The things people say...

questionablemethods

the vegetarian thing is just an example

you can replace "vegetarianism" with anything, it doesn't matter. the point is that people get weird about stuff they don't totally understand (and even about things they do understand). that's why it's best to just keep it to yourself.

Yeah, I understand. I guess my point, which I didn't make very well, was that sometimes people ask such things out of genuine curiosity. I know I did -- even if it wasn't technically any of my business.

The comments about the weight goals, though, I think are a little different. I doubt those are made out of curiosity but perhaps more misperception, or even jealousy or trying to make themselves feel better about their own weight. Who knows.

kayemme

The comments about the weight goals, though, I think are a little different. I doubt those are made out of curiosity but perhaps more misperception, or even jealousy or trying to make themselves feel better about their own weight. Who knows.

i think it's partly a body image / jealousy thing; partly ignorance on how much weight 5lbs or 50lbs is, partly how someone carries themselves, partly shame (because "fat" has been considered shameful for so long for a number of very non malevolent reasons), partly concern or because self-perception is often so skewed... i mean it's a very complicated social concern.

maybe when someone comments that they think someone is getting too thin, they're genuinely concerned that it's the case. it's up to us to listen to those we trust and ignore those we don't.

weight is a sensitive issue because so many people struggle with body issues. there are very few people in the world who are truly comfortable with their weight regardless of what they weigh.... and for a number of reasons.

that's why it's important to not discuss numbers too much because they mean different things on different people, specifically when talking about muscle vs. fat or short vs. tall. these make enormous differences in how we carry our weight.

i know women who weigh the same amount in lbs as i do, but are 3-4 sizes larger than i am. why? i don't know! it doesn't matter why.

this might be because i carry my weight well; i dress nicely (usually) and am not overly concerned with what other people think which reads as confidence. all of these things play a factor in how people perceive you. and it's absolutely true that people see you differently than you see yourself. 100% absolutely true. in fact, they may see you through themselves, which is where things get tricky. (that's what i meant about the innate narcissism.) as each of us perceive the world through our own experiences, we navigate other people through that filter. so it's really almost never about *you* it's about *them*.

with that said, there are times where that's not the case, as in if someone is genuinely concerned. like i stated before, you should consider all sources, be kind and thank people for looking out for you. and just leave it at that.

BlueLikeJazz

I feel like people where I live (in rural, blue-collar WI) people have a particularly skewed vision of what a healthy weight is. It seems like the people you see around here in a grocery store tend to be quite different (aka larger) from those you see if you go to a more populated area like Madison, WI or the Twin Cities, MN. People are just so used to seeing more plump individuals that a normal, healthy weight can sound "sickly" or "too thin."

THIS!!!

I have a theory- we have a skewed idea of what a certain weight looks like because everybody lies about their weight all the time. So if I weigh (for example) 170, but that seems like a "bad" number to me, I'll lie and say I weigh 150. So someone looking at my 170 body thinks that what 150 looks like. This leads to a skewed idea of what the different weights look like. Also- height changes the appearance of different weights. My mom is only 5'5", so the 170 that looks great on my 5'9" self would look very different on her.

Hang in there! You can do this!

I work in a bank, and I see what weights people put on their driver's licenses. As a fat person myself, I often find myself thinking "you wish" when I see someone's DL weight...does that make me a mean person?

Doesn't make you mean but I think a lot of people, women especially after having babies and all that jazz, obviously aren't going to go change their weight on their driver's license if they gain 30 lbs. I gained a lot of weight (over 100 lbs) in 2 years due mostly to a drinking problem, which is now 100 days in my past . Having to show my driver's license is often embarrassing for me because obviously I don't weigh 155 or look like I weigh 155 anymore, but I sure as hell wasn't about to go get my picture taken after a 100-lb weight gain!

Thankfully I'm on the right track now, 40 lbs down and will be back to my normal, true D.L. weight soon enough.