I am desperate at this point in my 1 month journey. Can you offer advice?

michelleinohio · October 2020

I need help. Here is a quick history. (I feel like Im on a medical show LOL) 47yo female. Lifetime of binging and fasting. History of Hyperthyroidism but it burned out and all current thyroid tests are normal. HW 323. SW 12/13/17 was 292. Weight on 11/05/18 was 189. Lost 103 pounds in 11 months by doing 1000 calories or less and no more than 15 carbs a day with no strength training or cardio. Had occasional binge days but would recover. Had no strength, BP plummeted, hair fell out, very weak. Yo-yo dieted for about a year and went between 190 and 220. Starting binging again and got to 256. Basic blood work normal. BP up again. 09/4/20 Hired personal trainer and nutritionist. Daily caloric goal is 1700 with 35% carbs, 35% fat, 30% protein. That means 149 carbs a day!!!!! Here, lets add more !!!!!. I freaked out at that. I'm still in the mindset that carbs=fat. But I have been trying. The thing is, I'm not losing like I thought I would. Im so tied to that number on the scale. I weigh every morning at the same time. Im still not as consistent as I should be with food intake. Sometimes I just don't want to eat. I have a very stressful job and I try to sleep but I never get into deep sleep and I wake up all the time. (Tried CPAP but never can get the titration correct and never noticed difference so I stopped using it). Ok, so here is my question. My BMR is around 1900. I'm shooting for 1300 calories a day. (I just cant do 1700!! I gain so much!) I want to lose between 2-3 pounds a week. Did I damage my body so much that I will gain no matter what? As I type this, I sound a little.. overboard. But I am really struggling. I cut out all binges and I feel like a part of me has died. I do 45 minutes of strength training 4 days a week with a trainer. Im active on weekends but didn't record that for my exercises. I was bawling this morning at gaining another pound this morning. Im so disgusted and frustrated! Ok, ok... I'm pretty pumped about getting a little stronger. However, my body fat % went up 3.5% in this month as well. So yes, I can curl heavier but I have more fat? I'm just so confused and heartbroken and Krispy Kreme is calling me.

Posting below a detail and would appreciate any input. I included the medial-like stuff because I think I really screwed up my body from years of fasting for days and then dumping 5k+ calories in one sitting into it. Im trying to think of SOMETHING that I can pinpoint as a cause. I will open my food diary as well. Thank you for reading and honestly, I'm feeling a bit "naked" right now by revealing all of this but Im truly at the end of my rope. Please be gentle.

jessiemeckle · October 2020

I am not a professional, nor can I give sound advice because I am struggling as well. I just wanted to say that the first thing I noticed from your chart is that you weigh in every day. You are going to drive yourself nuts. 2nd, you lost 9 pounds in a little over a month! NINE! That's amazing! Some days you eat less than 1,000 calories, am I reading that right? I would feel so weak and exhausted by the end of the day. I hope someone has good advice because I am interested as well. I just wanted to say keep going, you are doing great! And you are brave for putting it all out there.

snowflake954 · October 2020

I think you need to address the mental aspect of weight loss before you can be successful. This is a very frequent problem on MFP and has you spinning your wheels, trying this or that, in a frantic rush to find the right formula. In doing this ....you are ruining your health. It's serious. Please see a counselor and work with them to get your weight loss on track. You need to eat enough calories to fuel your daily activities + exercise. You can do this, but I strongly suggest that you get help to approach it in a healthy fashion. Good luck.

heybales · October 2020

Just some facts perhaps to really repeat until it sinks in.

You don't have to eat less than your BMR (1900?) to lose weight - you eat less than your TDEE to lose fat weight.
That's what MFP does correctly if you log exercise done and eat to the new goal that is given.

Scale everyday can be fine with a trending app or your spreadsheet - as long as you don't imagine there is anything actionable after a 1 day reading, or that 1-2 day big changes are anything but water weight.
If it drives you batty - better stop or get the facts down about daily changes.

BF% is only as potentially accurate as 10% IF you present exactly the same hydrated body to the scale - which is unlikely. It's the trend of months of time that matters for those inaccurate scale calculations (it's not a reading like weight, it's estimate from calcs). So your 3.5% change is within margin of error and meaningless basically.

2 lbs a week is reasonable until you have 50 lbs left to healthy weight.
You really want to revisit your body being so stressed out that hair falls out?
Guess what - it was stressed out prior to that happening - it just wasn't as visibly apparent, other negative things were happening.

Yes your body can adapt to foolishness of undereating too much, but it doesn't stop weight loss.
Makes it a whole lot harder though - sure you want to fly that plane so close to the ground you crash?
If you start with calories so low now - you thought about the future when you have to eat less since you weigh less - where exactly would you go then, crash even more?
You see long term success in that?
I'm not sensing it on your brief comments.

Did you know your stress from all things - mental, sleep, diet, life - will increase cortisol levels and can slowly cause 20 lbs of water to be retained.
Think that will stress you out when seen on the scale?

Read the end of this study synopsis - recovery from extremes is possible - but you gotta stop the extremes.

ETA
Link changed:
https://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/heybales?month=201401

heybales · October 2020

What really is your BMR and TDEE with current life and workouts?

Just TDEE Please spreadsheet - better than rough 5 level TDEE charts from 1919 study.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1G7FgNzPq3v5WMjDtH0n93LXSMRY_hjmzNTMJb3aZSxM/edit?usp=sharing

wilson10102018 · October 2020

Am I missing something? Looks to me like you lost 8 pounds in a month. Great work. Keep it up. Just ditch those 3000 + calories days. You'll be happier.

Chef_Barbell · October 2020

heybales wrote: »

What really is your BMR and TDEE with current life and workouts?

Just TDEE Please spreadsheet - better than rough 5 level TDEE charts from 1919 study.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1G7FgNzPq3v5WMjDtH0n93LXSMRY_hjmzNTMJb3aZSxM/edit?usp=sharing

Yes this! Heybales worksheets are awesome!

Diatonic12 · October 2020

'I think I really screwed up my body from years of fasting for days and then dumping 5k+ calories in one sitting into it. I'm trying to think of SOMETHING that I can pinpoint as a cause.'

Binge eating and diabetes go hand in hand. It usually starts in the teens or early 20's but after years or decades of this kind of lifestyle, journey, particular relationship with food it goes sideways. You need to get your blood glucose checked and see exactly where you stand with your overall health. The binge eating comes first and the pancreas does it's best to accommodate all of the wild swings UP and down, back and forth that we put it through.
One day it gives up the ghost and it says enough is enough.

I've read through all of it and in the gentlest way possible what you're doing is no longer working. The cause is complex. Genetics, environment and a myriad of other things. On a one meal at a time and on a daily basis, it might take you 2-5 years to retrain your brain and thinking about food. Just know that going in.

The numbers don't lie but neither does the pancreas. It measures everything we don't and when things are no longer in optimum working order it's time to find out what's really going on. These things don't happen overnight, it can take well over a decade or more.

'You cut out all binges but Krispy Kreme is calling'. Sit down face-to-face with medical professionals that can really help you get down to the roots of what's going on here.

chocolate_owl · October 2020

Agree with comments saying you need to address the mental challenges/blocks you have with healthy weight loss. There's one point I want to drive home, and if I could post this in big shiny letters everywhere around you I would: weight loss is not linear. WEIGHT LOSS IS NOT LINEAR!!! You are not going to see the scale go down every single day. You are going to see:
-Water retention to repair your muscles after workouts
-Water retention on days you have more sodium
-Fluctuations related to your time of the month
-Higher weight if you haven't pooped in a day or two
-Higher weight if you eat at maintenance for a few days due to glycogen stores being replenished

If you freak out over every single fluctuation, you're going to drive yourself crazy. I see a lot of those red numbers are 0.4 lb gains. That's just noise. Do yourself a favor: put this in a graph and plot a trendline. As long as that trendline is going down, EVERYTHING IS OK!!

Here's my weight loss graph. I'm shooting for 1 lb/week, and despite a slight regain on vacation I'm right on track. Those ups and downs are normal.

Also, ignore the body fat % thing for now, especially if it's on a (unreliable, widely varying) home scale. That's just noise you don't need. Trust your trainer's program. Focus on how you feel and the progress you're making.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is work on eating 1300 calories minimum every single day, eventually creeping up to that 1700 target your nutritionist set for you. You might not lose at that 2-3 lb rate initially. You might plateau for a week, maybe even two. But your body will adjust eventually, you'll be properly nourishing yourself, and you'll feel so much better.

Chef_Barbell · October 2020

Love the disagree fairy here 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

nooshi713 · October 2020

Just from your post, I sense a lot of anxiety going on with you and you are trying to lose weight too fast. 2-3 lbs a week is excessively rapid weight loss and puts you at risk for health issues like you experienced in the past. I suggest a therapist to deal with your history of binging and anxiety about food. For now stick to a reasonable deficit, aim for 1 lb a week loss, and try to have realistic expectations. Slow and steady weight loss is much better in the long run.

dragon_girl26 · October 2020

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

Love the disagree fairy here 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Yeah, whoever it is obviously has the right answer...would love to know what it is. Maybe we can learn something.

snowflake954 · October 2020

dragon_girl26 wrote: »

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

Love the disagree fairy here 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Yeah, whoever it is obviously has the right answer...would love to know what it is. Maybe we can learn something.

I'm finding this almost too funny.

dragon_girl26 · October 2020

nooshi713 wrote: »

Just from your post, I sense a lot of anxiety going on with you and you are trying to lose weight too fast. 2-3 lbs a week is excessively rapid weight loss and puts you at risk for health issues like you experienced in the past. I suggest a therapist to deal with your history of binging and anxiety about food. For now stick to a reasonable deficit, aim for 1 lb a week loss, and try to have realistic expectations. Slow and steady weight loss is much better in the long run.

This sounds like the right answer to me. My goodness, OP, you are SO wrapped up in that scale number. Reading your post made me want to give you a virtual hug. Its ok...there's no need to rush. The weight will come off, but you need to learn the right way to establish healthy habits and goals. Starving yourself and stressing out isn't the answer. 3 lbs a week is WAY too fast...remember all of those symptoms like your hair falling out and being weak? It came from losing too fast and undereating. I really think you may want to consider speaking with a professional about your anxiety, if you aren't already. I told someone this earlier but I think you need to hear it too....good health is a lifelong journey. You are more than just a number on a scale. ⚘

dragon_girl26 · October 2020

snowflake954 wrote: »

dragon_girl26 wrote: »

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

Love the disagree fairy here 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Yeah, whoever it is obviously has the right answer...would love to know what it is. Maybe we can learn something.

I'm finding this almost too funny.

Yeah...I guess they disagree that we could learn something.
Can't argue with logic, I guess 🤷‍♀️ lol

Dogmom1978 · October 2020

Is it the OP disagreeing or some other random person disagreeing???

I don’t weigh daily as it drives me nuts, but lots of people do so without being stressed out by it. I weigh weekly and it works for me. If daily weigh ins make you freak, don’t do them.

I would suggest a therapist based on the rant and the, what comes across as, obsession. Also, 3 lbs a week is too aggressive. 2 lbs a week is about the max and as someone else said, is only realistic until you get to the 50 lb left to lose mark.

B_Plus_Effort · October 2020

OK, honestly, I glanced at your post then skimmed it, and all I have to say is STOP!

Stop with all the number crunching nonsense and just go for a walk, put on some headphone and enjoy the fresh air and walk a mile and build up to three, tomorrow do it again.

I say this from experience I have seen way too many people too many times spend so much energy on crazy diets or spreadsheets or this and thats, that if only they spent 10% of that on themselves they would be thinner and healthier.

Not being rude, the best advice is brutal honesty!

B_Plus_Effort · October 2020

jessiemeckle wrote: »

... I just wanted to say that the first thing I noticed from your chart is that you weigh in every day. You are going to drive yourself nuts.

+1

Dogmom1978 · October 2020

muszyngr wrote: »

OK, honestly, I glanced at your post then skimmed it, and all I have to say is STOP!

Stop with all the number crunching nonsense and just go for a walk, put on some headphone and enjoy the fresh air and walk a mile and build up to three, tomorrow do it again.

I say this from experience I have seen way too many people too many times spend so much energy on crazy diets or spreadsheets or this and thats, that if only they spent 10% of that on themselves they would be thinner and healthier.

Not being rude, the best advice is brutal honesty!

The disagree fairy seems busy currently lol, but I love this advice! I agree 100%

snowflake954 · October 2020

Dogmom1978 wrote: »

muszyngr wrote: »

OK, honestly, I glanced at your post then skimmed it, and all I have to say is STOP!

Stop with all the number crunching nonsense and just go for a walk, put on some headphone and enjoy the fresh air and walk a mile and build up to three, tomorrow do it again.

I say this from experience I have seen way too many people too many times spend so much energy on crazy diets or spreadsheets or this and thats, that if only they spent 10% of that on themselves they would be thinner and healthier.

Not being rude, the best advice is brutal honesty!

The disagree fairy seems busy currently lol, but I love this advice! I agree 100%

What happened? Did the fairy go to bed?

elfin168 · October 2020

i think that you need help. from the outside looking in abnormal eating behaviour is your normal. I am qualified to have an opinion here based on personal experience. In order to change things sustainably and permanantly you need to make small not large changes. you are used to extremes, binging or fasting. you are still effectively fasting on you current calories and most likely will crack and binge and go off the rails again. you are paying a trainer and then not doing what they suggest. the only long term sustainable way to loss weight is set realistic deficits and take time. also find some other things to focus on other then weight etc. life is short. get counsellig

I am desperate at this point in my 1 month journey. Can you offer advice?

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