Overweight partners, NEAT, and the division of labour

Orphia

I don't want to sound like I want to insult my beloved (I'm certainly not trying to), but fit and healthy people do actually feel tired sometimes, especially after a trying day at work.

And when anyone is tired, we can feel or sound resentful and grumpy.

I've got a lot more to say about NEAT and the conflicts in an overweight person's mind that say, "I'm overweight and shouldn't eat anything, and I'm hungry, and feeling weak, so I'll just leave this thing here..."

I'd appreciate hugs if you can sort of see where I'm going with this, and will give hugs in return if you say you relate.

ElizabethKalmbach

Hopefully everyone will feel better and more able to cope after a good night's sleep.

cupcakesandproteinshakes

It’s not just overweight partners who don’t pull their weight. Partners in general....

lalalacroix

Ugh. Well my partner mostly believes that he should work and nothing else. He actually offered to scrub the tub during his holiday break but that never happened.

We've been married for 20 years so I'm mostly used to it.

RetiredAndLovingIt

My sis-in-law got a Roomba & loves it. I could tell from all the pop ups that we get now, that dh was looking at them, too. I told him I didn't need it, I just need to be less lazy, lol. Then I got to thinking, maybe it would be nice..so now, I am encouraging checking into them. Of course, we are both retired, so I have the time to do it, just not the inclination, lol.

SummerSkier

What I discovered early on is that it's not a good idea to push, but pulling can work or at least be motivational. What I mean by that is it seems once "I" get started doing chores and such, the unmotivated partner will usually step up and start doing their share. Of course I have had NO luck with this particular guy. He just wants to laze around..



when I ask him to do his share his response is always the same "PUUURRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!"

psychod787

I was married for some years. Labor was never equal then... ok we were messy... My now ex lost her job and I was working overtime to pay the bills. She didn't do a dang thing. I started doing most of the labors inside and outside. Not bad talking her, it is what it is. Its one of the things that helped me starting out was doing more house work. Now, I am not married and fend for myself every day, I have come to enjoy house work. I can put in my headphones and listen to books and lectures while I work. Clean house and I get to learn.... Burns a few cals through NEAT. His loss IMHO if he does not take advantage of time like that.

InspectorRed

I walked in the door yesterday to find a sink full of dirty dishes and hubby napping on the couch....he took the day off yesterday, slept in, did a little shopping, and then apparently still felt wore out enough for a nap and he is in relatively good shape (we both go to the gym every morning)...I was annoyed but we have been married 26 years so I would have been more surprised if the dishes had been done LOL!
I notice the little messes around the house a lot more than he does, sometimes he just doesn't seem to realize that things need picked up or cleaned. He is way better now than he was a few years ago when I ASK for help, but nagging or whining about what he didn't do NEVER works, only causes arguments.

ellie117

RetiredAndLovingIt wrote: »

My sis-in-law got a Roomba & loves it. I could tell from all the pop ups that we get now, that dh was looking at them, too. I told him I didn't need it, I just need to be less lazy, lol. Then I got to thinking, maybe it would be nice..so now, I am encouraging checking into them. Of course, we are both retired, so I have the time to do it, just not the inclination, lol.

I will say, as a Roomba owner for almost a year now, it is amazing. I almost think it's a requirement for pet owners, if price wasn't such an inhibitor. If you can afford it, get it!

pinuplove

ellie117 wrote: »

RetiredAndLovingIt wrote: »

My sis-in-law got a Roomba & loves it. I could tell from all the pop ups that we get now, that dh was looking at them, too. I told him I didn't need it, I just need to be less lazy, lol. Then I got to thinking, maybe it would be nice..so now, I am encouraging checking into them. Of course, we are both retired, so I have the time to do it, just not the inclination, lol.

I will say, as a Roomba owner for almost a year now, it is amazing. I almost think it's a requirement for pet owners, if price wasn't such an inhibitor. If you can afford it, get it!

I would love one but it would choke on all the stray socks my little darlings leave lying around (A whole other issue itself)

ellie117

InspectorRed wrote: »

I notice the little messes around the house a lot more than he does, sometimes he just doesn't seem to realize that things need picked up or cleaned. He is way better now than he was a few years ago when I ASK for help, but nagging or whining about what he didn't do NEVER works, only causes arguments.

The bold, definitely. My husband and I do split chores but he normally does the more physical labor ones like fixing or moving things while I do the nagging ones like clean. We've discussed it a few times and he has said more than once that he just doesn't notice that the bathroom isn't clean or that the dishwasher needs emptying. It's not a point of contention though, moreso just a fact of the matter. He has no issue doing the dishes if I ask, or he'll do the dishes while I cook dinner or vice versa.

I think communication is the best way to avoid these little nags turning into bigger issues. If he doesn't do something, don't yell at him. Don't hold it in, either. Say something like, "hey next time you take a day off, would you mind doing a little something around the house?"

tuddy315

pinuplove wrote: »

I will say, as a Roomba owner for almost a year now, it is amazing. I almost think it's a requirement for pet owners, if price wasn't such an inhibitor. If you can afford it, get it!

I would love one but it would choke on all the stray socks my little darlings leave lying around (A whole other issue itself)[/quote]

At my house, if it is lying on the floor it must be garbage. Bye bye garbage!!!

Orphia

tuddy315 wrote: »

pinuplove wrote: »

?I will say, as a Roomba owner for almost a year now, it is amazing. I almost think it's a requirement for pet owners, if price wasn't such an inhibitor. If you can afford it, get it!

I would love one but it would choke on all the stray socks my little darlings leave lying around (A whole other issue itself)

At my house, if it is lying on the floor it must be garbage. Bye bye garbage!!!

Getting fit and healthy and tidy has made me very alert to global waste, overconsumption, and use of non-renewable resources.

I'm starting to see it as actually a form of art trying to keep all these things including emotions and relationships in balance.

If anyone finds a good link about the global benefits of investing in one of those, compared to my getting out a broom every week or two, please share. x

Yes, I'm aware I could sound obsessive to some.

pridesabtch

Orphia wrote: »

tuddy315 wrote: »

pinuplove wrote: »

?I will say, as a Roomba owner for almost a year now, it is amazing. I almost think it's a requirement for pet owners, if price wasn't such an inhibitor. If you can afford it, get it!

I would love one but it would choke on all the stray socks my little darlings leave lying around (A whole other issue itself)

At my house, if it is lying on the floor it must be garbage. Bye bye garbage!!!

Getting fit and healthy and tidy has made me very alert to global waste, overconsumption, and use of non-renewable resources.

I'm starting to see it as actually a form of art trying to keep all these things including emotions and relationships in balance.

If anyone finds a good link about the global benefits of investing in one of those, compared to my getting out a broom every week or two, please share. x

Yes, I'm aware I could sound obsessive to some.

Honestly, if you only need a broom every week or two, it may not be a big deal for you. I have wood floors a golden retriever and a boxer. My floors need done every couple of days. Heck, if it goes more than a few days I will have to sweep up a bit before I can even run the Roomba. It is a huge time saver for me to be able to let it run while I make dinner.

puffbrat

Orphia wrote: »

tuddy315 wrote: »

pinuplove wrote: »

?I will say, as a Roomba owner for almost a year now, it is amazing. I almost think it's a requirement for pet owners, if price wasn't such an inhibitor. If you can afford it, get it!

I would love one but it would choke on all the stray socks my little darlings leave lying around (A whole other issue itself)

At my house, if it is lying on the floor it must be garbage. Bye bye garbage!!!

Getting fit and healthy and tidy has made me very alert to global waste, overconsumption, and use of non-renewable resources.

I'm starting to see it as actually a form of art trying to keep all these things including emotions and relationships in balance.

If anyone finds a good link about the global benefits of investing in one of those, compared to my getting out a broom every week or two, please share. x

Yes, I'm aware I could sound obsessive to some.

My opinion not based on research, but based on me having a Roomba and also working in environmental. Roombas are going to be worse for the environment than you getting out a broom and sweeping. Period. Without doing research, I can't even begin to guess at the relative environmental impact of a Roomba but at the least there is: manufacturing and associated waste and emissions, shipping and associated waste and emissions, use of the Roomba which uses electricity to charge, and they run on a large battery which means occasional battery replacement and associated waste.

From a personal perspective what my husband and I gain from it is: time that we aren't vacuuming the house ourselves every week, the floor is reasonably clean most of the week instead of waiting for the weekly vacuuming, and it forces us to tidy the house every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday before Carson runs.

Orphia

puffbrat wrote: »

Orphia wrote: »

tuddy315 wrote: »

pinuplove wrote: »

?I will say, as a Roomba owner for almost a year now, it is amazing. I almost think it's a requirement for pet owners, if price wasn't such an inhibitor. If you can afford it, get it!

I would love one but it would choke on all the stray socks my little darlings leave lying around (A whole other issue itself)

At my house, if it is lying on the floor it must be garbage. Bye bye garbage!!!

Getting fit and healthy and tidy has made me very alert to global waste, overconsumption, and use of non-renewable resources.

I'm starting to see it as actually a form of art trying to keep all these things including emotions and relationships in balance.

If anyone finds a good link about the global benefits of investing in one of those, compared to my getting out a broom every week or two, please share. x

Yes, I'm aware I could sound obsessive to some.

My opinion not based on research, but based on me having a Roomba and also working in environmental. Roombas are going to be worse for the environment than you getting out a broom and sweeping. Period. Without doing research, I can't even begin to guess at the relative environmental impact of a Roomba but at the least there is: manufacturing and associated waste and emissions, shipping and associated waste and emissions, use of the Roomba which uses electricity to charge, and they run on a large battery which means occasional battery replacement and associated waste.

From a personal perspective what my husband and I gain from it is: time that we aren't vacuuming the house ourselves every week, the floor is reasonably clean most of the week instead of waiting for the weekly vacuuming, and it forces us to tidy the house every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday before Carson runs.

Thanks, both of you!

I've seen a lot of posts about optimal environmental living get "Disagrees", and this includes some of mine, and I've also clicked disagree on dietary or fitness things I may not do myself.

It's not nice feeling like we're "doing things wrong".

There is no "wrong" if we're trying to be better. We're all trying hard to survive. And there are always more ways for us all to be better.

That's why we're all here!

katsheare

@Orphia Well said!! While it’s less confusing than ‘woo’, ‘disagree’ is considerably more disheartening to see (except when something’s empirically inaccurate...)

I’m not the mess noticer in our house, but we do have a mostly-agreed understanding that things need to be at a certain level of doneness before we go to bed. And I have a couple areas of chaos which I’m allowed to maintain. So I feel sympathy both ways: no, being fit doesn’t mean you have infinite amounts of energy all the time (no matter what those selling something may say) but also having those blind spots is hard. I’ve been actively trying for 10 years to not have them. So yes, when he starts tidying you better believe I jump.