Advice on helping a 9yr old with being healthier?

emmaninek

My daughter is 9. About 4ft 5inches and weighs in at 75.5lbs. I googled dozens of different calculators for the appropriate weight based on height/age/gender for her and the range of answers was not terribly helpful. I realize that her BMI (based on online calculators) is within a "normal" range. But she has developed a pudgey/cellulite looking midsection and is clearly slightly bigger than classmates.

Trying not to alarm her or point it out and keep up a positive self body image and just change her diet in a healthy way. Not particularly sporty, only doing softball for 2 months out of the year.

Just curious for tips on a goal to set and ways to get there and such.

MayMaydoesntrun

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_HeartsOnFire_

She's still growing. She might be going thru a growth spurt. My niece tends to gain some weight before she grows again. If she's in the normal range, she's fine.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

How does her doctor feel about her weight? I wouldn't think a bit of a belly is really something to be worried about. Kids grow differently.

I wouldn't do anything extreme. Serve healthy meals with reasonable portion sizes. Set established snack times. Encourage activity, discourage T.V. watching.

sudmom

Buy her a bike and go bike riding with her...put on your hikers and go for a hike at the park. Kids just need more to do that isn't so sedentary. If you do it with her, you both benefit. You can lead be example.

freekat

Hey there. Being a parent is tricky isn't it! Some suggestions from another mum.
- Do not mention the word fat, heavy or diet. If you talk about the situation with her at all mention health.
- Make healthy changes a family thing like going to the park or not having certain foods in the house. This will let her know it is not all about her.
- also be aware that sometimes children bulk up a little before they have a growth spurt.
- make sure she eats healthy food most of the time and moves her body.
Hope some of these suggestions help!

mellenorris

Lead the way, and the kid(s) will follow, I say. Don't make it about health, make it about fun. Give her some choices - IE would you rather play volleyball, or soccer? Tennis, martial arts? Give her the control (in the form of choices!), obviously you control her meals at this point in time (totally talk to a doctor about that one), and be a positive role model! That's the best you can do, imo.

I grew up playing outside, but was never sporty by any stretch of the word. I wish my parents had forced me into a sport of some form!

JesChernosky

Since she's 9 she may be getting ready to start puberty. That typically means that she'll start getting a little thicker in the waist section since she's storing up fat to build up breasts. Talk to her pediatrician and see what he/she has to say. It's always good to start pushing healthier foods and exercise, though.

mdcoug

I'm not an expert, but I think the best thing you can do is make family-wide changes instead of focusing on just her. For example:
Add a daily activity, whether it's biking, walking or practicing a sport.
Cook healthy meals for dinner, provide healthy choices for lunch, breakfast and snacks.
Stop daily "treats."
Praise healthy choices when they're made.

I attended a parenting seminar when my first was a baby, and I still remember the disciplining approach the instructor recommended. I think you could also apply it here. Rather than saying, for example: "Don't say mean things to your friend!" Say "In this family, we only say nice things to our friends." So, when they ask why we have to go outside to play, I say "In our family, we like to go outside and play!" Does that make sense? I've used that "In this family..." statement more times than I can count!

Anyway, in our family I try not to make big deal over diet and exercise and instead just do it. Easier said than done some days, but it's a goal!

LorienCoffeeBean

My daughter is 9. About 4ft 5inches and weighs in at 75.5lbs. I googled dozens of different calculators for the appropriate weight based on height/age/gender for her and the range of answers was not terribly helpful. I realize that her BMI (based on online calculators) is within a "normal" range. But she has developed a pudgey/cellulite looking midsection and is clearly slightly bigger than classmates.

Trying not to alarm her or point it out and keep up a positive self body image and just change her diet in a healthy way. Not particularly sporty, only doing softball for 2 months out of the year.

Just curious for tips on a goal to set and ways to get there and such.

My daughter is 9, 4'5", and 80 lbs. she is in the "at risk" category on a BMI online calculator and i try not to focus on this.
she has always had a rounder look. she had never been thin and will be a curvy woman. she is starting to develop already as well.
I think she is fine and will grow into her body. she is destined to be curvy. when my daughter was 5 i had to hide the scale. periodically her unhappiness with her body rears its head. it is at the moment. jeans do not fit her as they are not designed in her size for a girl with hips and a round bum, she isnt fat...just figured.
she does have a wee bit of a pudgy tummy, like a toddler tummy, but she has slimmed out before with a growth spurt and i think she will again.
I am very careful on my own weight loss journey to NEVER let her see me weigh or measure myself. We talk about eating healthily and nutrition, not the word DIET because that word to a child means dont eat and get skinny. she sees me exercise and we talk about having a strong and healthy body.
she is very active during the school year soccer, dance, swimming) she is in something physical year round.

sunshyncatra

Talk to her doctor if you are concerned.

The best way you can help her is to model healthy eating and maintain an active lifestyle.

Jennloella

get her interested in some outdoor activities, limit video game time if she partakes in that. I have an 8 and 11 year old. don't forget that you buy the food around there, if you're worried she's consuming too much junk or the wrong food items, then don't keep it in the house. Serve balanced meals and have healthy snacks. You can do this without even bringing it up to her. Besides, she's 9, chances are she doesn't care yet, and why rush into that phase of a woman's life?

jardin12

Same for my little one so I thought about it and realised she had developed a bad habit of eating ice cream and a chocolate biscuit or two every day. I stopped buying those things, gave her some sensible substitutes such as a banana and the little tummy shrunk back down in about eight weeks. I didn't make a big deal of it - just a gently manipulation! Funny thing was I was letting her eat so much because she is my really active child. My little boy does nothing and eats nothing and because of a once a week ballet class (for last five years!) he has the physique of an athlete! :-) xx

micheleb15

Does she enjoy being active? Why softball only 2 months out of the year? Have you tried different activities? I tried everything and basically hated everything until I played softball. I played all year, you couldn't stop me, fall ball, winter ball, travel ball, etc. Not saying she will love sports, but it took a while to find something.

Also, you do the shopping right? Make it about you maybe. Say you want to get healthier and buy healthier (not sure what you currently buy) options. Don't make this about her. It's such a sensitive subject, I was never overweight, but had an athletic build growing up. I remember my mom and I going shopping and buying a certain size and hearing my mom say " I can't believe you're that size, I didn't wear that size until I was X years old." She wasn't calling me fat, but I still remember those comments to this day.

Obviously, talk to the dr too.

YoBecca

My daughter is the same age. We talk a lot about food choices, in a way that I think helps her make good choices. When we're picking food - either at the store or at home - I talk to her about what "kind" they are. Basically, we identify foods as being fruits, veggies, proteins, or "bready" - or, sweet treats. I rarely say no to any food choices, but we talk about balance and I ask her to make choices that will help her balance her diet. So, if she's had a lunch that was all bready food and protein (like a sandwich), the next time she's hungry I ask her to pick a fruit or veggie. If she's reaching for crackers, I may point out that we haven't had much protein today and ask her to pick a protein choice. She has totally internalized this and talks often about what her next choice should/will be. She knows that thought the day she needs some of it all.

We have sweet treats for the kids, but I keep portions small and I alternate less healthy choices (ice cream) with healthier options (jello with fruit mixed in).

She has only recently started asking for seconds, or thirds, and I ask her to figure out if she's actually hungry or just likes the taste of something. If she's actually hungry, she can have more (in a balanced way - more veggies too). If she just likes how it tastes, then let's have the leftovers tomorrow, and you can lick the spoon.

I also only serve one cup of milk or juice at a time, then switch them to water - really just to get them to drink more water.

My daughter is a competitive gymnast, but my son hates sports. But, we ride bikes, walk while the kids ride their scooters, and walk to the dog park as often as we can. There are ways to keep them active that are fun and don't feel like exercise. Remember, they spend all day at school sitting down. Getting them opportunities to be active is important- so long as it's fun. It also helps that they see me being active - they think it's just part of life. My daughter loves to go run a mile with me - and she keeps me on my toes!

epazia

I grew up in a family where food was a reward for just about anything, negative or positive. It has been very hard for me to face this demon. If I could be 9 again I would ask my mother to think up some different rewards. Don't know if this is something your daughter is facing but couldn't hurt to mention it I suppose.

pseudomuffin

Hey there. Being a parent is tricky isn't it! Some suggestions from another mum.
- Do not mention the word fat, heavy or diet. If you talk about the situation with her at all mention health.
- Make healthy changes a family thing like going to the park or not having certain foods in the house. This will let her know it is not all about her.
- also be aware that sometimes children bulk up a little before they have a growth spurt.
- make sure she eats healthy food most of the time and moves her body.
Hope some of these suggestions help!

I love this advice! I don't have children but will offer a cautionary tale from my own childhood: I was always a bit chubby for my age as a child. Instead of handling it like freekat suggested, my mother made me feel bad about it as if being chubby was my fault. I was out on endless diets, in adult weight watchers and weight loss classes as a child, and given exercise as chores when my thin brother had none of these things. It was humiliating, and I grew up being ashamed of my body and resistant to exercise and advice because I'd learned to dread it and become defensive about my growing weight problem. I was even anorexic for a time as a young teen and was praised for my trim figure instead of realizing what was wrong. I think if my mom had blamed me less and been more positive about a healthy lifestyle, I wouldn't have thought I was bad because I was chubby and would have grown up with a healthier relationship with food and better self esteem.

Get your daughter active, but don't obsess about her midsection. Get the whole family eating healthier, teach about portion sizes, etc., and keep it positive and I'm sure she'll be better for it in the future

ellissammy

instead of junk food have her eat fruits and vegetables and eat healthier snacks. portion her food to.

omegadrh

I'm *definitely* no authority on this subject, and I have no idea what you're doing already (so definitely don't read this as criticism) but my thought is that you shouldn't address it with her, but rather ensure she's in a healthy environment / effect positive changes in her environment (90%+ of which you probably control) if she's not. You presumably feed her breakfast and dinner, potentially pack her lunch for school, buy whatever snacks she has available, and have strong input on what activities she does or doesn't participate in. So...
1. Prepare healthy, balanced meals, and portion them appropriately. Obviously this doesn't mean you should start serving her just a bowl of spinach, but if you serve her half a baked chicken breast, steamed green beans, and a whole wheat roll, she's bound to be better off than if you put a bucket of KFC in front of her.
2. Don't keep unhealthy snack food around. If there are boxes of cookies and candy in the cabinet, she'll eat those. If there are *only* bags of apple chips, raisins, or whatever else, she'll eat those instead.
3. Set a good example (as is kind of demanded by the first two items for food, but also for activity). If you're eating junk-food but telling her she can't, good luck with that. But also, instead of collapsing on the couch for three hours after dinner to watch TV, go for a walk or bike ride [with her]. Ask her to play catch with you, etc.

If she's raised in a home with healthy meals and active parents, I think she's got a lot better chance at developing healthy habits. Her belly may or may not follow, but is a secondary concern to the healthy lifestyle.

Edit: Wow, this topic exploded. Much of what I said is now repeating what others above me wrote, but wasn't there at the time I wrote this. Sorry for doubling up!

notworthstalking

I agree with pretty much has been said. My eldest is only 7, but what we do with her is- she is really fussy, I won't take the I don't like this from her, if we know she likes it. She will drop foods if we let her. I explain why different foods are good choices. Like, how vegemite (we are Aussies) has good vitamin B, and that can help with energy. Peanuts have good fats and some protien. Also teaching her that something's tast nicer in foods, like grated carrot in mince. She still gives us a lot of grief with her fussy eating, but is learning yes she can have chocolate, corn chips etc, but too much doesn't feel good. One thing is she knows how much to eat.

She is on the skinny side, and you know if she has been sick or has grown. They get to play outside a lot her school. She only does two activities, but the rest of the time she self exercises . My husband picks her up from school and her and the four year old walk home, the big things at her school are handstands/cartwheels, soccer, and they have taught them lots of games in PE. They also have a lot of climbing stuff in the playground . I am concentrating on fitness with her. Basically not cringing when she falls over when attempting a cart wheel ect. We talk about getting strong. Being busy. Fuelling the body. Stuff like that. I also try not to weigh her much. More because she can be 'too light' , but if she is running around like a crazy person , something must be right lol.

emmaninek

Thank you for the responses. I should make note that we do eat rather healthy and snacks have been limited in variety and had a set time since well before she, as my youngest was born. And yes she rides bike and plays outside and such. She did soccer, basketball, etc but they definitely were not for her and she did not care for them. The softball is offered just 2 months of the year, which is why she does it that limited time frame.

Where I come into trouble is visiting Dad on weekends. Try explaining to a 9yr old about making better choices than the donuts and mountain dew at Dads. And yes I have tried talking to him rationally about it. (for those of you that were insinuating my shopping habits are a contributing factor as the adult).

I personally lean the low carb route and had only been doing so for myself, I've been thinking about doing so with her as well and then just letting the chips (and cookies) fall where they may on the weekends when I'm not around. Will it give her a complex to weigh and measure in once a week when I do? I do NOT want to be one of those wacky moms. But at the same time I do want to encourage good lifestyle choices as a child that will translate easily into adulthood.

Dr said she's within normal range, although did say the recommended/ideal weight was 67 and not her current 75.

xilka

With my 10yo, I have found that reading medical research articles together about the health hazards in eating too much sugar, fast food, processed food etc. worked a lot better than just giving him my opinion. He's become much wiser about food choices since he is more informed.

notworthstalking

Thank you for the responses. I should make note that we do eat rather healthy and snacks have been limited in variety and had a set time since well before she, as my youngest was born. And yes she rides bike and plays outside and such.

Where I come into trouble is visiting Dad on weekends. Try explaining to a 9yr old about making better choices than the donuts and mountain dew at Dads. And yes I have tried talking to him rationally about it.

I personally lean the low carb route and had only been doing so for myself, I've been thinking about doing so with her as well and then just letting the chips (and cookies) fall where they may on the weekends when I'm not around. Will it give her a complex to weigh and measure in once a week when I do? I do NOT want to be one of those wacky moms. But at the same time I do want to encourage good lifestyle choices as a child that will translate easily into adulthood.

Dr said she's within normal range, although did say the recommended/ideal weight was 67 and not her current 75.

I personally wouldn't weigh her every week. Maybe once every month or two.

LorienCoffeeBean

please dont weigh her. i would do anything to have my daughter NOT put any stock in that damn scale. just be healthy daily. dont worry about her dads time (im in the same boat too, hotdogs and chips all the time). dont even breathe about the numbers on the scale or the inches on her waist. I am terrified that my daughter will develop an eating disorder as she already has very poor body image. if she has never mentioned anything about it tread lightly, you dont want her to start having poor self image

JustAnotherGirlSuzanne

When I was 10 I weighed 100 lbs and was about 5 feet tall (which was not overweight... I was quite skinny)...

If I were to guess I'd say that she's just got that "baby fat" that all preteens/early teens have. Encourage her to eat right and to be active. Lead by example and a healthy lifestyle/body fat percentage should follow naturally.

:flowerforyou:

YoBecca

. Will it give her a complex to weigh and measure in once a week when I do? I do NOT want to be one of those wacky moms.

Yes, it will.

This shouldn't be about weighing and measuring her, and doing so will likely make her think she isn't measuring up. As a kid who was evaluated like this and who had my weight/body talked about like this, I developed some pretty impressive self-hatred and body shame. Don't do it to her, and think about the effect it will have on your relationship with her.

qtgonewild

My ex’s daughter was chubby at 10 years year old when I came into the picture. Unfortunately we broke up three months ago, but now at 13 she has grown In to herself, since probably around 12 years old and she is very thin. We didn’t need to do anything. And fortunately even though her mom and I didn’t work out, I still have contact with the 3 kids which is probably the one thing I can be thankful for in this life. Those kids were like mine.

YoBecca

please dont weigh her. i would do anything to have my daughter NOT put any stock in that damn scale. just be healthy daily. dont worry about her dads time (im in the same boat too, hotdogs and chips all the time). dont even breathe about the numbers on the scale or the inches on her waist. I am terrified that my daughter will develop an eating disorder as she already has very poor body image. if she has never mentioned anything about it tread lightly, you dont want her to start having poor self image

This!

In all honesty,if she gets to be older and wants to lose a few pounds, that's doable. Reviving a damaged self-esteem and distorted body image: that's a helluva lot harder.

leahgoldgirl

Cook healthy meals and prepare healthy snacks together. Kids are more likely to try healthy foods, if they are involved in the process of preparing them. Replace some treat items in the house with easy to eat fruits, put a dark chocolate chip in a raspberry and give her 1/4 of a cup of those as a snack. Go for walks together, as just mommy and me time. She might really like the extra time to just talk to you about her day. There are a lot of things you can do, without ever mentioning her weight, making her feel self conscious, etc. In fact, suggesting these things might make her feel special, because she is spending more time with mom and getting to do fun stuff like cook.

supermodelchic

Hi there, well I have boy's and I was concerned with my 12 year old before he hit puberty, but he has since grown 5 inches and slimmed down.. So what I would do, tell her you want her to be healthy & slim. don't talk about her weight, she will mirror what she see's , if you are setting a good example she will follow, buy matching jump ropes, get roller skates, do not have her eat carbs after 4:00pm just protein & veggie carbs.. make her a protein shake in the morning with items she likes..