Question for the Lifers

Emmapatterson1729
Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
edited September 2019 in Motivation and Support
Been on here for about 3 months. I just cleaned off friends list for the first time. Around 100 cut, most inactive for over a month.

Question is: does anyone who's been on here a long time find it discouraging how many come and go, or ever discouraged by how many start and quit after being active and gungho for first couple of weeks?

Or is it something you just become used to?

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Replies

  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    BasedGawd412 wrote: »
    Don't care, I'm here for me.

    That would be a healthier way for me to look at it!
  • corinasue1143
    corinasue1143 Posts: 7,464 Member
    I’m here off and on for several years. I really wish I had a way to contact some of them. I’m not used to it yet. And yet I do it, so it may bother others when I drop out. Hmmm.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    Thanks for all the replies!!
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    edited September 2019
    Boxn_n_Bellydancn wrote: »
    I’ve been here for almost 10 years. I keep a small list of less than 15, and most I have been connected to for a long time. They’re like close friends to me and we interact daily. Quality over quantity for me.

    @Boxn_n_Bellydancn

    10 years is very impressive!!!

    I was trying to keep a small tight knit friends list. But it just kept growing. I did cut it back today mostly to the people who sign on, log, and converse.

    I just didn't realize I had so many on list who disappeared.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    88olds wrote: »
    I lost about the last 30-40 of 100 lbs at Weight Watchers. First thing I noticed was the revolving door nature of the place. People starting and stopping all the time. A lot who made goal weight and regained everything they had lost. Often with more added on.

    I was determined not to do that. Same thing happens on MFP.

    So I see what happens, but I’m not discouraged because of what others do. It reminds me how fragile successful weight loss can be. I’m fortunate to have found my way.

    @88olds

    I tried weight watchers, but at the location I was at no one conversed. They came, weighed, listened to the speaker, and bolted. No real way to connect to others, but Gilbert, AZ wasn't known for it's friendliness, ;)



    @corinasue1143

    I've been on and off MFP for years too, this is the first time using the community. I never realized all of this was here.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    Pamela_Sue wrote: »
    I have been on here since May and my first MFP friend has disappeared already. It does sadden me as I realize they may have given up. But I am also grateful that I am hanging in there and don't want the same to happen to me.

    @Pamela_Sue

    I started in June, and most that started same week on my friends list are already gone. Glad we're still here sticking to it!!
  • fatoldladyonamission
    fatoldladyonamission Posts: 581 Member
    I've been on both sides of this. I've lost friends who have quit and I'm sad to say I've also been the quitter. I don't intend to be again but I'm guessing everyone says and thinks that when they start.

    In addition I'm sad that I've lost some of the good friends I had previously who are still here but obviously gave up on me because I left. I can't blame them for that but I do miss them.

    That said I'd agree that you have to be in it for yourself. You can't rely on anyone else to keep you on board.

    I like company though and I like having like minded people to chat to online about the whole process.
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
    I've only been here 3 months so don't notice people leaving too much in my friends list.

    It saddens me in the forums, though, when I see yet another "starting over" or "back again" thread. It means that all of those people weren't able to make this a lifestyle change.

    I've been very happy with my results so far. I'm looking forward to the rest of my journey. This is for me, nobody else.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    edited September 2019
    I joined 8 years ago, but was largely absent for 4 of those years in the middle. I've seen a lot of people come and go, a few I regret not having a secondary way to contact. That's just how it goes. Some met their goals and moved on. But the majority of them just drift away.

    I'm a terrible MFP "friend." I rarely post and only occasionally like or comment on their stuff to remind them I'm still alive.

    There are regulars I interact with on the forums only that I consider friends (whether they know it or no :lol: ) who are not on my friends list. I'd miss them if they disappeared.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    edited September 2019
    @LyndaBSS

    I believe you and I started at the same time. Glad to see you still here commenting everyday and welcoming newbies!!

    @pinuplove @fatoldladyonamission @nighthawk584
    @AnnPT77
    @Katmary71

    Thanks for replying.

    I enjoy reading all the comments and advice you guys provide through the forums!! Definitively providing inspiration!



  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    I joined 8 years ago, but was largely absent for 4 of those years in the middle. I've seen a lot of people come and go, a few I regret not having a secondary way to contact. That's just how it goes. Some met their goals and moved on. But the majority of them just drift away.

    I'm a terrible MFP "friend." I rarely post and only occasionally like or comment on their stuff to remind them I'm still alive.

    There are regulars I interact with on the forums only that I consider friends (whether they know it or no :lol: ) who are not on my friends list. I'd miss them if they disappeared.

    This is why I no longer accept friend requests...I am just horrible at being a friend on this site. I also found the feed annoying when everyone was congratulating each other on being way below their calorie goal or making excuses as to why they couldn't lose or they gained weight.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    Annie_01 wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    I joined 8 years ago, but was largely absent for 4 of those years in the middle. I've seen a lot of people come and go, a few I regret not having a secondary way to contact. That's just how it goes. Some met their goals and moved on. But the majority of them just drift away.

    I'm a terrible MFP "friend." I rarely post and only occasionally like or comment on their stuff to remind them I'm still alive.

    There are regulars I interact with on the forums only that I consider friends (whether they know it or no :lol: ) who are not on my friends list. I'd miss them if they disappeared.

    This is why I no longer accept friend requests...I am just horrible at being a friend on this site. I also found the feed annoying when everyone was congratulating each other on being way below their calorie goal or making excuses as to why they couldn't lose or they gained weight.

    @Annie_01

    I understand the feed annoyance!

    This is part of the reason I just cut my list down! I'm already getting close to the point of not wanting to accept anymore friends request.

    I mostly kept people who get in enough calories and have open diaries.

    With a history of eating disorders, I can't watch people starve themselves; it was triggering some really bad side effects. I finally decided I have to put myself and my health before others.

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I've been here over 6 years and use the site daily, with very few exceptions (travel).

    But like a lot of people, I am not a great MFP friend. I just don't find the "wall" feature very engaging. I have 3-4 MFP friends I've connected with on other social media and consider friends/acquaintances, but for the most part I don't notice much. With the exception of people who I've had on my friends list for years, I go through and delete anyone who is inactive for 30 days or more. It's not a big deal to me because I just don't get that close to my MFP friends.

    On the forums, I enjoy a lot of peoples' presence and appreciate their posts but I consider MFP more of a solitary thing for me. I like sharing stories/NSVs, tips & stuff like that but I'm content to just share with whatever MFP members happen to be around & reading my post or response to their post.

    I don't add most of the people who friend-request me, because it's usually w/o a message anyway and I don't recognize the members from these forums. I am more likely to add females than males, mainly because I'm married & see no point in guys who want to chat back & forth endlessly (even if it's totally normal non-flirty conversation). I don't want to message back and forth a bunch with anyone here, to be honest.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    The replies kind of hit the nail on the head...

    I guess, I don't find it discouraging in my own weight-loss/health journey. I find it discouraging to try to make new people connections with the plaguing thought, "What's the point, majority won't be active on here within a month." Kind of sad, but I'm finding to be the case.

    @LyndaBSS

    I wanted to mention,

    I didn't notice the drop, until I went through friends list and clicked on each name, over half my list would say last logged in a month ago or two months ago.

    I guess the part that got to me was some of the ones who quit had started so enthusiastic and active. I literally hovered over the remove friend option, thinking "Damn, can't believe they quit." hesitated removing for a second, but finally removed all inactives.

  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    I've been here over 6 years and use the site daily, with very few exceptions (travel).

    But like a lot of people, I am not a great MFP friend. I just don't find the "wall" feature very engaging. I have 3-4 MFP friends I've connected with on other social media and consider friends/acquaintances, but for the most part I don't notice much. With the exception of people who I've had on my friends list for years, I go through and delete anyone who is inactive for 30 days or more. It's not a big deal to me because I just don't get that close to my MFP friends.

    On the forums, I enjoy a lot of peoples' presence and appreciate their posts but I consider MFP more of a solitary thing for me. I like sharing stories/NSVs, tips & stuff like that but I'm content to just share with whatever MFP members happen to be around & reading my post or response to their post.

    I don't add most of the people who friend-request me, because it's usually w/o a message anyway and I don't recognize the members from these forums. I am more likely to add females than males, mainly because I'm married & see no point in guys who want to chat back & forth endlessly (even if it's totally normal non-flirty conversation). I don't want to message back and forth a bunch with anyone here, to be honest.

    @seltzermint555

    I don't really PM with males on here either.

    That got old the first couple of weeks on here. I'm also in a good relationship and do not need attention from men online. I get tired of the flirty messages!

  • Luke_rabbit
    Luke_rabbit Posts: 1,031 Member
    Emmapatterson1729 wrote: »
    Annie_01 wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    I joined 8 years ago, but was largely absent for 4 of those years in the middle. I've seen a lot of people come and go, a few I regret not having a secondary way to contact. That's just how it goes. Some met their goals and moved on. But the majority of them just drift away.

    I'm a terrible MFP "friend." I rarely post and only occasionally like or comment on their stuff to remind them I'm still alive.

    There are regulars I interact with on the forums only that I consider friends (whether they know it or no :lol: ) who are not on my friends list. I'd miss them if they disappeared.

    This is why I no longer accept friend requests...I am just horrible at being a friend on this site. I also found the feed annoying when everyone was congratulating each other on being way below their calorie goal or making excuses as to why they couldn't lose or they gained weight.

    @Annie_01

    I understand the feed annoyance!

    This is part of the reason I just cut my list down! I'm already getting close to the point of not wanting to accept anymore friends request.

    I mostly kept people who get in enough calories and have open diaries.

    With a history of eating disorders, I can't watch people starve themselves; it was triggering some really bad side effects. I finally decided I have to put myself and my health before others.

    I almost sent you a friend request the other day when you mentioned the delicious vegetarian food you make! But, I've only done friend requests to people asking for friends or support and I didn't want to be weird.

    I only have 3 MFP friends + one who is actually a real life friend but isn't using the app right now. One has totally vanished, one is still logging food but not interacting anymore, and the third is a great MFP friend. I was pretty selective but still the monkeys fall off the bed.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,237 Member
    I will hit 8 years in December. I’m here every day, I log all my food every day. My primary reason for being here is to log my food and exercise so that’s always my priority.

    The people on my FL are mostly a whole lot that I have added after interacting in a mutually interesting way. Many of these people are also here very day (or close) and we talk about all kinds of things. Most of us are just going about the day to day business of life while fitting in “health” and fitness in various capacities. Many of us have traveled to participate in events (races) together or other meetups. Most of us have been through a lot of “life” in our time here and the support of this community has been something not only to help us through that “life” event but also keep us engaged in remaining focused on health and fitness.

    97% of my mfp interactions and involvement is on my wall or my friends’ walls. It is nothing like the forums. Nobody wants to know if carbs are bad. Nobody is asking for weight loss advice. Some do keto, some don’t. Some are lifters. Some are runners. Some do their own thing in private and I have no idea (don’t really care either).

    My FL also has a few serial restarters. And a few who have gone. A few that have come back after more than a year.

    I don’t add a lot of people from the forums who are “add me” “need accountability” “let’s motivate each other” because none of those are my vibe. I don’t post “burned xxxx calories running xxx pace for xxxx time” and hope people comment “great burn”. I post run reports with pics of the sunsets I see, the cake icing decorating bag that was on the track and my disappointment that there were no cupcakes, I talk about my interactions with the skin-suit tailor, squirrels that laugh at me when I trip over an acorn, and the rabid bobcat/mini-dog that turned out to be a landscaping rock. My friends do the same.

    I think it’s a matter of finding your tribe.

    That maybe doesn’t answer your question. I don’t have a lot of dropouts because I don’t add a lot of people who are on day 1/2/3 looking for other people to motivate them. I expect that a large number of people who start using mfp will drop their efforts fairly early on. I don’t think that’s any different than anything else.

    I add people with common interests and communication styles and we have a nice group.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    Duck_Puddle wrote: »
    I will hit 8 years in December. I’m here every day, I log all my food every day. My primary reason for being here is to log my food and exercise so that’s always my priority.

    The people on my FL are mostly a whole lot that I have added after interacting in a mutually interesting way. Many of these people are also here very day (or close) and we talk about all kinds of things. Most of us are just going about the day to day business of life while fitting in “health” and fitness in various capacities. Many of us have traveled to participate in events (races) together or other meetups. Most of us have been through a lot of “life” in our time here and the support of this community has been something not only to help us through that “life” event but also keep us engaged in remaining focused on health and fitness.

    97% of my mfp interactions and involvement is on my wall or my friends’ walls. It is nothing like the forums. Nobody wants to know if carbs are bad. Nobody is asking for weight loss advice. Some do keto, some don’t. Some are lifters. Some are runners. Some do their own thing in private and I have no idea (don’t really care either).

    My FL also has a few serial restarters. And a few who have gone. A few that have come back after more than a year.

    I don’t add a lot of people from the forums who are “add me” “need accountability” “let’s motivate each other” because none of those are my vibe. I don’t post “burned xxxx calories running xxx pace for xxxx time” and hope people comment “great burn”. I post run reports with pics of the sunsets I see, the cake icing decorating bag that was on the track and my disappointment that there were no cupcakes, I talk about my interactions with the skin-suit tailor, squirrels that laugh at me when I trip over an acorn, and the rabid bobcat/mini-dog that turned out to be a landscaping rock. My friends do the same.

    I think it’s a matter of finding your tribe.

    That maybe doesn’t answer your question. I don’t have a lot of dropouts because I don’t add a lot of people who are on day 1/2/3 looking for other people to motivate them. I expect that a large number of people who start using mfp will drop their efforts fairly early on. I don’t think that’s any different than anything else.

    I add people with common interests and communication styles and we have a nice group.

    @Duck_Puddle

    This sounds a lot like my friends list, I got going now!! Just day to day chat, with some health discussions. I did cut some attention needy people too, always seem to be after ego strokes or likes.

    @boldknee

    I'm not vegetarian anymore, but still eat a lot of vegetarian foods and dishes. Open for adds from people who are active on here, logging, open diaries to friends, and active on feed. I love talking food!! And vegetarian dishes are some of my favorite foods.
  • cbihatt
    cbihatt Posts: 319 Member
    Interesting replies. I have been an off and on MFP user for a few years. I have never added a friend and I don’t plan to do so. I do enjoy some of the forums, but I feel like it’s too much work to try to keep up with what other people are doing. It’s enough to just focus on myself.

    In truth, I am not big on social media at all. I don’t have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or any other similar app. That stuff just does not appeal to me.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    cbihatt wrote: »
    Interesting replies. I have been an off and on MFP user for a few years. I have never added a friend and I don’t plan to do so. I do enjoy some of the forums, but I feel like it’s too much work to try to keep up with what other people are doing. It’s enough to just focus on myself.

    In truth, I am not big on social media at all. I don’t have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or any other similar app. That stuff just does not appeal to me.

    @cbihatt

    Me neither. I don't have any social media accounts either. This is as close to socializing online as I get.

    I opened a Facebook just to try and get references for a job the other day, but it will be deactivated tomorrow, lol.

    I'm not very social in real life. I choose not to be. In the past, friends always came with drama.
  • liftorgohome
    liftorgohome Posts: 25,455 Member
    People come and go and it all depends on their work and social life. Others may not be able to come on here due to work/internet issues. Everyone is busy. I enjoy the games and socializing with people but also focus on the fitness perspective. A lot of good people here if you get to know them. Just my two cents worth.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
    Many people on my friends list have came and gone over the years I've been here, that's how it goes I suppose - can't say I've given it much thought, I enjoy the interaction but its not for everyone.

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