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How to explain this to hubby?

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  • Leezy55Leezy55 Member Posts: 271 Member Member Posts: 271 Member
    katicasi82 wrote: »
    Leezy55 wrote: »
    Well I went to visit in-laws in Chicago for a month. True foodies that eat out every single night! No fast food just good restaurants including celebrity level. They truly loved taking us out and enjoying all the different neighborhood restaurants. After 2 nights I figured I just couldn't do it. So what I did was 1. ordered from the appetizer menu. My best appetizer was at an Italian place i had a 3 meatball dish, large meatballs almost the size of tennis balls with grated mozzarella and a glass of wine. 2. Other times I stuck to lean chicken dishes, no sauces just grill types. 3. Omelettes. The dishes tended to be large so I made it a point if it looked high calorie I ate half and took the other half home for my husband to have for lunch the next day. They also tended to buy fresh baked cookies every couple days. I tried to do a lot of walking to burn off calories. FYI they are all super thin if they gained 10-20 lbs they would still be in normal range! Difficult part was staying away from the bread basket. Remember food isn't the problem it's amount.
    Hope your husband appreciates your accomplishment.

    HOW???? If I ate like that I'd be dead!

    Well interestingly enough it was definitely a learning experience for me. First we are all retired so time is on our side. Mode of transportation was by foot. The closest restaurant was about 4 blocks away and the furthest was about 2 miles one way. Basically they never order anything white as in pasta, bread, chips, fries, pizza... it was always a lean protein and a vegetable. This is when I turned on to roasted brussel sprouts. Rare the alcohol and never dessert. Even the Mexican restaurant was some sort of grilled meat for them not me, I went for the usual combo plate! In addition no sauces, salad dressings...avoided the bread/chip basket. Which of course left me to all the chips and bread!
    The front door was up 48 stairs! Personally I would have consolidated my trips but they went down for the morning newspaper then down for the mail then down for the gym(3xwk/home gym 2xwk)then down for shopping lugging bags, coffee roaster about a mile away once a week then the bakery for bread and cookies about 1.5 miles. Then end of day dinner. So no less than walking 48 stairs 4x a day and about no less than 5 miles a day walking for errands plus a little more walking for pleasure. Even walked downtown twice at 10 miles round trip. After that we said we were taking the bus! Breakfast was a pot of coffee and toast or cookie, piece of fruit and no lunch or sometimes a little piece of cheese. Only sugar were the cookies, no ice cream, candy, cake... I did do a solo afternoon walk maybe 2 miles and actually came out of it without gaining weight, but I think it was the constant activity that kept it all in control for me.
    That's when I realized how much crap I was eating and started making nutritional changes. We are in the burbs and don't have access to eateries without driving and even the trendy restaurants have don't have enough lean choices. And they are all healthy as far as no cholesterol issues, diabetes, HBP... So go figure, I guess it can be done.
  • nanastaci2020nanastaci2020 Member, Premium Posts: 578 Member Member, Premium Posts: 578 Member
    At some point you have to find a way to 'live' outside of your bubble. If that means having a reasonable amount of wine, or enjoying a social setting without having wine or finding a lower calorie alternative to wine: you get to figure out what works for you. Fave restaurants? Explore their menus. You can probably find new favorite dishes, or even try out new restaurants. Introduce some physical activities like hiking or other things suitable for your area.

    Keep in mind: maintenance should mean more calories than when you were losing.
  • rockconnerrockconner Member, Premium Posts: 66 Member Member, Premium Posts: 66 Member
    Congratulations on reaching your goal! When he notices that you've shrunk tell it's because you eat & drink differently now. Say it not defiantly but confidently. It will take a time for him to realize all that means. When he offers something you don't want, just decline politely. Take the time to weigh & measure portions without reservation. Demonstrate that when eating & drinking your new way you can both have a good time. Calm any fears about how his life might suffer from your new way of eating & drinking. We guys can be egocentric & selfish. He may worry about what this could cost him. Whether it's laughs, sex, companionship, or whatever, make sure he understands that he'll love you just the way you are now!
  • Talan79Talan79 Member Posts: 769 Member Member Posts: 769 Member
    Girl I’m so proud of you and happy that you reached your goal! You have always had drops on the scale tho after some pizza and wine lol!
    Totally jelly of that. He knows how important this was to you & he will understand that it won’t be a nightly thing. Enjoy your date nights and drinks here and there. You’ll be fine. Hugs.
  • richardgavelrichardgavel Member Posts: 895 Member Member Posts: 895 Member
    You said this would be like a mini honeymoon. Do you think he will see it that way, in terms of it being like doing the things you might do on a vacation, where it might be OK to splurge a bit. Or will it be more like going back to what he expected normal practice might be once you are back together long term?
  • CeeBeeSlimCeeBeeSlim Member Posts: 649 Member Member Posts: 649 Member
    @Talan79 I was123.2 today!!!! Can you believe it?! I’m gonna try and see if 121 is doable! And you’re right. I’m just so afraid that after the pizza and wine, I’ll have a taste for Thai, then sushi, then Ethiopian, then Dominican.., etc - being in NY all of these and more are in like a three block radius!! So maybe it’s not just him - maybe it’s my fear of not being able to control myself once I have one indulgent meal.

    @richardgavel - I think in the short term it will be a splurge - ordering in from our fav restaurants. Then maybe a twice a week ordering in from the places we like. I plan to tell him - which I expect to be the truth - that the sodium won’t agree with me. I have sooooo cut down on salt that anything with salt now tastes like the sea!
  • AnnPT77AnnPT77 Member, Premium Posts: 16,493 Member Member, Premium Posts: 16,493 Member
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
    @Talan79 I was123.2 today!!!! Can you believe it?! I’m gonna try and see if 121 is doable! And you’re right. I’m just so afraid that after the pizza and wine, I’ll have a taste for Thai, then sushi, then Ethiopian, then Dominican.., etc - being in NY all of these and more are in like a three block radius!! So maybe it’s not just him - maybe it’s my fear of not being able to control myself once I have one indulgent meal.

    @richardgavel - I think in the short term it will be a splurge - ordering in from our fav restaurants. Then maybe a twice a week ordering in from the places we like. I plan to tell him - which I expect to be the truth - that the sodium won’t agree with me. I have sooooo cut down on salt that anything with salt now tastes like the sea!

    If that's the plan, then some kind of calorie banking approach might suit you. Personally, I eat maybe 150ish calories under maintenance most days, then spend those extra calories on indulgence once a week or so. Some people do 5:2 intermittent fasting to lose weight (5 days maintenance calories, 2 days at around 500 or some such low number); one could do a more moderate version for maintenance, if it worked well for them.

    I feel like figuring out how to tailor one's habits to one's preferences and needs is part of what it takes for successful weight maintenance. Lots of different variations are possible; the question is which one(s) fit best.
  • baby_shelea99baby_shelea99 Member Posts: 2 Member Member Posts: 2 Member
    Hello CeeBeeSlim. You and your husband connect over food and the memories you share with each meal. Maybe not all is lost. Instead of going to the restaurant to have that meal and drink why not start a new tradition where you recreate the meals at home. This will do several things: still give you the ability to connect over the things you love connecting over, help you with portion control (since we all know restaurants give you 2 to 3 times the portion size), and may give you the ability to look for ways to make the meals healthier with some substitutions. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a meal you love and a couple of drinks once a week. As long as you stay on the right path after that day it will not completely derail your progress. And if your husband enjoys cooking then this might be a win win situation all around. Good luck.
  • flagrantavidityflagrantavidity Member Posts: 216 Member Member Posts: 216 Member
    Similar situation, different perspective. In January my dad had a heart attack, I was on FMLA 900 miles away taking care of my father for three months. I quit drinking and all my other bad habits while my dad recovered. I told my wife that I stopped drinking and started paying attention to my health again. I got home in march right when quarantines really started. I still haven't had a drink in 136 days, she supports my decision - she hasn't drank either but I never asked her not to. If my wife wants to drink, she can drink all she wants, I choose not to and she supports me. My focus on my health has influenced her, she got herself an underdesk elliptical while she is working at home and does that while she is in her meetings.

    My wife and I have the support of one another, we love each other for who we are, not for drinking with each other :blush: I am sure your husband will be just fine with your decision. I don't expect my wife not to drink, I would never tell her what to do though - she made that choice on her own and its been nice but not necessary. She is not bugging me to go to restaurants, but she does ask me to weigh my own food LOL that is our compromise - she wont weight her or my food but she is more conscience what she is putting in her body through osmosis.

    edited July 9
  • CeeBeeSlimCeeBeeSlim Member Posts: 649 Member Member Posts: 649 Member
    Hi, All. Update and question! Spent three weeks with hubby and was 123.4 when we reunited. I was losing about a .5lb or less a week while we were apart.

    Indulged here and there - alcohol, pizza, other take out. Still exercised but not as much. Left yesterday for a 15 hour plus drive and long story short - it was such a stressful ride - flat tire, heat - that I broke down pulled over to a Popeyes and had two chicken breasts, shared three sides and a biscuit, and topped it off with a 800 calorie Cookout shake. I was tempted not to even log it as I was angry at myself.

    This morning I had a long self talk before stepping on the scale. Get it together. It’s only sodium weight. Why weigh anyway. Etc. Drink water. You’ll lose it quickly, etc.

    So - I stepped on - and my weight - 123.4 Is there any way to explain this? I know I could not have lost weight in those three weeks and how could all that salt just last night not make a difference? Same scale. Stepped on it three times!

    If this is one of those who knows, weight is not linear, the body is not a machine kind of thing- this may be the thing that makes me so less focused and obsessed on scale weight!

    Thoughts?
  • scarlett_kscarlett_k Member Posts: 574 Member Member Posts: 574 Member
    Maybe you had some water weight when you weighed before as well.
  • richardgavelrichardgavel Member Posts: 895 Member Member Posts: 895 Member
    The fact that you were there for 3 weeks and it sounds like you didn't weigh at all during that time, a lot can happen in 3 weeks. And remember, it takes 3500 calories ABOVE maintenance to gain a pound of permanent weight (I know you're referring to temporary weight talking about sodium and water, but just saying)
  • AnnPT77AnnPT77 Member, Premium Posts: 16,493 Member Member, Premium Posts: 16,493 Member
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
    Hi, All. Update and question! Spent three weeks with hubby and was 123.4 when we reunited. I was losing about a .5lb or less a week while we were apart.

    Indulged here and there - alcohol, pizza, other take out. Still exercised but not as much. Left yesterday for a 15 hour plus drive and long story short - it was such a stressful ride - flat tire, heat - that I broke down pulled over to a Popeyes and had two chicken breasts, shared three sides and a biscuit, and topped it off with a 800 calorie Cookout shake. I was tempted not to even log it as I was angry at myself.

    This morning I had a long self talk before stepping on the scale. Get it together. It’s only sodium weight. Why weigh anyway. Etc. Drink water. You’ll lose it quickly, etc.

    So - I stepped on - and my weight - 123.4 Is there any way to explain this? I know I could not have lost weight in those three weeks and how could all that salt just last night not make a difference? Same scale. Stepped on it three times!

    Why does it require an explanation, beyond "bodies are weird"? Maybe the heat dehydrated you so lightened you up, maybe (near opposite) the heat made you drink more than usual and you balanced your electrolytes more quickly so you didn't see the salt gain, maybe the greasiness created faster throughput for other things that had weight that were in your digestive tract so you had lower waste in transit than usual, maybe you ate less or got more NEAT movement into your days during those 3 weeks without realizing it so lost a little bit more fat, maybe you lost water weight over the time away because of lower exercise . . . could be a lot of different things, or a combination of things.

    Echoing PAV, it's just one data point. One data point in isolation is *meaningless*.

    Also: One data point is ten times *more* meaningless when you changed most of the experimental conditions that surrounded your previous scale-weight measurements 3 weeks before. Why on earth would it be reasonable to expect any single observation to fit rationally into that previous pattern, when most of the conditions were different?

    Get yourself on some sensible routine that you think will work for you to maintain, from here on out. Watch your scale weight observations for the next week or so (I'd personally go with daily weighing, but don't know if that suits you). Use a weight trending app, if you aren't already (but don't expect it to have a lot of value until you get a month or so of daily weights into it, particularly if in maintenance or slow loss, because fluctuations distort the trend more in those circumstances).

    Whatever's really happened to your body fat levels in the past 3 weeks isn't very meaningful. Whether you gained a little fat, lost a little fat, or maintained the same amount of fat, you know how to deal with it. Just stabilize your data observations (scale weights under similar conditions), see where you are, and adjust if necessary once you have an actual factual basis to rely on.
    If this is one of those who knows, weight is not linear, the body is not a machine kind of thing- this may be the thing that makes me so less focused and obsessed on scale weight!

    Thoughts?

    Trying to explain the unexplainable is a drama creating approach. You sound stressed. That can't be good, can it? The drama is optional, truly. Managing our own individual brain's tendencies toward drama (or any other brain behavior, really) is difficult, but not impossible, and it can be an effort that confers pretty big rewards.

    Scale weight doesn't matter. Really. Fat levels are what matter, but they're hard to measure. Long-term (multi-week) trends in scale weight are the practical way to monitor fat gain/loss/maintenance.

    P.S. that I think is amusing: I had a *giant* eating night last night, with gooey pizza (salty!), plenty Tempranillo, chocolate, cookies, and various other treats on top of an otherwise normal eating day. I haven't finished adding it up, but I'm assuming it totaled in the 2-3 times TDEE area, maybe enough calories to gain a pound of fat, even. Yesterday morning's scale weight was 128.8. Today's was 128.6. Why? Don't know, don't care. I will say that I was sweating in the night, and my resting heart rate (per fitness tracker) is so far about 10bpm higher than yesterday, so I suspect NEAT is juiced a little, and will affect my long-term results from that big indulgence. A week or so will tell, in my case, based on experience. Could take longer than that, for other people.
  • KHMcGKHMcG Member Posts: 765 Member Member Posts: 765 Member
    Find low calorie drinks. Gin n Soda etc. Learn to estimate your calories. Look at a recipe as though you were reading a menu and guess the calorie and macros. Write it down. Make the meal as normal (weighing etc measuring etc.) compare your guess to the MFP calculated. Do again and again. until you calibrate your guesses.

    Once you are close you can go to the restaurant and will have a good idea if you are over on cals or not. Then at least its your choice!

    Learn tricks too like veggies in olive oil instead of butter, low Cal deserts. Calorie content in sauces and dressings.

    Then enjoy your time together!

    Lessons learned being a travelling salesman.
    edited July 31
  • pitbullpuppypitbullpuppy Member Posts: 174 Member Member Posts: 174 Member
    If it were me I'd say, "I am really close to my goal weight so I don't want to overeat...but I do want to burn some extra calories" in that kind of seductive way. I think most men would be cool with that alternative.
  • TonyB0588TonyB0588 Member Posts: 9,044 Member Member Posts: 9,044 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »

    How do I say “thanks but not thanks” to 90% of what we wants to do together? ]

    Naked.

    Problem Solved.

    You're Welcome.

    That would probably be good for a moment, but not for a month. Life is made up of many facets, and enjoying summer spans across a number of days and weeks to be spent in different ways.
  • pitbullpuppypitbullpuppy Member Posts: 174 Member Member Posts: 174 Member
    TonyB0588 wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »

    How do I say “thanks but not thanks” to 90% of what we wants to do together? ]

    Naked.

    Problem Solved.

    You're Welcome.

    That would probably be good for a moment, but not for a month. Life is made up of many facets, and enjoying summer spans across a number of days and weeks to be spent in different ways.

    True, I mean, they do have to shower and sleep at some point.

    On another note, life can be highly enjoyable even without involving food at every turn. And in "these trying times" you can watch movies, build things, exercise together, cook nice meals together etc.
    edited July 31
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