Rules for DMs tangent -- What's a "good friend"?

jjpptt2
jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
edited January 2021 in Chit-Chat
A tangent from the Rules for DMs thread...

How do you use the Friends function within MFP? Is it akin to FB? Do you interact regularly? Are you a drive-by liker, or do you take the time to comment? What makes someone a good friend? What do you hope for from your feed?

Personally, I rarely look at my feed. The adds in the app are too much for me, and my shortcuts/bookmarks take me right to my dairy. From there I typically go right into the forums.

Additionally, I'm in a phase where I'm rarely logging anything. My eating/intake is embarrassing, as are what I'm calling "workouts" these days. I hate where I'm at, so the last thing I want to do is have any of that show up in my feed for others to see. So for the last couple of years, I've been pretty MIA in the feed.

I'm sure that makes me a *kitten* friend for some, for others that probably makes me to perfect friend.

More generally, I like "friends" with similar interests/pursuits as myself. I like talking bikes and sneakers and gear with folks, but don't want to be nagged every time someone logs in, loses a tenth of lb, or vacuumed for 13 minutes. If I've connected with someone in some way, and I know what their goals/struggles are, then I feel like I can offer more meaningful advise/support/encouragement... and will do so when the opportunity presents itself. I tend to keep my FL pretty small - quality over quantity.

What say you?
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Replies

  • _sw33tp3a_11
    _sw33tp3a_11 Posts: 4,692 Member
    I take my time to read my feed when I have time. Then I respond accordingly. Liking or commenting or both. Most days I just glance at it and and close the app but I think I comment more on friends who are more interactive with me because if they take the time to give me encouragement, a good friend should do the same...right?!
  • Yoshiboobs
    Yoshiboobs Posts: 1,090 Member
    I try to at least like some posts. Inactive freinds get deleted eventually bc like, why are you here if you don't interact with me? Plus I've also been here too long and don't care much for the many fitness posts. It's fine bc this is a fitness site but it's so boring.
    I don't have much to offer though. I've been on a almost strictly tiktok link streak that I should probably stop bc I'm sure people want to maybe hear from me and not some other internet personality.
    Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe withholding over shareing is cramping my style. Word vomit 🤮 is funner at least.
    So seeing as I don't care much about fitness and dieting I'd say that I do use this as a sort of Fb. I also don't post much there but the tiktoks and memes. Perhaps a rant about lady restrooms and proper peeing techniques?
    😕 idk man
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    I am a drive-by friend. I disappear for weeks at a time. I show up and demand your attention and flood your in-box with explicit PMs. I like stuff randomly.
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    Excellent thread idea btw
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    Also i keep giggling at ‘vacuumed for 13 minutes’
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    CacoEther wrote: »
    Also i keep giggling at ‘vacuumed for 13 minutes’

    But c'mon... everyone knows vacuuming doesn't have any health/fitness value until the 15-minute mark.
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    Pardon me whilst I spam your thread.

    As far as what i expect from others on my FL, the answer is virtually nothing. Do your thing. Like my posts, or don’t. Post political rants, or don’t. Get butt naked and post a pic five days a week, or don’t. I have only ever deleted a couple people who sent a FR and then never interacted with me at all, like via dm or on my wall or in here. Those are the FRs I don’t understand 😅
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    CacoEther wrote: »
    Also i keep giggling at ‘vacuumed for 13 minutes’

    But c'mon... everyone knows vacuuming doesn't have any health/fitness value until the 15-minute mark.

    And who even vacuums that much? Nobody, thats who
  • Yoshiboobs
    Yoshiboobs Posts: 1,090 Member
    CacoEther wrote: »
    Pardon me whilst I spam your thread.

    As far as what i expect from others on my FL, the answer is virtually nothing. Do your thing. Like my posts, or don’t. Post political rants, or don’t. Get butt naked and post a pic five days a week, or don’t. I have only ever deleted a couple people who sent a FR and then never interacted with me at all, like via dm or on my wall or in here. Those are the FRs I don’t understand 😅

    Butt naked five days a week. ✍️
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    CacoEther wrote: »
    Pardon me whilst I spam your thread.

    As far as what i expect from others on my FL, the answer is virtually nothing. Do your thing. Like my posts, or don’t. Post political rants, or don’t. Get butt naked and post a pic five days a week, or don’t. I have only ever deleted a couple people who sent a FR and then never interacted with me at all, like via dm or on my wall or in here. Those are the FRs I don’t understand 😅

    Butt naked five days a week. ✍️

    Yusss I’m here for it
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    edited January 2021
    CacoEther wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    CacoEther wrote: »
    Also i keep giggling at ‘vacuumed for 13 minutes’

    But c'mon... everyone knows vacuuming doesn't have any health/fitness value until the 15-minute mark.

    And who even vacuums that much? Nobody, thats who

    I've got 2 words for those people: roomba.
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    edited January 2021
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    CacoEther wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    CacoEther wrote: »
    Also i keep giggling at ‘vacuumed for 13 minutes’

    But c'mon... everyone knows vacuuming doesn't have any health/fitness value until the 15-minute mark.

    And who even vacuums that much? Nobody, thats who

    I've got 2 words for those people: roomba.

    Two roombas!

    Which is what i have. One of them has been tangled for several months in my old earbuds which have themselves been tangled between the mattresses, it’s a whole cluster *kitten* up in there

    The other one has probably melted to the charger by now
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    i typically don't go out of my way to send FRs anymore unless they really make me laugh or i know them from the past and miss them.

    and generally don't care much either if somebody sends me one anymore. same for messages.
    if they want to be friends and talk they will. its nice enough to be able to make connections with people sure, but not everybody's built the same and to put blanket expectations on people before they even know you is stupid. by that i mean those folks who have a whole thing typed out about why you should/should not be their friend and what they expect blah blah blah.

    i figure if they do message and i don't really want to talk, but like them enough to not be rude, i'll just make up a bunch of crazy stuff and see how far i can take it before they back off or constantly use random old movie quotes that they won't recognize anyhow.

    don't care much either way about them interacting or liking statuses or anything either. if they want to they will. i do my best to interact if i got something funny to say but sometimes i get down and just wanna log in and laugh quietly to myself until i feel better.

    i do typically delete if i determine they're just a friend collector trying to build up and target folks to their insta, or if they're a morbid sockpuppet account, or once they don't log in for more than 20 days. even if they're an actual friend, i stick to the 20 day mark, just cause that means they obviously got stuff going on at home and that ain't my business and i don't want no part of it.
  • happimess01
    happimess01 Posts: 9,074 Member
    only shows up when I am feeling lonely and leaves me alone otherwise
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    iMago wrote: »
    i typically don't go out of my way to send FRs anymore unless they really make me laugh or i know them from the past and miss them.

    and generally don't care much either if somebody sends me one anymore. same for messages.
    if they want to be friends and talk they will. its nice enough to be able to make connections with people sure, but not everybody's built the same and to put blanket expectations on people before they even know you is stupid. by that i mean those folks who have a whole thing typed out about why you should/should not be their friend and what they expect blah blah blah.

    i figure if they do message and i don't really want to talk, but like them enough to not be rude, i'll just make up a bunch of crazy stuff and see how far i can take it before they back off or constantly use random old movie quotes that they won't recognize anyhow.

    don't care much either way about them interacting or liking statuses or anything either. if they want to they will. i do my best to interact if i got something funny to say but sometimes i get down and just wanna log in and laugh quietly to myself until i feel better.

    i do typically delete if i determine they're just a friend collector trying to build up and target folks to their insta, or if they're a morbid sockpuppet account, or once they don't log in for more than 20 days. even if they're an actual friend, i stick to the 20 day mark, just cause that means they obviously got stuff going on at home and that ain't my business and i don't want no part of it.

    They've been movie quotes this whole time?!

    I thought we were friends 😭

    you had me at hello
  • twitchandshout
    twitchandshout Posts: 1,591 Member
    iMago wrote: »
    i typically don't go out of my way to send FRs anymore unless they really make me laugh or i know them from the past and miss them.

    and generally don't care much either if somebody sends me one anymore. same for messages.
    if they want to be friends and talk they will. its nice enough to be able to make connections with people sure, but not everybody's built the same and to put blanket expectations on people before they even know you is stupid. by that i mean those folks who have a whole thing typed out about why you should/should not be their friend and what they expect blah blah blah.

    i figure if they do message and i don't really want to talk, but like them enough to not be rude, i'll just make up a bunch of crazy stuff and see how far i can take it before they back off or constantly use random old movie quotes that they won't recognize anyhow.

    don't care much either way about them interacting or liking statuses or anything either. if they want to they will. i do my best to interact if i got something funny to say but sometimes i get down and just wanna log in and laugh quietly to myself until i feel better.

    i do typically delete if i determine they're just a friend collector trying to build up and target folks to their insta, or if they're a morbid sockpuppet account, or once they don't log in for more than 20 days. even if they're an actual friend, i stick to the 20 day mark, just cause that means they obviously got stuff going on at home and that ain't my business and i don't want no part of it.

    You said I was special!
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    iMago wrote: »
    i typically don't go out of my way to send FRs anymore unless they really make me laugh or i know them from the past and miss them.

    and generally don't care much either if somebody sends me one anymore. same for messages.
    if they want to be friends and talk they will. its nice enough to be able to make connections with people sure, but not everybody's built the same and to put blanket expectations on people before they even know you is stupid. by that i mean those folks who have a whole thing typed out about why you should/should not be their friend and what they expect blah blah blah.

    i figure if they do message and i don't really want to talk, but like them enough to not be rude, i'll just make up a bunch of crazy stuff and see how far i can take it before they back off or constantly use random old movie quotes that they won't recognize anyhow.

    don't care much either way about them interacting or liking statuses or anything either. if they want to they will. i do my best to interact if i got something funny to say but sometimes i get down and just wanna log in and laugh quietly to myself until i feel better.

    i do typically delete if i determine they're just a friend collector trying to build up and target folks to their insta, or if they're a morbid sockpuppet account, or once they don't log in for more than 20 days. even if they're an actual friend, i stick to the 20 day mark, just cause that means they obviously got stuff going on at home and that ain't my business and i don't want no part of it.

    You said I was special!

    new phone who dis
  • twitchandshout
    twitchandshout Posts: 1,591 Member
    iMago wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    i typically don't go out of my way to send FRs anymore unless they really make me laugh or i know them from the past and miss them.

    and generally don't care much either if somebody sends me one anymore. same for messages.
    if they want to be friends and talk they will. its nice enough to be able to make connections with people sure, but not everybody's built the same and to put blanket expectations on people before they even know you is stupid. by that i mean those folks who have a whole thing typed out about why you should/should not be their friend and what they expect blah blah blah.

    i figure if they do message and i don't really want to talk, but like them enough to not be rude, i'll just make up a bunch of crazy stuff and see how far i can take it before they back off or constantly use random old movie quotes that they won't recognize anyhow.

    don't care much either way about them interacting or liking statuses or anything either. if they want to they will. i do my best to interact if i got something funny to say but sometimes i get down and just wanna log in and laugh quietly to myself until i feel better.

    i do typically delete if i determine they're just a friend collector trying to build up and target folks to their insta, or if they're a morbid sockpuppet account, or once they don't log in for more than 20 days. even if they're an actual friend, i stick to the 20 day mark, just cause that means they obviously got stuff going on at home and that ain't my business and i don't want no part of it.

    You said I was special!

    new phone who dis

    Aww you do care ❤️
  • _sw33tp3a_11
    _sw33tp3a_11 Posts: 4,692 Member
    iMago wrote: »
    i typically don't go out of my way to send FRs anymore unless they really make me laugh or i know them from the past and miss them.

    and generally don't care much either if somebody sends me one anymore. same for messages.
    if they want to be friends and talk they will. its nice enough to be able to make connections with people sure, but not everybody's built the same and to put blanket expectations on people before they even know you is stupid. by that i mean those folks who have a whole thing typed out about why you should/should not be their friend and what they expect blah blah blah.

    i figure if they do message and i don't really want to talk, but like them enough to not be rude, i'll just make up a bunch of crazy stuff and see how far i can take it before they back off or constantly use random old movie quotes that they won't recognize anyhow.

    don't care much either way about them interacting or liking statuses or anything either. if they want to they will. i do my best to interact if i got something funny to say but sometimes i get down and just wanna log in and laugh quietly to myself until i feel better.

    i do typically delete if i determine they're just a friend collector trying to build up and target folks to their insta, or if they're a morbid sockpuppet account, or once they don't log in for more than 20 days. even if they're an actual friend, i stick to the 20 day mark, just cause that means they obviously got stuff going on at home and that ain't my business and i don't want no part of it.

    Well at least I make SOMEONE laugh. Thanks for add sir 🤣
  • slessofme
    slessofme Posts: 7,744 Member
    I'm a flyby like-r, very, very rarely comment on walls, and dms are even more rare.
  • chuckle_bunny
    chuckle_bunny Posts: 496 Member
    Connecting with friends on MFP gives me the opportunity to use the motivational techniques I have forged through my 27 years of holiday retail, church volleyball, and door-to-door caramel sales in the sweltering Mississippi heat.
    It's not unusual for me to comment in all caps with exclamation points galore when I see an update from Maggie, my sister from another mister, drenched in sweat after making the Peloton her *kitten*. I believe in my friends and I am 100% invested in their health and happiness, even if it means sacrificing my own.
  • Just_Mel_
    Just_Mel_ Posts: 3,992 Member
    I kinda suck as a friend. I don't post "nice burn!" or shiz like that. I go days/weeks/months sometimes without interacting because real life, ya know? Most my posts have zilch to do with fitness and I don't PM anymore. I have some peeps on MFP that I love and always will even though we aren't on each others' friend list. I think my core friends get me and accept me despite all this, and that's all that is important to me.
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,170 Member
    I used to not accept or send fr unless I had interacted with them on the forums - now depending on the day I may accept someone who I’ve seen on another friends list - but I won’t send one unless we’ve interacted in some way

    I’m a serial liker - unless you post something that really shouldn’t be liked IE- a love one being sick or what have you... and I’ll give a nice work - well done - insert atta boy comment here and there - if it’s not fitness related then I’ll engage in a charming back and forth as it were if I think I have something witty to add

    Sometimes I’ll post on my wall - sometimes I don’t - I rarely post on others walls but have on. Occasion - I’ve made some good interwebs stranger friends here I think - I’d say I’m just an average Joe friend - I don’t give much and don’t ask for much 🤷‍♂️

  • GymGoddessGoals
    GymGoddessGoals Posts: 2,146 Member
    If you know my first name or have my phone number we are good friends.
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,170 Member
    If you know my first name or have my phone number we are good friends.

    What if I knew your first name but forgot your first name - cause I never used your first name cause you said no one calls you by that - and I suck at names so if I don’t use it then i lose it kinda deal - and having your phone number would be totally inappropriate so that’s out ....

    All that being said I guess were just average Joe friends - which I said previously - I guess - so I’ve said nothing new here - I’ll see myself out
  • Danw586
    Danw586 Posts: 237 Member
    Idk man, I can’t do sis boom bah yay for your weight loss stuff anymore. I don’t have it in me. But if we gel, I can be kind of supportive.

    My friend list gets smaller and smaller as the people who can’t be bothered fall away and I’m left with pure gold.

    Generally people who want to talk about our fitness goals are going to be disappointed. I’ve become much more of a just do it and shut up about it person.

    Plus idgaf about the aesthetics anymore. Or the scale weight. I just want to feel good & be healthy. I want to do fun things. I don’t need to PR. I don’t want to be skinny. And I don’t want to talk about it.

    I’m with you on most of this.
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    If you know my first name or have my phone number we are good friends.

    Are those at similar levels of privacy/intimacy?