Do you give advice to those who are struggling?

peachvine29 Posts: 400 Member
edited December 2019 in Health and Weight Loss
I've lost 60 lbs. and gained a whole ton of knowledge and skills in fat loss/diet and nutrition/training (though of course there is more learning to do!). I have a coworker that has been very complimentary of my work on my fitness/weight loss. She is in her 50's, she was very thin a year ago due to stomach issues and not eating very much at all but has since put on weight. She has expressed that she wants to lose the weight. My workplace just started offering personal training which both of us have signed up for individually.

Today my coworker ate lunch at 3 pm and told me she was just now eating lunch, and said that I am so good about my food habits but she is not. She then told me that she has been working so hard with her PT but has actually gained weight. I told her it may be muscle and she said she didn't think so. She then said she thinks it is because she is older and her metabolism is slow. I really just want to tell her it is all about calories, if she wants to lose fat she just needs a calorie deficit, it doesn't matter how old you are at all (I know you may burn a bit less as you get older but I don't think it's by much if you are active). But, I just agreed, and said "Yeah...". But of course I really just want to tell her how to lose weight because I am excited about my newfound knowledge. I should just keep quiet, right? I don't want to annoy her or offend her... She also thinks she has to run and work out two times a day, killing herself in the gym, and I just want to tell her it's not necessary... I guess her PT could just help her? It's just sad seeing someone struggle so much for nothing.


  • peachvine29
    peachvine29 Posts: 400 Member
    lgfrie wrote: »
    I no longer give weight lose advice. Like @cmriverside I pretty much just say "I eat less and try to get some exercise". One thing I definitely never discuss with people is IF, which me and my wife have been doing for 6 months with great results, because that conversation never goes right.

    I have some verrrrry obese people in my orbit and any discussion of dieting with them taps into deep-seated issues and emotions that I've learned can't be sorted out with guidance or holding out my own experience as an example.

    I've gotten to a point where I feel a person has to make their own decision that they want this, want it more than they want that next queso and chips, and they just have to reach deep within themselves to find the determination to get started and then to see it through. I don't think that is "teachable". Each person has to get to the point where they're ready.

    Very insightful! I agree that it really isn't teachable, you really just have to want it enough to make sacrifices and no amount of knowledge is going to help you without the discipline and determination to follow through with the actions. Eating less is all it takes.
  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,593 Member
    In the circumstances described by the OP, I would give advice, especially when she said that she couldn't lose weight because she was older. I wouldn't offer advice if it wasn't part of an ongoing discussion about weight loss. I have several obese family members and I don't say a word about weight loss to them. One did ask for advice after he had signed up for a very expensive vitamin program that was supposed to help himm lose weight. He asked what I thought of it and I gave my opinion. I have no idea whether he listened, but since there has been no obvious weight lost in the past six months, I rather doubt it. I hope at least he's not wasting his money any more.

    When I was trying to lose weight, I would talk to friends about what they were doing and how it worked for them. I learned some things that I was able to use in my weight loss efforts. I know that some of what I do wouldn't work for other people, but I have enough knowledge I can help, but only if asked. I am not about to give unsolicited advice. That's a good way to ruin a friendship.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Connection matters. Just be a good friend and an even better listener. A man or woman convinced against their will are of the same opinion still. Contrary to popular opinion, it's better to let the horse lead you to the watering hole. They'll take a big drink when they're good and ready. I wouldn't say a single word. Silence is golden.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 23,633 Member
    In answer to your subject line ... nope.

    People's fitness is their own business.