Crushed 💔

AJuff
AJuff Posts: 12 Member
edited December 24 in Motivation and Support
My husband says I’m the fattest person he knows and fat is off putting. I am 12 stone and 5 ft 3 inches. I am gutted 💔
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Replies

  • nasr25
    nasr25 Posts: 214 Member
    If it’s not from is personality to say such things maybe he is trying to motivate you. While I don’t agree with the approach It might be his. If it’s Something common for him to say such hurtful things than he is an *kitten*. I myself need a lot of weight to lose and when my wife was pregnant she gained weight. Once She had the baby and some time had passed I explained to her how difficult it was being overweight and that I did not want that for her. She lost the weight and now is helping me do the same. Idk if I hurt her feelings when I said that to her but my intentions were good and it’s not in my nature to say hurtful things. I just want to give your husband the benefit of doubt. You know him best and I would like to say that if he is just being an *kitten* that you should ignore him and do this for you.
  • harper16
    harper16 Posts: 2,564 Member
    nasr25 wrote: »
    If it’s not from is personality to say such things maybe he is trying to motivate you. While I don’t agree with the approach It might be his. If it’s Something common for him to say such hurtful things than he is an *kitten*. I myself need a lot of weight to lose and when my wife was pregnant she gained weight. Once She had the baby and some time had passed I explained to her how difficult it was being overweight and that I did not want that for her. She lost the weight and now is helping me do the same. Idk if I hurt her feelings when I said that to her but my intentions were good and it’s not in my nature to say hurtful things. I just want to give your husband the benefit of doubt. You know him best and I would like to say that if he is just being an *kitten* that you should ignore him and do this for you.

    What a horrible way to try and motivate someone, by choosing to be hurtful, and ugly.
  • Katmary71
    Katmary71 Posts: 7,147 Member
    Wow, what a horrible thing to say! You're more than your body, please don't start thinking the same way. If you want to make improvements to your health do it for you and not because of something hurtful your husband says. Yeah, it may have been to encourage you to lose weight but there are way better ways to go about it.
  • leanneellison1979
    leanneellison1979 Posts: 23 Member
    you husband does not deserve you. That is a horrible thing to say to the person he loves. Dont let him crush your spirit, you are making a change to better your own health and that is a fantastic thing. You can do whatever you set your mind to. Its about what makes you happy and how you feel about yourself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you are beautiful. hugs.
  • MrsDan1667
    MrsDan1667 Posts: 76 Member
    edited March 2020
    Correct me if I’m wrong but according to BMI that’s not even obese, just “over-weight”. How rude and insensitive. Surely he fell in love and married you for your personality too? Idc how “skinny” someone is, a poor attitude would be a major turn off for a lot of people. People don’t just fall in love and marry people that are rude/mean/hateful just because they’re skinny; right?
  • holly1283
    holly1283 Posts: 741 Member
    Nsar you handled it wisely with your wife. No benefit of the doubt for how hurtful he was. That was just downright cruel. Just ask your wife how she would have felt it you said that to her. I guarantee it would not motivated her.
  • onward1
    onward1 Posts: 386 Member
    AliNouveau wrote: »
    Sounds like he's a complete douche. Perhaps tell him he's the ugliest person you know for saying something so disgusting and insensitive
    RelCanonical wrote: »
    He is trying to hurt your self esteem to have more control over you. This doesn’t sound like it’s actually about your weight but more about finding ways to shame you to make you think you don’t deserve anyone but him. *kitten* him.

    ^This. You deserve so much better. I'm gutted for you, so sorry you're married to a *kitten*.
  • nasr25
    nasr25 Posts: 214 Member
    holly1283 wrote: »
    Nsar you handled it wisely with your wife. No benefit of the doubt for how hurtful he was. That was just downright cruel. Just ask your wife how she would have felt it you said that to her. I guarantee it would not motivated her.

    I mean I would never say that to my wife. so it’s even hard for me to imagine such a thing. I don’t see how anyone could say a thing like that and I am definitely not defending him. I just feel bad for her and I am trying to give him in a way an excuse. That fact she was so hurt I thought maybe this isn’t something he has ever said before and isn’t in his character. Either way it is wrong and I hope (to the op) that you do this for you and get better for you. I wish you all the best and all the support is here with these good people if you need it.

  • Sand_TIger
    Sand_TIger Posts: 1,099 Member
    edited March 2020
    He said that and you're only 12 stone? He really, really, REALLY needs to get out more. That's not too far above my goal weight! The next thing is to figure out if he was trying to "motivate you" or if he was actually trying to hurt you. Then act accordingly.
  • RoseyandReady
    RoseyandReady Posts: 256 Member
    Brutal...brutal....brutal. If he thinks this is a way to motivate you he is dead wrong and he doesn't deserve you. If you want to lose weight, do it for you and your health. But after hearing what he said, you may want to look after your mental health because he is eating away at your self esteem and will make you doubt yourself and your worth. You deserve someone who appreciates you and someone who says kind words.
  • merph518
    merph518 Posts: 702 Member
    Your husband's a prick and his behavior is off putting. You weigh less than my long term goal.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    That's a pathetic and insensitive thing for him to say to you. :( Is he always like this? I'm so sorry and hope you can rise above what he said to you. Just because he said it, does NOT make it so!!! Please believe that and know, in your heart, what he did was so wrong and thoughtless. :( Definitely says more about the kind of person he is than anything else.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    Amanda_starfish wrote: »
    One of my favorite saying... “don’t let someone who doesn’t know your value tell you how much you’re worth”

    Thank you for sharing this, I love it!! And it's very true.
  • savery55
    savery55 Posts: 1 Member
    I'm so sorry. :( Words like this tend to stick to us for years. I hope you will take encouragement from the many "friends" here who have commented and not allow those words to stick to your heart. No one, no matter what, deserves to have someone speak to them this way. I pray you stay strong on the inside and find your way to your best health and to healthier relationships! Sending hugs!❀
  • thebabadon
    thebabadon Posts: 28 Member
    Not good. He needs to change his attitude. My wife is 250 lbs and i stayed with her for the past 10 years. I encouraged her all the time. Finally, she adopted a healthy lifestyle and is now losing weight.
  • Kiwibowler
    Kiwibowler Posts: 19 Member
    Geeze what a great guy - NOT!

    Hun, if this is a one off thing you could go and explain that it was hurtful and not motivational.

    If it's more than one off you need to be thinking if you can stay. It doesn't get better
  • holly1283
    holly1283 Posts: 741 Member
    Today is a new day. The consensus was in support of you. Cannot change the past. Keep coming for support.😊
  • TwistedSassette
    TwistedSassette Posts: 8,825 Member
    @AJuff I wish I was as fat as you are! We are the same height, but I weigh over 20 stone. I am working on my health and losing weight now, but I know if my husband was not supportive then I would inevitably fail.

    You deserve so much better than to have the one person who's supposed to be there for you, speak to you like that. I'm sorry that you're having to hear it.As much as you can, let it run off your back because this is not your issue, it's his issue.

    You only need to lose around 10kg to be in the 'healthy' BMI range - you could probably do that with just some small tweaks to your lifestyle over time (like going for a daily walk or skipping dessert a few times a week, for instance). Unfortunately for your husband, his *kitten* perspective is ugly, and I hope you can see that you deserve better.
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