The Gym is Still Scary
Options
Terytha
Posts: 2,097 Member
My trainer wants me at the gym 4 times a week, and gave me a 4 day schedule to follow. I tried, but it seems hopeless.
The easiest time for me to hit the gym is after work. That's when its easier for everyone else apparently because it's busy af usually. That's fine when I'm with the trainer, but I just can't by myself. My anxiety ramps with that many people. My fear of taking up space or causing annoyance for others starts spiraling and I just end up pacing around like an idiot because I don't have space to do my exercises and I don't wanna be in the way.
I've always been the elephant trying to be a mouse. I'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone. All the body positivity in the world isn't going to change 20 years of feeling the need to be invisible and small.
Right now, I get productive gym time twice a week: once with trainer, once on Sundays when it's dead. I go Thursdays and usually just muddle around being scared until it's time to go. Why even bother with a fourth day?
But I can't explain that well to my trainer, a tiny person who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet.
The easiest time for me to hit the gym is after work. That's when its easier for everyone else apparently because it's busy af usually. That's fine when I'm with the trainer, but I just can't by myself. My anxiety ramps with that many people. My fear of taking up space or causing annoyance for others starts spiraling and I just end up pacing around like an idiot because I don't have space to do my exercises and I don't wanna be in the way.
I've always been the elephant trying to be a mouse. I'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone. All the body positivity in the world isn't going to change 20 years of feeling the need to be invisible and small.
Right now, I get productive gym time twice a week: once with trainer, once on Sundays when it's dead. I go Thursdays and usually just muddle around being scared until it's time to go. Why even bother with a fourth day?
But I can't explain that well to my trainer, a tiny person who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet.
23
Replies
-
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.9
-
2 days a week is better than zero. Way to go! If you can push it to three days, do that. If not, stick with what works for you now.
I just want to give you my perspective, as a total gym-rat. I am impressed by the people who push past their comfort zone and come to the gym. I'm not judging, I'm silently rooting for them. Also, you pay the same membership fees everyone else does and you have just as much right to be there and use the equipment.
Keep fighting for your goals!25 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.2 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.
Ok, good, I am glad to hear you aren't concerned about being judged. I understand not wanting to be using space someone else might want to be using, etc. but again it comes back to you just saying you are worth it. You deserve to use the space just as much as every other member of the gym.
I relate completely to the part about the morning gym hours and not doing it late. I belong to a gym, but it doesn't open early enough for me to go in the morning. I do my lifting at home in my basement, which is great that I have that option. Is there anything you could do at home? I also struggle with doing any workouts at the end of the day after work. It is hard to balance, but I disagree with your trainer. 2 days in the gym and cardio at home/outdoors a couple of other days IS enough, especially if you are in a calorie deficit. When I first joined here I lost 50 pounds in a year by just doing cardio and light weight video workouts for a total of 3 times per week. It is entirely possible to do it without a gym, but a gym can definitely help which is why I think 2 workouts at the gym a week may be enough for you at this point in time.0 -
My trainer wants me at the gym 4 times a week, and gave me a 4 day schedule to follow. I tried, but it seems hopeless.
The easiest time for me to hit the gym is after work. That's when its easier for everyone else apparently because it's busy af usually. That's fine when I'm with the trainer, but I just can't by myself. My anxiety ramps with that many people. My fear of taking up space or causing annoyance for others starts spiraling and I just end up pacing around like an idiot because I don't have space to do my exercises and I don't wanna be in the way.
I've always been the elephant trying to be a mouse. I'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone. All the body positivity in the world isn't going to change 20 years of feeling the need to be invisible and small.
Right now, I get productive gym time twice a week: once with trainer, once on Sundays when it's dead. I go Thursdays and usually just muddle around being scared until it's time to go. Why even bother with a fourth day?
But I can't explain that well to my trainer, a tiny person who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet.
Bold part is just flat out untrue/inaccurate. However, I understand that this is what you believe and do not think you can learn more accurate perceptions. It takes awhile anyway.
So, I suggest you ask your trainer for a routine you can do at home the other 2 days a week. Problem solved.
As for explaining it to your trainer, print out what you shared here and give it to her. It's very understandable, even for a "small" person to comprehend. (Please don't judge your trainer based on her small size.)10 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.
Ok, good, I am glad to hear you aren't concerned about being judged. I understand not wanting to be using space someone else might want to be using, etc. but again it comes back to you just saying you are worth it. You deserve to use the space just as much as every other member of the gym.
I relate completely to the part about the morning gym hours and not doing it late. I belong to a gym, but it doesn't open early enough for me to go in the morning. I do my lifting at home in my basement, which is great that I have that option. Is there anything you could do at home? I also struggle with doing any workouts at the end of the day after work. It is hard to balance, but I disagree with your trainer. 2 days in the gym and cardio at home/outdoors a couple of other days IS enough, especially if you are in a calorie deficit. When I first joined here I lost 50 pounds in a year by just doing cardio and light weight video workouts for a total of 3 times per week. It is entirely possible to do it without a gym, but a gym can definitely help which is why I think 2 workouts at the gym a week may be enough for you at this point in time.
I'm pretty limited at home. I kinda had the basement once, but the roof fell in and we can't afford to fix it right now.
I like the gym for the range of fun things I can do that would be impossible at home, I just prefer not to compete for it.0 -
I have anxiety. I completely get it. I just wanted to give you support. Do the best you can. ❤🌷❤6
-
It is probably only you that feels you are in the way etc etc. And I get that nothing I can say will take those thoughts out of your head, they have been there so long.
But know most of us (there is always an a-hole) in the gym are probably quite indifferent to your size, and presence in general.
That isn't to say we don’t see you, we do. We have to to be able to navigate the room. That isn’t judging you.
As far as getting your work done.
You have your routine set out by your trainer. It is probably set out so you progress from a short warm up to the heaviest work, then work your way down to accessory work, and lastly cool down. It is probably set out using particular equipment.
Unless you are Quiksylver296 and have the worlds coming up in a few weeks, you can work around the equipment used, and the lift order.
Just go with your plan knowing your options.
I’m the little tiny old woman at the gym, so could have a number of issues as mine is populated by fit, healthy, tall, oh so tall, university students. But I don’t, I have a plan.
I did quake a bit at first, but just put my head down (so to speak) and got my work in.
If the squat rack has a gaggle around it, I leg press and curl.
Bench press busy? I’ll do dumbbells on a bench, or floor, or use the chest press machine.
If all my compound options, which I like to get done first, are unavailable I give a nod to whoever is using what I want, and hang close (ish) doing dumbbell curls or calf raises.
Think of it a bit like a car on the on-ramp wanting to merge onto a busy highway.
If you show and signal your intentions with confidence those cars on the highway know how to react and accomodate you.
If you come down the on-ramp hesitating, varying speeds, not knowing where your going to merge no one knows how to react and everyone gets frustrated.
It’s similar at the gym.
Talk to your trainer about how to work around equipment availability, or a simpler, but still effective routine you can use as an option.
Honestly, if all you can do on the 2 not yet successful days is turn up and do some mat work, (have a plan),or some rowing/treadmill, do that. It will help you get used to the environment* and increase your comfort factor.
(((
))), h.
ETA: *it will also get the environment used to you. As in ‘oh, she usually comes in at 6pm Thursday. If she isn’t rowing she usually uses this equipment I will keep that in mind’10 -
I love the gym on Sunday. Go when you want. When you can focus. Just being there feeling out of place doesn’t sound very helpful.2
-
It will get easier. Every time you push a bit past your comfort zone you will feel more confident, and realize you belong there as much as everyone else. Instead of looking at what you can't do, what can you do? Can you do 1/3rd before anxiety takes over? Can you do some body weight exercises in your living room? Give your best, forget the rest2
-
Girl I know it’s hard! Trust me I get it... it always takes me forever to really get comfortable and I’m bad shift letting this negative voice in my head take over and tell me how hopeless I am. I usually end up weaseling out and starting over it sucks. I’m at the point now that I’m not doing it... not giving up or letting it get to me. Basically I look around at the other people and I realize they are not looking at me they are looking at themselves. You are there to fix your weight problem and that is what you want to focus on be proud and keep going! Don’t give up and you will get there eventually you just have to get through these bad days.
-Kimber1 -
I’m definitely similar and find that mixing it up by working out elsewhere a day a week helps - like at home on the family room floor, or more often jogging or walking outside. Maybe try that for those other days. It may not satisfy your trainers desire to do a variety of things when you get into the gym that day, but it gets you moving that other day instead of just skipping working out entirely. Working or jogging outside can be pretty solitary depending where you go.
Also, you can talk to your trainer about putting together a written workout of things to do on the one other weekday you come in. Like in list form, with rep numbers and weight numbers etc. This takes the thought and planning out of your hands and gives you options if the machine is taken. After hearing me go on about how I come to the gym and get confused about what to do my own trainer assisted like that.0 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.
Ok, good, I am glad to hear you aren't concerned about being judged. I understand not wanting to be using space someone else might want to be using, etc. but again it comes back to you just saying you are worth it. You deserve to use the space just as much as every other member of the gym.
I relate completely to the part about the morning gym hours and not doing it late. I belong to a gym, but it doesn't open early enough for me to go in the morning. I do my lifting at home in my basement, which is great that I have that option. Is there anything you could do at home? I also struggle with doing any workouts at the end of the day after work. It is hard to balance, but I disagree with your trainer. 2 days in the gym and cardio at home/outdoors a couple of other days IS enough, especially if you are in a calorie deficit. When I first joined here I lost 50 pounds in a year by just doing cardio and light weight video workouts for a total of 3 times per week. It is entirely possible to do it without a gym, but a gym can definitely help which is why I think 2 workouts at the gym a week may be enough for you at this point in time.
I'm pretty limited at home. I kinda had the basement once, but the roof fell in and we can't afford to fix it right now.
I like the gym for the range of fun things I can do that would be impossible at home, I just prefer not to compete for it.
Ask your trainer for a routine you can do with whatever space you have. It can be any room and you really only need a few feet. If you prefer the gym, then go to the gym and do your thing. If you're nervous about being at the gym with others, then get a routine you can do at home on the off days.2 -
I’m sorry your anxiety is holding you back from doing what you want. Have you tried any sort of therapy to manage it? It might helpI'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone.
This is probably untrue. You can’t know what other people think. For me it helps to ignore negative thoughts/beliefs like that. I might still think them but I try to ignore them if they come up. Your weight doesn’t matter, you’re still a person. You have as much right to be there as anyone else. It’s expected for people to take up space and ask for things.
Asking your trainer for an at home workout could help if you’re worried about keeping your fitness goals on track until you get through your anxiety. I’ve found for me it’s easier to go with a friend or someone I know—if you have a coworker or someone who wants to buddy up maybe try that?
And you could explain to your trainer if you like/trust her that you have anxiety/feel awkward/lack confidence and that’s what’s holding you back with your workouts. You could tell her it’s because of your size—“I know I take up a lot of room and it makes me feel like I’m going to get in the way or bother people.” Sometimes people can be more understanding than you think
1 -
I love the gym on Sunday. Go when you want. When you can focus. Just being there feeling out of place doesn’t sound very helpful.
I was going to say Sunday too. Go saturday and sunday and the day with the trainer and baby steps with the other 1 day when you have to go when there's lots of people.0 -
My trainer wants me at the gym 4 times a week, and gave me a 4 day schedule to follow. I tried, but it seems hopeless.
The easiest time for me to hit the gym is after work. That's when its easier for everyone else apparently because it's busy af usually. That's fine when I'm with the trainer, but I just can't by myself. My anxiety ramps with that many people. My fear of taking up space or causing annoyance for others starts spiraling and I just end up pacing around like an idiot because I don't have space to do my exercises and I don't wanna be in the way.
I've always been the elephant trying to be a mouse. I'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone. All the body positivity in the world isn't going to change 20 years of feeling the need to be invisible and small.
Right now, I get productive gym time twice a week: once with trainer, once on Sundays when it's dead. I go Thursdays and usually just muddle around being scared until it's time to go. Why even bother with a fourth day?
But I can't explain that well to my trainer, a tiny person who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet.
First off, let me say how amazing you are for starting this!! Most people don't! It's very intimidating, and rife with anxiety. That being said, as a "gym" guy, I can tell you this with 100% certainty; If any of us were completely comfortable in a our own skin the gym would be a ghost town. The key to remember is that we've all had a 1st day or week at the gym. We all took our turns being the scared little chickadee, and I guarantee, the 99% of folks are totally happy to see you there busting your *kitten*, and would be more than willing to help in anyway they could.
Remember, you deserve to be there as much as anyone else. You do you and focus on your goals, and before you know it, it'll all be coming together. You do you, right? Maybe start with adding just one more day, and work up from there.
While this might seem a bit "cliche", it is absolutely accurate: "The Journey of a thousand miles, begins with one step"!
Be proud of yourself! You've earned it!2 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.
I can sympathize with you, but I think you will find that most people will gladly accommodate your needs if you can find a way to let them know what those needs are. Don’t assume that your needs should come secondary to anyone else’s needs. As others have pointed out, you are also a paying member of the gym. You have as much right as anyone else to use the equipment.
If you absolutely cannot talk to other gym goers, maybe you could find a friend to work out with who could take the lead for you on occasion. Or maybe you could practice your approach on a Sunday when the crowd is smaller. I think if you can find a way to do this a few times under less stressful circumstances, it will make it easier to do so on those busy days when it is more uncomfortable for you.
You could also try to strike up an acquaintance with a few people who are at the gym at the same times you go there. It might make it easier for you to approach someone who you have spoken to once or twice rather than a total stranger.
1 -
I know you said it's most convenient to go to the gym after work, but if that time of day (with the crowd) is such a negative thing for you, then that outweighs the convenience factor. Can you go on the way TO work instead and just get a quick shower in the locker room before heading to work? Or go even earlier and make a quick trip back home for a shower before going to work?
Or is it possible to get a friend who will go with you, so even if there IS a crowd, you've got one other person to help you stay focused and "ground" you some? It may be a lot easier when you know you've got someone in your corner.
Or can you just "headphones on, world off" it and crank up some music and zone out? If you can't do that yet, at least try - fake it till you make it? Have your workout written down so you know exactly what you're going to do, don't make eye contact, just get in there and plow through it?
I have pretty serious anxiety as well (on meds) and even though I am very comfortable in MY gym, I still MUCH prefer to be the only one there and if I travel I hate going to an unfamiliar place to train. Different gyms have very different atmospheres though and some are a lot easier (for me) to walk in and go, "oh I kinda fit in here..." and then others are like, "OMG I have to get this done and get out of here ASAP"2 -
I can relate, girl! I hate public gyms.
Friday nights, saturday nights, and sundays are usually pretty dead. Also, I don't know what gyms you have where you live but LA Fitness around me has a separate work out room for women (not that you are just uncomfortable because of men) but I remember it was usually 100% empty every time I went in it.
Another trick I used to use was to find a corner on the mats by a wall. Take some dumbbells, medicine ball, bands, etc. and just claim that square as your own and do a complete work out right there. I would face the wall, and keep my headphones in, and it seemed to help my anxiety. Putting a mat down where you are helps to "claim" that spot as well. Your trainer should be able to show you the exercises to do that very easily.
Either way, I wish you luck in figuring out what will work best for you!3 -
Lots of good information here, lots of good ideas to take to heart. I will say this-think about the message your trainer is giving you. I told my trainer that I needed a lifting program that would work for TWO days a week. I was already quite fit, doing other things on other days, but still, your trainer should be able to give you that. I have been lifting two days/week for 10 months. Could I be making gains faster? Probably. But it has worked well for me. And I have been reaching my goals. I just added a 3rd day in the weight room.
Your anxiety is understandable. Your trainer should acknowledge it and help you make a doable plan-even if you don't make progress as quickly. We're in this for a lifetime of health. Make it work for YOU. You're the one who counts 4
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.6K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 913 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions