How to explain this to hubby?

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Replies

  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,527 Member
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
    Type A-ness
    I reached my goal of 135.
    Then got to 130.
    Figured I’d try to lose a bit more - now at 123.4.
    Thinking I could try for 121 and I now I dream about 119.
    this weight “project” is the only thing I can control

    Well... Ann would write this better than me and throw in her patented "internet auntie wants everyone to be safe and healthy and enjoy life and their relationship with food" bit! I'm a guy... so... don't expect such high quality padding from me, though I am trying!!!

    Just a concern! Nothing to suggest that anything of actual concern is taking place. For all I know 119 barely puts you in the normal weight range! But stash it in there for potential future reference.

    When operating under the stress of the above dynamic, double/triple/quadruple check new lower goals and decisions to ensure they are truly leading you to enhanced physical health!
  • CeeBeeSlim
    CeeBeeSlim Posts: 1,255 Member
    @PAV8888 @AnnPT77. No risk in being harsh. I like it - right between the eyes! I’m 55, 5’3 and sedentary (except when caretaking and doing strong curves) so I don’t think 119 is out of range but wouldn’t plan to do any lower.

    I did have to think about - given your insight @AnnPT77 - why of all the things I could control would my weight one of them. I concluded that perhaps it’s the sense of accomplishment that would be extremely extremely satisfying. Among my friends, I was the enviable one who never gained, never counted calories, was always slim and petite (but skinny fat) until my parents’ got sick. I stress ate and ballooned up. A major part of my identity was being the always slim one who never had a weight issue - until I did.

    Oh the irony. Sheltering due to COVID made it easy not to rush my loss (as I normally would’ve) and now that I’m there - there are no friends to see and comment on my success! 😀😀

    Thanks for the input!
  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
    Long story short, I’ve been away from my husband since Feb due to COVID - taking care of elderly parents out of state. In that time, I have not only reached 2 pounds under my ultimate goal weight, but I’m aiming for another 2-3 lb loss.

    I know when i head back home next week it will be like a mini-honeymoon, but I know the things he’s been wanting to do together I won’t want to do - wine, rum punches, fav restaurants (take out or delivery only) etc. These were always so much fun but I know now - having cooked my own food since Feb - they did not help with any weight loss efforts.

    How do I say “thanks but not thanks” to 90% of what we wants to do together without zapping all the fun from finally enjoying summer - as best we can? Enjoy it all but stay under calories with very small portions (slippery slope)? Just tell him I only want to eat our cooked food - boring! He knows how important reaching this goal was for me - he just thought I looked great before.

    Thoughts?

    Naked...
  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
    edited August 2020
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »

    How do I say “thanks but not thanks” to 90% of what we wants to do together? ]

    Naked.

    Problem Solved.

    You're Welcome.

    Aww you freaking beat me to it 😂

    Gmta...
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,527 Member
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
    Oh the irony. Sheltering due to COVID made it easy not to rush my loss (as I normally would’ve) and now that I’m there - there are no friends to see and comment on my success! 😀😀
    Thanks for the input!

    This part (the no rush) is actually extremely good in the context. Larger Deficits (a prerequisite for a faster loss) are more likely to trigger issues especially when applied on a person with fewer excess energy reserves.

    So, quite often, slow is good!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,881 Member
    edited August 2020
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
    Thanks All. I need to calm my Type A-ness and have everything makes sense. I’m very happy tho - I expected that scale to say 127 at least, but the points you make @PAV8888 and @AnnPT77 about NEAT make a lot of sense. My house has 3 levels and a basement - I’m up and down those stairs carrying food, laundry, etc around 30 times a day. And in the heat, too.

    Wow. @AnnPT77. That “don’t know, don’t care” is the attitude I yearn for. And it makes no sense. I reached my goal of 135. Then got to 130. Figured I’d try to lose a bit more - now at 123.4. Thinking I could try for 121 and I now I dream about 119. Stupid. My days are 24/7 elder care for both parents - this weight “project” is the only thing I can control. But that’s another post for somewhere else!😀
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Imma risk being a little harsh here, because woah.

    That bolded thing, in the context of continuing loss when you're saying things that make it sound like you believe continuing loss is maybe not truly in your best interest . . . that feels like a major red flag, to me.

    Maybe I'm misreading you, and over-reacting, I dunno. But that impulse to lose weight, because it's a thing one can control when everything else feels out of control . . . that can be a slippery slope to a bad spot.

    There's a lot you can control. You can set new goals, alongside a goal of maintaining weight, for example: Exercise goals, or nutrition goals, or goals in a completely different realm like reading X books a month or learning to play a musical instrument, or adding birds to your bird-watching life list, or starting a journal, or starting a meditation practice, or . . . anything.

    Please be careful. Our psyche needs care, just as our body does.

    Normally I self-medicate with food when stressed, which has been especially a struggle since March. But a few times in my life, under extreme stress, I've under-eaten. Looking back on one of those times, there was definitely some "F You Not Eating" going on.* These days I don't have that sort of dynamic, and am more drawn to nurturing with food, which makes it easier for me to over-indulge.

    However, the thought of "the only thing I can control" sounds soooooo seductive right now. It really resonated with me, and I'll have to be careful not to let my legit need to lose weight be contaminated with a different sort of unhealthy coping mechanism.


    *This was not to imply in the least that anything like that is going on for the OP - just sharing my personal experience.
  • CeeBeeSlim
    CeeBeeSlim Posts: 1,255 Member
    @kshama2001 I’m glad to hear you’re at least aware of the possibility of going down that rabbit hole. When literally every minute of your day is unpredictable - my weight loss “project” was a respite. I know I think about it more than I’d like to, but I don’t think I’m in an unhealthy place - not mentally or physically - but not sure what that data point would be. Right now - especially since I’m under my initial goal weight (135) and my ultimate goal weight (125), it feels like “wouldn’t it be nice to lose a little more (just some belly pudge). But meh if I do.
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,002 Member
    What if TOGETHER you came up with some new things to TRY for your time together. Find some new things you both enjoy. Could be fun making a list and crossing off what one of you wasn’t into, etc
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,527 Member
    edited August 2020
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
    @kshama2001 I’m glad to hear you’re at least aware of the possibility of going down that rabbit hole. When literally every minute of your day is unpredictable - my weight loss “project” was a respite. I know I think about it more than I’d like to, but I don’t think I’m in an unhealthy place - not mentally or physically - but not sure what that data point would be. Right now - especially since I’m under my initial goal weight (135) and my ultimate goal weight (125), it feels like “wouldn’t it be nice to lose a little more (just some belly pudge). But meh if I do.

    Broad strokes.

    I am going to lose another lb or two because I will be healthier if I do => cartwheels at the brain hamster coral!

    I am going to lose another lb or two slowly because I think boy/girl and I will appreciate the new look. Hmmmm .... Ok

    I am going to lose another lb or two right now like yesterday because I need to do so so that all the guys and chicks will dig me plus I'll then fit in that cute dress I bought 10 years ago ==> the hmmmmm's chorus is getting very loud!!!

    I am going to lose another lb or two because instagram models have these kick *kitten* measurements so I totally know this is healthy and do-able and/or because my weight is one of the very few things I can control in this unpredictable world I find myself in ==> we have hmmmmmmmm lift off!!!

    IS there an issue there? Absolutely NOT guaranteed that there exists one..

    But, in that last situation, it would for sure be worthwhile to raise personal mental alert levels and run decisions through a second level of "is this truly a health enhacement for me" decision matrix before implementing!!!!

    Which you're doing! So.... yeah!

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