Long story short, I’ve been away from my husband since Feb due to COVID - taking care of elderly parents out of state. In that time, I have not only reached 2 pounds under my ultimate goal weight, but I’m aiming for another 2-3 lb loss.
I know when i head back home next week it will be like a mini-honeymoon, but I know the things he’s been wanting to do together I won’t want to do - wine, rum punches, fav restaurants (take out or delivery only) etc. These were always so much fun but I know now - having cooked my own food since Feb - they did not help with any weight loss efforts.
How do I say “thanks but not thanks” to 90% of what we wants to do together without zapping all the fun from finally enjoying summer - as best we can? Enjoy it all but stay under calories with very small portions (slippery slope)? Just tell him I only want to eat our cooked food - boring! He knows how important reaching this goal was for me - he just thought I looked great before.
Thoughts?
Replies
I think one of the most important things to do, when talking with your husband, is echoing how much these recent health/lifestyle changes have helped you to feel your best and healthiest. Perhaps think of some fun/new ideas and ways of celebrating together so you can share/have them ready to present when talking with him. Even if it is celebrating with food, you can introduce him to new but healthy foods/drinks you’ve discovered on your health journey.
It’s not always best to take your first approach with what others are doing wrong/whatever you feel might sabotage your goals. That approach can make some people feel defensive, attacked, or easily disappointed. Instead, it can be beneficial to first approach him with what Does work for you, what Will and Does make you feel good and happy (e.g. again, food and plans that work for your new lifestyle). As others have said here, someone who loves you will support and understand what makes you feel Happiest/your healthiest.
It may not be an easy adjustment for him, but I think there’s definitely an effective approach in how you can talk about it.
Wishing you all the best and congratulations again!
Hope your husband appreciates your accomplishment.
being back together after months of being apart is likely to have its rocky patches anyway, even if you didn't want to negotiate changes you'd like to make in your life style, so my first suggestion is go slowly.
then consider two things... first, don't wait until you are in the same room to start talking about what you'd like to do differently. second, stay open to how the changes happen and over what time frame. if you try to force this, or make the changes non-negotiable, you may get agreement in the short term but it is unlikely to work out well in the long term.
put yourself in your partner's shoes. if he made some fundamental changes to the way he lives while you were away, how would you want him to work with you to make that work for both of you? would you be happy if he just dropped it on you when you walked in the door?
this will be harder for you than if he just says, okay whatever you want but figuring out how to make things work when we don't get exactly what we want when we want it is the nature of being in a committed relationship.
good luck!
Don't worry - be positive - go to him full of exciting plans that don't involve too many calories.
Really of course, he wants to be with you and enjoy your company and your happiness.
He is looking at things you used to do - by default- not because they are the best.
Think about it - they probably aren't best anyway. Heavy food/drink is not romantic at all.
New things could easily be even better.
What lively -exciting -fun things can you come up with? It doesn't all have to be drinking/eating but some of it could be: What amazing special just-for-you-my-love-intimate-dinners could you prepare? (Take-outs can be really bland and boring. I've gone off them... and taken my family with me so far. The two of you could easily do better than you can buy. Especially if you use the same budget.)
Yes! And what about picnics or romantic picnics, after a great hike, biking or long walk. Or create your own architectural walk or historic or sightseeing walk and then have a picnic.
Naked.
Problem Solved.
You're Welcome.
HOW???? If I ate like that I'd be dead!
Letting him in on the process so he feels included, even opening up to him about your worries and asking for his help, will probably activate his protective side and have him bending over backwards to help you. Also, if you keep in mind that on a restaurant day you might eat a little more but it's important to get back on track right away, it doesn't have to become a slippery slope.
Finally - when you do have that special night out, enjoy it for all it's worth even if it involves food! Focusing on the whole experience, including mindful eating, will help you feel more satisfied and also give you a better memory of the occasion. I think some of us become afraid of enjoying food because we've harmed ourselves with it.
He’s just been sending me photos of his mixed drinks he wants to enjoy on the deck and names of the restaurants we like, so all I could imagine is the number on the scale slowly increasing. As I write this tho, I had an epiphany that he may think that what he is sending me is what he thinks I want - when it isn’t!
@Motorsheen - well, dayum! 😂
Whew, feel much better now. Thanks!!
I a lesson years ago when I gave up up smoking. Life around me went on the way it always did. People still smoked, they did not care that I didn't. It was me who had to adjust, not the people around me. "Permanent results, require permanent changes."
Make a plan, accept the fact that you are not perfect (but damn close to it) and enjoy life to the fullest -in moderation of course.
I have lost 156 pounds. I love(d) going out for dinner and very often asked the chef for help when I couldn't find anything that suited not just my taste, but also my health-based dietary restrictions. As for alcohol. Enjoy it in moderation.