talk about my weight loss goal for this very reason. I'm 5'6" and 157, but am built very athletically. I've had people respond very negatively when I've mentioned that I'm trying to lose weight. I usually mention something very vague like 'I'm training for something' or 'I'm trying to build endurance for this sport', which is truthful but less likely to incite people.0
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It would be nice when someone mentions how he/she sees herself that it is just that, that others wont see it as a reflection of another person. We can try to be more sensitive but sometimes slip. I too called myself perhaps not very fat but defintiely soooo fat..It was no reflection of my opinion of others, it was just all about me..I grew up in a culture where weight is an open topic. A slender person can gain 3 lbs and people they know would mention how she/he is getting fat lol so a person learns to acknowledge it, laugh it off, do something about it and move on...0
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I have read a few posters on here criticising others - telling people they need counselling/a psychologist.... If you are one of these then STOP with your amateur diagnoses. Now.
And a few too many using that word 'should'. It's not on.
Nobody comes to the forum for criticism and nobody deserves it. Be positive, be supportive, people. We're all playing for the same team. :-)
Peace out,
Jenny x
This!
Do what you gotta do, girl. Try to do it for you because you deserve it but don't worry what the haters say. I have 70+ pounds to lise and if I had thought about it when I only had 10 or 20 to lose, I'd be a lot happier.
I will say, you should own that you're a beautiful girl. It will make getting healthier that much more satisfactory.0 -
Do it sensibly, eat good healthy food and maybe see how you feel once you have reached 10ibs, you might see things differently , i have lost 17 pounds, and within the 10 pounds i lost i could really see a difference, i wasn't overweight but felt uncomfortable in my clothes before i started this journey, wish you well0
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If you can't emotionally handle criticism from strangers on message boards, then you probably shouldn't post on public internet message boards to a bunch of strangers. Best of luck on your weight loss.
Or ...
if you can't handle conducting yourself in a civilized manner, perhaps YOU should stay off public internet message boards.0 -
Just stop letting what other people feel,say or do dictate how you feel about yourself.at the end of the day,those people aren't important in your life.....just take the good and leave the rest
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I just read that thread and I don't think anyone was mean to you at all? Your problem wasnt in saying that you wanted to lose 20 lbs. It was in calling yourself "VERY fat". How do you think people who are much larger than you are going to take that? You even said yourself in this thread that you aren't fat so why call yourself VERY fat in the original one? So people will tell you that you're not fat? Anyways, its over and in the past. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to lose 20 more lbs if that's what your going for.
In my original I meant very fat by my own standards. In this thread I meant fat by everyone else's. I know my standards are different. That's no reason for me not to lose weight.
Hi - I hope what I wrote earlier was supportive and helped you in a helpful way.
May I kindly let you know that whatever's opinions we have, you still have to be the one to accept it or not. Or find another way that will work healthy. But, dont let strangers on the internet decide how you will feel about it. we are not there with you in real life. if i saw you in person i could make a better judgment.
I just say be healthy. Try not to do the things that gave you an eating disorder. And I said that I think a nutritionist - someone in real life - would be best to help you, because we cant be with you like they can.
I said if your approach works, it might be working, if not, then it may be your own body tell you the way not to go.
Could it be possible that you were seeking a particular answer and when people gave you a better way, not waht you wanted to hear, you got angry? I mean we are just people here trying to encourage each other and if we see something that might hurt you, we would not be your friend if we tried to get you to eat harmfully. Maybe you are pursuing something that might not work like you thought.
I dont know, these are just my thoughts. You're in control of your body, hope you do the healthy thing.0 -
Hi - I dont know if that's the right weight for you, so I cant comment on whether you are slim enough.
If you want to pursue weight loss, then you may want to try this -
Go to the MFP "Goals" and enter in the info. Then see if you can eat according to those numbers, and then see if your body will allow you to lose weight. Do exercise to see if that helps.
Then give it a month and see what progress you have made and then see if your body has lost any weight. That should be able to give you a clue whether your body can or not.
I would say you know what your eating disorder is, if you are not losing weight, then do not do the habits of your previouis eating disorder,
i would say work with a nutritionist to get a professional advice and how to best eat and care for yourself. Going to a nutritionist is not psycho-therapy, its just someone to help guide you and make sure you are doing well along your path.
I have a nutritionist, who I absolutely adore! Mrs. Dyer (okay I usually call her Nancy haha) totally approves of what I'm doing, too. She's helped me a ton, especially this last week where I've lost inches but not pounds! It's driving me nuts but she's right there helping me with my food intake.
Hi - oh good! Im glad you have someone in real life who can see you in person and can help guide you along the way.
I think you could maybe use the energy to your health, and not worry about things that are not important, but find what you want to do with your life and focus on that that way the less important things wont be such a biggie. If you feel you want to try something, go ahead, ask Nancy if she thinks its a good idea, and then likea month or 6 weeks later, see how its working out, and then modify your plan.. that is what a lot of people do that seems to help.. if you want to try something, make a plan with Nancy and your feelings and if its not too harmful, go ahead. 0 -
Hi there, first off you ARE NOT insulting anyone by wanting to lose weight. It's your body and no one else's. Being 40lbs over weight, I don't have any magic answers for you. But what I do have is the ability to support you with kindness, maturity and offer an unbiased opinion when asked. Unfortunately you will always find negative nay-sayers on social media sites, who only comment negatively to most everything they read. Keep your chin up, you'll find a solution. 0
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You're an adult (you are, aren't you?). If you wanna lose more weight, go ahead. Just try and be healthy about it. Don't starve yourself. Don't workouts 8 hours a day.
I think many people on focus on BMI (as I'm afraid you are) keep forgetting that the BMI system is fairly flawed. Instead of losing weight, I would encourage you to try and lose some body fat instead. Try to eat reasonable amount of calories and start some strength training program. May I suggest weight lifting? There are many other strength training program besides lifting mind you, so explore some. Heres a thread you can checkout to see how much calories you really need to consume:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819055-setting-your-calorie-and-macro-targets
(it might be a long read so take your time with it. Visit the websites to check your TDEE though. Thats the important thing)
Yes, I am an adult. I just feel bad because a girl told me she felt insulted. I'm really not trying to insult anyone! And I do strength training in addition to my cardio and incorporate dumbbells and 5lb balls into my abs/arms workouts where I can. Thanks for all the advice!
lol she's not insulted she's just jealous0 -
I'm 3 inches taller than you and my goal weight is 135. I see absolutely no reason why losing 20 lbs would be bad for you as long as you do it properly and for the right reason. That reason being you and you alone.
Haters gonna hate. Ignore them.0 -
I'm 5'5, started at 138lb, and also ultimately want to lose exactly 20lb. I consider that to be a health improvement, despite both weights being within a normal BMI range.
You are entitled to do what you think is best for your body, and you've come on this site to get and to support others exercising that entitlement. The people on here can like it, and support you, or lump it. Ignore any hate - it comes with the cyber-territory. Just do what you're on here to do and surround yourself with people who respect you. If YOU feel like you're losing control at some stage to disordered eating, those people will be the first to support you there, too. Perhaps others should also consider that your feeling happy and healthy might mean you're less likely to (re)turn to more drastic and damaging dieting measures.0 -
Whoever told you they were insulted by you being on MFP because you only had 24 lbs to lose is the one who should be ashamed. What a mean nasty post. Personally, I'm happy you're on here and you are learning about your food/health requirements before it gets 'out of hand'. Some of us have allowed ourselves to get totally obese before we had the smarts to really do something about it. Good for you for seeing the need before it gets to that point. Keep reading and learning about the food/exercise needs of your body to keep it healthy. Everything in moderation. :-)
Joanna0 -
Hi guys. I'm 5'4'' and I weigh 143lbs. My BMI is normal but I'd still like to lose 20+lbs. I'd still be in a healthy range of weight. I posted something about this before, and people just repeatedly told me I didn't need to lose weight. Why is it a must that a person actually NEEDS to lose the weight in order for it to be socially acceptable? I know a lot of people on here are overweight or obese and need support taking the steps to move toward a healthy weight, which is why I do my best to comment on posts and support them. I'm not trying to be insulting by wanting to lose weight even though I'm at a healthy weight; I just know I could be better and want to work toward it. Yes, I've had a history of disordered eating; NO, I do not need to "seek counseling" more than I need to lose weight. It's a personal choice and I'm doing it right.
I guess I'm just feeling extremely discouraged. It seems like nearly everyone is supportive of those starting at an unhealthy weight but not of those starting at an already-healthy weight. If I had lost 100lbs, people would be pushing me to lose the last 20 to look good, not feeling insulted over it. I guess I just don't understand the mindset.
Blahhhhh. Okay, rant over. Please don't hate me for my feelings, guys and gals.
I support you! How can total strangers tell you what's healthy for you? I say eff 'em.0 -
Im not arguing or anything. Its just that on your original original post it seemed like you wanted to lose the weight because of others. At the time you did not reach your target audience and instead pissed off a series of people that are struggling to lose weight the size of a 5th grade boy.
Referring to the title of this post... I didn't mean to insult anyone.
There's one thing I've learned between the years of 14 and 41: Someone is going to be insulted/angry/hurt/annoyed by just about anything you do in life so you can either somehow manage to do it then beat yourself up over it OR realize it's THEIR issue, not yours and just get on with your life.
On the insulted PM'er....I'd probably have sent back a "I'm sorry if my plan insults you. It has nothing to do with you. I'll be unfriending you now so my progress doesn't somehow hurt yours." Then forget them, but I've had years to learn that no matter how hard I tried I wasn't going to be able to please everyone and quite honestly I don't really want to anymore.
Good luck on your journey.
Edit because my brains there, their, and they're filter went wonky.0 -
Word. I was about to say the same thing.I have a feeling that this thread is highly derailed and also have the feeling that the OP can get it back on track by NOT talking about her past thread. That is ofcourse, if she don't want to derail the thread.0 -
You can't worry how people in a public forum see your views of your body. (I did not read the previous thread, just basing this on the thoughts in this one.) It may be one thing if you went to message boards for morbidly obese people to call yourself "very fat," but as long as you aren't doing that, talking about how you see yourself on a public board for people of any size shouldn't be an insult to anyone else. Does the 300 lb person get to call himself fat or does he need to worry how the 400 lb woman will feel? Someone will always have it worse. If you are insulted by someone who is not overweight feeling fat, try having compassion for her instead.
And to OP, I agree with the person who said someone may feel insulted by anything you say or do, and you can't let that get in your way. Be kind, don't insult or attack others, but don't spend your life worrying about how others perceive something you said that has nothing to do with your views about them.0 -
Ellebrosseau,
Most of the people on MFP are supportive as long as the person asking for advice or "ranting" has sensible or healthy goals. However, some are not supportive enough and there will always be someone who has to be unnecessarily negative. I wouldn't worry about "offending" people. There will always be someone who takes something the wrong way--probably because of issues in their own life that are unresolved.
Most of the responders to your post had some good advice. Take the advice that makes sense to you and ignore the rest.0 -
This is going to be both a thank you and an apology.
To start, I am sorry to anyone and everyone I may have offended when I called myself "VERY fat." Very fat as a standard for me is a whole lot different from very fat as a standard for you. When I look in the mirror, I see every imperfection that I possess, physical AND mental. When I look at all of you, I see all the wonderful things about you as a person and all the wonderful accomplishments you're making in relation to your body. I don't think you're fat or that you have a problem. The problem is only me and will always be only me.
With that said, I know I'm not overweight; however, I am not comfortable with my body. I could be, want to be, and INTEND TO BE better. In the past I've been hospitalized for a weak heart because I stopped eating. I would fast for three days, eat 300-400 calories, and do it again... but that ISN'T what I'm doing this time. I'm doing what's right for my body.
To finish up...
Thank you to everyone who expressed concern, even if I felt that it was in a hurtful manner. I know that I may have touched a nerve as weight loss can be a scary thing if not done properly.
In the end, though, I'm not sorry to the person who messaged me saying she felt insulted by my goals. It isn't my fault that you have more to lose than I do, and I shouldn't be any less open because of it. There's always someone who's better off than you are; there's always someone who's worse off than you are. If you worry about other people's goals, you won't be able to achieve your own. All I can do is support the friends I make here- whether they have more or less to lose than I do.
If I want to be successful, I can't worry about what everyone thinks about my body. I felt very discouraged after my first post and after some of the PMs that followed. In fact, I almost switched to Lose It in hopes of finding more supportive people... before I realized that I can't please everyone.
So thank you and I'm sorry.
-Elle0 -
Hi - yeah I look in the mirror and i see all my imperfections too.
I wish it were not so, but we are sometimes our own worst critic. Some one told me when I was picking on myself too much, they said, if I were another person, and I heard myself talking bad about me, what could I say? would I say "hey dont pick on yourself too much, your a beautiful person"
Well now that you apologized to people, tomorrow is a new day. Forget the past and just do what the day will bring, and not worry about everyone else. Actually really, you didn't hurt anyone.. this is the internet and really, when you turn the button off, it all disappears. But then we have real life to face. I think best give the most energy to real life, not the internet. I mean really, if I went into a coma, no one here on the internet would know or be able to help me.
So I try to deal with real life and not worry too much about people on the computer. I'm not trying to be mean or cold, and I dont mean I do not appreciate people here. What I am saying is - I've been on the internet since the internet began in the 1990s or so. In that time I have been involved with various message boards and I really got too-involved with some people who turned out to be freaks. One person told me he had to de-friend me because I was messing up his religious ministry (but he was trying to hide, and I just told him what he wrote which made it obvious who he was - long story but I think he was really an internet freak with a made up story) This guy said he was in the Middle East as a missionary and I got overly involved, but that really screwed around with me coz I invested a whole lot of energy into that guys' religious ministry - he being a christian in a middle east country or so he claimed,, but i think he was a big liar.. but i cant prove it but it messed me up for along time what he told me. I did nothing wrong!!!
so anyhoo, on the internet you will meet all kinds of people. some are straight forward and tell it like it is, some are gentle, some are freaks, some are genuine, some are guys who want to meet up for a booty call, some are bored and have nothing better to do than sit and make fun of people and mess with them for fun, some are dangerous, some are safe, all kinds of poeple come on the internet. some people are just telling the truth and others perceive it as judging while other perceive it as helping.
so dont let anyone on the internet mess up your day, because really its the people in real life that count. The rest of the people that you find that are truly good, are like icing on the cake. And i am thankful for those! ((on MFP here, I have found a lot of nice people - hang with the ones that you feel are supportive and disregard the rest, because everyone is just doing their best for the most part, and dont mean any harm, at least so far what i've seen in my few months here - look for those people and hang with them - and remember, everyone has imperfections and maybe having a bad day).0 -
Opinions are like nipples... Everyone's got them.
Ignore people hating on you for wanting to better yourself. Jealousy will get them no where.0 -
To the OP (Elle),
Sorry your experience here on mfp wasn't the greatest start. I hope you've got some support(ive) people, now.
I just wanted to give you some insight into what happens when you start off 70+ kg (154+ lbs) overweight and you get to the point where you'd really like to lose the last 3 kg (7 lbs) for you to feel happy with your weight/fat loss before embarking on a serious scultping/lifting regime... People STILL tell you that they think you shouldn't lose any more weight and that you need help to see the reality of your body and that is they think you are going to push yourself into unhealthy territory (if they don't tell you they think you're there already). I've experienced my fair share of this crap over the last few weeks. *sigh*
Such is the nature of the beast that is weight loss. People who knew you before haven't caught up to where you are now. And people who would love to get to where you are now can't imagine not being happy with where you are. Let me tell you that a quick flash of your best "No! You did NOT just say that to me" look and an adamant "I'm SO glad you think you know mor3 than I do about what's right for me. Because how many years have you spent being me? Oh yeah...that's right" and they'll shut right up.
Do what is right and healthy for you. Keep yourself in check and reach out for help if you need.0 -
i dont think you're goal is ridiculous.. i'm 5'4 and at my heaviest was 136 but i've still lost 16 pounds.
what i would say though is that i used to be a 5-6x/week cardio junkie who ate 1200 cals daily. it's taken a lot but in the last year and a half i've started eating 1800-2000 cals daily and done a ton of heavy lifting. while i still weigh the same everything else has changed: i have awesome muscles (i'm not bulky....) i'm not afraid to show off, i eat a clean, healthy, balanced diet, and i've totally changed the composition of my body. I'm sure that i was 25-30% body far before and am now 16%.
food for thought if you'd like to get into lifting and want any advice feel free to shoot over a FR! good luck!
That's awesome! Now I'm thinking about getting into lifting...0 -
This is going to be both a thank you and an apology.
To start, I am sorry to anyone and everyone I may have offended when I called myself "VERY fat." Very fat as a standard for me is a whole lot different from very fat as a standard for you. When I look in the mirror, I see every imperfection that I possess, physical AND mental. When I look at all of you, I see all the wonderful things about you as a person and all the wonderful accomplishments you're making in relation to your body. I don't think you're fat or that you have a problem. The problem is only me and will always be only me.
With that said, I know I'm not overweight; however, I am not comfortable with my body. I could be, want to be, and INTEND TO BE better. In the past I've been hospitalized for a weak heart because I stopped eating. I would fast for three days, eat 300-400 calories, and do it again... but that ISN'T what I'm doing this time. I'm doing what's right for my body.
To finish up...
Thank you to everyone who expressed concern, even if I felt that it was in a hurtful manner. I know that I may have touched a nerve as weight loss can be a scary thing if not done properly.
In the end, though, I'm not sorry to the person who messaged me saying she felt insulted by my goals. It isn't my fault that you have more to lose than I do, and I shouldn't be any less open because of it. There's always someone who's better off than you are; there's always someone who's worse off than you are. If you worry about other people's goals, you won't be able to achieve your own. All I can do is support the friends I make here- whether they have more or less to lose than I do.
If I want to be successful, I can't worry about what everyone thinks about my body. I felt very discouraged after my first post and after some of the PMs that followed. In fact, I almost switched to Lose It in hopes of finding more supportive people... before I realized that I can't please everyone.
So thank you and I'm sorry.
-Elle
I also landed in the hospital for a weak heart & didn't really relate it to the way I was (was not) eating... Now I can see that it was probably my problem. I used 2 only eat 1 meal a day & I just didn't even feel hungry when I did eat that meal so I'd just nibble at it. I'm hoping my heart can recover from the damage I've done. & as long as you're trying to be healthy don't worry about what every1 has 2 say. Hang in there & stay healthy!0 -
Don't let anyone bother you; anyone can want to lose weight and there is nothing wrong with it if they are doing it healthily. I've had similar reactions from people on here(I'm at 150 trying to get to 125) and I think some people with more to lose don't take us with less to lose as seriously. Like it isn't as important when you're this close to goal, but I don't think that's fair or their business.
If you're following a healthy plan(which you appear to be) and have a healthy goal in mind(yours sounds fine) then they have no reason to be rude so ignore it. =]0 -
My answer now is "I can't eat/drink that, I'm on a training program." No one ever argues with someone who is attempting to gain athletic prowess through diet and exercise.0
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