Unsuccessful transition

GaleHawkins

For 40 years I had one unsuccessful transition after another leading to 100%+ regains so at the age of 63 I decided to never diet again to lose weight after 40 years of dieting failure.

On a hunch for pain management I cut out foods containing added sweeteners and or any form of any grain in Oct 2014 while continuing to eat high calorie (2000-3000) range. Without trying I was down 50 pounds after the first year and now 5 years later I am still down 50 pounds eating all that I want when I want it which means I have NOT gone hungry for the past five years. I have not changed my WOE for the past 5 years.

When my goal became improving my general health and health markets instead of weight loss it made all the difference. Now at 68 I have better health and health markers than at the age of 38. Learning in my case that weight loss is not about the number of calories that I eat but the type of calories that I eat brought freedom from dieting to lose weight successfully for these last 5 years.

We are all different and hopefully you find a Way Of Eating that works for you. Best of successful.

umbramirror

I just wanted to quickly thank everyone that has responded so far. I haven't been able to respond to all of your wonderful, insightful messages because I have become a bit busy but I just wanted to stop in to tell you that I have read most of them and I appreciate every word. I will respond and thank you accordingly as soon as I can!

AnnPT77

umbramirror wrote: »

Everyone's advice is so helpful. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to become comfortable with the idea of maintaining with the way I feel right now. Everything in me is telling me to restrict, to get back down to where I was. It's my mind and body's first reaction to bloat and heaviness, to try to compensate with restriction. However, I know that maintaining is what has to be done, to alleviate some of this stress, to regulate some of the dysfunction that has occurred, and to stabilize my balance that has clearly been out of balance.

Today is a challenge. I went to the gym but felt awful. One positive though is that I was able to increase my lifts a bit. 😅 I feel nauseous and bloated, so I don't have much of an interest in food. Today may have to be a lighter day before I return to maintenance level calories. One of the worst side effects besides the feeling of having a fever, chills, lethargy, etc. is that all of my clothes are tight. Putting on my work clothes made me really realize the weight (no pun intended) of what I had done.

I'm trying my best to not let this destroy me. I don't like the way I feel and I don't want this to continue. My goal is to consume more calories close to maintenance (which I will calculate) and decrease my exercise just a bit. It is more difficult than I would have ever thought!

You obviously know that much of the bloat and heaviness you're feeling is water retention. It's not fat regain, at least not most of it. There's no reason to worry or fret about water weight; it's temporary, and just part of how healthy bodies function (such as in helping your body manage changes in eating).

Restricting food is not the way to reduce that water weight. Returning to a sensible, moderate, healthy intake and staying there for a while - calmly if possible :flowerforyou: - is the way to reduce that water weight.

It's possible that you truly re-gained a pound or two, if the over-goal eating was significantly over maintenance. But to gain 10 pounds, you'd have to eat 35,000 calories above maintenance, something that would be pretty darned hard to do in a short time period. So that's not likely what's happened.

Water weight explains the bloat, the clothes tightness, the muscles not being as visible, all of that. (It doesn't explain the fever/chills; but anxiety or possible under-nutrition may.)

Eat at maintenance calories that you estimate based on the weight you want to be: It sounds like that would be 128 pounds? You're exercising lots: Be sure to fuel whatever exercise you choose to continue to do. (I agree with others that the exercise you list is really quite a lot. You might reasonably ease up on that for a week or two or until you see your doctor, and try to get some rest instead. I'd suggest the best parts to drop would be the higher-intensity parts, because those are the most fatiguing and create the most physical stress.)

I'd suggest you not start taking any unusual new supplements until after you see your doctor. I hope your doctor will be doing various blood tests, including ones for nutritional deficiencies. Some supplements can distort the results of blood tests, without actually fixing the underlying condition (just hiding it from the blood tests, in effect). That would not be helpful. I'd suggest you do you best to eat nutritiously, and at maintenance calories, until you see your doctor.

Hugs and best wishes!

umbramirror

@Keladelphia, thank you so much for sharing your story, it really resonated with me. It seems that we are both very familar with this binging and restricting cycle, unfortunately. I am so glad that you were able to "beat the cycle" (don't really like the phrasing I chose but I hope you'll get the point) and sucessfully maintain for 4 years now. That's awesome and find it super inspiring.

The idea of a quantum scale is very interesting to me. I actually never knew that there was such a thing. I may have heard about it in passing but nothing detailed enough for me to take note of. Thank you for mentioning this. I don't think I could purchase one at the moment, but I'll definitely keep it in mind now.

Also, thank you for going into detail about your perspective in regards to how your weight fluctuated. It was really helpful for me to read. Your idea about tracking how you felt about your body day to day is gold to me. I already started to do that now that I read your message and it has me viewing this period in a different way. I wake up each morning now thinking, how do you feel today and how does that compare to yesterday? It makes me want to continue the progress of feeling better each day. I also decided to make a 2-week binge recovery goal as a beginning to a healthier lifestyle. I laid out a full 2-week period and will mark each day I've completed. At the end of each week, I made a little note for myself such as: 1 week completed! With some congratulations emojis.

@PAV8888, I completely agree that it's better to not trigger these reactions in the first place. I wish I could have told myself earlier what had to be done to avoid this but honestly, I wouldn't have listened to myself. At the time, I had a goal in mind and I wouldn't hear anything that didn't align with the path I had envisioned. I was being stubborn and lost sight of the true far reaching outcomes of my actions. Friends and family members were voicing their opinions for awhile: You're too thin. Are you sure you're eating enough? Maybe you're exercising too much? You could use a little more fat on you, couldn't you? You really should eat more and workout less. Etc. I just heard those comments and put them to the side as them simply not being aware of my situation, when truly they had been right in some ways. I'm not saying that one should always listen to the opinions of others, but always consider them honestly.

As a result of the bloating, I'm honestly having trouble eating at maintenance. Though, I have decreased my exercise and will keep to this for at least this 2-week recovery I have marked. I don't particularly want to gain weight, but if it's necessary for my health, I will do what needs to be done. Preferably, I would like to maintain as I had been but with actually consuming the appropriate amount of calories and not overtraining.

umbramirror

@ElizabethKalmbach, thank you again for the concern but I only felt those symptoms for a portion of one day following my last binge and they were not reoccuring. If they did last for quite some time, I would definitely see a doctor. Thank you again for your advice and supplied information.

@cheryldumais, congratulations on losing 108 lbs! Wow, that's incredible. As far as your current weight goes, how do you feel about that? Do you feel like you're at a healthy weight even though you gained some since your lower point? Even though we are both the same height, we likely have very different body types, so what is healthy for me (still figuring that out obviously!) may not be the same for you. For some at our height, an even lower weight than mine is considered healthy and even higher than your current weight as well. A major factor is the body fat to lean muscle mass ratio.

Thank you so much for the support and I will definitely keep everyone posted on how I'm doing. I've been feeling much better since my first post. The water weight has gone down significantly, and I'm finally feeling lighter. My clothes are still a bit tight and I do feel larger still, but fortunately I have more energy again. I feel liberated. I probably won't weigh myself until the end of this week or next.

@tcunbeliever, thank you for all of this information, I will definitely take it into consideration. And thank you for the words of encouragement. The panic is finally starting to ease, thankfully! I really do hope I didn't gain a significant amount of fat though.

umbramirror

@GaleHawkins, I'm happy that you found a method that works for you! That must have taken some serious dedication and perseverance. I'm still experimenting with what constitutes a balance in life and I hope I can one day find as much comfort in that as you have. Thanks for the inspiration!

@AnnPT77, You're right, I do know that most of what I likely gained isn't fat (I never weighed myself to know how much I actually did gain so this is all estimation) but I don't really know how much of it is. I really packed away the food these past 2 weeks, let me tell you! I believe I had about 8 binges in 17 days, so about half these past 2 1/2 weeks was spent binging. It's embarassing, but on the weekends, I almost wouldn't stop eating. It was almost like a contest with myself to see how much I could consume. I would be sick and in physical pain but still consume food. It was uncontrollable and terrible. I wouldn't be surprised if I did eat enough to gain 5 real pounds of fat. I did exercise as I always do each day without fail except this past Sunday. I just couldn't do it.

Thank you for the reality check though. I likely did only gain about 3 lbs or so. Ha, I say "only" but damn, that's a lot for 2 weeks. There was a point when that was a lot to lose in 1 week, but I've gained it so easily. I did decide to ease up on the exercise but I'm having trouble increasing the calories. It is difficult for me to fill my stomach after what I did to it, but I'm trying my best.

I definitely don't plan on making any radical changes. Thanks for the heads up!

cheryldumais

No, I'm not happy at my current weight. I need to get back down to at least 145. For me that's reasonable as I'm 63 so not gonna make my high school weight. My doc was happy when I was at 165 but I think I hide it well and feel I should be lower. My clothes are getting snug and I definately have excess fat. 148 I think is the highest weight I can be and fit into the BMI range of normal. Not that that's gospel but it's a good place to start. I think I'm beginning to see where the extra weight is coming from as I have started to really keep track of my tastes, licks and bites. :-) It looks like I've been eating more than I thought. 1400 calories add up really fast and I was kind of ignoring all the little extras, lol. I was probably eating more like 1600 or more. So I am back on track but it's gonna take a while to get back down. On the upside I've done it before so I know what it takes.

ssurvivor

I think you know, in your heart, what happened and what you need to do.

Based on what you've written (and my personal ED battle), it seems that, somewhere during your year and a half journey, your habit of restricting and intense working out became a compulsion. And it was serving you well while you were still losing. But now that you're in maintenance, it's a problem.

I agree that you might need professional help to repair your relationship with food. But I don't think you're at the mental health stage yet. I think a RD might be your best ally at this point. I don't think you've ventured all the way into orthorexia, but a RD can teach you how to break the restriction/binge cycle. Good luck to you 💖

umbramirror

cheryldumais wrote: »

No, I'm not happy at my current weight. I need to get back down to at least 145. For me that's reasonable as I'm 63 so not gonna make my high school weight. My doc was happy when I was at 165 but I think I hide it well and feel I should be lower. My clothes are getting snug and I definately have excess fat. 148 I think is the highest weight I can be and fit into the BMI range of normal. Not that that's gospel but it's a good place to start. I think I'm beginning to see where the extra weight is coming from as I have started to really keep track of my tastes, licks and bites. :-) It looks like I've been eating more than I thought. 1400 calories add up really fast and I was kind of ignoring all the little extras, lol. I was probably eating more like 1600 or more. So I am back on track but it's gonna take a while to get back down. On the upside I've done it before so I know what it takes.

Oh... I'm sorry to hear that you're not happy currently with your weight. Hey, but at least we're both back on track! Doesn't it feel great to know that each action you take towards your goal is bringing you one step closer there and not backwards? I love knowing that since I have gotten back on track, there is nothing that will be making the situation worse in terms of my efforts. I will not gain weight or have my clothes be more snug than they are right now, and each day that passes they will fit better and better.

ssurvivor wrote: »

I think you know, in your heart, what happened and what you need to do.

Based on what you've written (and my personal ED battle), it seems that, somewhere during your year and a half journey, your habit of restricting and intense working out became a compulsion. And it was serving you well while you were still losing. But now that you're in maintenance, it's a problem.

I agree that you might need professional help to repair your relationship with food. But I don't think you're at the mental health stage yet. I think a RD might be your best ally at this point. I don't think you've ventured all the way into orthorexia, but a RD can teach you how to break the restriction/binge cycle. Good luck to you 💖

I do know, and yes, you're right. This is exactly what happened and I'm still struggling with it. I have decreased the exercise and am working on eating more without binging. I find that because I get triggered into binging by eating more and also by eating too little, I have to find a balance right now. I know it sounds a bit ridiculous, but I'm trying to find a place where I'm neither too hungry or too full. That seems to be the happy non-binge place.

Working with an RD would be awesome if I had the means. Maybe at some point in the future! For now, I'll keep trying to repair my relationship with food on my own, the help of everyone on MFP, and my partner. I was going to add my family but they definitely don't help!

Thank you for the support.

staticsplit

We've been DMing so you know my opinion on many of these things!

But for others: I had an eating disorder last year (bulimia primarily), which was not super severe but impacted me enough I went to therapy at the eating disorder clinic for a year. I kept being too restrictive (but like umbra it was like 1700 calories) combined with high exercise. My TDEE is at least 2200, and it was getting up to 2800 or 3000 on heavy exercise days. I'd binge about once a week.

As soon as I started eating 2200 calories consistently? I had a brief period of intense hunger and then my appetite calmed down and I stopped binging. I also didn't let anything be off limits, which helped with the all or nothing thinking. Had a donut? So what, I had a donut. Doesn't mean I need to eat 6 donuts. My weight has stayed steady. I only had 2 bulimia slipups since about April, and both were due to specific triggers I know are hard for me (meals out with strangers in a professional context).

I now do semi-structured intuitive eating. Sometimes I track for a few days or weeks, then I don't track for a few days or weeks. It just depends on how I'm feeling. Sometimes I track breakfast and lunch and not dinner. I eat plenty of nutrient dense food but don't stress about having 'fun' food. If I feel I'm getting too unstructured or 'snacky,' I track again for a few days. But then if I realise I'm trying to go back to eating only 1700 calories, I stop logging to snap myself out of it.

I've tried to get back into listening to my body and my appetite. I keep a vague eye on my weight. Again sometimes I weigh every day for a week, other times I don't weigh for two weeks. I ask myself if it's helpful or harmful for me to do it that day.

That doesn't work for everyone, but for me it was the best way to stop the eating disorder thoughts from taking over, and for not letting things slide to enough weight gain that I feel pressured to restrict again and continue the cycle.

mom23mangos

@Keladelphia - I've never heard of a quantum scale, but I love the sound of it. I'm very similiar to you and I only weigh myself when I look in the mirror and am really happy with the way I look. That way I don't care what the scale number says.

kenyonhaff

Honestly, I think it's time to call in some professionals.

First, it's time to contact your doctor about your symptoms, weight loss--all of that. This is pretty dramatic and needs to be looked at not just by us folk on the Internet.

I would recommend consulting a therapist. You have some distorted thinking and anorexic/bulimic symptoms here. And all the tracking on MFP won't fully address that. Even if that's not the problem, you need some help with a more healthful approach to eating. Once you get your headspace right, your health will follow.

Finally, consulting with a nutritionist is a great idea. MFP is a great resource, but no substitute with someone with training on this. Not eating enough, eating an unbalanced diet (that seems healthy at first blush), all that can cause problems.