I need help. Here is a quick history. (I feel like Im on a medical show LOL) 47yo female. Lifetime of binging and fasting. History of Hyperthyroidism but it burned out and all current thyroid tests are normal. HW 323. SW 12/13/17 was 292. Weight on 11/05/18 was 189. Lost 103 pounds in 11 months by doing 1000 calories or less and no more than 15 carbs a day with no strength training or cardio. Had occasional binge days but would recover. Had no strength, BP plummeted, hair fell out, very weak. Yo-yo dieted for about a year and went between 190 and 220. Starting binging again and got to 256. Basic blood work normal. BP up again. 09/4/20 Hired personal trainer and nutritionist. Daily caloric goal is 1700 with 35% carbs, 35% fat, 30% protein. That means 149 carbs a day!!!!! Here, lets add more !!!!!. I freaked out at that. I'm still in the mindset that carbs=fat. But I have been trying. The thing is, I'm not losing like I thought I would. Im so tied to that number on the scale. I weigh every morning at the same time. Im still not as consistent as I should be with food intake. Sometimes I just don't want to eat. I have a very stressful job and I try to sleep but I never get into deep sleep and I wake up all the time. (Tried CPAP but never can get the titration correct and never noticed difference so I stopped using it). Ok, so here is my question. My BMR is around 1900. I'm shooting for 1300 calories a day. (I just cant do 1700!! I gain so much!) I want to lose between 2-3 pounds a week. Did I damage my body so much that I will gain no matter what? As I type this, I sound a little.. overboard. But I am really struggling. I cut out all binges and I feel like a part of me has died. I do 45 minutes of strength training 4 days a week with a trainer. Im active on weekends but didn't record that for my exercises. I was bawling this morning at gaining another pound this morning. Im so disgusted and frustrated! Ok, ok... I'm pretty pumped about getting a little stronger. However, my body fat % went up 3.5% in this month as well. So yes, I can curl heavier but I have more fat? I'm just so confused and heartbroken and Krispy Kreme is calling me.
Posting below a detail and would appreciate any input. I included the medial-like stuff because I think I really screwed up my body from years of fasting for days and then dumping 5k+ calories in one sitting into it. Im trying to think of SOMETHING that I can pinpoint as a cause. I will open my food diary as well. Thank you for reading and honestly, I'm feeling a bit "naked" right now by revealing all of this but Im truly at the end of my rope. Please be gentle.