The Gym is Still Scary
Terytha
Posts: 2,097 Member
My trainer wants me at the gym 4 times a week, and gave me a 4 day schedule to follow. I tried, but it seems hopeless.
The easiest time for me to hit the gym is after work. That's when its easier for everyone else apparently because it's busy af usually. That's fine when I'm with the trainer, but I just can't by myself. My anxiety ramps with that many people. My fear of taking up space or causing annoyance for others starts spiraling and I just end up pacing around like an idiot because I don't have space to do my exercises and I don't wanna be in the way.
I've always been the elephant trying to be a mouse. I'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone. All the body positivity in the world isn't going to change 20 years of feeling the need to be invisible and small.
Right now, I get productive gym time twice a week: once with trainer, once on Sundays when it's dead. I go Thursdays and usually just muddle around being scared until it's time to go. Why even bother with a fourth day?
But I can't explain that well to my trainer, a tiny person who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet.
The easiest time for me to hit the gym is after work. That's when its easier for everyone else apparently because it's busy af usually. That's fine when I'm with the trainer, but I just can't by myself. My anxiety ramps with that many people. My fear of taking up space or causing annoyance for others starts spiraling and I just end up pacing around like an idiot because I don't have space to do my exercises and I don't wanna be in the way.
I've always been the elephant trying to be a mouse. I'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone. All the body positivity in the world isn't going to change 20 years of feeling the need to be invisible and small.
Right now, I get productive gym time twice a week: once with trainer, once on Sundays when it's dead. I go Thursdays and usually just muddle around being scared until it's time to go. Why even bother with a fourth day?
But I can't explain that well to my trainer, a tiny person who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet.
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Replies
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I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.9
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2 days a week is better than zero. Way to go! If you can push it to three days, do that. If not, stick with what works for you now.
I just want to give you my perspective, as a total gym-rat. I am impressed by the people who push past their comfort zone and come to the gym. I'm not judging, I'm silently rooting for them. Also, you pay the same membership fees everyone else does and you have just as much right to be there and use the equipment.
Keep fighting for your goals!25 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.2 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.
Ok, good, I am glad to hear you aren't concerned about being judged. I understand not wanting to be using space someone else might want to be using, etc. but again it comes back to you just saying you are worth it. You deserve to use the space just as much as every other member of the gym.
I relate completely to the part about the morning gym hours and not doing it late. I belong to a gym, but it doesn't open early enough for me to go in the morning. I do my lifting at home in my basement, which is great that I have that option. Is there anything you could do at home? I also struggle with doing any workouts at the end of the day after work. It is hard to balance, but I disagree with your trainer. 2 days in the gym and cardio at home/outdoors a couple of other days IS enough, especially if you are in a calorie deficit. When I first joined here I lost 50 pounds in a year by just doing cardio and light weight video workouts for a total of 3 times per week. It is entirely possible to do it without a gym, but a gym can definitely help which is why I think 2 workouts at the gym a week may be enough for you at this point in time.0 -
My trainer wants me at the gym 4 times a week, and gave me a 4 day schedule to follow. I tried, but it seems hopeless.
The easiest time for me to hit the gym is after work. That's when its easier for everyone else apparently because it's busy af usually. That's fine when I'm with the trainer, but I just can't by myself. My anxiety ramps with that many people. My fear of taking up space or causing annoyance for others starts spiraling and I just end up pacing around like an idiot because I don't have space to do my exercises and I don't wanna be in the way.
I've always been the elephant trying to be a mouse. I'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone. All the body positivity in the world isn't going to change 20 years of feeling the need to be invisible and small.
Right now, I get productive gym time twice a week: once with trainer, once on Sundays when it's dead. I go Thursdays and usually just muddle around being scared until it's time to go. Why even bother with a fourth day?
But I can't explain that well to my trainer, a tiny person who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet.
Bold part is just flat out untrue/inaccurate. However, I understand that this is what you believe and do not think you can learn more accurate perceptions. It takes awhile anyway.
So, I suggest you ask your trainer for a routine you can do at home the other 2 days a week. Problem solved.
As for explaining it to your trainer, print out what you shared here and give it to her. It's very understandable, even for a "small" person to comprehend. (Please don't judge your trainer based on her small size.)10 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.
Ok, good, I am glad to hear you aren't concerned about being judged. I understand not wanting to be using space someone else might want to be using, etc. but again it comes back to you just saying you are worth it. You deserve to use the space just as much as every other member of the gym.
I relate completely to the part about the morning gym hours and not doing it late. I belong to a gym, but it doesn't open early enough for me to go in the morning. I do my lifting at home in my basement, which is great that I have that option. Is there anything you could do at home? I also struggle with doing any workouts at the end of the day after work. It is hard to balance, but I disagree with your trainer. 2 days in the gym and cardio at home/outdoors a couple of other days IS enough, especially if you are in a calorie deficit. When I first joined here I lost 50 pounds in a year by just doing cardio and light weight video workouts for a total of 3 times per week. It is entirely possible to do it without a gym, but a gym can definitely help which is why I think 2 workouts at the gym a week may be enough for you at this point in time.
I'm pretty limited at home. I kinda had the basement once, but the roof fell in and we can't afford to fix it right now.
I like the gym for the range of fun things I can do that would be impossible at home, I just prefer not to compete for it.0 -
I have anxiety. I completely get it. I just wanted to give you support. Do the best you can. ❤🌷❤6
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It is probably only you that feels you are in the way etc etc. And I get that nothing I can say will take those thoughts out of your head, they have been there so long.
But know most of us (there is always an a-hole) in the gym are probably quite indifferent to your size, and presence in general.
That isn't to say we don’t see you, we do. We have to to be able to navigate the room. That isn’t judging you.
As far as getting your work done.
You have your routine set out by your trainer. It is probably set out so you progress from a short warm up to the heaviest work, then work your way down to accessory work, and lastly cool down. It is probably set out using particular equipment.
Unless you are Quiksylver296 and have the worlds coming up in a few weeks, you can work around the equipment used, and the lift order.
Just go with your plan knowing your options.
I’m the little tiny old woman at the gym, so could have a number of issues as mine is populated by fit, healthy, tall, oh so tall, university students. But I don’t, I have a plan.
I did quake a bit at first, but just put my head down (so to speak) and got my work in.
If the squat rack has a gaggle around it, I leg press and curl.
Bench press busy? I’ll do dumbbells on a bench, or floor, or use the chest press machine.
If all my compound options, which I like to get done first, are unavailable I give a nod to whoever is using what I want, and hang close (ish) doing dumbbell curls or calf raises.
Think of it a bit like a car on the on-ramp wanting to merge onto a busy highway.
If you show and signal your intentions with confidence those cars on the highway know how to react and accomodate you.
If you come down the on-ramp hesitating, varying speeds, not knowing where your going to merge no one knows how to react and everyone gets frustrated.
It’s similar at the gym.
Talk to your trainer about how to work around equipment availability, or a simpler, but still effective routine you can use as an option.
Honestly, if all you can do on the 2 not yet successful days is turn up and do some mat work, (have a plan),or some rowing/treadmill, do that. It will help you get used to the environment* and increase your comfort factor.
(((
))), h.
ETA: *it will also get the environment used to you. As in ‘oh, she usually comes in at 6pm Thursday. If she isn’t rowing she usually uses this equipment I will keep that in mind’10 -
I love the gym on Sunday. Go when you want. When you can focus. Just being there feeling out of place doesn’t sound very helpful.2
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It will get easier. Every time you push a bit past your comfort zone you will feel more confident, and realize you belong there as much as everyone else. Instead of looking at what you can't do, what can you do? Can you do 1/3rd before anxiety takes over? Can you do some body weight exercises in your living room? Give your best, forget the rest2
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Girl I know it’s hard! Trust me I get it... it always takes me forever to really get comfortable and I’m bad shift letting this negative voice in my head take over and tell me how hopeless I am. I usually end up weaseling out and starting over it sucks. I’m at the point now that I’m not doing it... not giving up or letting it get to me. Basically I look around at the other people and I realize they are not looking at me they are looking at themselves. You are there to fix your weight problem and that is what you want to focus on be proud and keep going! Don’t give up and you will get there eventually you just have to get through these bad days.
-Kimber1 -
I’m definitely similar and find that mixing it up by working out elsewhere a day a week helps - like at home on the family room floor, or more often jogging or walking outside. Maybe try that for those other days. It may not satisfy your trainers desire to do a variety of things when you get into the gym that day, but it gets you moving that other day instead of just skipping working out entirely. Working or jogging outside can be pretty solitary depending where you go.
Also, you can talk to your trainer about putting together a written workout of things to do on the one other weekday you come in. Like in list form, with rep numbers and weight numbers etc. This takes the thought and planning out of your hands and gives you options if the machine is taken. After hearing me go on about how I come to the gym and get confused about what to do my own trainer assisted like that.0 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.
Ok, good, I am glad to hear you aren't concerned about being judged. I understand not wanting to be using space someone else might want to be using, etc. but again it comes back to you just saying you are worth it. You deserve to use the space just as much as every other member of the gym.
I relate completely to the part about the morning gym hours and not doing it late. I belong to a gym, but it doesn't open early enough for me to go in the morning. I do my lifting at home in my basement, which is great that I have that option. Is there anything you could do at home? I also struggle with doing any workouts at the end of the day after work. It is hard to balance, but I disagree with your trainer. 2 days in the gym and cardio at home/outdoors a couple of other days IS enough, especially if you are in a calorie deficit. When I first joined here I lost 50 pounds in a year by just doing cardio and light weight video workouts for a total of 3 times per week. It is entirely possible to do it without a gym, but a gym can definitely help which is why I think 2 workouts at the gym a week may be enough for you at this point in time.
I'm pretty limited at home. I kinda had the basement once, but the roof fell in and we can't afford to fix it right now.
I like the gym for the range of fun things I can do that would be impossible at home, I just prefer not to compete for it.
Ask your trainer for a routine you can do with whatever space you have. It can be any room and you really only need a few feet. If you prefer the gym, then go to the gym and do your thing. If you're nervous about being at the gym with others, then get a routine you can do at home on the off days.2 -
I’m sorry your anxiety is holding you back from doing what you want. Have you tried any sort of therapy to manage it? It might helpI'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone.
This is probably untrue. You can’t know what other people think. For me it helps to ignore negative thoughts/beliefs like that. I might still think them but I try to ignore them if they come up. Your weight doesn’t matter, you’re still a person. You have as much right to be there as anyone else. It’s expected for people to take up space and ask for things.
Asking your trainer for an at home workout could help if you’re worried about keeping your fitness goals on track until you get through your anxiety. I’ve found for me it’s easier to go with a friend or someone I know—if you have a coworker or someone who wants to buddy up maybe try that?
And you could explain to your trainer if you like/trust her that you have anxiety/feel awkward/lack confidence and that’s what’s holding you back with your workouts. You could tell her it’s because of your size—“I know I take up a lot of room and it makes me feel like I’m going to get in the way or bother people.” Sometimes people can be more understanding than you think
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I love the gym on Sunday. Go when you want. When you can focus. Just being there feeling out of place doesn’t sound very helpful.
I was going to say Sunday too. Go saturday and sunday and the day with the trainer and baby steps with the other 1 day when you have to go when there's lots of people.0 -
My trainer wants me at the gym 4 times a week, and gave me a 4 day schedule to follow. I tried, but it seems hopeless.
The easiest time for me to hit the gym is after work. That's when its easier for everyone else apparently because it's busy af usually. That's fine when I'm with the trainer, but I just can't by myself. My anxiety ramps with that many people. My fear of taking up space or causing annoyance for others starts spiraling and I just end up pacing around like an idiot because I don't have space to do my exercises and I don't wanna be in the way.
I've always been the elephant trying to be a mouse. I'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone. All the body positivity in the world isn't going to change 20 years of feeling the need to be invisible and small.
Right now, I get productive gym time twice a week: once with trainer, once on Sundays when it's dead. I go Thursdays and usually just muddle around being scared until it's time to go. Why even bother with a fourth day?
But I can't explain that well to my trainer, a tiny person who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet.
First off, let me say how amazing you are for starting this!! Most people don't! It's very intimidating, and rife with anxiety. That being said, as a "gym" guy, I can tell you this with 100% certainty; If any of us were completely comfortable in a our own skin the gym would be a ghost town. The key to remember is that we've all had a 1st day or week at the gym. We all took our turns being the scared little chickadee, and I guarantee, the 99% of folks are totally happy to see you there busting your *kitten*, and would be more than willing to help in anyway they could.
Remember, you deserve to be there as much as anyone else. You do you and focus on your goals, and before you know it, it'll all be coming together. You do you, right? Maybe start with adding just one more day, and work up from there.
While this might seem a bit "cliche", it is absolutely accurate: "The Journey of a thousand miles, begins with one step"!
Be proud of yourself! You've earned it!2 -
I want to tell you to suck it up buttercup, but I understand where you are coming from. First, I will tell you it is highly unlikely anyone is concerned about you being in the gym. They are there to better themselves and aren't there to watch you or anyone else. Will there always be a few a-holes that might be sitting around making fun of people? Probably, but that shouldn't stop you from working on being the best healthy version of you. Can you try and switch your gym time on the other days? Go early in the morning? Go late? You have to figure out how badly you want it and fight for it.
I'm not worried about being made fun of or judged. I'm adjusted to my anxiety enough to no longer care if people are watching.
I just can't assert myself. If I need to use something and someone is in the way, it is physically impossible for me to approach them and ask to get in. And if I need floor space and I'm blocking someone else, I become afraid to keep using space.
It's not a matter of sucking it up, if it were I wouldn't need medication to function.
Going early can't be done, they open after I start work. Going late won't happen. I know myself.
I prefer to just do the schedule twice a week and cardio the other times but the trainer thinks that's not good enough.
I can sympathize with you, but I think you will find that most people will gladly accommodate your needs if you can find a way to let them know what those needs are. Don’t assume that your needs should come secondary to anyone else’s needs. As others have pointed out, you are also a paying member of the gym. You have as much right as anyone else to use the equipment.
If you absolutely cannot talk to other gym goers, maybe you could find a friend to work out with who could take the lead for you on occasion. Or maybe you could practice your approach on a Sunday when the crowd is smaller. I think if you can find a way to do this a few times under less stressful circumstances, it will make it easier to do so on those busy days when it is more uncomfortable for you.
You could also try to strike up an acquaintance with a few people who are at the gym at the same times you go there. It might make it easier for you to approach someone who you have spoken to once or twice rather than a total stranger.
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I know you said it's most convenient to go to the gym after work, but if that time of day (with the crowd) is such a negative thing for you, then that outweighs the convenience factor. Can you go on the way TO work instead and just get a quick shower in the locker room before heading to work? Or go even earlier and make a quick trip back home for a shower before going to work?
Or is it possible to get a friend who will go with you, so even if there IS a crowd, you've got one other person to help you stay focused and "ground" you some? It may be a lot easier when you know you've got someone in your corner.
Or can you just "headphones on, world off" it and crank up some music and zone out? If you can't do that yet, at least try - fake it till you make it? Have your workout written down so you know exactly what you're going to do, don't make eye contact, just get in there and plow through it?
I have pretty serious anxiety as well (on meds) and even though I am very comfortable in MY gym, I still MUCH prefer to be the only one there and if I travel I hate going to an unfamiliar place to train. Different gyms have very different atmospheres though and some are a lot easier (for me) to walk in and go, "oh I kinda fit in here..." and then others are like, "OMG I have to get this done and get out of here ASAP"2 -
I can relate, girl! I hate public gyms.
Friday nights, saturday nights, and sundays are usually pretty dead. Also, I don't know what gyms you have where you live but LA Fitness around me has a separate work out room for women (not that you are just uncomfortable because of men) but I remember it was usually 100% empty every time I went in it.
Another trick I used to use was to find a corner on the mats by a wall. Take some dumbbells, medicine ball, bands, etc. and just claim that square as your own and do a complete work out right there. I would face the wall, and keep my headphones in, and it seemed to help my anxiety. Putting a mat down where you are helps to "claim" that spot as well. Your trainer should be able to show you the exercises to do that very easily.
Either way, I wish you luck in figuring out what will work best for you!3 -
Lots of good information here, lots of good ideas to take to heart. I will say this-think about the message your trainer is giving you. I told my trainer that I needed a lifting program that would work for TWO days a week. I was already quite fit, doing other things on other days, but still, your trainer should be able to give you that. I have been lifting two days/week for 10 months. Could I be making gains faster? Probably. But it has worked well for me. And I have been reaching my goals. I just added a 3rd day in the weight room.
Your anxiety is understandable. Your trainer should acknowledge it and help you make a doable plan-even if you don't make progress as quickly. We're in this for a lifetime of health. Make it work for YOU. You're the one who counts 4 -
I’ve been there but the truth is that people probably aren’t as focused on you as you seem to think they are. You’re only the star of your own life not other people’s.
At my highest weight of 294 pounds I found people at the gym to be quite lovely and helpful. And you’re not an elephant occupying someone else’s space. You’re a paying customer with every right to be in the gym you paid to be in.
Put your headphones on and listen to some kick *kitten* music and focus on your workout.
It WILL get easier each time you go on your own. You just have to make those first few awkward steps. You’ll start to recognize other regulars and they’ll become friendly faces.
Just do it.3 -
I didn't read all the comments so forgive me if i repeat something. I suffer from anxiety and social anxiety too. I have a lot of trouble going to the gym. I live in an apartment so i can't do any workouts at home that are noisy. What i do... Walk outside a lot!. Walking is a great exercise. I got my self some dumbells so i can do some resistance training at home. You don't need a lot of space. For cardio. I got a Nintendo switch and got a boxing training game.. it really gets my heart pumping
(could do this via youtube as well). Also clean clean clean. its great exercise and really adds up In fact oddly enough i find cleaning a great combat for my anxiety. Since ive discovered this little trick my house has never been cleaner lol. 1 -
As a gym rat and a trainer I can say that everyone feels the same way regardless of how they look. Usually people are too consumed with worrying about their own looks to notice anyone else's. When I first started going to the gym I felt anxious too. What helped me was to make a plan based upon what I wanted to do and based upon the layout of the gym. The more you go the easier it'll get and eventually it won't even be a thing. Most gyms I've gone too are supportive, sometimes we need to get out of our own heads a bit and just go for it! The real gym types will be in your corner rooting for your success. The ones you perceive as being bothered by your presence probably won't last that long.1
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BoxerBrawler wrote: »As a gym rat and a trainer I can say that everyone feels the same way regardless of how they look. Usually people are too consumed with worrying about their own looks to notice anyone else's. When I first started going to the gym I felt anxious too. What helped me was to make a plan based upon what I wanted to do and based upon the layout of the gym. The more you go the easier it'll get and eventually it won't even be a thing. Most gyms I've gone too are supportive, sometimes we need to get out of our own heads a bit and just go for it! The real gym types will be in your corner rooting for your success. The ones you perceive as being bothered by your presence probably won't last that long.
That's the disconnect though. I know nobody is bothered by me, but I can't stand the feeling of being a bother. Even though it's all in my head, it's still in my head.
If it were easy to deal with I'd throw the drugs in the trash and quit seeing my doctors.
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I had never really exercised before this year let alone gone go a gym so was very daunted in the beginning. I just found a small gym near me. The large mega gyms were too daunting for me, I knew I'd never go. The Snap fitness I go to is pretty small and the people who go there are very, very diverse - all ages, shapes, sizes and fitness levels. There's a 70 year old guy who can plank for 8 minutes ... there's the grandma who is recovering from two sets of brain surgery ... everyone is polite, friendly but keep to themselves and there's no judgment ... it's just a very nice inclusive gym. Hopefully you can either find a similar type of gym or just put on your headphones and ignore everyone around you ...0
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Does the gym do any classes, would you feel more comfortable doing those maybe? I don't particularly like the main gym, but over time I've made some "gym buddies" who are on the same class schedule as me and we always have a laugh and a chat together. And that brings me to the next point, is there anyone you know who would be interested in joining the gym with you? Maybe if you're there with a friend you would be more distracted and therefore less self conscious.
I will definitely reiterate what others said and I honestly don't think other people are one bit bothered by you (let alone being disgusted - please get that out of your head!), and hopefully over time you will learn to believe that.0 -
BoxerBrawler wrote: »As a gym rat and a trainer I can say that everyone feels the same way regardless of how they look. Usually people are too consumed with worrying about their own looks to notice anyone else's. When I first started going to the gym I felt anxious too. What helped me was to make a plan based upon what I wanted to do and based upon the layout of the gym. The more you go the easier it'll get and eventually it won't even be a thing. Most gyms I've gone too are supportive, sometimes we need to get out of our own heads a bit and just go for it! The real gym types will be in your corner rooting for your success. The ones you perceive as being bothered by your presence probably won't last that long.
That's the disconnect though. I know nobody is bothered by me, but I can't stand the feeling of being a bother. Even though it's all in my head, it's still in my head.
If it were easy to deal with I'd throw the drugs in the trash and quit seeing my doctors.
One of my best trainers always says "If it were easy everyone would do it!"
At least you know there's a disconnect and that it is in your head, that's a baby step in the right direction right?
I'd say you're on the right path and just keep at it regardless of how you feel. Eventually it won't be a thing, I promise. Cliche' yes but, you are a lot stronger than you think!0 -
SugaSugaNooo wrote: »Does the gym do any classes, would you feel more comfortable doing those maybe? I don't particularly like the main gym, but over time I've made some "gym buddies" who are on the same class schedule as me and we always have a laugh and a chat together. And that brings me to the next point, is there anyone you know who would be interested in joining the gym with you? Maybe if you're there with a friend you would be more distracted and therefore less self conscious.
I will definitely reiterate what others said and I honestly don't think other people are one bit bothered by you (let alone being disgusted - please get that out of your head!), and hopefully over time you will learn to believe that.
I'll echo this! Classes are a great way to build that gym support system that'll launch you to the next step
Classes create that sense of community. Your "tribe" if you will. Everyone is there for the same reason. Different goals, same motivation! Excellent advice @SugaSugaNooo0 -
My trainer wants me at the gym 4 times a week, and gave me a 4 day schedule to follow. I tried, but it seems hopeless.
The easiest time for me to hit the gym is after work. That's when its easier for everyone else apparently because it's busy af usually. That's fine when I'm with the trainer, but I just can't by myself. My anxiety ramps with that many people. My fear of taking up space or causing annoyance for others starts spiraling and I just end up pacing around like an idiot because I don't have space to do my exercises and I don't wanna be in the way.
I've always been the elephant trying to be a mouse. I'm aware that my size causes disgust and annoyance for others, that sitting beside me is unpleasant, that being fat is troublesome to everyone. All the body positivity in the world isn't going to change 20 years of feeling the need to be invisible and small.
Right now, I get productive gym time twice a week: once with trainer, once on Sundays when it's dead. I go Thursdays and usually just muddle around being scared until it's time to go. Why even bother with a fourth day?
But I can't explain that well to my trainer, a tiny person who probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet.
Bold part is just flat out untrue/inaccurate. However, I understand that this is what you believe and do not think you can learn more accurate perceptions. It takes awhile anyway.
So, I suggest you ask your trainer for a routine you can do at home the other 2 days a week. Problem solved.
As for explaining it to your trainer, print out what you shared here and give it to her. It's very understandable, even for a "small" person to comprehend. (Please don't judge your trainer based on her small size.)
It is not as easy for a small person to understand. You say that it is inaccurate that people are disturbed by larger people. I can safely say that it is true in some circumstances. Even much lighter than I was I just annoyed a gentleman 2 weeks ago at a football game because I was taking up too much space for him to sit comfortably in front of me. It wasn't completely my fault because there was a larger woman behind me that made me sit slightly forward but it still happened. I have also seen people practically praying to their deity when I walk down an airplane that I not end up next to them. One guy even said "Of course" when he realized he was the unlucky loser. I have been asked on 2 different occasions not to sit in a chair because it was an expensive chair. These are things someone who has been perpetually small will not really get. It gets in your head no matter how immune you think you are.
The thing is I deserve to be everywhere I pay to be. If someone being slightly inconvenienced by my size is the worst thing that happens to them that day they had a pretty good day. While I support anyone with weight loss and fitness goals I would always give the priority in healthy improvement situations to someone whose current state is a greater medical risk over the person who wants to maintain a nice toned body.
The other thing to remember @Terytha is that almost everyone at the gym has someone in their life they care about that is heavy. Obesity is everywhere. It is an unfortunate truth but it is still true. Most people there probably wish the person they cared about was there "taking up space" too.
You are a smart capable person so I think you can figure out how to get around this. It is okay to be human and have some of this baggage in your head but you know your health goals will need to win most of the time. You will find something to tell yourself that will eventually get you to 3 times a week and from there 4 times will be no problem.
3 -
Ok I am really coming from a place where of empathy as I too deal with anxiety issues and depression.
You are the controller of your life. Codependency will not help you and by that needing anyone else to assert for you. Most times if I need something I just stand there and folks see oh she is waiting for me to be done. I know everyone has had a different life experience but even with anxiety I was never rescued or protected.
Your journey isn’t just weigt but way more mental strength too. I do hate crowded places but that’s one of the things I was most proud of was doing what I needed inspite my feelings as they will be there but I gotta to go.
Looking forward to your success!2
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