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Help with managing bad self hate?

SayNoToCakesSayNoToCakes Member, Premium Posts: 16 Member Member, Premium Posts: 16 Member
Hi all,

i have always struggled with low self esteem. In school, I struggled with restricting and binging on food and then purging. I was very very slim. After I had my first daughter, I was in a very toxic relationship and food was the one thing I could absolutely control and it made me happy.

Every single time I try to lose weight, I get really upset if I cannot binge on food, I hate myself so much that I often sabotage everything. I can't look at myself in mirrors, Im the biggest I ever have been at 18 stone. None of my clothes fit, I don't leave the house as it's embarrassing. I need to lose weight but I dont know how, I really dont.
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Replies

  • snowflake954snowflake954 Member Posts: 5,348 Member Member Posts: 5,348 Member
    Hi all and thank you for your supportive comments.

    I have had help with my mental health, at one point I was in and out of hospital due to it and I have had therapy but none of which focused on my binge eating or self hate. I'm desperate to have a counsellor now to deal with the deeper issues but with Covid it's extremely hard, doctors don't really care. I had to fight so hard to receive mental health help in the first instance, they refused me so long until it took 6 suicide attempts for them to even consider me 😔

    I absolutely think I have the power to do this but I need to learn how to love myself, how to truly care for myself. How to live life and be happy with myself in order to lose this weight.

    Please don't give up. I would think on-line counseling would exist.
  • cmriversidecmriverside Member Posts: 30,533 Member Member Posts: 30,533 Member
    If you can't find help through the NHS, I'd reach out to spiritual advisors. Salvation Army. The Samaritans. A local church women's group, a weightloss group like Weight Watchers or OA.

    Whatever addiction anyone has - they are all treatable if you believe they are and Faith is the very first step. I found that only I can change my beliefs and my own personal situation, but it's good to reach out and build a support SYSTEM, not just one person like a therapist.

    Self-hatred is also an addictive behavior that can be broken.

    The opposite of addiction is connection.
  • ninerbuffninerbuff Member, Greeter Posts: 43,292 Member Member, Greeter Posts: 43,292 Member
    Personally, I'd go see a therapist to help identify the reason. No shame in finding out what's the real issue.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

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  • ladyzherraladyzherra Member, Premium Posts: 422 Member Member, Premium Posts: 422 Member
    So many of us can relate to struggling to love ourselves. When that struggle turns violent, then it is time to gather up a posse to aid you in your journey. You are not alone, and there is a way through this. You are loveable. Many of us, myself included, have needed assistance along the way. I've turned to many things in my own journey, including therapy, reading books, journaling, meditation, talking about my feelings, doing affirmations, doing ritual, and so much more. Don't give up on yourself. You are worthy of what you seek. You are worth the tireless energy of finding your personal way toward love.
    edited October 17
  • kshama2001kshama2001 Member Posts: 22,536 Member Member Posts: 22,536 Member
    Hi all and thank you for your supportive comments.

    I have had help with my mental health, at one point I was in and out of hospital due to it and I have had therapy but none of which focused on my binge eating or self hate. I'm desperate to have a counsellor now to deal with the deeper issues but with Covid it's extremely hard, doctors don't really care. I had to fight so hard to receive mental health help in the first instance, they refused me so long until it took 6 suicide attempts for them to even consider me 😔

    I absolutely think I have the power to do this but I need to learn how to love myself, how to truly care for myself. How to live life and be happy with myself in order to lose this weight.

    Are you in the UK? Here in the US in my and surrounding states it's been easier to get mental health appointments, as they are now virtual.

    If you need a referral from your GP, do get the process started. I'd refer to your previous history. My brother's mental unhealth makes it easier for him to get services.
  • joanna_82joanna_82 Member Posts: 144 Member Member Posts: 144 Member
    I would definitely recommend therapy to focus around the binge eating and self image problems. I had to go private for therapy in the end, which wasn’t ideal but it meant I was in control of how long it went on for and also not being at the mercy of an NHS waiting list.
    I had to try a couple of therapists before I found one that I could work with, and it was a tough process, but I managed it.
    I still have some food issues, but I understand why I used to binge the way I did, know my triggers and have alternative coping mechanisms in place.
    You won’t regret the therapy, I promise.
  • muszyngrmuszyngr Member Posts: 186 Member Member Posts: 186 Member
    you're just in a funk we all fall into it at one time or another, please go outside, go for a walk, take it one day at a time and if you think others are judging you or staring I assure you they are not, if I ever see a person who is overweight out on the bike trail or the gym I am so happy and root for them, and I have yet to see anyone be rude or negative in 30 plus years of working out (what I'm saying is it can all be in your head)
    edited October 17
  • hannahtaundryhannahtaundry Member Posts: 1 Member Member Posts: 1 Member
    Hi, I'm exactly the same and weigh pretty much the same too.

    Off and on all different diets, recently tried keto... Not sustainable for me at all. Talking myself back into slimming world but I know this isn't the way at all, been over 2 years since I went and promised I wouldn't again!

    Scared of calorie counting and don't know why 🤔
  • manderson27manderson27 Member Posts: 3,474 Member Member Posts: 3,474 Member
    Here in the UK there is "Overeaters Anonymous". Not sure if it would be what you need but might be worth a try. At least talking online to others who are dealing with similar issues could be helpful as a bit of support. You really are not alone with this, there are other people out there who are dealing with the same kind of issues it is just a question of reaching out.

    I really hope you can find a solution. Hating on yourself takes up so much mental energy and it must be such an awful way to feel.

    Best of luck to you, take care.
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