Work acquaintance keeps commenting on my weight

dancenlose
dancenlose Posts: 21 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I commute by bus to work and one of my colleague who takes the same route has become chatty with me. He keeps saying things like "move fast or the cars will get damaged when they hit you".
This is incredibly rude and even unprofessional. I just ignore him usually, sometimes even get defensive (I'm not fat, I had a baby,etc.).
Now I've started regularly working out and whenever he sees me going to the gym, he says things like "you're never going to lose" and "you haven't lost at all". He's seriously pissing me off as my weight isn't any of his business.
I didn't want to snap at him because he would then know I'm sensitive about my weight, but today as I was talking a walk, he said it twice. I asked him to mind his own business. He claimed something like he's also minding his own business when I walked off.
Sorry long post, but what's the best way to handle this? I have no interest in being friends with him, but it's impossible to avoid him because of our shared bus route.
Any snarky comebacks welcome.
Thanks for reading.
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Replies

  • dancenlose
    dancenlose Posts: 21 Member
    Hmm, I can't because I travel with him that's when I interact with him. We don't work together in office, or I would probably have complained. Unfortunately we live in the same condo.
  • harper16
    harper16 Posts: 2,564 Member
    You should still have an HR department even if you don't work in an office. Is there a way you can travel with someone else, for work?

    If not tell him to go *snake* himself. He sounds like a piece of *cow*.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    dancenlose wrote: »
    Hmm, I can't because I travel with him that's when I interact with him. We don't work together in office, or I would probably have complained. Unfortunately we live in the same condo.

    When you say colleague, people assume you mean you work with this person. Obviously, if that's not the case then responses will be different.

    Maybe try a blank stare until it gets uncomfortable.
  • dancenlose
    dancenlose Posts: 21 Member
    Oh, didn't know that.
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    PS - you can absolutely complain to HR about this since he is clearly targeting you outside of work on your commute in and/or possibly home, it still falls under their responsibility to talk to him about his behavior even if they may not be able to take specific action since it isn't occurring in the office.
  • sammidelvecchio
    sammidelvecchio Posts: 791 Member
    I'd just give it to him straight. I've done this before, and it makes them feel pretty stupid.

    Something like, Bro - don't you have your own *kitten* to worry about? If you don't have something nice to say - actually keep ALL your comments to yourself. I am working hard to meet my goals. Do you have any goals for yourself? Any positive goals that will enhance your quality of life? I hope you do, and I hope you take whatever energy you've been spending on putting me down and put it towards making yourself happy because you seem pretty *kitten* miserable to me. If you speak to me again outside of professional matters, I will report you to the police and HR for harassment. Now, for the last time - leave me alone.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    So I'm confused...is this actually a work colleague/acquaintance, or just somebody who has the same commuter bus as you and lives in your condo?
  • dancenlose
    dancenlose Posts: 21 Member
    Same office, same office bus, same condo but we work in different departments
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    dancenlose wrote: »
    Oh, didn't know that.

    If you use the quote button, it is easier to see who you are responding to. Is this guy working for the same company you do?
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    So I'm confused...is this actually a work colleague/acquaintance, or just somebody who has the same commuter bus as you and lives in your condo?

    This 100%.... Because the answers would be different. If it's the latter, I would just tell him to go eff himself and wear headphones on my commute.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    dancenlose wrote: »
    Same office, same office bus, same condo but we work in different departments

    If you work for the same company, you can take it to HR. I would have a notebook with specific situations written down. Not your interpretations, just specifically what what said and when.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    dancenlose wrote: »
    Same office, same office bus, same condo but we work in different departments

    I don't know about your company, but my company would absolutely take harassment seriously even if it was happening outside the office, probably especially if it was happening regularly on the way into work.

    In your situation, I would clearly say once "I'm not interested in talking to you. Please stop harassing me." I wouldn't engage any more after that and if he attempted to keep talking to me, I would just go to HR.

    I would also jot down the things he had already said, with approximate dates.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    dancenlose wrote: »
    Same office, same office bus, same condo but we work in different departments

    So yeah...working in different departments is irrelevant. HR isn't by department, HR is company wide to handle HR issues company wide.
  • josephinebowman
    josephinebowman Posts: 359 Member
    1. Sorry you have had to deal with this. 2. I think sammidel above has the speech. Say it a bit loudly near the bus driver and/or any other regular riders who might be good witnesses. 3. Do go to HR as you said you would do in #2 4. Sit silently, face forward from now on near other riders.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,324 Member
    edited February 2020
    okay, you are acting helpless and like you don't know what to do..but you do.
    If this person works for the same company you do. TAKE CONTROL DON"T play the VICTIM. First. you know you can report him to HR...so do that. Second he lives at your condo and that is going to suck because he can bully you there all day long. ..and that's what he is.. a bully.. and bullies don't change. The more they feel they're getting to you, the more they come at you. If you let him know he bothers you.. you just give him ammunition.

    I'd say to him "Oh great, the resident screwed up bully again. You are so boring - get some therapy and stop being so obsessed with me."

    The best advice I can give is get an earplug head set.. have it connected to your phone and listen to music when you're in the elevator at your condo and on the bus and totally ignore him even if he tries to talk to you are get your attention. .. Tune the jerk out.
  • busyPK
    busyPK Posts: 3,788 Member
    Tell him very clearly to stop commenting on your body and it is inappropriate. If he continues then document date/time/place/incident and report to HR. It is harder for HR to handle if it happens off site, however they should be aware of his actions as it is harassment.
  • pandagalaxy
    pandagalaxy Posts: 19 Member
    If this is frustrating enough to post online it's definitely taking up too much of your time. HR in reality is not there to be your friend and be on your side, in my opinion it is a waste of time unless it is a safety issue (and still they may ignore you). Bullies are the worst but they are also everywhere unfortunately so I feel for you.

    Ignore the guy, physically place yourself/move away from him whenever possible and don't engage, don't talk to him/talk back. Pretend he doesn't exist. Report it to the bus operators if you think your safety is at stake.

    Other option if you can't resist talking with him, change the subject and get him talking about himself instead (in a nice way like family/pets/favorite tv shows) if possible/if you want to.

    This guy doesn't deserve any more of your time/worry. I hope you can figure out a way to make this not be a stressful situation anymore.

    When I am stressed out by someone I work with who I may also have a chance of running in to outside of work I just disengage. If they want a simple answer I give it to them and go back to doing anything else. I'm not there for small talk or to complain to management how their employees can't properly do their jobs/are annoying. (if they are directly rude to me ex: swearing at me - then yes I will let someone know specifically what happened and they can choose to deal with it then it's over). I hope you have luck with this.
  • katarina005
    katarina005 Posts: 259 Member
    dancenlose wrote: »
    So I commute by bus to work and one of my colleague who takes the same route has become chatty with me. He keeps saying things like "move fast or the cars will get damaged when they hit you".
    This is incredibly rude and even unprofessional. I just ignore him usually, sometimes even get defensive (I'm not fat, I had a baby,etc.).
    Now I've started regularly working out and whenever he sees me going to the gym, he says things like "you're never going to lose" and "you haven't lost at all". He's seriously pissing me off as my weight isn't any of his business.
    I didn't want to snap at him because he would then know I'm sensitive about my weight, but today as I was talking a walk, he said it twice. I asked him to mind his own business. He claimed something like he's also minding his own business when I walked off.
    Sorry long post, but what's the best way to handle this? I have no interest in being friends with him, but it's impossible to avoid him because of our shared bus route.
    Any snarky comebacks welcome.
    Thanks for reading.

    Im sorry. Some people are just cruel. Honestly I would make him feel bad, and tell him how he makes you feel and leave you alone. He's a jerk and you have no obligations to treat him nice just because you make money in the same place. If your boss doesnt understand and his behavior doesnt stop, call HR and make a complaint.
  • katarina005
    katarina005 Posts: 259 Member
    I used to work somewhere and my clothes got tight, and I was criticized by the ladies they said I was being suggestive in my dress. I was young and I think it was an excuse to get on me to make themselves feel better. So I know how you feel, and a m sorry to you.

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