How to explain this to hubby?
Replies
-
Hi, All. Update and question! Spent three weeks with hubby and was 123.4 when we reunited. I was losing about a .5lb or less a week while we were apart.
Indulged here and there - alcohol, pizza, other take out. Still exercised but not as much. Left yesterday for a 15 hour plus drive and long story short - it was such a stressful ride - flat tire, heat - that I broke down pulled over to a Popeyes and had two chicken breasts, shared three sides and a biscuit, and topped it off with a 800 calorie Cookout shake. I was tempted not to even log it as I was angry at myself.
This morning I had a long self talk before stepping on the scale. Get it together. It’s only sodium weight. Why weigh anyway. Etc. Drink water. You’ll lose it quickly, etc.
So - I stepped on - and my weight - 123.4 Is there any way to explain this? I know I could not have lost weight in those three weeks and how could all that salt just last night not make a difference? Same scale. Stepped on it three times!
If this is one of those who knows, weight is not linear, the body is not a machine kind of thing- this may be the thing that makes me so less focused and obsessed on scale weight!
Thoughts?0 -
Maybe you had some water weight when you weighed before as well.0
-
The fact that you were there for 3 weeks and it sounds like you didn't weigh at all during that time, a lot can happen in 3 weeks. And remember, it takes 3500 calories ABOVE maintenance to gain a pound of permanent weight (I know you're referring to temporary weight talking about sodium and water, but just saying)0
-
This can result in reduction of water weight associated with exercise. This water weight level can be quite persistent as long as the exercise continues and fluctuate when there are changesCeeBeeSlim wrote: »Still exercised but not as much.
--the act of logging is independent of WHAT you're logging. You're logging for information. Information allows you to learn and adjust and acts as a reminder to continue to care.CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Left yesterday for a 15 hour plus drive and long story short - it was such a stressful ride - flat tire, heat - that I broke down pulled over to a Popeyes and had two chicken breasts, shared three sides and a biscuit, and topped it off with a 800 calorie Cookout shake. I was tempted not to even log it as I was angry at myself.
--heat and stress can cause changes to water weight. So can under or over hydration.
--Don't make it so stressful. It is a data point. That's all. Your logging your meal created a datapoint. Recording your weight provided another datapoint. When you review both *without the stress* you can make objective decisions based on your very own real data!CeeBeeSlim wrote: »This morning I had a long self talk before stepping on the scale. Get it together. It’s only sodium weight. Why weigh anyway. Etc. Drink water. You’ll lose it quickly, etc.
-How do you know what happened during the past 3 weeks? Sometimes when calories in increase, NEAT also increases.CeeBeeSlim wrote: »So - I stepped on - and my weight - 123.4 Is there any way to explain this? I know I could not have lost weight in those three weeks and how could all that salt just last night not make a difference? Same scale. Stepped on it three times!
-Your routine may be different back at home as compared to where you were before.
-Onto less good stuff: one day at Popeye's with a 800Cal shake as part of what sounds like a 2K+ meal (were the sides small or large?)... **no problem at all over the long run**. Try that for three days in a row or 3 days out of 5 and the results are NOT going to be the same over the long run!
In all, based on the discussion:
-you may have lost some real weight over the three weeks--why are you not weighing more often and making a note of it in a weight trend app or web site so that you can focus on your long term weight trend as opposed to daily results?
-it is unlikely that real magic took place (just as it is totally unlikely for permanent and long term damage to have happened by your unplanned over-indulgence). You probably did replace some water due to dehydration or other reasons with some stored food energy... you may see a blip up tomorrow or the day after. If not... you could be at just the right time of the month for a low set of values anyway... which if you were using a weight trend application or web site you would have had a better chance to already know....
--not sure how many times you've lost and regained weight (I've certainly done that more than once before deciding that I had to start looking for a more permanent change); but if you're "typical" monitoring your weight for the first couple of years post weight loss is... mandatory if you want to avoid regain. Shifting to a lower long term weight level is NOT a fire and forget sort of thing. You will have to continue to care, monitor, and be willing to intervene and reign in excesses that are not caused by PHYSICAL hunger--if you want to defend your weight loss.CeeBeeSlim wrote: »If this is one of those who knows, weight is not linear, the body is not a machine kind of thing- this may be the thing that makes me so less focused and obsessed on scale weight!
This doesn't mean that it has to be turned into a painful and unfulfilling job, or that you live or die by single results and incidents (as AnnPT says: that's way too much drama). BUT, if long term you stop paying attention and go back to the exact same eating, drinking, and social patterns you were following before weight loss AND you combine that with lack of follow up and lack of measurement and lack of willingness to adjust--then no, you won't manage to defend your weight loss. You don't have to do everything at 100% to win. But you're unlikely to get away with doing 0% either!5 -
CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Hi, All. Update and question! Spent three weeks with hubby and was 123.4 when we reunited. I was losing about a .5lb or less a week while we were apart.
Indulged here and there - alcohol, pizza, other take out. Still exercised but not as much. Left yesterday for a 15 hour plus drive and long story short - it was such a stressful ride - flat tire, heat - that I broke down pulled over to a Popeyes and had two chicken breasts, shared three sides and a biscuit, and topped it off with a 800 calorie Cookout shake. I was tempted not to even log it as I was angry at myself.
This morning I had a long self talk before stepping on the scale. Get it together. It’s only sodium weight. Why weigh anyway. Etc. Drink water. You’ll lose it quickly, etc.
So - I stepped on - and my weight - 123.4 Is there any way to explain this? I know I could not have lost weight in those three weeks and how could all that salt just last night not make a difference? Same scale. Stepped on it three times!
Why does it require an explanation, beyond "bodies are weird"? Maybe the heat dehydrated you so lightened you up, maybe (near opposite) the heat made you drink more than usual and you balanced your electrolytes more quickly so you didn't see the salt gain, maybe the greasiness created faster throughput for other things that had weight that were in your digestive tract so you had lower waste in transit than usual, maybe you ate less or got more NEAT movement into your days during those 3 weeks without realizing it so lost a little bit more fat, maybe you lost water weight over the time away because of lower exercise . . . could be a lot of different things, or a combination of things.
Echoing PAV, it's just one data point. One data point in isolation is *meaningless*.
Also: One data point is ten times *more* meaningless when you changed most of the experimental conditions that surrounded your previous scale-weight measurements 3 weeks before. Why on earth would it be reasonable to expect any single observation to fit rationally into that previous pattern, when most of the conditions were different?
Get yourself on some sensible routine that you think will work for you to maintain, from here on out. Watch your scale weight observations for the next week or so (I'd personally go with daily weighing, but don't know if that suits you). Use a weight trending app, if you aren't already (but don't expect it to have a lot of value until you get a month or so of daily weights into it, particularly if in maintenance or slow loss, because fluctuations distort the trend more in those circumstances).
Whatever's really happened to your body fat levels in the past 3 weeks isn't very meaningful. Whether you gained a little fat, lost a little fat, or maintained the same amount of fat, you know how to deal with it. Just stabilize your data observations (scale weights under similar conditions), see where you are, and adjust if necessary once you have an actual factual basis to rely on.If this is one of those who knows, weight is not linear, the body is not a machine kind of thing- this may be the thing that makes me so less focused and obsessed on scale weight!
Thoughts?
Trying to explain the unexplainable is a drama creating approach. You sound stressed. That can't be good, can it? The drama is optional, truly. Managing our own individual brain's tendencies toward drama (or any other brain behavior, really) is difficult, but not impossible, and it can be an effort that confers pretty big rewards.
Scale weight doesn't matter. Really. Fat levels are what matter, but they're hard to measure. Long-term (multi-week) trends in scale weight are the practical way to monitor fat gain/loss/maintenance.
P.S. that I think is amusing: I had a *giant* eating night last night, with gooey pizza (salty!), plenty Tempranillo, chocolate, cookies, and various other treats on top of an otherwise normal eating day. I haven't finished adding it up, but I'm assuming it totaled in the 2-3 times TDEE area, maybe enough calories to gain a pound of fat, even. Yesterday morning's scale weight was 128.8. Today's was 128.6. Why? Don't know, don't care. I will say that I was sweating in the night, and my resting heart rate (per fitness tracker) is so far about 10bpm higher than yesterday, so I suspect NEAT is juiced a little, and will affect my long-term results from that big indulgence. A week or so will tell, in my case, based on experience. Could take longer than that, for other people.4 -
Find low calorie drinks. Gin n Soda etc. Learn to estimate your calories. Look at a recipe as though you were reading a menu and guess the calorie and macros. Write it down. Make the meal as normal (weighing etc measuring etc.) compare your guess to the MFP calculated. Do again and again. until you calibrate your guesses.
Once you are close you can go to the restaurant and will have a good idea if you are over on cals or not. Then at least its your choice!
Learn tricks too like veggies in olive oil instead of butter, low Cal deserts. Calorie content in sauces and dressings.
Then enjoy your time together!
Lessons learned being a travelling salesman.1 -
Motorsheen wrote: »CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
How do I say “thanks but not thanks” to 90% of what we wants to do together? ]
Naked.
Problem Solved.
You're Welcome.
That would probably be good for a moment, but not for a month. Life is made up of many facets, and enjoying summer spans across a number of days and weeks to be spent in different ways.0 -
Thanks All. I need to calm my Type A-ness and have everything makes sense. I’m very happy tho - I expected that scale to say 127 at least, but the points you make @PAV8888 and @AnnPT77 about NEAT make a lot of sense. My house has 3 levels and a basement - I’m up and down those stairs carrying food, laundry, etc around 30 times a day. And in the heat, too.
Wow. @AnnPT77. That “don’t know, don’t care” is the attitude I yearn for. And it makes no sense. I reached my goal of 135. Then got to 130. Figured I’d try to lose a bit more - now at 123.4. Thinking I could try for 121 and I now I dream about 119. Stupid. My days are 24/7 elder care for both parents - this weight “project” is the only thing I can control. But that’s another post for somewhere else!😀5 -
First of all - congratulations...and keep focusing on your health. Plan ahead by doing as others mentioned and talk to him prior about how you have been really focused on good nutrition while away and plan to continue down that path. Research your fave restaurants before you go - and have a plan before you get there(or order from there). Have them box up half of it before they bring it out...or if it comes with bread...or anything you are avoiding - just ask them to leave it off of the plate. For cocktails - learn to make them skinny...and how to order them as such when out. Remember to plan your priorities with him. Stock up on healthy alternatives...keep things in your purse...and just remember that he is going to love seeing you again....and will respect you for respecting yourself.1
-
Also, maybe send him pics of you in a swimsuit...holding a diet version of some cocktail you like - and attach the recipe... send him pics of you eating whatever you consider your new normal day to day foods...with a pic of him being your meal partner... Just a playful way to get him to see that you cannot wait to see him...and share your journey too.0
-
CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Type A-ness
I reached my goal of 135.
Then got to 130.
Figured I’d try to lose a bit more - now at 123.4.
Thinking I could try for 121 and I now I dream about 119.
this weight “project” is the only thing I can control
Well... Ann would write this better than me and throw in her patented "internet auntie wants everyone to be safe and healthy and enjoy life and their relationship with food" bit! I'm a guy... so... don't expect such high quality padding from me, though I am trying!!!
Just a concern! Nothing to suggest that anything of actual concern is taking place. For all I know 119 barely puts you in the normal weight range! But stash it in there for potential future reference.
When operating under the stress of the above dynamic, double/triple/quadruple check new lower goals and decisions to ensure they are truly leading you to enhanced physical health!3 -
CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Thanks All. I need to calm my Type A-ness and have everything makes sense. I’m very happy tho - I expected that scale to say 127 at least, but the points you make @PAV8888 and @AnnPT77 about NEAT make a lot of sense. My house has 3 levels and a basement - I’m up and down those stairs carrying food, laundry, etc around 30 times a day. And in the heat, too.
Wow. @AnnPT77. That “don’t know, don’t care” is the attitude I yearn for. And it makes no sense. I reached my goal of 135. Then got to 130. Figured I’d try to lose a bit more - now at 123.4. Thinking I could try for 121 and I now I dream about 119. Stupid. My days are 24/7 elder care for both parents - this weight “project” is the only thing I can control. But that’s another post for somewhere else!😀
Imma risk being a little harsh here, because woah.
That bolded thing, in the context of continuing loss when you're saying things that make it sound like you believe continuing loss is maybe not truly in your best interest . . . that feels like a major red flag, to me.
Maybe I'm misreading you, and over-reacting, I dunno. But that impulse to lose weight, because it's a thing one can control when everything else feels out of control . . . that can be a slippery slope to a bad spot.
There's a lot you can control. You can set new goals, alongside a goal of maintaining weight, for example: Exercise goals, or nutrition goals, or goals in a completely different realm like reading X books a month or learning to play a musical instrument, or adding birds to your bird-watching life list, or starting a journal, or starting a meditation practice, or . . . anything.
Please be careful. Our psyche needs care, just as our body does.9 -
@PAV8888 @AnnPT77. No risk in being harsh. I like it - right between the eyes! I’m 55, 5’3 and sedentary (except when caretaking and doing strong curves) so I don’t think 119 is out of range but wouldn’t plan to do any lower.
I did have to think about - given your insight @AnnPT77 - why of all the things I could control would my weight one of them. I concluded that perhaps it’s the sense of accomplishment that would be extremely extremely satisfying. Among my friends, I was the enviable one who never gained, never counted calories, was always slim and petite (but skinny fat) until my parents’ got sick. I stress ate and ballooned up. A major part of my identity was being the always slim one who never had a weight issue - until I did.
Oh the irony. Sheltering due to COVID made it easy not to rush my loss (as I normally would’ve) and now that I’m there - there are no friends to see and comment on my success! 😀😀
Thanks for the input!4 -
CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Long story short, I’ve been away from my husband since Feb due to COVID - taking care of elderly parents out of state. In that time, I have not only reached 2 pounds under my ultimate goal weight, but I’m aiming for another 2-3 lb loss.
I know when i head back home next week it will be like a mini-honeymoon, but I know the things he’s been wanting to do together I won’t want to do - wine, rum punches, fav restaurants (take out or delivery only) etc. These were always so much fun but I know now - having cooked my own food since Feb - they did not help with any weight loss efforts.
How do I say “thanks but not thanks” to 90% of what we wants to do together without zapping all the fun from finally enjoying summer - as best we can? Enjoy it all but stay under calories with very small portions (slippery slope)? Just tell him I only want to eat our cooked food - boring! He knows how important reaching this goal was for me - he just thought I looked great before.
Thoughts?
Naked...
0 -
Motorsheen wrote: »CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
How do I say “thanks but not thanks” to 90% of what we wants to do together? ]
Naked.
Problem Solved.
You're Welcome.
Aww you freaking beat me to it 😂
Gmta...1 -
CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Oh the irony. Sheltering due to COVID made it easy not to rush my loss (as I normally would’ve) and now that I’m there - there are no friends to see and comment on my success! 😀😀
Thanks for the input!
This part (the no rush) is actually extremely good in the context. Larger Deficits (a prerequisite for a faster loss) are more likely to trigger issues especially when applied on a person with fewer excess energy reserves.
So, quite often, slow is good!1 -
CeeBeeSlim wrote: »Thanks All. I need to calm my Type A-ness and have everything makes sense. I’m very happy tho - I expected that scale to say 127 at least, but the points you make @PAV8888 and @AnnPT77 about NEAT make a lot of sense. My house has 3 levels and a basement - I’m up and down those stairs carrying food, laundry, etc around 30 times a day. And in the heat, too.
Wow. @AnnPT77. That “don’t know, don’t care” is the attitude I yearn for. And it makes no sense. I reached my goal of 135. Then got to 130. Figured I’d try to lose a bit more - now at 123.4. Thinking I could try for 121 and I now I dream about 119. Stupid. My days are 24/7 elder care for both parents - this weight “project” is the only thing I can control. But that’s another post for somewhere else!😀Imma risk being a little harsh here, because woah.
That bolded thing, in the context of continuing loss when you're saying things that make it sound like you believe continuing loss is maybe not truly in your best interest . . . that feels like a major red flag, to me.
Maybe I'm misreading you, and over-reacting, I dunno. But that impulse to lose weight, because it's a thing one can control when everything else feels out of control . . . that can be a slippery slope to a bad spot.
There's a lot you can control. You can set new goals, alongside a goal of maintaining weight, for example: Exercise goals, or nutrition goals, or goals in a completely different realm like reading X books a month or learning to play a musical instrument, or adding birds to your bird-watching life list, or starting a journal, or starting a meditation practice, or . . . anything.
Please be careful. Our psyche needs care, just as our body does.
Normally I self-medicate with food when stressed, which has been especially a struggle since March. But a few times in my life, under extreme stress, I've under-eaten. Looking back on one of those times, there was definitely some "F You Not Eating" going on.* These days I don't have that sort of dynamic, and am more drawn to nurturing with food, which makes it easier for me to over-indulge.
However, the thought of "the only thing I can control" sounds soooooo seductive right now. It really resonated with me, and I'll have to be careful not to let my legit need to lose weight be contaminated with a different sort of unhealthy coping mechanism.
*This was not to imply in the least that anything like that is going on for the OP - just sharing my personal experience.3 -
This content has been removed.
-
@kshama2001 I’m glad to hear you’re at least aware of the possibility of going down that rabbit hole. When literally every minute of your day is unpredictable - my weight loss “project” was a respite. I know I think about it more than I’d like to, but I don’t think I’m in an unhealthy place - not mentally or physically - but not sure what that data point would be. Right now - especially since I’m under my initial goal weight (135) and my ultimate goal weight (125), it feels like “wouldn’t it be nice to lose a little more (just some belly pudge). But meh if I do.4
-
What if TOGETHER you came up with some new things to TRY for your time together. Find some new things you both enjoy. Could be fun making a list and crossing off what one of you wasn’t into, etc0
-
CeeBeeSlim wrote: »@kshama2001 I’m glad to hear you’re at least aware of the possibility of going down that rabbit hole. When literally every minute of your day is unpredictable - my weight loss “project” was a respite. I know I think about it more than I’d like to, but I don’t think I’m in an unhealthy place - not mentally or physically - but not sure what that data point would be. Right now - especially since I’m under my initial goal weight (135) and my ultimate goal weight (125), it feels like “wouldn’t it be nice to lose a little more (just some belly pudge). But meh if I do.
Broad strokes.
I am going to lose another lb or two because I will be healthier if I do => cartwheels at the brain hamster coral!
I am going to lose another lb or two slowly because I think boy/girl and I will appreciate the new look. Hmmmm .... Ok
I am going to lose another lb or two right now like yesterday because I need to do so so that all the guys and chicks will dig me plus I'll then fit in that cute dress I bought 10 years ago ==> the hmmmmm's chorus is getting very loud!!!
I am going to lose another lb or two because instagram models have these kick *kitten* measurements so I totally know this is healthy and do-able and/or because my weight is one of the very few things I can control in this unpredictable world I find myself in ==> we have hmmmmmmmm lift off!!!
IS there an issue there? Absolutely NOT guaranteed that there exists one..
But, in that last situation, it would for sure be worthwhile to raise personal mental alert levels and run decisions through a second level of "is this truly a health enhacement for me" decision matrix before implementing!!!!
Which you're doing! So.... yeah!2
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions