Being a wife and mother

KirstinJo22
KirstinJo22 Posts: 6 Member
edited December 24 in Chit-Chat
What's on my mind? The fact that my husband said hes not attracted to me. I feel broken. I was pretty confident before getting married and having a baby but since then everything has been down hill and hearing that last night just ripped me in 2

Replies

  • TwitchyMacGee
    TwitchyMacGee Posts: 3,120 Member
    KirstinJo22 wrote: »
    What's on my mind? The fact that my husband said hes not attracted to me. I feel broken. I was pretty confident before getting married and having a baby but since then everything has been down hill and hearing that last night just ripped me in 2
    I am so sorry.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    TwitchyMacGee wrote: »
    KirstinJo22 wrote: »
    What's on my mind? The fact that my husband said hes not attracted to me. I feel broken. I was pretty confident before getting married and having a baby but since then everything has been down hill and hearing that last night just ripped me in 2
    I am so sorry.

    same here.

    hang in there.

    this too shall pass.
  • lifeovpi
    lifeovpi Posts: 121 Member
    FeelinFooFoo wrote: »
    I would find a way to leave that relationship. He sounds like a real douche bag. So you were ok enough to marry and get pregnant. So he waits until after you've had a kid with him before breaking the news he doesn't find you attractive? That's real nice of him. What a way to make someone feel good about themselves. That is really savage in my opinion. If I had a child with my partner, went through all the changes that it does to a woman's body and then he said 'dont find you attractive anymore' I would be out that door quicker than you can say divorce papers.

  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
    edited February 2020
    That’s brutal. I was watching a talk show, and they were saying that if there’s something bothering you in your marriage, it’s always best to be honest and talk to your partner about it. Like if you notice your eyes start wondering, tell your spouse because that could be an indication that something maybe wrong and the next step might be cheating- at least when youre honest right there and then you can fix it right away before it gets worse... or you have the option to leave. Or something along those lines.

    Your husband could’ve went about it in a better way. For me I would appreciate if my husband was honest with me, because it would drive me crazy wondering why he’s acting different towards me... I wouldn’t want him telling me like that though.

    Do you think because he’s not attracted to you anymore that he may not love you the same?
  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
    FeelinFooFoo wrote: »
    I would find a way to leave that relationship. He sounds like a real douche bag. So you were ok enough to marry and get pregnant. So he waits until after you've had a kid with him before breaking the news he doesn't find you attractive? That's real nice of him. What a way to make someone feel good about themselves. That is really savage in my opinion. If I had a child with my partner, went through all the changes that it does to a woman's body and then he said 'dont find you attractive anymore' I would be out that door quicker than you can say divorce papers.

    Probably started feeling like that after kids
  • Deadman_Diggingup
    Deadman_Diggingup Posts: 3,082 Member
    That’s cold man... I’m sorry.
  • KirstinJo22
    KirstinJo22 Posts: 6 Member
    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    I am so sorry. So here's a perspective that is probably not going to be loved by some and I am not at all okeying what he said, but here's my 2 cents anyways. My husband about 6 yrs ago began putting on weight. After a couple years it was over 100lbs. He was absolutely unhealthy, was not taking care of himself, and did not want to discuss it. This was hard. I was worried for his health, and that he soon would not be able to keep up with his family. Unfortunately this did not help in the attraction department, though I never directly said that, he could tell I was struggling. I loved him still with no intention of leaving. He has since shed 80lbs out of his own violation and feels 110% better. I don't know your husband's intention by what he said, but if you believe he loves you and is concerned for your health I hope you can work it out❤

    Thank you for this. I'm going to hope it's for health reasons..
  • KirstinJo22
    KirstinJo22 Posts: 6 Member
    Tinydancer106 wrote: »
    Hugs sweet friend🤗..... I just wanted to say that sometimes words are the cruelest weapon...and what he said seems very cold and heartless....but this could be many things even a blessing in disguise making you stronger💗 I cant offer advice because I'm certainly no expert and only you know your real issues. I can sympathize with you and offer a suggestion based on a similar situation and hope it helps in some small way because I know this is horrible for you.💔

    I was with a very cruel man for many years and was broken believing what he thought of me or what I did as truth. I beat myself up and tried to be what he wanted only to have him turn on the changes I made as well. Don't do what I did and believe him and internalize his issues and views.

    From looking at your picture I see a lovely woman making herself healthy....if you feel like you need to know, ask him where this came from....just so you understand it but remember it's a him problem not a you problem....there could be other reasons he said this so don't feel like it's your fault..most times its really very little to do with you.

    Concentrate on you and your child....love yourself and if you decide to try and work things out remember the only one who you should make changes for is you. I know it feels like the end of the world ...but it will get easier whatever you decide to do as long as you stay true to you.

    Again ...Im so very sorry you're dealing with this hun...please try to stay strong girl....like the others said this will come to pass just keep your head up pretty girl!🙏💗🤗

    Thank you so much for this ❤ it goes along with what I've been thinking for the past couple days and I've decided I'm going to do this for me, because I enjoyed it (being healthy) even before he and I were together. If it's not enough for him in the end then that's on him, not me. Thank you so much for the encouragement 💕
  • KirstinJo22
    KirstinJo22 Posts: 6 Member
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    That’s brutal. I was watching a talk show, and they were saying that if there’s something bothering you in your marriage, it’s always best to be honest and talk to your partner about it. Like if you notice your eyes start wondering, tell your spouse because that could be an indication that something maybe wrong and the next step might be cheating- at least when youre honest right there and then you can fix it right away before it gets worse... or you have the option to leave. Or something along those lines.

    Your husband could’ve went about it in a better way. For me I would appreciate if my husband was honest with me, because it would drive me crazy wondering why he’s acting different towards me... I wouldn’t want him telling me like that though.

    Do you think because he’s not attracted to you anymore that he may not love you the same?

    Thankfully we've been really good about being open and honest and each time we have these types of conversations our communication gets better. I think he still loves me, at least I hope he does. But doesn't there have to be some attraction for love as well?
  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
    KirstinJo22 wrote: »
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    That’s brutal. I was watching a talk show, and they were saying that if there’s something bothering you in your marriage, it’s always best to be honest and talk to your partner about it. Like if you notice your eyes start wondering, tell your spouse because that could be an indication that something maybe wrong and the next step might be cheating- at least when youre honest right there and then you can fix it right away before it gets worse... or you have the option to leave. Or something along those lines.

    Your husband could’ve went about it in a better way. For me I would appreciate if my husband was honest with me, because it would drive me crazy wondering why he’s acting different towards me... I wouldn’t want him telling me like that though.

    Do you think because he’s not attracted to you anymore that he may not love you the same?

    Thankfully we've been really good about being open and honest and each time we have these types of conversations our communication gets better. I think he still loves me, at least I hope he does. But doesn't there have to be some attraction for love as well?

    Yeah but I don’t think people fall out of love that easily soley on physical attraction. He married you, I’m sure there’s other aspects about you that he’s attracted to. Idk it confuses me too... with my ex it was “ you look good but that’s it”, “ you got looks, but what else”.
  • tarun_yadavA
    tarun_yadavA Posts: 1,411 Member
    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    I am so sorry. So here's a perspective that is probably not going to be loved by some and I am not at all okeying what he said, but here's my 2 cents anyways. My husband about 6 yrs ago began putting on weight. After a couple years it was over 100lbs. He was absolutely unhealthy, was not taking care of himself, and did not want to discuss it. This was hard. I was worried for his health, and that he soon would not be able to keep up with his family. Unfortunately this did not help in the attraction department, though I never directly said that, he could tell I was struggling. I loved him still with no intention of leaving. He has since shed 80lbs out of his own violation and feels 110% better. I don't know your husband's intention by what he said, but if you believe he loves you and is concerned for your health I hope you can work it out❤

    I agree with this. Quite similar/close to home... not necessarily malicious (and men do tend to be blunter/less diplomatic than women).

  • sdenness9925
    sdenness9925 Posts: 254 Member
    KirstinJo22 wrote: »
    What's on my mind? The fact that my husband said hes not attracted to me. I feel broken. I was pretty confident before getting married and having a baby but since then everything has been down hill and hearing that last night just ripped me in 2

    Thays such an awful thing to say and ti hear, i am so sorry to read this....... if you ever need to talk, i will always listen.... stay strong x
  • nooshi713
    nooshi713 Posts: 4,877 Member
    I’m sorry. That is a horrible thing to hear from a partner.
  • keodell1966
    keodell1966 Posts: 141 Member
    So sorry to hear that. In the long run, you can move on and live your best life with your kids. Keep on looking up. You’ll be fine. 🙂
  • XxFunctionalStrengthxX
    XxFunctionalStrengthxX Posts: 2,466 Member
    KirstinJo22 wrote: »
    Hi friends.. so my husband and I decided to get divorced
    He said he's not attracted to me anymore and is ready for someone else and has already started talking to other women so that was last straw for me..

    Wow, very sad to hear this. Hits very close to home for me. While painful as it is, I think it's better to go this route than try and fake a marriage just for a child's sake.
  • Tinydancer106
    Tinydancer106 Posts: 3,678 Member
    You're amazing Kristin and I can tell strong AF!🙌🤗💗.....i can imagine all you're dealing with but I see you coming out better for it on the other side babe....please know you have a fan and a friend in me girl!🤗😘🙌👯💕💐
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,966 Member
    That's so sad to hear. What a terrible husband.
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