Any other tall ladies get this?

mummysinthekitchen

"You don't need to lose weight you look fine"

This is really starting to grate on me. I get that being 6ft tall I have to put a significant amount of weight on before I look overweight. But I started my journey 2 weeks ago at 13st9lb which is overweight for my height. I just think, as somebody who is trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle my family and friends could be more focused on how that is and will continue to benefit me rather than telling me I don't look like I need to lose weight.

Do any other tall ladies get this?

wunderkindking

I'm not tall - 5'5" which is dead average - and while initially people were very YAY at me losing weight once I'd gotten down to 'just' overweight (as opposed to obese) I started getting people telling me I don't need to lose weight and a lot of concern and investment that I don't lose more.

I'm 5'5" with a really small frame and weigh more than 150lbs.

...I am not being 'unhealthy' by not stopping here, and even less when they started giving it to me at 160-170 or so.

It's very, very annoying and kind of upsetting.

cmriverside

Yeah, I had the experience that wunderkind did.

I'm in between ya'll at 5'7/5'8".

I think people mostly are conditioned to see slightly over-weight as being fine. Most people are over-weight.

They will also try to say nice things. Be glad you aren't hearing, "Well it's about time." I would take the compliment, no matter how back-handed you feel it is, it's actually polite for them to say what they're saying.

What would you prefer? What would be more acceptable to you?

janejellyroll

cmriverside wrote: »

Yeah, I had the experience that wunderkind did.

I'm in between ya'll at 5'7/5'8".

I think people mostly are conditioned to see slightly over-weight as being fine. Most people are over-weight.

They will also try to say nice things. Be glad you aren't hearing, "Well it's about time." I would take the compliment, no matter how back-handed you feel it is, it's actually polite for them to say what they're saying.

What would you prefer? What would be more acceptable to you?

You hit the nail on the head (for me).

When I'm losing weight, I don't want to hear anything about it. I don't want people telling me I don't need to and I also don't want people telling me it's a good thing I got around to it.

That's why I just keep it to myself, there's really nothing anyone can say about it that I'd WANT to hear.

wunderkindking

To be clear I'm not talking about weightloss at all with people. At some point people who see you a lot will comment. For me though, you're right. There isn't much I want to hear. So I basically just make noncommittal noises or say thanks and carry on.


But I'm weird about people commenting on my body at all so it's an old skill set to just toss out a 'thanks' and change the subject. Or just change the subject, depending.

mummysinthekitchen

Thanks guys.

I just find it so frustrating that I'm no longer struggling with feeling lethargic and fatigued but how I look seems to be the main focus for them.

I'm quite happy to let them know I'm doing well and relieved to be feeling so much better in myself and its a bit of a buzz kill.

I've told them what I'm doing as I see them often and they offer coffee and cake and biscuits and food and I've politely declined with an explanation. I'd be quite happy to work at it without breathing a word otherwise.

janejellyroll

wunderkindking wrote: »

To be clear I'm not talking about weightloss at all with people. At some point people who see you a lot will comment. For me though, you're right. There isn't much I want to hear. So I basically just make noncommittal noises or say thanks and carry on.


But I'm weird about people commenting on my body at all so it's an old skill set to just toss out a 'thanks' and change the subject. Or just change the subject, depending.

Oh yeah, at some point people are going to start talking. I wish people would be more considerate about that. Just by looking at someone, you don't really know whether or not they're trying to lose weight or if it's the result of health issues.

cmriverside

janejellyroll wrote: »

cmriverside wrote: »

Yeah, I had the experience that wunderkind did.

I'm in between ya'll at 5'7/5'8".

I think people mostly are conditioned to see slightly over-weight as being fine. Most people are over-weight.

They will also try to say nice things. Be glad you aren't hearing, "Well it's about time." I would take the compliment, no matter how back-handed you feel it is, it's actually polite for them to say what they're saying.

What would you prefer? What would be more acceptable to you?

You hit the nail on the head (for me).

When I'm losing weight, I don't want to hear anything about it. I don't want people telling me I don't need to and I also don't want people telling me it's a good thing I got around to it.

That's why I just keep it to myself, there's really nothing anyone can say about it that I'd WANT to hear.

I agree that the less said the better about food, weight loss, exercise or anything along those lines.

I also agree that it's very intrusive of Some People to assume they need to comment about my body at all.






..even though I've been guilty of saying, "Hey you lost weight! You look great."


I try not to do that any more, but before reading threads like this I was guilty of it. I think mostly we all have our little emotional triggers which can be set off at the smallest of perceived slights. The best defense is to not take it so personally.

wunderkindking

It is such a societal thing. I've recently taken up trail running with my dogs and find it the. most. fun. thing. ever. People are so OMG CONCERNED this is all about me punishing myself or an ED and honestly I GET IT on a level but no, you jerks, I am doing it and waxing a bit poetic about it because I AM HAVING A GOOD TIME. IT IS FUN. I AM EXCITED ABOUT THE FUN AND THE FACT THAT I CAN DO THINGS NOW THAT I AM NOT OBESE AND LETHARGIC. LET ME HAVE THIS, LOL.

Guess I"ll stop talking about that one too but ergh.

lhcp12

Often the simplest answer is "thanks" and then just change topics. You can't control what other people say or do, only how you choose to react to it. I've never found the need to care about what someone else thinks of my weight, exercise plans, etc. and so make the choice not to react when someone comments. As long as I am not hurting myself (undereating, over exercising, etc.), it's nobody else's business what I do with my body.

hipari

At 5’8, some see me as tall and some don’t. I also often get the ”you look fine” and ”you don’t need to lose weight” - I carry a lot of weight in my boobs and have a very long torso and short legs, so there’s more room for the fat to hang around.

I’ve attributed this to twisted body positivity where the thought seems to be that since every body is OK and should be loved instead of shamed, no body should be changed in anyway. I’ve stated the fact ”I am obese” to professionals like a registered dietician and my personal trainer/physical therapist, and most people, including these professionals, have taken it as a self-deprecating ”I’m fat” and started telling me I’m fine. No, I’m not. I’m obese and my weight carries a health risk, so I need to lose some. Acknowledging my obesity doesn’t make me love my body and all its capabilities any less, it’s simply an acknowledgement of the fact. Besides, I can be beautiful and look great at any size, all those appearance-focused ”no you look fine” responses are implying those people think overweight/obese people are inherently ugly.

leggup

Yup. I am also 6ft and currently overweight by BMI. In the past when I let my weight creep up I absolutely got the comments saying I didn't "Need" to lose weight and such. Everyone has an opinion and no one realizes tall proportions! I had a girl once say to me that she thought people who weighed over 150 lbs were disgusting. She was trying to bond with me (gross) and I think I was 165 lbs (BMI 22.4). She had no idea that height added that much weight. She was also a bully but that's a different issue...

AnnPT77

mummysinthekitchen wrote: »

Thanks guys.

I just find it so frustrating that I'm no longer struggling with feeling lethargic and fatigued but how I look seems to be the main focus for them.

I'm quite happy to let them know I'm doing well and relieved to be feeling so much better in myself and its a bit of a buzz kill.

I've told them what I'm doing as I see them often and they offer coffee and cake and biscuits and food and I've politely declined with an explanation. I'd be quite happy to work at it without breathing a word otherwise.

While I do think "No, thank you." is a polite and complete answer, there's also that plus . . .

. . . I just ate.
. . . not hungry.
. . . had a big breakfast, still stuffed.

. . . and that sort of thing.

Not talking about diet/weight loss saves lots of fuss, as others have said.

tcunbeliever

"You don't need to lose weight you look fine"

I'm 5'9 and 162 lbs, so maybe I look fine, but I'm only a few pounds away from overweight, and I'd really really like to be more in the fit range...working on it...plus middle age has made the "gains" show up in belly pudge, and it's not a good look and there's plenty of research that it's not good for overall health either, I'd like a slim waistline, thank you very much...I know I'm not 20, but I'm not ready for the grave either...I find it super annoying that these comment inevitably come from overweight or obese people, not people I would consider a good judge of health for anyone...fortunately I eat plenty so no one has accused me of having an eating disorder, though my mother jokingly hints I might be an alcoholic when I'm drinking at family functions...given the way some of my family cooks, I'll take those calories in wine over super bland food any day...

I'm with the don't argue camp...I just grab my belly and say "I got plenty to lose right here" and laugh...they usually shut up...sometimes they start giving me hints about dieting...but again, not the kind of people I'm taking fitness advice from, but at least the totally wrong diet tips can be interpreted as an attempt to be supportive???? No, I don't need a new pill, pickle juice (while delicious) isn't magical, and I'm not interested in what dr oz has to say...

I do think some of it is that our culture is one where a normal healthy sized person looks absolutely tiny compared to the average size person since the average size person is probably well into the overweight category...at least in the usa...maybe it's less of a problem elsewhere...even young people in their 20's are looking super big these days...not a good sign for the longevity of our youth, sadly.

tracymayo1

I am 5'11" and I get this all the time... it is tiresome to say the least...

nanastaci2020

I'd avoid discussing weight loss efforts or goals with anyone not supportive. If they comment, it can help to have a line ready to shut them down. If you want to be polite, something like "I'm following my doctor's advice" should work. If you want to be blunt then ask them "Why do you think it is ok to comment on my body?"

mummysinthekitchen wrote: »

"You don't need to lose weight you look fine"

This is really starting to grate on me. I get that being 6ft tall I have to put a significant amount of weight on before I look overweight. But I started my journey 2 weeks ago at 13st9lb which is overweight for my height. I just think, as somebody who is trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle my family and friends could be more focused on how that is and will continue to benefit me rather than telling me I don't look like I need to lose weight.

Do any other tall ladies get this?

springlering62

5’7” and I get it a lot. People you don’t even know feel the need to comment. Some of it is very nicely put, a lot of it tends towards “you don’t need to lose any more”.

My absolute worst experience of this kind was running into the former boyfriend of a friend. I saw him and said hey, calling him by the nickname no one else uses. I could see he was puzzled so I “reintroduced “ myself.

OMG this oaf followed me around for half an hour at a public event loudly saying “you were so fat! What did you do! You look so good! Don’t lose any more!” Just on and on and on til I was ready to deck him one I was so mortified.

Speakeasy76

I'm 5'8 and 140 lbs and have to say I haven't really gotten this...but I tend to keep any weight loss efforts to myself. I don't like people commenting on me, my weight loss, skills (unless work-related), etc.

I've maintained a healthy BMI for years, and only within the last year last about 11 more pounds, but I don't even think anyone noticed--or if they did, they didn't say anything.

sdailly13

This has been so interesting to hear taller ladies/gents talk about there experience on weight loss and the reaction from their family and piers. I'm at the other end of the scale. I'm slightly under 5ft weigh around 103 105. I have and still do get comments about your tiny do you eat. It's difficult and can be hurtful sometimes. I'm 60, I work, Im active, more importantly I try to eat healthy which takes some effort and forthinking on a small budget. I just don't understand why people feel it's ok to comment on someone who is accually a normal healthy weight and turn it into something that is negitive. Why should we be made to feel apologetic for being a healthy weight and trying to live a healthy lifestyle.

ybeavis1

I must be a real dragon, or else have super friends and family, as no one comments unless it is to say something nice.

lorimill1973

Yes, I get this. I also have had multiple people say, "Wow, you look so tall." I'm 5'9". Haven't grown an inch in over 30 years. I think that maybe people now notice my height when before they noticed the weight?

snowflake954

I think the very best response is: "Thanks for asking, but my doctor is so pleased with my progress".

33gail33

mummysinthekitchen wrote: »

"You don't need to lose weight you look fine"

This is really starting to grate on me. I get that being 6ft tall I have to put a significant amount of weight on before I look overweight. But I started my journey 2 weeks ago at 13st9lb which is overweight for my height. I just think, as somebody who is trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle my family and friends could be more focused on how that is and will continue to benefit me rather than telling me I don't look like I need to lose weight.

Do any other tall ladies get this?

I'm 5'10" and I do get this as well. My BMI crept up to 30.1 in 2020, so borderline obese, but most people would not have classified me as obese by looking at me. I mentioned to the lady I eat lunch with at work that I was watching my calories (because we eat together and sometimes order in so it is kind of relevant) and I got the "that's crazy you look fine you don't need to lose weight". As if it is only about how I look.

33gail33

leggup wrote: »

Yup. I am also 6ft and currently overweight by BMI. In the past when I let my weight creep up I absolutely got the comments saying I didn't "Need" to lose weight and such. Everyone has an opinion and no one realizes tall proportions! I had a girl once say to me that she thought people who weighed over 150 lbs were disgusting. She was trying to bond with me (gross) and I think I was 165 lbs (BMI 22.4). She had no idea that height added that much weight. She was also a bully but that's a different issue...

I've had a similar thing - a tiny petite woman talking about waist size and "how would it even be possible for a woman to have over 30" waist?".
It's called proportion. But honestly when I was younger it really did get to me and I always felt like I looked manly and masculine because of my height and shape, so it took a bit to get over that.

elisa123gal

I'm tall... I realize I can gain weight and carry it much better than someone short. I'm glad for it.. but also.. the weight can creep up..and overweight is overweight,. I also find... best to try and not discuss that I'm trying to lose weight,. It takes a lot of self control not to discuss it.. but then no one comments.. and gives their two cents.. and most do. And most important ... some even try to sabotage my efforts.

gaiaresurrected

Yep, I'm 5' 9", so 'tall for a UK woman', and +/- 170lb. 'Looking fine' is not the same as 'being fine', or 'feeling fine'. This is the first time in my life I've ever actively tried to lose weight, BUT I have a really small appetite, and people would often encourage me to eat more than I was comfortable with, in an attempt to 'feed me up', assuming that because I'm quite 'long' I was underweight.

I live in leggings and over-sized fleece jumpers/hoodies, and my weight is mostly around my midsection, so pretty much nobody really sees how much weight I've packed on over the last few years. I accept that I'm never going to be the same size as I was when I was 21, (I'm the same weight, though, I was full-term pregnant at 21!) but I'm tired of being constantly exhausted, and my jeans trying to saw me in half. It's really nobody's business but mine, which is why I'm only posting diet/exercise themed comments on here, not on any other social media, I know I'd get the "You're FINE!" and "You're not fat!" on other platforms. Still being in a partial lockdown in the UK has probably saved me being rude to people who want to tell me I don't need to be 'on a diet'.

ladyoftherocks

I'm not even that tall, I'm 5'6 and 175lbs but yeah I also get that. I think with my body shape also I "carry it well" because even though I knew I gained more weight than I was happy with even I didn't realize just how much.