Feel defeated and demoralized about my diet

joowelz
joowelz Posts: 172 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hello

I have been on MFP for years with success on and off at losing weight. My desire is to lose 15 lbs or 4 inches overall.

I know that it’s 80% diet and 20% exercise. This has been true for me. I am not a novice at weight loss as i’ve been battling my weight since adolescence.

I am 43 now, 170 lbs, 5’6, and having a really hard time controlling my calorie intake.

I’m demoralized over the idea that something as wonderful as food is actually hurting me like an enemy. :(

It seems unfair that a few calories over - in the form of an extra spoon of rice or a handful of almonds - will sabotage my goals. That day then seems “wasted.”

Please review my diary and give me encouragement. Being fat is a source of shame for me. I have even been dreaming about how fat i am. This is probably because of how demoralized i feel. I dont want 100-150 calories - the size if an apple!!! - to stand in my way of losing this unwanted bulk.


Replies

  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Have your blood glucose checked out. Start there and move forward. You know the way.
  • Jacq_qui
    Jacq_qui Posts: 443 Member
    I agree with the comments about tightening up the logging. It's easy to slip and it's monotonous to keep weighing everything out - especially when you've been doing it a while. (At least I find it to be monotonous). Consistency is key, you've just got to keep at it. I have definitely had a few phases where I've got lazy at it, and you can see that progress just stalls.

    I also think a bit of exercise would help you out by giving you extra cals. Sure, you can't out run a bad diet, but looking at a few days I don't think what you're eating is the problem (although as has been said, accurate logging will give you better data to work with). It also has a positive impact on mood and general wellbeing so might help with the negative feelings you have - we all get fed up with our weight at some point - otherwise this forum would be empty :D
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    https://www.nutritionletter.tufts.edu/special-reports/healthy-diet-and-lifestyle-to-sidestep-metabolic-syndrome
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4272668/

    'Various groups of experts have come up with ways to define metabolic syndrome. They include the American Heart Association, the International Diabetes Federation, and the World Health Organization.'
    One out of three have diabetes and most may not know it.

    You said you've been battling this since your teen years. Time to see what's going on. You can know where you stand and track your data points at the same time.
  • joowelz
    joowelz Posts: 172 Member
    Lietchi wrote: »
    The day is not 'wasted' if you're a few calories over your goal. What weight loss rate have you chosen? Even at the slowest rate of loss you have a 250 kcal margin between your calorie goal and maintenance. Anything under maintenance is progress!

    What are you struggling with: not being able to stick to your goal? Or sticking to your calorie goal, but not losing weight?

    Your food diary looks like it could be improved.


    Just want to clarify. Yes, i am weighing most things like grape tomatoes, cheese, rice, animal flesh, etc. I’m using the nutrition label on the pita bag to log half a pita, tbls of choco powder, etc and counting almonds manually.

    My frustration is with not being able to stay under 1800 cals per day.

    Lots of good advice here. Thank you.
  • psychod787
    psychod787 Posts: 4,099 Member
    glassyo wrote: »
    psychod787 wrote: »
    Fair... unfair....either you develop the a lifestyle that meets your goals or you dont. Understand that there are people who get more num-nums than you and others who don't. As far as a "wasted" day, this is not a damn race unless you have a medical reason to lose rapidly. Just pick your backside up and move on... oh yes, if you can move. Move your *kitten*! Exercise does more than burn calories l. In some people it blunts hunger and helps manage caloric intake. Do or do not..

    I'm sorry. I'll stop hoarding all the num nums. :(

    Also, in for the tough love!

    Guess I am a little jaded being a 6"3" 210lb Male with maintenance over 3k...🤔
  • dragon_girl26
    dragon_girl26 Posts: 2,187 Member
    ahoy_m8 wrote: »
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    psychod787 wrote: »
    Fair... unfair....either you develop the a lifestyle that meets your goals or you dont. Understand that there are people who get more num-nums than you and others who don't. As far as a "wasted" day, this is not a damn race unless you have a medical reason to lose rapidly. Just pick your backside up and move on... oh yes, if you can move. Move your *kitten*! Exercise does more than burn calories l. In some people it blunts hunger and helps manage caloric intake. Do or do not..

    I have personally found that focusing on what might be "fair" or "unfair" about what I have to do to manage my weight relative to others is 100% wasted energy. It gives me nothing of value to focus on how there are some guys who can eat double what I can eat and still have a BMI in the healthy range or that there are people who aren't tempted by higher calorie foods.

    There really is no "fair" or "unfair." There is how much energy my body uses (which is a factor I can help control) and how much energy I consume (something I completely control). How much energy that guy over there is using or how much energy that woman over there is consuming are irrelevant for my purposes.

    I think that was exactly psychod's point, and I agree with both of you. Just gotta optimize your num nums.

    I kinda want this on a bumper sticker..
  • PAPYRUS3
    PAPYRUS3 Posts: 13,259 Member
    DancingMoosie wrote: »
    Just tighten up your logging. If you know you're over in rice, make your portion a little smaller. Tiny changes throughout the day can make a big difference.

    This is what I was going to suggest. Eat what you want - just a little less- especially since it's only 100-150 calories you wish to eliminate. Smaller plates help and yes, logging/weighing everything too.

  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    joowelz wrote: »
    Hello

    I have been on MFP for years with success on and off at losing weight. My desire is to lose 15 lbs or 4 inches overall.

    I know that it’s 80% diet and 20% exercise. This has been true for me. I am not a novice at weight loss as i’ve been battling my weight since adolescence.

    I am 43 now, 170 lbs, 5’6, and having a really hard time controlling my calorie intake.

    I’m demoralized over the idea that something as wonderful as food is actually hurting me like an enemy. :(

    It seems unfair that a few calories over - in the form of an extra spoon of rice or a handful of almonds - will sabotage my goals. That day then seems “wasted.”

    Please review my diary and give me encouragement. Being fat is a source of shame for me. I have even been dreaming about how fat i am. This is probably because of how demoralized i feel. I dont want 100-150 calories - the size if an apple!!! - to stand in my way of losing this unwanted bulk.

    Are you going 100-150 calories over, then saying F-it, and going 500-1000 calories over?

    Are you exercising, and eating back some portion of your exercise calories?

    If, for example, you are exercising, not eating back any of the calories you earned from exercise, hungry, eat 100 extra calories, and saying F-it and eating 1000 calories over, it would behoove you to eat your exercise calories which could quite likely prevent the F-it eating.

    If you're not exercising, start. Those exercise calories make all the difference for some people.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    Strudders67 wrote: »
    I only looked at a handful of days, but how accurate has your tracking been vs what you've logged this month? At the start of October you didn't log any dinners for a few days. Then there were no entries at all.

    In the last few days, aside from nothing logged at all for yesterday, you have a lot of vague measurements. You're using tbsp and tsp measurements for nuts and seeds. You counted 12 almonds. You have cups for brocolli, kale, blueberries and yoghurt. 5 strips of chicken. Half a pita. How much did any of this weigh?

    Whilst it's feasible that some things will be very precise weights, seeing 100g grape tomatoes, 100g asparagus, 150g basa fillets and 300g pomelo and nothing with any un-round figures makes me think you're not actually weighing your food.

    It's quite likely that your intake isn't what you think it is. I suggest tightening your logging for a month or so and see how you get on. Also, what weight loss goal do you have MFP set to? If it's more than 0.5lb a week, reduce it to give yourself more calories. It'll take longer to lose the weight, but that's fine. It's far better going slowly than being miserable and giving up.

    Instead of pita every day, could you make a big salad so that you feel you're eating a more substantial meal? I've got a chicken stirfry for dinner (half of what i cooked last night, to be reheated) that is huge on the plate but is actually 90% vegetables and only 460 calories in total. I don't need rice with it (and actually don't have space on the plate for any anyway). My large salad for lunch was 91 cals plus 120 for the can of tuna that I added to it. I had a cooked breakfast but because my lunch and dinner is bulked out with veg, I still have cals to spare for some chocolate and a small pack of popcorn.

    Maybe look at what's calorie dense and see if you can replace it with something that is fewer calories, leaving some to spare for that extra spoon of rice etc. Alternatively, could you increase your exercise or go for a brisk walk to 'earn' some extra calories? Even at a slow pace (it's a group thing so I'm assuming we'll only walk at 2.5mph), the hour walk I'll be doing this evening will give me another 150 calories. That's 25g of almonds.

    Yes, I like to shoot for 100 grams of this and that, but it's actually very difficult to hit this precisely. With chicken I can put some back, but with foods like grape tomatoes and pomelo, not so much.

    On the bright side, is it pomelo season already?!? Going to look today in the supermarket.
  • SModa61
    SModa61 Posts: 3,096 Member
    Going to start with my thoughts but below are a list of comments I made going starting from the beginning of October. I am putting them second, because they are just data.

    So for start, you stated in your OP “I’m demoralized over the idea that something as wonderful as food is actually hurting me like an enemy.” For someone who considers food “wonderful” (like I do), I would expect to see much more food enjoyment in your diary. I get the sense that you are “ON” or “OFF” and right now you are ON a diet. I would encourage you to consider a few ideas.
    #1 plan ahead. Track ahead, but then adjust/tweak as the actual day unfolds (really helps with grocery shopping too!)
    #2 plan to use your full calories so you are not deprived or overly hunger. Either can set a person off and I am wondering if that is what I saw at the beginning of the month and see in the nightly “dessert” catagory
    #3 plan to include those foods you call “wonderful” into your day or week
    #4 because you are planning, you can better work your macros than you currently are – I look at it like a game trying to get a close match between diary and goals
    #5 vary you diet more? Same breakfast AND same lunch likely wears thin
    #6 are your “desserts” actually all eaten after dinner? If so, in your planning, distribute those food/calories earlier in the day, so you start breaking the late night eating trend. If they are not being eaten at night like the diary implies then track them in their approximate category to better reflect your day.
    #7 if hunger is an issue then raising to meet your protein and fat macros, and lowering to meet your carb macros, may help with satiety

    I see trends of high carbs. I see potential night bingeing, but bravo for tracking them. And lastly, I don’t see a lot of “joy” on your “wonderful” food. You want to establish patterns you can happily maintain for longtime/life.

    Me? Yes, I eat the same breakfast every day, but most of it pertains to medical concern for me. BUT my current one was modified a few weeks ago to up my protein, and lower my carb load, though closely related. Other than breakfast and my nightly coffee, I don’t do anything the same for more than 3 days in a row (its lunch or snack that repeats). I am constantly looking for new foods and recipes so I look forward to my meals. I track at least a day ahead (sometimes as many as 5 days ahead). I track my most difficult meal of the day first (usually dinner) then I plug in my mandatory breakfast. What’s left for meals (typically snack & lunch) are roughly worked around my remaining macros and/or calories. I am constantly looking for new foods and recipes so I look forward to my meals.

    You got lots of other amazing advice that I’ll try and not duplicate. Hope at least one point I made was helpful!

    Data:
    Oct 1 – way under on calories, with no snack or dinner but cheeries and milk for dessert. Did you skip some tracking (therefore lack of data) or did you eat do little, which makes it challenging to keep doing?
    Oct 2 – identical to Oct 1, so I am guessing as unsustainable under eating
    Oct 3 – repeat of 1 and 2
    Oct 4 & 5 – no diary entries at all. Have to guess there was a stumble on these days that may have been set off by the difficult oct 1, 2 & 3
    Oct 6 – first time a dinner is logged. The biggest thing showing up here, that I will see again is “dessert” category of almost 600 calories ( daily carbs high, protein low)
    Oct 7 – first “snack” ever, Yay! but “dessert” of 4 cups of cheerios and 2.5 cups of almond milk (daily carbs high)
    Oct 8 – A comparatively balanced calories distribution throughout day, slightly over, but looks like you were more in control. Carbs very high.
    Oct 9 – nada - what caused a non-tracked day?
    Oct 10 – First time that I saw your protein met, and your carbs under. From that point of view, that’s great! Yes, over some in calories, but there are 553 calories under “dessert” which I assume is after dinner
    Oct 11 – seeing some experimenting with lunch the past two days. Calories in line, carbs in line, protein could improve, “dessert” appropriate.
    Oct 12 – total calories ok, protein ok, carbs back up and “dessert” at 584 calories
    Oct 13 – under on calories, no “dessert”, small snack. daily Carbs high, protein low.
    Oct 14 – nada - what caused a non-tracked day?
    Oct 15 – little over calories, carb high, protein low, “dessert” 463
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    edited October 2020
    ...
    But why would a spoonful of rice sabotage everything? If you're eating at a deficit, that spoon will make the deficit slightly smaller and you will lose slightly less quickly. That spoonful doesn't make you go from deficit to gain.

    You have your entire deficit as buffer up to a regular maintenance amount before it would even possibly sabotage anything. And even then, the odd spoonful over isnt going to make you gain even if you do go above maintenance.

    Eg:
    Goal deficit = 500
    Spoonful of rice = 15 calories
    Net deficit for the day = 485 calories.

    Which is still a decent deficit.

    Even if its from 250 to 235... thats still fine.

    I purposely eat maintenance up to 7 times a month. Sometimes I eat maintenance for a month or two before I get back to it. I dont see a problem with not being exactly at my deficit calorie number perfectly everyday. Thats way too stressful a way to live. When I first was losing weight (before I had my babies) I wanted to see perfect numbers. But now I've been at this for what 7 years (i had to lose weight after each pregnancy and then I also liked to keep tabs on things while I was pregnant too) and when I wanted perfection, logging literally took over my mind. I couldn't think of anything else. I find the less I think about it the better I do, as long as I log and see results.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    VeryKatie wrote: »
    ...
    But why would a spoonful of rice sabotage everything? If you're eating at a deficit, that spoon will make the deficit slightly smaller and you will lose slightly less quickly. That spoonful doesn't make you go from deficit to gain.

    You have your entire deficit as buffer up to a regular maintenance amount before it would even possibly sabotage anything. And even then, the odd spoonful over isnt going to make you gain even if you do go above maintenance.

    Eg:
    Goal deficit = 500
    Spoonful of rice = 15 calories
    Net deficit for the day = 485 calories.

    Which is still a decent deficit.

    Even if its from 250 to 235... thats still fine.

    I purposely eat maintenance up to 7 times a month. Sometimes I eat maintenance for a month or two before I get back to it. I dont see a problem with not being exactly at my deficit calorie number perfectly everyday. Thats way too stressful a way to live. When I first was losing weight (before I had my babies) I wanted to see perfect numbers. But now I've been at this for what 7 years (i had to lose weight after each pregnancy and then I also liked to keep tabs on things while I was pregnant too) and when I wanted perfection, logging literally took over my mind. I couldn't think of anything else. I find the less I think about it the better I do, as long as I log and see results.

    Yes, I've long eaten at maintenance a day or two premenstrually and on my heavy days.
  • CallMeRuPaul
    CallMeRuPaul Posts: 151 Member
    i'm the same way. i'm hungry all the time. can you substitute a couple of rice cakes for the almonds? there's no fat in the brown rice so i don't see anything wrong with that. also, if you eat a little more, can you go for a 15-30 minute walk to offset some of the extra calories?
  • domeofstars
    domeofstars Posts: 480 Member
    I'm sorry to hear that you feel like eating a bit extra on one day will sabotage your goals or like that whole day might be wasted. Even if that day isn't a whole 500 calorie deficit, it might still be a deficit- albeit a bit lower- and that's what counts. Even if your weight loss might end up being a bit slower, you will still get there in the end.

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