Can a bisexual man be a good husband
Kateinyourdreams
Posts: 43 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I good friend of mine has been married for a little less than a year and found out her husband is bisexual and now wants to end the marriage. I’m not sure how I think about this. Her husband really loves her and has stated he is and has been faithful. I feel for both of them. They are a beautiful couple and seemed so happy so I’m bummed.
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Replies
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I’m sure many bisexual people are wonderful spouses.. if they’re faithful people I’m not sure it matters who they’re attracted to. 🤷🏻♂️
As far as your friend, obviously don’t know them but if he wants out and wants to be happier that’s something that’s inside his head and he needs to find out what makes him happy. That’s just my opinion. I feel for your friend. But she deserves to be happy too and hopefully everyone involved finds that. Straight, gay, bi, doesn’t matter. Be you and be happy.10 -
Gotta lay your cards out on the table before tying the knot. No one wants to be making scrambled eggs one morning and get hit with "oh, and btw, my sexuality is..."
I mean. Yo.11 -
I read this, and left the thread but seconds later, I'm back because - to be blunt - I hate this thread's title. I find it inflammatory, offensive and downright icky even when posed as a question.
My discomfort being made clear (and not the first time in a post you've started), I hope you are able to navigate your friendship and be there compassionately for your friend while also considering the language used in conjunction with communities you may not belong to or immediately understand.9 -
I read this, and left the thread but seconds later, I'm back because - to be blunt - I hate this thread's title. I find it inflammatory, offensive and downright icky even when posed as a question.
My discomfort being made clear (and not the first time in a post you've started), I hope you are able to navigate your friendship and be there compassionately for your friend while also considering the language used in conjunction with communities you may not belong to or immediately understand.
❤️👍🏼❤️❤️❤️4 -
Of course a bisexual person could be a good spouse to their partner. Why the heck wouldn't that be possible? - I mean, just because you are attracted to men and women does not mean you want to have sex with everybody around you. Just as you yourself probably dont want to sleep with everybody of the opposite sex.
I am confused, though. Why does your friend want to end the relationship with her husband? Because he is bi? Or because he never was open about that till now and she feels like he should have not hidden a big part from her? If it is the second I kinda understand her anger, but if it is the first... yeesh!
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The sexuality of a person has nothing do with a person being a good partner. Being a heterosexual doesn't automatically make you a good husband/wife. It takes more than a sexuality preference to be a good partner in a marriage. Understanding, love , support, communication... all that is what makes a marriage work. In this case it seems the communication wasn't there with your friends.10
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Bruv...his sexuality doesn't factor into being a good spouse. Anyone can cheat. I do think this information should have been disclosed before the marriage seeing as she's the type to leave someone over it and blab it around town apparently.9
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AndreaTamira wrote: »Of course a bisexual person could be a good spouse to their partner. Why the heck wouldn't that be possible? - I mean, just because you are attracted to men and women does not mean you want to have sex with everybody around you. Just as you yourself probably dont want to sleep with everybody of the opposite sex.
I am confused, though. Why does your friend want to end the relationship with her husband? Because he is bi? Or because he never was open about that till now and she feels like he should have not hidden a big part from her? If it is the second I kinda understand her anger, but if it is the first... yeesh!
That's a really good question.
But, considering the title of the thread, how a person identifies doesn't make them a good or bad person or spouse. Like the song Gettin' Bi from My Crazy Ex Girl Friend says,
"And one more thing
I tell you what
Being bi does not imply that you're a player or a slut"5 -
Can a minority be a good spouse? A Catholic? A Carpenter? A person being bisexual means nothing in a monogamous relationship.10
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I read this, and left the thread but seconds later, I'm back because - to be blunt - I hate this thread's title. I find it inflammatory, offensive and downright icky even when posed as a question.
My discomfort being made clear (and not the first time in a post you've started), I hope you are able to navigate your friendship and be there compassionately for your friend while also considering the language used in conjunction with communities you may not belong to or immediately understand.
This 100%. Of course a bisexual or any person can be a good spouse. 🤦♀️
What is concerning is not being open and upfront from the beginning.5 -
I often have bisexual men approach me in the gym. Part of me thinks it’s because they want to follow my workout routine. But I think most of it is because I’m so damn attractive.11
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Can he Be a good spouse? Dunno. Probably as much as any other guy. So, 'yeah'.
The upside, if he's bisexual, I'm guessing that the decor (of at least half of their home) is absolutely gorgeous.7 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »I read this, and left the thread but seconds later, I'm back because - to be blunt - I hate this thread's title. I find it inflammatory, offensive and downright icky even when posed as a question.
My discomfort being made clear (and not the first time in a post you've started), I hope you are able to navigate your friendship and be there compassionately for your friend while also considering the language used in conjunction with communities you may not belong to or immediately understand.
This 100%. Of course a bisexual or any person can be a good spouse. 🤦♀️
What is concerning is not being open and upfront from the beginning.
That’s the answer2 -
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Kashmir_314_ wrote: »As much as a bisexual dog can be a good dog.
They’re all good dogs Brent!
(Anyones sexual orientation has nothing to do with their ability to be a good partner. Agreed that the wording of this thread is problematic).3 -
+1 for poor title choice. Agree with everyone here.
It's sad that he didn't tell her before they tied the knot, but if he hasn't been unfaithful, and isn't asking for permission to be now, then really what does it matter? Is it really worth ending a marriage?
I guess it all depends on what she is taking issue with and why.4 -
Honesty, truthfulness, and integrity. Where is it anymore?
v Mkay. Just asking. The question would never have been asked if there was...3 -
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@GymGoddessGoals Smart, super smart woman.
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KickassAmazon76 wrote: »+1 for poor title choice. Agree with everyone here.
It's sad that he didn't tell her before they tied the knot, but if he hasn't been unfaithful, and isn't asking for permission to be now, then really what does it matter? Is it really worth ending a marriage?
I guess it all depends on what she is taking issue with and why.
Thoughts are one thing & actions are another thing, amiright?
Some actions are deal breakers. ( I think that there might be an entire thread on the subject somewhere. )
I don't give a rip what other people think; I care about actions & in some cases, inaction.
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Hot take: there's a not-so-subtle undercurrent in society that someone who is not heterosexual is held to a different standard when it comes to interpersonal relationships and disclosure. Like, Monogamy+
Before getting married or undertaking what was intended to be a long-term, monogamous relationship has everyone asked their partners about the specifics of EVERY intimate relationship prior to theirs and what their fidelity values were?
Doubtful. Why?
I can jump on Dave Ramsey's YouTube channel right now and be guaranteed that there's yet another recent story about finding out - after the wedding - that a spouse was hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. That's an example of financial infidelity. So if folks can't figure a simple money conversation out before getting hitched, I have no aspirations that they've talked meaningfully about relationships.
TLDR ➡️ It is not uncommon for people to avoid due diligence (or otherwise surfacing personal values/beliefs) when it comes to interpersonal relationships. It's also common for other people to not disclose or otherwise communicate effectively. Both can be chalked up to human flaws...and both are unrelated to a person's sexuality.6 -
He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.7
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He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
So by that same line of thought, everyone who has not explicitly said to their partner of another gender: "I date men exclusively" or "I have only dated women" has lied by omission?
Now I'm just honestly curious as to the expectations and experience of these conversations
ETA: I press here because the realities of men and women who are in LGBTQA+ communities can be fraught with discrimination, heteronormative "standards" and other issues that can put them at a disadvantage or even danger. Furthermore, to be specific to this convo, the lived experiences of a bisexual man and that of a bisexual woman can be vastly different too.6 -
He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
I’m 38 years old and still not 100% decided on how i prefer my coffee. Sometimes i like it hot, sometimes iced. Depends which way the wind’s blowin
So that’s to say nothing of my inability to figure out something as complex as my sexuality. It’s a hard thing to put a label on. I prefer men mostly but some women make my heart race and my palms sweaty. I’m drawn to women with stereotypically masculine features and to men with stereotypically feminine features in addition to so-called masculine men and feminine women. I don’t know what the heck i like so how can not saying it be a lie of omission?Also I hate that omission has one m and commission has two13 -
Maybe he didn't accept it in himself until recently. It's not uncommon for people to take a while to figure out their sexuality. In which case, he wasn't dishonest or hiding anything.
She sounds like a bigot. I can understand being shocked, angry/hurt at not knowing sooner, insecure about whether she can fulfill all his desires, etc. But to just ditch the whole relationship based on that.
... unless she was already unhappy, and this is just an excuse to leave that she thinks people will accept.8 -
If he deliberately hid the fact that he’s bisexual, yeah, I can understand why someone would want to leave- and I don’t think it’s wrong for wanting to leave.
Does one have to come out and flat out say they’re bisexual, I don’t know.
But as you’re getting to know someone, their experiences, exes, life stories, who they’re attracted to celebrity- wise or whatever) I’m sure one would get the hint either way—-So if he purposely left things out to make it seem like hes one way when he’s not, that’s not fair.4 -
He wasn’t honest with her in the beginning. That’s a huge lie of omission and I would want to leave too.
So by that same line of thought, everyone who has not explicitly said to their partner of another gender: "I date men exclusively" or "I have only dated women" has lied by omission?
Now I'm just honestly curious as to the expectations and experience of these conversations
ETA: I press here because the realities of men and women who are in LGBTQA+ communities can be fraught with discrimination, heteronormative "standards" and other issues that can put them at a disadvantage or even danger. Furthermore, to be specific to this convo, the lived experiences of a bisexual man and that of a bisexual woman can be vastly different too.
Just wanted to say I appreciate your well worded and extremely caring opinions. You’re doing an excellent job of saying what I’m thinking.
I’d also like to add that we are always changing as people. I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of the year and won’t be the same person at the end of next year. People grow and change, part of a relationship is growing together and learning who you are becoming together (not to say that anyone should remain in abusive relationship to wait for the abuser to “grow out of it” or some BS like that) so maybe her husband hadn’t fully realized his bisexuality yet. That’s okay!4 -
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