Feel defeated and demoralized about my diet
joowelz
Posts: 170 Member
Hello
I have been on MFP for years with success on and off at losing weight. My desire is to lose 15 lbs or 4 inches overall.
I know that it’s 80% diet and 20% exercise. This has been true for me. I am not a novice at weight loss as i’ve been battling my weight since adolescence.
I am 43 now, 170 lbs, 5’6, and having a really hard time controlling my calorie intake.
I’m demoralized over the idea that something as wonderful as food is actually hurting me like an enemy.
It seems unfair that a few calories over - in the form of an extra spoon of rice or a handful of almonds - will sabotage my goals. That day then seems “wasted.”
Please review my diary and give me encouragement. Being fat is a source of shame for me. I have even been dreaming about how fat i am. This is probably because of how demoralized i feel. I dont want 100-150 calories - the size if an apple!!! - to stand in my way of losing this unwanted bulk.
I have been on MFP for years with success on and off at losing weight. My desire is to lose 15 lbs or 4 inches overall.
I know that it’s 80% diet and 20% exercise. This has been true for me. I am not a novice at weight loss as i’ve been battling my weight since adolescence.
I am 43 now, 170 lbs, 5’6, and having a really hard time controlling my calorie intake.
I’m demoralized over the idea that something as wonderful as food is actually hurting me like an enemy.
It seems unfair that a few calories over - in the form of an extra spoon of rice or a handful of almonds - will sabotage my goals. That day then seems “wasted.”
Please review my diary and give me encouragement. Being fat is a source of shame for me. I have even been dreaming about how fat i am. This is probably because of how demoralized i feel. I dont want 100-150 calories - the size if an apple!!! - to stand in my way of losing this unwanted bulk.
5
Replies
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Have your blood glucose checked out. Start there and move forward. You know the way.1
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The day is not 'wasted' if you're a few calories over your goal. What weight loss rate have you chosen? Even at the slowest rate of loss you have a 250 kcal margin between your calorie goal and maintenance. Anything under maintenance is progress!
What are you struggling with: not being able to stick to your goal? Or sticking to your calorie goal, but not losing weight?
Your food diary looks like it could be improved. I see rice in milliliters (?), cups, tablespoons, generic amounts (12 almonds, 1 egg) and entries like "moroccan lentil soup" (is this your recipe, or did you just choose a generic entre in the food database?). And the items you have in grams are suspiciously round numbers.
You need to weigh what you eat and check you are using accurate food entries, and you might be surprised at how many calories you are actually consuming.11 -
Just tighten up your logging. If you know you're over in rice, make your portion a little smaller. Tiny changes throughout the day can make a big difference.7
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If your goal is to lose weight and you have a deficit of 250 calories per day (a very reasonable deficit) and you go 100 calories over your goal, the day isn't wasted. You still have a deficit of 150. You just have a smaller deficit than planned and that happens to everyone sometimes.
If your goal is to lose weight and you have a deficit of 250 calories per day and you go 250 calories over your goal, the day isn't wasted. You just eating at your maintaining goal that day and that's something that many of us choose to do even when we're actively trying to lose weight. Life happens, hunger happens, mistakes in counting happen.
If your goal is to lose weight and you have a deficit of 250 calories per day and you go 500, 1,000, or even 2,000 calories over your goal, the day STILL isn't wasted. Yes, you ate more than you needed on one single day of your life. Well, we all do this sometimes. The difference between having a "wasted day" and having just a day where you failed to meet your goals is all in your mind. When I began using those days as ways to figure out "what went wrong/what could have gone better," it really helped. Maybe I wasn't realistic about something: I bought a food that I have trouble controlling and I could do better about bringing that food into my house regularly. Maybe I experimented with a meal timing that didn't work and I got way too hungry and ate more than I planned later. Maybe I figure out that I need more protein with breakfast to avoid feeling crazed with hunger at lunch. Maybe I figured out that my sister's birthday isn't a great day to plan to have a deficit because my mom makes the best chocolate-peanut butter cake for her each year and I always want to have a big piece. I don't know what you need to figure out, but I bet YOU can figure it out if you take time (when you're feeling calm and reasonably loving towards yourself) to figure out what you could have done differently that day.
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I only looked at a handful of days, but how accurate has your tracking been vs what you've logged this month? At the start of October you didn't log any dinners for a few days. Then there were no entries at all.
In the last few days, aside from nothing logged at all for yesterday, you have a lot of vague measurements. You're using tbsp and tsp measurements for nuts and seeds. You counted 12 almonds. You have cups for brocolli, kale, blueberries and yoghurt. 5 strips of chicken. Half a pita. How much did any of this weigh?
Whilst it's feasible that some things will be very precise weights, seeing 100g grape tomatoes, 100g asparagus, 150g basa fillets and 300g pomelo and nothing with any un-round figures makes me think you're not actually weighing your food.
It's quite likely that your intake isn't what you think it is. I suggest tightening your logging for a month or so and see how you get on. Also, what weight loss goal do you have MFP set to? If it's more than 0.5lb a week, reduce it to give yourself more calories. It'll take longer to lose the weight, but that's fine. It's far better going slowly than being miserable and giving up.
Instead of pita every day, could you make a big salad so that you feel you're eating a more substantial meal? I've got a chicken stirfry for dinner (half of what i cooked last night, to be reheated) that is huge on the plate but is actually 90% vegetables and only 460 calories in total. I don't need rice with it (and actually don't have space on the plate for any anyway). My large salad for lunch was 91 cals plus 120 for the can of tuna that I added to it. I had a cooked breakfast but because my lunch and dinner is bulked out with veg, I still have cals to spare for some chocolate and a small pack of popcorn.
Maybe look at what's calorie dense and see if you can replace it with something that is fewer calories, leaving some to spare for that extra spoon of rice etc. Alternatively, could you increase your exercise or go for a brisk walk to 'earn' some extra calories? Even at a slow pace (it's a group thing so I'm assuming we'll only walk at 2.5mph), the hour walk I'll be doing this evening will give me another 150 calories. That's 25g of almonds.9 -
I agree with the comments about tightening up the logging. It's easy to slip and it's monotonous to keep weighing everything out - especially when you've been doing it a while. (At least I find it to be monotonous). Consistency is key, you've just got to keep at it. I have definitely had a few phases where I've got lazy at it, and you can see that progress just stalls.
I also think a bit of exercise would help you out by giving you extra cals. Sure, you can't out run a bad diet, but looking at a few days I don't think what you're eating is the problem (although as has been said, accurate logging will give you better data to work with). It also has a positive impact on mood and general wellbeing so might help with the negative feelings you have - we all get fed up with our weight at some point - otherwise this forum would be empty
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Fair... unfair....either you develop the a lifestyle that meets your goals or you dont. Understand that there are people who get more num-nums than you and others who don't. As far as a "wasted" day, this is not a damn race unless you have a medical reason to lose rapidly. Just pick your backside up and move on... oh yes, if you can move. Move your *kitten*! Exercise does more than burn calories l. In some people it blunts hunger and helps manage caloric intake. Do or do not..20
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https://www.nutritionletter.tufts.edu/special-reports/healthy-diet-and-lifestyle-to-sidestep-metabolic-syndrome
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4272668/
'Various groups of experts have come up with ways to define metabolic syndrome. They include the American Heart Association, the International Diabetes Federation, and the World Health Organization.'
One out of three have diabetes and most may not know it.
You said you've been battling this since your teen years. Time to see what's going on. You can know where you stand and track your data points at the same time.3 -
psychod787 wrote: »Fair... unfair....either you develop the a lifestyle that meets your goals or you dont. Understand that there are people who get more num-nums than you and others who don't. As far as a "wasted" day, this is not a damn race unless you have a medical reason to lose rapidly. Just pick your backside up and move on... oh yes, if you can move. Move your *kitten*! Exercise does more than burn calories l. In some people it blunts hunger and helps manage caloric intake. Do or do not..
I have personally found that focusing on what might be "fair" or "unfair" about what I have to do to manage my weight relative to others is 100% wasted energy. It gives me nothing of value to focus on how there are some guys who can eat double what I can eat and still have a BMI in the healthy range or that there are people who aren't tempted by higher calorie foods.
There really is no "fair" or "unfair." There is how much energy my body uses (which is a factor I can help control) and how much energy I consume (something I completely control). How much energy that guy over there is using or how much energy that woman over there is consuming are irrelevant for my purposes.14 -
psychod787 wrote: »Fair... unfair....either you develop the a lifestyle that meets your goals or you dont. Understand that there are people who get more num-nums than you and others who don't. As far as a "wasted" day, this is not a damn race unless you have a medical reason to lose rapidly. Just pick your backside up and move on... oh yes, if you can move. Move your *kitten*! Exercise does more than burn calories l. In some people it blunts hunger and helps manage caloric intake. Do or do not..
I'm sorry. I'll stop hoarding all the num nums.
Also, in for the tough love!7 -
The day is not 'wasted' if you're a few calories over your goal. What weight loss rate have you chosen? Even at the slowest rate of loss you have a 250 kcal margin between your calorie goal and maintenance. Anything under maintenance is progress!
What are you struggling with: not being able to stick to your goal? Or sticking to your calorie goal, but not losing weight?
Your food diary looks like it could be improved.
Just want to clarify. Yes, i am weighing most things like grape tomatoes, cheese, rice, animal flesh, etc. I’m using the nutrition label on the pita bag to log half a pita, tbls of choco powder, etc and counting almonds manually.
My frustration is with not being able to stay under 1800 cals per day.
Lots of good advice here. Thank you.2 -
psychod787 wrote: »Fair... unfair....either you develop the a lifestyle that meets your goals or you dont. Understand that there are people who get more num-nums than you and others who don't. As far as a "wasted" day, this is not a damn race unless you have a medical reason to lose rapidly. Just pick your backside up and move on... oh yes, if you can move. Move your *kitten*! Exercise does more than burn calories l. In some people it blunts hunger and helps manage caloric intake. Do or do not..
I'm sorry. I'll stop hoarding all the num nums.
Also, in for the tough love!
Guess I am a little jaded being a 6"3" 210lb Male with maintenance over 3k...🤔3 -
I remember these days and these feelings well while I was on my journey to lose over 100lbs. I did it and it took me a lot of time .. and the reason it took me a lot of time was because of my commitment, or lack there of. My desire to eat was stronger than my sadness of being fat. I'm not the same person I was and the journey became easier as I grew into the woman I wanted to be. Our psychological perspective and spiritual needs are equally as important in the journey as weighing and logging your food accurately.
Don't forget to take care of the beautiful woman inside as you continue your journey, words matter, we are what we say we are - so be kind with yourself. Take the time to explore your thirst to be thinner and fitter, and understand what your spirit and soul needs to be fed.
One of the things I remind myself of the most often is that the journey is the destination.
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let me start off with an old Chinese saying: "All medicine tastes bad" ha ha
having said that here we go some brutal truth,
you say "food is actually hurting me" I don't think that is correct at all, not being argumentative but I believe the proper quote would be "too much food is actually hurting me"
"an extra spoon of rice or a handful of almonds - will sabotage my goals" yes goes back to the one above, you can eat too much of healthy stuff like broccoli or chicken breast, too many good calories do make you fat, but I don't think you are overeating healthy foods, I am pretty sure there are plenty of snacks, ice cream, cookies, chips, fries
hope you did not find that rude, I find that being direct is the best advice someone can offer especially when you are so close to your goal5 -
let me start off with an old Chinese saying: "All medicine tastes bad" ha ha
having said that here we go some brutal truth,
you say "food is actually hurting me" I don't think that is correct at all, not being argumentative but I believe the proper quote would be "too much food is actually hurting me"
"an extra spoon of rice or a handful of almonds - will sabotage my goals" yes goes back to the one above, you can eat too much of healthy stuff like broccoli or chicken breast, too many good calories do make you fat, but I don't think you are overeating healthy foods, I am pretty sure there are plenty of snacks, ice cream, cookies, chips, fries
hope you did not find that rude, I find that being direct is the best advice someone can offer especially when you are so close to your goal
Lots of us find that we can consume enough of what are dubbed "healthy foods" to prevent us from meeting our weight management goals. Rice and almonds can be calorie dense. The nutrients in a food won't cancel out the calorie content.6 -
janejellyroll wrote: »psychod787 wrote: »Fair... unfair....either you develop the a lifestyle that meets your goals or you dont. Understand that there are people who get more num-nums than you and others who don't. As far as a "wasted" day, this is not a damn race unless you have a medical reason to lose rapidly. Just pick your backside up and move on... oh yes, if you can move. Move your *kitten*! Exercise does more than burn calories l. In some people it blunts hunger and helps manage caloric intake. Do or do not..
I have personally found that focusing on what might be "fair" or "unfair" about what I have to do to manage my weight relative to others is 100% wasted energy. It gives me nothing of value to focus on how there are some guys who can eat double what I can eat and still have a BMI in the healthy range or that there are people who aren't tempted by higher calorie foods.
There really is no "fair" or "unfair." There is how much energy my body uses (which is a factor I can help control) and how much energy I consume (something I completely control). How much energy that guy over there is using or how much energy that woman over there is consuming are irrelevant for my purposes.
I think that was exactly psychod's point, and I agree with both of you. Just gotta optimize your num nums.7 -
Uhhh... what you said...
Thank you for breaking the ravings of a madman down...😉6 -
janejellyroll wrote: »psychod787 wrote: »Fair... unfair....either you develop the a lifestyle that meets your goals or you dont. Understand that there are people who get more num-nums than you and others who don't. As far as a "wasted" day, this is not a damn race unless you have a medical reason to lose rapidly. Just pick your backside up and move on... oh yes, if you can move. Move your *kitten*! Exercise does more than burn calories l. In some people it blunts hunger and helps manage caloric intake. Do or do not..
I have personally found that focusing on what might be "fair" or "unfair" about what I have to do to manage my weight relative to others is 100% wasted energy. It gives me nothing of value to focus on how there are some guys who can eat double what I can eat and still have a BMI in the healthy range or that there are people who aren't tempted by higher calorie foods.
There really is no "fair" or "unfair." There is how much energy my body uses (which is a factor I can help control) and how much energy I consume (something I completely control). How much energy that guy over there is using or how much energy that woman over there is consuming are irrelevant for my purposes.
I think that was exactly psychod's point, and I agree with both of you. Just gotta optimize your num nums.
I kinda want this on a bumper sticker..3 -
DancingMoosie wrote: »Just tighten up your logging. If you know you're over in rice, make your portion a little smaller. Tiny changes throughout the day can make a big difference.
This is what I was going to suggest. Eat what you want - just a little less- especially since it's only 100-150 calories you wish to eliminate. Smaller plates help and yes, logging/weighing everything too.
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I know it’s easier said than done, but I think you need to change your mindset and not focus on what you cannot have, but focus on habit changes you can make that you can sustain throughout your life. It is work to weigh all your food, but it becomes second nature if you put in the work to make it a becomes a habit.
The fact that you are not new to weight loss means something isn’t working because you are repeating the same patterns (I have too my whole life - no judgment). You have to find a lifestyle you can live with to meet your realistic goals while stlll enjoying your life. It’s a lot of work and it takes time, but if gets easier. At least this is what I have had to learn to do, but I actually enjoy the food I eat and I have dessert every day and have drinks on the weekend - I just build it all into my calories and it does mean portion control.
If you are a podcast person, two podcasts that have helped me with this are We Only Look Thin and Half Size Me.6
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