The things people say...

MissNova

Good afternoon everyone,

I have noticed that when I tell people how much weight I want to lose I get the whole "are you crazy" "you will look sick" "maybe just do 30 lbs"...

I am tired of hearing this. I want to be supported regardless of what I look like or my goals. I may just lose 50lbs and be happy with that but the point is I am trying to make a better life for myself.

What things do people say whether positive or negative about your weight loss?

Thanx

trickyfoxster710

My boyfriend doesn't want me to weigh less then 180! @ 180 I would still be considered obese! How is that healthy! I mean I still have a long way to go but gosh!

cparter

I feel you!! Seems like they want you to be less (meaning more) to make themselves feel better... pffft

Crysta1976

I think people think they are being nice when they say that...like trying to complement you... But it's a fail! I hear the same sort of things (though I have also had 2 people ask if that was enough. GEE THANKS!) ... And I agree with you. Why can't people just be supportive of what you're doing for yourself??

ron2282

I get the same thing. Never mind that once I hit my goal I'm still technically 5 pounds overweight for my height! Now when people ask I just tell them that I’m only trying to maintain my current weight. It’s none of their business anyway.

bellinachuchina

First, consider who is saying this to you and what their own physical state is. There are so many motivations as to why they are saying that, just use it as motivation. I have had many people, friends, family, coworkers, etc. all tell me to stop losing when I was 40lbs. heavier than I am now.

STAY FOCUSED. You know what you want for your own body, no one else.

MissNova

Thank you to all!

Very valid points. I do value opinions but not when you are making me feel like I am making a mistake. It is my life that matters.

Once again thank you. Keep up the great work. I am glad I am not the only one dealing with this. Glad to have MFP for us to work together.

maddox22

I think part of it is too that most people have no idea what "X lb" of weight loss actually looks like. They have no clue how overweight you are, or what a healthy weight is for your height. So they hear "I'm trying to lose 70 lb" and they just think about how 70 is a big number, so that must be way too much for you to lose.

Our sense of appropriate weights and body sizes today is pretty out of whack.

MissNova

I think part of it is too that most people have no idea what "X lb" of weight loss actually looks like. They have no clue how overweight you are, or what a healthy weight is for your height. So they hear "I'm trying to lose 70 lb" and they just think about how 70 is a big number, so that must be way too much for you to lose.

Our sense of appropriate weights and body sizes today is pretty out of whack.

Yes I agree! I say if you knew how much I weighed you would not think it was so much then. Then they try to give me a number that they think I should do...wow. Its insane.

sherry_80

You gotta do what's best for. The way i see it is you have to live with your body, nobody else. So do what makes you happy and makes you feel good.

MissNova

You gotta do what's best for. The way i see it is you have to live with your body, nobody else. So do what makes you happy and makes you feel good.

I agree that is why I try not to listen to negative remarks. I want to do what makes me happy like I said if I lose 50lbs and feel good and healthy enough I would stop but it is not my choice not anyone else.

rero

i understand what you're saying. its even worse if your're tall like me. i'm 6 feet so everyone thinks that losing 30 pounds (which would put me in healthy range) will make me look like a stick. i have no intention of looking like a stick so ill keep losing until i feel comfortable whether that'll be more or less than 30 pounds. so keep pushing because its YOUR GOAL not theirs. you know how you feel in your own body better than anyone else

however, take those healthy weight charts with a grain of salt. my healthy weight is supposed to be at 175 but even at 190 i look very fit but thats because i have a high muscle mass and large frame. so ill probably work on my tummy and tone but not lose much more weight

Ashykins

My boyfriend doesn't want me to weigh less then 180! @ 180 I would still be considered obese! How is that healthy! I mean I still have a long way to go but gosh!

Haha, me and your boyfriend must know each other! LOL!

I've had lots of people say, "OMG you look so pretty big, you'd look weird skinny!" or "I can't see you being small." Guess what I am ignoring it and moving on, it's your body and your just trying to get healthy it's only fair to you. Do you go around saying they'd look sickly, nooo...well then there goes the argument lol.

LuckyLeprechaun

I think part of it is too that most people have no idea what "X lb" of weight loss actually looks like. They have no clue how overweight you are, or what a healthy weight is for your height. So they hear "I'm trying to lose 70 lb" and they just think about how 70 is a big number, so that must be way too much for you to lose.

Our sense of appropriate weights and body sizes today is pretty out of whack.

THIS!!!

I have a theory- we have a skewed idea of what a certain weight looks like because everybody lies about their weight all the time. So if I weigh (for example) 170, but that seems like a "bad" number to me, I'll lie and say I weigh 150. So someone looking at my 170 body thinks that what 150 looks like. This leads to a skewed idea of what the different weights look like. Also- height changes the appearance of different weights. My mom is only 5'5", so the 170 that looks great on my 5'9" self would look very different on her.

Hang in there! You can do this!

MissNova

i understand what you're saying. its even worse if your're tall like me. i'm 6 feet so everyone thinks that losing 30 pounds (which would put me in healthy range) will make me look like a stick. i have no intention of looking like a stick so ill keep losing until i feel comfortable whether that'll be more or less than 30 pounds. so keep pushing because its YOUR GOAL not theirs. you know how you feel in your own body better than anyone else

however, take those healthy weight charts with a grain of salt. my healthy weight is supposed to be at 175 but even at 190 i look very fit but thats because i have a high muscle mass and large frame. so ill probably work on my tummy and tone but not lose much more weight

Thank you! I am glad others understand.

MissNova

That does confuse me that is why I try not to go by others weight to know where I would like to stop. I chose that number for several reasons. Thanx for the support.

leavinglasvegas

I think part of it is too that most people have no idea what "X lb" of weight loss actually looks like. They have no clue how overweight you are, or what a healthy weight is for your height. So they hear "I'm trying to lose 70 lb" and they just think about how 70 is a big number, so that must be way too much for you to lose.

Our sense of appropriate weights and body sizes today is pretty out of whack.

THIS!!!

I have a theory- we have a skewed idea of what a certain weight looks like because everybody lies about their weight all the time. So if I weigh (for example) 170, but that seems like a "bad" number to me, I'll lie and say I weigh 150. So someone looking at my 170 body thinks that what 150 looks like. This leads to a skewed idea of what the different weights look like. Also- height changes the appearance of different weights. My mom is only 5'5", so the 170 that looks great on my 5'9" self would look very different on her.

Hang in there! You can do this!

Yeah, I'm going to second this.

Also, I think some people fear being skinny, like its unnatural or something. Or, they can't see themselves there so they put it beneath them. I know many people who are overweight or obese and claim thats how they are supposed to be. They automatically associate skinny with unhealthy without even thinking it through. I think some people have just accepted what they have done to themselves by blaming it on nature and refuse to reconsider.
So this is exactly why I do not tell anyone any details of what my goals are. However, when I do say I've lost 50 pouinds, people are like, "What? No, you lost more than that." And some others are like, "No way you ever had 50 to lose." Nobody can wrap their head around what 50 pounds looks like. Nobody can wrap their head around how fat is distributed throughout the body and it is never the same for any individual.

I think our society, collectively, suffers from body dysmophia and general lack of understanding our own body. Period. It seems hard to seperate health and weight these days. Although they often go hand in hand, it can be dangerous. Like my friend who feeds her son fast food regularly because hes not heavy so its not a big deal. Or my friend who is extremely heavy but only eats once per day; so she says she is just meant to be fat because she is big boned. :noway: I'm getting off topic, I suppose.

MissNova

I think part of it is too that most people have no idea what "X lb" of weight loss actually looks like. They have no clue how overweight you are, or what a healthy weight is for your height. So they hear "I'm trying to lose 70 lb" and they just think about how 70 is a big number, so that must be way too much for you to lose.

Our sense of appropriate weights and body sizes today is pretty out of whack.

THIS!!!

I have a theory- we have a skewed idea of what a certain weight looks like because everybody lies about their weight all the time. So if I weigh (for example) 170, but that seems like a "bad" number to me, I'll lie and say I weigh 150. So someone looking at my 170 body thinks that what 150 looks like. This leads to a skewed idea of what the different weights look like. Also- height changes the appearance of different weights. My mom is only 5'5", so the 170 that looks great on my 5'9" self would look very different on her.

Hang in there! You can do this!

Yeah, I'm going to second this.

Also, I think some people fear being skinny, like its unnatural or something. Or, they can't see themselves there so they put it beneath them. I know many people who are overweight or obese and claim thats how they are supposed to be. They automatically associate skinny with unhealthy without even thinking it through. I think some people have just accepted what they have done to themselves by blaming it on nature and refuse to reconsider.
So this is exactly why I do not tell anyone any details of what my goals are. However, when I do say I've lost 50 pouinds, people are like, "What? No, you lost more than that." And some others are like, "No way you ever had 50 to lose." Nobody can wrap their head around what 50 pounds looks like. Nobody can wrap their head around how fat is distributed throughout the body and it is never the same for any individual.

I think our society, collectively, suffers from body dysmophia and general lack of understanding our own body. Period. It seems hard to seperate health and weight these days. Although they often go hand in hand, it can be dangerous. Like my friend who feeds her son fast food regularly because hes not heavy so its not a big deal. Or my friend who is extremely heavy but only eats once per day; so she says she is just meant to be fat because she is big boned. :noway: I'm getting off topic, I suppose.

You are not getting off topic I understand exactly what you mean. I tell people my goals when they ask me what is this big weigh kick I am on. No one but myself will ever understand my fears and sadness about my weight like I do. Thanks for the advice. Keep up the great work.

aippolito1

They don't mean it to be rude or insensitive. We as humans don't really know how much weight really is until it comes off. I don't think I look like I've lost 20 lbs but I have. Look at my before and afters. I think looking at myself everyday that it looks more like 10 just because of the way I've lost it... everyone is different. I may need to lose more once I hit my goal weight while others wouldn't. Everyone's biological makeup is different so 80 pounds off you will look different than 80 pounds off someone else with a different frame and fat in different places than yours.

Hope this helps!

MissNova

They don't mean it to be rude or insensitive. We as humans don't really know how much weight really is until it comes off. I don't think I look like I've lost 20 lbs but I have. Look at my before and afters. I think looking at myself everyday that it looks more like 10 just because of the way I've lost it... everyone is different. I may need to lose more once I hit my goal weight while others wouldn't. Everyone's biological makeup is different so 80 pounds off you will look different than 80 pounds off someone else with a different frame and fat in different places than yours.

Hope this helps!

It does help, I understand exactly what you mean. I have lost 5lbs this week and I do not feel it yet because it could be lost in places I can't see. I chose that weigh because its the last time I could remember feeling great about myself. Overall being healthy is the biggest objective.

questionablemethods

They don't mean it to be rude or insensitive. We as humans don't really know how much weight really is until it comes off. I don't think I look like I've lost 20 lbs but I have. Look at my before and afters. I think looking at myself everyday that it looks more like 10 just because of the way I've lost it... everyone is different. I may need to lose more once I hit my goal weight while others wouldn't. Everyone's biological makeup is different so 80 pounds off you will look different than 80 pounds off someone else with a different frame and fat in different places than yours.

Hope this helps!

It does help, I understand exactly what you mean. I have lost 5lbs this week and I do not feel it yet because it could be lost in places I can't see. I chose that weigh because its the last time I could remember feeling great about myself. Overall being healthy is the biggest objective.

I was going to say basically the same thing as Arielle. We have a hard time judging how much weight really is. Besides, 120 lbs on me looks a lot different than 120 lbs on another woman -- even if she is my SAME height our body compositions can be drastically different. Numbers (especially on the scale) can be misleading for many reasons. Great job working to be healthy!

aippolito1

They don't mean it to be rude or insensitive. We as humans don't really know how much weight really is until it comes off. I don't think I look like I've lost 20 lbs but I have. Look at my before and afters. I think looking at myself everyday that it looks more like 10 just because of the way I've lost it... everyone is different. I may need to lose more once I hit my goal weight while others wouldn't. Everyone's biological makeup is different so 80 pounds off you will look different than 80 pounds off someone else with a different frame and fat in different places than yours.

Hope this helps!

It does help, I understand exactly what you mean. I have lost 5lbs this week and I do not feel it yet because it could be lost in places I can't see. I chose that weigh because its the last time I could remember feeling great about myself. Overall being healthy is the biggest objective.

Yeah! I did something similar. Last year when I was working out a lot, my lowest was 150... my lowest before that in my teens was about 130 but I figured since I was only 15, my bones weren't done growing and I need to refigure for "real woman hips" now so my target weight is right in between: 140... you should just lose until you get into your healthy range. If you feel you could lose a little more or just want to tone up, go for it!!

It's hard to tell how much X amount of weight is by just looking at someone. You also have to go by HOW you're losing it. I'm losing my weight differently than I did last time because I have a more structured exercise routine and know what I'm doing. Also, they say the first thing you gain is the last thing you lose... for everyone that's different. This time I lost my belly and waist first, now my thighs are finally going and I'm guessing my arms will be last. For you, it may be opposite... so everyone's "weight" looks differently. Just like Kaitlin said... I started out as an hourglass, but by my current measurements, I'm now technically a pear. But once I'm done losing weight, I'll most likely be an hourglass because I always have been. Someone who's say, an apple, may look much larger than me just because their "40 pounds" (what I started with to lose) is up top and all in one place, whereas all mine was spread out.

MissNova

They don't mean it to be rude or insensitive. We as humans don't really know how much weight really is until it comes off. I don't think I look like I've lost 20 lbs but I have. Look at my before and afters. I think looking at myself everyday that it looks more like 10 just because of the way I've lost it... everyone is different. I may need to lose more once I hit my goal weight while others wouldn't. Everyone's biological makeup is different so 80 pounds off you will look different than 80 pounds off someone else with a different frame and fat in different places than yours.

Hope this helps!

Thank you so much for all the support.
It does help, I understand exactly what you mean. I have lost 5lbs this week and I do not feel it yet because it could be lost in places I can't see. I chose that weigh because its the last time I could remember feeling great about myself. Overall being healthy is the biggest objective.

I was going to say basically the same thing as Arielle. We have a hard time judging how much weight really is. Besides, 120 lbs on me looks a lot different than 120 lbs on another woman -- even if she is my SAME height our body compositions can be drastically different. Numbers (especially on the scale) can be misleading for many reasons. Great job working to be healthy!

kayemme

i prefer to keep my weight loss goals very private. i simply don't talk about it. when someone comments about the way i look, i respond appropriately, usually "thank you."

i don't make my weight a primary focus of my life, whether it be small or big. it's simply nobody's business but my own.

on the negative side, i hear people say things from cars when i'm on my bike or walking. (people don't have a lot of class). i just think to myself, "well, my fat *kitten* is biking/walking while you're part of a bigger problem." and continue on, unaffected.

there is a certain innate narcissism that comes from all of us when we feel guilty or ashamed about something. take vegetarianism as a general example:

when i tell people that we eat a mostly vegetarian diet, many many people instantly become defensive, as if I am somehow insinuating that they should do the same, when clearly I do not care what they do. "Oh, I can't imagine not eating meat." Okay. So what? You can't imagine it. "How do you get enough protein?" My answer is always "I get by... you don't see me starving over here, do you?"

People feel weird about stuff like this because it's very personal. Be courteous with your replies and keep it private. That's the best way to avoid the problem in the first place.

MissNova

They don't mean it to be rude or insensitive. We as humans don't really know how much weight really is until it comes off. I don't think I look like I've lost 20 lbs but I have. Look at my before and afters. I think looking at myself everyday that it looks more like 10 just because of the way I've lost it... everyone is different. I may need to lose more once I hit my goal weight while others wouldn't. Everyone's biological makeup is different so 80 pounds off you will look different than 80 pounds off someone else with a different frame and fat in different places than yours.

Hope this helps!

It does help, I understand exactly what you mean. I have lost 5lbs this week and I do not feel it yet because it could be lost in places I can't see. I chose that weigh because its the last time I could remember feeling great about myself. Overall being healthy is the biggest objective.

Yeah! I did something similar. Last year when I was working out a lot, my lowest was 150... my lowest before that in my teens was about 130 but I figured since I was only 15, my bones weren't done growing and I need to refigure for "real woman hips" now so my target weight is right in between: 140... you should just lose until you get into your healthy range. If you feel you could lose a little more or just want to tone up, go for it!!

It's hard to tell how much X amount of weight is by just looking at someone. You also have to go by HOW you're losing it. I'm losing my weight differently than I did last time because I have a more structured exercise routine and know what I'm doing. Also, they say the first thing you gain is the last thing you lose... for everyone that's different. This time I lost my belly and waist first, now my thighs are finally going and I'm guessing my arms will be last. For you, it may be opposite... so everyone's "weight" looks differently. Just like Kaitlin said... I started out as an hourglass, but by my current measurements, I'm now technically a pear. But once I'm done losing weight, I'll most likely be an hourglass because I always have been. Someone who's say, an apple, may look much larger than me just because their "40 pounds" (what I started with to lose) is up top and all in one place, whereas all mine was spread out.

Yes it makes a lot of sense. I understand what you mean. Even when I lose my weight I will be still overweight but depends on how I feel. It would be different because before I was that weight but not toned, this time around I will be.

MissNova

i prefer to keep my weight loss goals very private. i simply don't talk about it. when someone comments about the way i look, i respond appropriately, usually "thank you."

i don't make my weight a primary focus of my life, whether it be small or big. it's simply nobody's business but my own.

on the negative side, i hear people say things from cars when i'm on my bike or walking. (people don't have a lot of class). i just think to myself, "well, my fat *kitten* is biking/walking while you're part of a bigger problem." and continue on, unaffected.

there is a certain innate narcissism that comes from all of us when we feel guilty or ashamed about something. take vegetarianism as a general example:

when i tell people that we eat a mostly vegetarian diet, many many people instantly become defensive, as if I am somehow insinuating that they should do the same, when clearly I do not care what they do. "Oh, I can't imagine not eating meat." Okay. So what? You can't imagine it. "How do you get enough protein?" My answer is always "I get by... you don't see me starving over here, do you?"

People feel weird about stuff like this because it's very personal. Be courteous with your replies and keep it private. That's the best way to avoid the problem in the first place.

Thank you, best believe I always keep it friendly because it is my body and my health. I do not disclose my weigh unless I feel like I should. I just want others to join me and become healthier but obviously not everyone wants to do so.

rockinright

I think part of it is too that most people have no idea what "X lb" of weight loss actually looks like. They have no clue how overweight you are, or what a healthy weight is for your height. So they hear "I'm trying to lose 70 lb" and they just think about how 70 is a big number, so that must be way too much for you to lose.

Our sense of appropriate weights and body sizes today is pretty out of whack.

THIS!!!

I have a theory- we have a skewed idea of what a certain weight looks like because everybody lies about their weight all the time. So if I weigh (for example) 170, but that seems like a "bad" number to me, I'll lie and say I weigh 150. So someone looking at my 170 body thinks that what 150 looks like. This leads to a skewed idea of what the different weights look like. Also- height changes the appearance of different weights. My mom is only 5'5", so the 170 that looks great on my 5'9" self would look very different on her.

Hang in there! You can do this!

I work in a bank, and I see what weights people put on their driver's licenses. As a fat person myself, I often find myself thinking "you wish" when I see someone's DL weight...does that make me a mean person?

rockinright

That does confuse me that is why I try not to go by others weight to know where I would like to stop. I chose that number for several reasons. Thanx for the support.

I chose the number I was the day I graduated college. Although still "overweight" I felt and looked great. Granted, I had some muscle back then that might still be hiding under some fat somewhere.

rockinright

i prefer to keep my weight loss goals very private. i simply don't talk about it. when someone comments about the way i look, i respond appropriately, usually "thank you."

i don't make my weight a primary focus of my life, whether it be small or big. it's simply nobody's business but my own.

on the negative side, i hear people say things from cars when i'm on my bike or walking. (people don't have a lot of class). i just think to myself, "well, my fat *kitten* is biking/walking while you're part of a bigger problem." and continue on, unaffected.

there is a certain innate narcissism that comes from all of us when we feel guilty or ashamed about something. take vegetarianism as a general example:

when i tell people that we eat a mostly vegetarian diet, many many people instantly become defensive, as if I am somehow insinuating that they should do the same, when clearly I do not care what they do. "Oh, I can't imagine not eating meat." Okay. So what? You can't imagine it. "How do you get enough protein?" My answer is always "I get by... you don't see me starving over here, do you?"

People feel weird about stuff like this because it's very personal. Be courteous with your replies and keep it private. That's the best way to avoid the problem in the first place.

Vegetarianism is fine by me. However, a minority of vegetarians are "preachy" types - those ones annoy me. In general though, to each their own. There are merits to vegetarianism as well as eating meat (in the right amounts of course).

questionablemethods

when i tell people that we eat a mostly vegetarian diet, many many people instantly become defensive, as if I am somehow insinuating that they should do the same, when clearly I do not care what they do. "Oh, I can't imagine not eating meat." Okay. So what? You can't imagine it. "How do you get enough protein?" My answer is always "I get by... you don't see me starving over here, do you?"

This is off topic, but I used to be that person wondering about the protein. Until I realized: 1) our need for protein is much smaller than a lot of the diet & fitness industry will lead you to believe and 2) that our need for protein is a need for amino acids and we can get those from the very same place that elephants (and many other very large, muscular animals) get their protein -- from plant matter.

So, when someone asks you that, you can say "from the same place elephants get their protein."

Come to think of it, that might not be the best response. :laugh:

But this is another topic for another thread.

I agree that keeping the goals private is a good idea. It isn't of anyone else's concern.

kayemme

the vegetarian thing is just an example

you can replace "vegetarianism" with anything, it doesn't matter. the point is that people get weird about stuff they don't totally understand (and even about things they do understand). that's why it's best to just keep it to yourself.