Run into Jealousy?
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tinkerbellang83 wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »gallicinvasion wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »It's a weird thing with losing weight and jealousy. I'm assuming we have all run into Jealousy and sometimes people trying to sabotage weight loss.
I was the heaviest guy at work, along with another guy who was about the same size. I have lost 72-73 pounds and he is still heavy. I have gotten compliments or at least discussed my weight loss with just about everyone but this one person. He has never ever mentioned it.
I've also had people ask me to eat crappy food at work to which I say no thanks. I've had people leave chips and crappy food where I sit at work in the morning. As if BS like that was gonna work. Just a funny thing about humans. Why jealousy and sabotage? I wouldn't do that to someone.
Are you saying that the heavy person at your office is jealous, just because he hasn’t mentioned your weight loss to you? That’s quite an assumption. I never discuss any of my coworkers weight loss or gain; it’s not my business and in my opinion it’s rude to comment on acquaintances’ appearances. Doesn’t mean I’m jealous; just means that I don’t discuss those things with coworkers.
I also think it’s a little presumptuous to assume that just because people offer you work snacks, it means they are trying to sabotage you. I would need to see some more specific examples of “sabotage,” because this example you gave doesn’t suggest sabotage to me. Just politeness/friendliness.
To not even mention hey good job losing weight is a bit odd. It's not 5 pounds, it's 73 pounds, especially when everyone there has talked about it.
I have to agree with @gallicinvasion here, just because this person hasn't congratulated you on your personal loss, doesn't necessarily imply that they are jealous and is one heck of an assumption, even if other people have commented. People have very different views on what's acceptable conversation at work.
Where did I say I wanted a congratulations? All in saying is not too acknowledge it at all is kinda odd. I don't want adulation or about. It's just odd that everyone has said something except one person.
And that's where we differ, I don't think it's odd at all and I wouldn't automatically assume jealousy. I'd actually be more bothered personally about the compliments in a workplace.
Is he one of the people pushing snacks your way or are those the people who complimented you?
Actually no ironically.0 -
Cavallaro65 wrote: »Where did I say I wanted a congratulations? All in saying is not too acknowledge it at all is kinda odd. I don't want adulation or about. It's just odd that everyone has said something except one person.
No, it really isn't.
I once had a clinically obese surgery technician who started losing weight. As our relationship was the result of doing contract work once a week in facility with a 95+% women workforce, I have no doubt it was discussed amongst them all since they worked day in/day out with each other in close quarters.
I didn't know if it was intentional or not, and frankly it is not my job to speculate or gossip about the staff. Nor, honestly, did I really care one way or the other. I mean, sure, if it was disease/pathology related that would suck a lot as she was a competent tech and she would have had my sympathies, but there's nothing I can do if it was secondary to something with a poor or worse prognosis, now is there. If it was just a personal decision, good for her but completely not relevant to our work relationship. I figured if she wanted to broach the topic and let me know which one it was, she would when she was ready.
She eventually did, I told her why I waited for her to bring it up, and we had a pleasant conversation about weight loss in surgery that day as I was around 20-25 lbs overweight myself at the time. It wasn't brought up again after that. Her life, not mine; I have my hands full with my life as-is without adding in those of work acquaintances.
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I forgot to mention that I think your colleague has noticed your weight loss but the reason he hasn’t mentioned it could be due to a number of things. For example, he may feel uncomfortable talking about weight/sizes, he might think it’s rude to bring up the issue, he might not want to draw attention to himself if he’s overweight, or it could simply be because he doesn’t care. Either way, you’ve obviously done a great job in getting to where you are and you should be proud of yourself. It’s easier said than done but try and forget what others think and focus on you 😊11
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I can't be sure that I've encountered jealousy... but a couple of people who were among my closest friends seem to have stopped talking to me, and they're both people who have gained weight over the time I've lost it, and who have body image issues.
There are other reasons they might have decided to drop me. But I wouldn't be surprised if jealousy were a factor.4 -
just realized this may be jealousy when a coworker got very distant last year when I lost the weight, she just keeps gaining weight, maybe I remind her of her weight. Yep, it was hurtful but I can drop her just like I did the pounds. Very good advice!1
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Not to minimize your feelings but you are a grown person so stop seeking validation or expecting praise for your life. Most will not be happy for you because it brings up their insecurities and makes you appear higher than. The passive aggressive acts you will have to just throw in the trash. The bitter seeded comments I have directed very straight forward in response. Most people don’t really celebrate others they act so they can get their validation fix but if you come out of the box they put you in then you don’t serve them and you get the ugly comments.
Good job on losing just know most aren’t really that intrigued but a few really do want to know. Sometimes in our earnest to share we alienate and others act out. When I lost 100 lbs I got questions like what drugs did you use, you look ill etc. But losing weight was all I talked about directly or indirectly so I had to learn how to live without the praise. This applies to anything you do that changes how they met you.4
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