Acquaintance Asked Me to be Accountability Partners?

Theoldguy1
Theoldguy1 Posts: 2,496 Member
edited January 2021 in Health and Weight Loss
I know what I'm going to do, interested in other's thoughts

Bit of background. I got an email from someone I met when our kids were in school about 10 years ago. I'd see him at school functions, we were both on a parent's board for an extracurricular activity , would talk but never did anything socially other than the school stuff. Over the years I'd see him occasionally around town, a few times at they gym, we'd have 10 minutes of casual chit chat and go on our way. Probably haven't seen him for 2-3 years. So in no way shape or form a close friend.

I get the email and he says he'd like to meet me at the gym starting this coming Saturday (plus provided his available times during the week) and work out together from time to time, with this comment, "Not anything rigorous - maybe just a few of the leg machines and such. Basically, just talking and hanging out while we're doing the machines and encouraging one another". He says he'd like to get back to the gym and would like to be accountability partners.

Now I have been a regular gym goer for 40+ years, will chit chat with people a bit but never had a regular training partner and sure don't need someone to make me accountable. Plus I use very few of the machines preferring to use free weights, train in a manner that most people would consider rigorous, and have a very specific routine I've developed to work around some back and shoulder issues. In other words what he wants to do training wise and I do are pretty much polar opposites.

I'm planning on telling him I'm not interested in working out with him, just different methods/goals. Will tell him if he wants to get lunch or grab a couple beers would be good with that.

Thoughts?



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Replies

  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    You know yourself best, but I would tend to agree with your d
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    edited January 2021
    sounds like hes a bit lonely and knows you go and is hoping you'll let him tag along.

    I do not like working out with others.

    even when my best friend goes with me .... we go and do our own thing.

    Id explain that you do different workouts than he is planning on, but you don't care if he wants to meet you there.
  • Ddsb11
    Ddsb11 Posts: 607 Member
    Here for the comments. Yikes 😳
  • L1zardQueen
    L1zardQueen Posts: 8,753 Member
    I get you. I like to workout alone, I focus better. Do you think he has an ulterior motive? Like he wants you to train him without paying for PT? Seems weird.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    My take is similar to the others--he's probably very lonely and doesn't know how to go about being friends. Maybe something trammatic has happened in his life. I wouldn't want to ruin my workouts either. I think your suggestion about getting together in other ways might do it. You'll have to see.
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
    Yeah, I would NOT want to do that either, especially with someone I barely know. I don't even care to go with my husband (not that he'd want to anyway). I'm an introvert, and I'm there to work, not chit-chat.

    Having said that, I agree that he may just be kind of lonely, but he also may know you're a pretty dedicated gym-goer and looking for advice and/or training tips. In a way, you could feel flattered. You could offer to go or give him some advice, but that you're a more "workout on your own" kind of guy (aka "leave me alone when I'm working out").
  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,809 Member
    I think your planned response is very nice and also considerate, rejecting the idea of working out together due to conflicting training styles but not rejecting him as a person.
    "Accountability Partner" is a concept that puts me off.
    I also don't go to the gym to "hang out".

    I've had training partners, mostly people with similar ability, similar goals, similar training. Or like last year I was helping a friend and colleague get started in the gym (mentoring if you like), but I wasn't there to be a cheer-leader and don't want anybody to do the same for me.

  • CeeBeeSlim
    CeeBeeSlim Posts: 1,347 Member
    I think you’re on the right track. You’re a regular gym goer for 4 decades and he just seems to want to hang out - and just throwing in some activity that would make it more palatable for you - and that’s training.

    Is he an good enough pal for you to really hang out with him? That way if he proposes that, you won’t have to say no - again.

    Good luck. He sounds lonely.
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,439 Member
    bold_rabbit wrote: »
    Is it possible he's been hooked by a MLM scheme or got a new sales based job like insurance? We've had lots of these happen recently - an acquaintance reaching out to us out of the blue and then wanting to sell us something.

    Or trying to network because they lost their job.

    Or, of course, he could just be lonely, that's definitely a possibility.

    This is where my mind went, too.
  • Theoldguy1
    Theoldguy1 Posts: 2,496 Member
    edited January 2021
    Thanks for all the comments, interesting takes. I'll address the comments generally.

    Could he be lonely? He retired a couple years ago after 30+ years from an IT job with a large national company headquartered in our community (around 15k employees in our city) so would think he'd have some friends from that time. The gym we both belong to started out years ago as a private association that was basically the company fitness center for his company's employees/retirees and several other companies in town then opened memberships to the general public. I guarantee people he worked with are members there.

    In the opening of his e-mail he asked how our family was and he said they were all going well. Given my interactions with him sure wouldn't think I'd be the one he wanted to discuss a bunch of personal issues with.

    I know he sub taught before covid and now is stocking shelves a few days a week at a regional Home Depot type store. Married for 30+ years his daughter and son in law live in our community. He's been in the same neighborhood for at least 15 years.

    I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a new sales or MLM gig as we're contacts on LinkedIn and no mention of that on his profile. Typically that's the first thing people update when starting something like that.

    If he wanted to get together and me show him some stuff around the gym, I'd be more than happy to do that. Didn't seem to be the case though since he said we could meet up, hang out and do the leg machines together a bit but nothing to rigorous. Sounded like he had his program lol.

    I should also clarify I am not al all against weight machines at the gym, definitely have their place. Probably the best choice for someone older and starting back to exercise after a long layoff. Just not something in my personal programming at this time.

    Oh and never mind there is a pandemic going on. I've had covid recently and recovered, so I have some immunity but try not to pass any thing I might be carrying to others. I go to the gym but wear the mask, go at off hours, distance etc. Standing around with someone for an hour or so BSing while working out probably not the best idea.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    I think you have a great answer. He probably likes you and trying to see you. But you like your workouts to yourself it seems and that is fine. Seeing him otherwise sounds very polite.
  • Muscleflex79
    Muscleflex79 Posts: 1,917 Member
    I agree that your answer was a good one....you have to keep us posted now on what he says and how it goes!
  • Theoldguy1
    Theoldguy1 Posts: 2,496 Member
    CeeBeeSlim wrote: »
    I think you’re on the right track. You’re a regular gym goer for 4 decades and he just seems to want to hang out - and just throwing in some activity that would make it more palatable for you - and that’s training.

    Is he an good enough pal for you to really hang out with him? That way if he proposes that, you won’t have to say no - again.

    Good luck. He sounds lonely.

    To be honest, I met him when our kids were in school about 10 years ago. I'd see him at school functions, we were both on a parent's board for an extracurricular activity , would talk but never did anything socially other than the school stuff. Over the years since our kids graduated I'd see him occasionally around town.

    More of an acquaintance than a pal.
  • Poobah1972
    Poobah1972 Posts: 943 Member
    That's one Creepy guy. Glad you passed.
  • dragon_girl26
    dragon_girl26 Posts: 2,187 Member
    edited February 2021
    Yeah, I was going to tell your initial response was nice and you made the right call (I don't like working out with other people either, if they aren't into the same stuff I am. It's just awkward. ). Then I read your follow up and that's...yeah. I have someone who keeps contacting me randomly to "hang out", too, and I keep ignoring it. You're making me think I'm making the right call.
  • Muscleflex79
    Muscleflex79 Posts: 1,917 Member
    edited February 2021
    thanks for the update! what a crazy situation!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    Speakeasy76 wrote: »
    Whoa, sounds like you dodged a bullet with that guy. Poor guy, maybe he's in some "program" where he feels like he needs to make amends to anyone he's ever wronged in his life.

    Hmm.

    Never heard of a financial component to AA Step 9 / making amends though. Seems like someone willing to pay $2,000 has some LEGAL exposure, not just moral, or is in need of real therapy.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,456 Member
    Wow. My first thought is it sounds like one of these 48 Hour podcasts I listen to, the ones with all the cliffhangers.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,093 Member
    I just want to say that "Joe" seems like a very decent human being. A lot of people might think, "$1000 just to set up a meeting for workout guy to apologize for something college-girl-now-woman doesn't even remember? Sweet!" but there's all kinds of potential creepy badness potential in workout guy's proposal.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,093 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Speakeasy76 wrote: »
    Whoa, sounds like you dodged a bullet with that guy. Poor guy, maybe he's in some "program" where he feels like he needs to make amends to anyone he's ever wronged in his life.

    Hmm.

    Never heard of a financial component to AA Step 9 / making amends though. Seems like someone willing to pay $2,000 has some LEGAL exposure, not just moral, or is in need of real therapy.

    I'm not familiar with the details of 12-step programs, but the idea that workout guy might be involved one makes me wonder what these programs say about making amends with someone who wants zero to do with you, arguably with good reason. Surely if someone going through a 12-step program has harmed someone, the injured party ought to have the right to not have anything to do with that person, even if they're trying to apologize and atone.

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