Saturday, during an argument (or after) my husband told me he would stop drinking if I Iose 100 or 125 pounds. He doesn't know how much I weigh. Up to this morning, I didn't know it. A whopping 351 lbs. I cried. I am glad he doesn't know.
Hearing him saying it hurt me. I know my weight is bothering him. How could it not? His drinking is bothering me. How could it not? I am not a fool. I know he will not stop drinking but I will be damned if I don't lose the weight just to show him I can do it. I needed to hear him say it. It went under my skin like an arrow. It hurt.
After 21 years, our marriage has gotten 'old' perhaps one of the reasons why I eat so much? Hundreds of reasons why eat so much. I am a bad habit in human form. Sitting at home did not help.
Eating makes me happy until I am done, then I am unhappy. I hate how I look. I am short of breath. Borderline diabetic. I am on 40mg Prednisone a day, which makes me feel hungry all the time. Prednisone causes weightgain. I am taking it since 2014. I have Lupus and RA. I told my doc today that I want to taper down on the steroids. Got his blessing. I am too heavy to walk. I use a hoverround in the store and feel ashamed that I have to. Weight loss will help with my inflammation.
I can't stand long my back hurts so bad. Moving is too much. My ankles are swollen. MFP setting says I can eat 1700 calories per day and lose 2 pounds a week. Haha, 1700 calories is my breakfast from Wendy's. A Baconator, Sausage Croissant, Egg burrito, and chocolate frosty. Not making it up. I had it today, just logged it. 1850 calories to start the day. Now I feel ashamed.
2016 on a good day, I signed up here. I can't remember the starting weight or if I lost weight. Doesn't matter. I remember I asked lots of questions but I didn't continue. I continued eating.
I was a happy woman who loved to laugh, who loved to smile. I never worked out but was active. How did I lose myself?
Am I serious now or just pissed?
48 hrs after our argument I am not upset anymore. I came here. I chose the name The Happy Loser and smiled when I found my profile picture. I want to do this. I need to lose 100 -150 pounds for me.
I am writing this to be honest with myself and I hope I might find friends here. That would be great.
Thanks for reading.