Comments about what I eat
Ann262
Posts: 266 Member
I absolutely HATE it when someone, especially my husband, comments on what I am eating. I know I am super sensitive because, when I was a child, weight was an issue and kids are super mean. When I would eat lunch, they'd say things like "no wonder you are so fat". I was eating a sandwich. Kids can be terrible.
Still, I sometimes get comments from my husband about what I am eating. I just hate it! "That's too much salt!" when I am salting my eggs OR "I never eat sweets" when I am having one of my planned sweet treats.
Sure, I could probably lose weight a lot faster if all I ate were lean proteins, fruits and vegetables but I would be super uncomfortable.
I am not the only one this bothers. The company I work for has a staffed fitness center. One of my friends used to work there. He transferred out because he hated that every time he went to lunch, people would be checking out his plate to see what he was eating. "Hey fitness center guy..watcha eating?" He HATED that.
Comments from the peanut gallery about what I am eating are annoying.
How about you?
Still, I sometimes get comments from my husband about what I am eating. I just hate it! "That's too much salt!" when I am salting my eggs OR "I never eat sweets" when I am having one of my planned sweet treats.
Sure, I could probably lose weight a lot faster if all I ate were lean proteins, fruits and vegetables but I would be super uncomfortable.
I am not the only one this bothers. The company I work for has a staffed fitness center. One of my friends used to work there. He transferred out because he hated that every time he went to lunch, people would be checking out his plate to see what he was eating. "Hey fitness center guy..watcha eating?" He HATED that.
Comments from the peanut gallery about what I am eating are annoying.
How about you?
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Replies
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My BF still occasionally comments, even though he should know better (my weight loss proves I know what I'm doing). I just give him a grumpy look and he realizes he should have shut up 😁
I don't get many comments otherwise, but that's due to lock-down of course. My colleagues used to comment regularly, but more out of culinary curiosity, nothing to do with any judgment.
My mom judges me quietly. Ever since I've lost weight, I feel like she's' monitoring' my choices like a hawk: am I refusing or accepting the appetizers she's offering, what portion size am I eating, am I eating dessert or not,... She doesn't actually say anything though, but yeah, it's a bit annoying.6 -
Most people have a notion about weight loss requiring a special way of eating. They learn this the same we we originally learned it by hearing it and reading it EVERYWHERE.
All we really need is a calorie deficit. You can lose weight just as fast eating all fast food and treat food as the same amount of calories of lean proteins and vegetables. Ideally you would eat balanced nutrition but it need not be all healthy.
I do not really hate that people watch what I eat. I pity them for still believing a lie. I take it upon myself to continue losing to show them they can be free of this ridiculous notion that outside of reasonably balance nutrition that food matters as much as everyone wants them to believe.
Your husband really needs to shut up though and support you. If he is not a trained registered dietitian what makes him think that he can guide you? Even if he is at a fairly healthy weight or losing weight it does not make him an expert on anyone but himself. Obviously do not tell him to shut up. Tell him you need his support not his comments. Explain that his comments are making things harder on you.10 -
Yep...part of my weight issues as a kid to begin with were from shame. I'd have a family member who would make comments like "is that diet food?" or "Maybe you should be exercising instead of eating that". Sometimes he'd just straight out call me fat.. When I'd tell him he was hurting my feelings with his comments or that they were uncalled for, he'd feigned a crying face like I was being whiny, and then say he was "just helping". (I wasn't the only one he'd pick at in the family). I think I'd eat more out of spite and emotions because of how badly it frustrated me.
I'd say it's funny now because I'm a lot smaller than he is...but I also want him to be healthy so he can live as long as possible and continue a good quality of life, so it's not funny at all. I don't get the comments anymore, though.
It annoys me in general if people come over and look at my food and make comments at work about what I'm eating. Usually it's not as a means to judge, but it still bugs me. Leave me alone and let me eat in peace! Lol3 -
dragon_girl26 wrote: »Yep...part of my weight issues as a kid to begin with were from shame. I'd have a family member who would make comments like "is that diet food?" or "Maybe you should be exercising instead of eating that". Sometimes he'd just straight out call me fat.. When I'd tell him he was hurting my feelings with his comments or that they were uncalled for, he'd feigned a crying face like I was being whiny, and then say he was "just helping". (I wasn't the only one he'd pick at in the family). I think I'd eat more out of spite and emotions because of how badly it frustrated me.
I'd say it's funny now because I'm a lot smaller than he is...but I also want him to be healthy so he can live as long as possible and continue a good quality of life, so it's not funny at all. I don't get the comments anymore, though.
It annoys me in general if people come over and look at my food and make comments at work about what I'm eating. Usually it's not as a means to judge, but it still bugs me. Leave me alone and let me eat in peace! Lol
Often times,I think the comments are well meaning...or meaningless. It bugs me all the same.3 -
Most people have a notion about weight loss requiring a special way of eating. They learn this the same we we originally learned it by hearing it and reading it EVERYWHERE.
All we really need is a calorie deficit. You can lose weight just as fast eating all fast food and treat food as the same amount of calories of lean proteins and vegetables. Ideally you would eat balanced nutrition but it need not be all healthy.
I do not really hate that people watch what I eat. I pity them for still believing a lie. I take it upon myself to continue losing to show them they can be free of this ridiculous notion that outside of reasonably balance nutrition that food matters as much as everyone wants them to believe.
Your husband really needs to shut up though and support you. If he is not a trained registered dietitian what makes him think that he can guide you? Even if he is at a fairly healthy weight or losing weight it does not make him an expert on anyone but himself. Obviously do not tell him to shut up. Tell him you need his support not his comments. Explain that his comments are making things harder on you.
Yes, I think you are right. People have this idea that someone losing weight should eat lettuce and cottage cheese all the time.
Generally, my husband is very supportive, just every now and then, he will make a comment...4 -
There's a couple of different tacts you can take.
If my co-workers were truly being annoying about my eating choices, I would likely choose to eat outside whenever possible. Maybe even get a nice walk in before returning to work.
You can take the approach of reflecting the question back on them, which doesn't have to be rude (but can be in the proper circumstances:
"Oh. Why are you interested?"
"If you tell me what you're having for lunch first."
"Same old same old...how about you?"
"Nothing interesting...say, I what happened with (life stuff with other person)."
You can also take the route of drowning them with information (a favorite tact of mine):
"Hey, I've started on MyFitnessPal and I'm working on logging all my foods so I can keep track of my eating habits. Oh, exercise too! See...here's what I've had so far today...." (keep going until they kinda regret asking). [I really like this approach because most people aren't really interested in your eating or exercise habits and they'll stop asking. Or if they're actually nice and supportive they'll be nice and supportive.]
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Also, it may be worth considering if your co-workers are really overstepping boundaries, or just trying to make small talk. (But it could well be both.)10 -
It has taken me a while to learn this, but setting boundaries really helps with this, and you can use it with people who are well-intentioned (which I think is most people, to be honest) and people who are more malicious but like to disguise it as "helpfulness." You are allowed to tell people, "Please don't comment on what I am eating. I know you mean well [if you're pretty sure they do], but it's my business and I am handling it. Thanks." And then don't let it fester and get weird. Repeat as needed. I have deliberately cut short the amount of time I spend alone with my mother-in-law because she is very nosy about these things and speaking directly would do more harm than good (anything I tell her also gets broadcast to about a million relatives, so I've learned to just not say anything I don't want absolutely everyone to know). But if it was my husband, I'd be more direct.
I too had a relative who harped on what I ate whenever I saw her as I was growing up. In hindsight it's pretty obvious that she had/has an eating disorder. I'm actually more mad that my parents didn't stop her or say anything to me afterwards about it, but they had their own (different) weird attitudes about food that I picked up on and have been slowly unraveling. She also bullied her own children about food and other things and that's manifested in their own lives in different ways.
It's freeing to realize that often times these comments say more about the commenter than about you. I invite suggestions and advice from a few trusted people in real life but that's it.5 -
Back in the pre-Covid days, my company provided a buffet lunch every day.
This is one of the reasons I gained weight in the first place....unlimited free food.
When I changed my eating habits, I would only hit the salad bar part of the buffet. I found that both the weight loss and maintenance strategy that worked for me was small breakfast, small lunch, big dinner.
Nearly EVERY day, someone would comment on my salad lunch. "Oh, you're being so good! You're so healthy! I wish I had willpower like that! Is that all you're having? I'd be starving!" Etc.
It got so bad that I no longer ate in the lunchroom...just got a to-go container and ate in my office.
I never responded to any of the comments, just shrugged my shoulders or said "yep". I probably should have said something like, "Well, you should see the steak, potatoes, wine, and dessert I'm having later!" But, why waste my breath.6 -
kenyonhaff wrote: »There's a couple of different tacts you can take.
If my co-workers were truly being annoying about my eating choices, I would likely choose to eat outside whenever possible. Maybe even get a nice walk in before returning to work.
You can take the approach of reflecting the question back on them, which doesn't have to be rude (but can be in the proper circumstances:
"Oh. Why are you interested?"
"If you tell me what you're having for lunch first."
"Same old same old...how about you?"
"Nothing interesting...say, I what happened with (life stuff with other person)."
You can also take the route of drowning them with information (a favorite tact of mine):
"Hey, I've started on MyFitnessPal and I'm working on logging all my foods so I can keep track of my eating habits. Oh, exercise too! See...here's what I've had so far today...." (keep going until they kinda regret asking). [I really like this approach because most people aren't really interested in your eating or exercise habits and they'll stop asking. Or if they're actually nice and supportive they'll be nice and supportive.]
***
Also, it may be worth considering if your co-workers are really overstepping boundaries, or just trying to make small talk. (But it could well be both.)
LOL!! I love the drown them with information approach. hahahaha1 -
Agreed. Super annoying.
Good ideas above. Alternatively, I think I would put my energy into developing an ability to let the comment roll off my back. That would be a useful ability long term in many situations.3 -
And what about comments about exercise? My mother-in-law is staying with me right now. I work out Mon thru Fri on an elliptical in our basement. This past Saturday AND Sunday, she said to me, “Aren’t you going to go downstairs? She already knows I always take one rest/recovery day (and sometimes two) on the weekends!4
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Have you told your husband how you feel about him saying things like that? Set the boundary. I've told my husband explicitly that I don't want him to be my Food Police and he's respected that. The words "should you be eating that" or any variation thereof have never left his lips.
You're an adult, you're fully capable of making and enforcing rules about how people are allowed to treat you. If Mom wants to make judgy sounds about what you're choosing to put in your mouth, then she can do that all by herself, you aren't obligated to stick around and listen to her. Your loved ones have choices about how they treat you and if you tell them that they're doing something that upsets you and they continue to do it, they have made the choice to upset you and can live with the consequence of you being upset. Get upset. Leave the room, the house, the restaurant. End the call. Cancel the visit. Your happiness matters too, even if you're fat.
For coworkers and other less-intimate relationships, deflect, change the subject, return awkward to sender.8 -
I don't recall anyone ever commenting on what I eat...if they did, I'd probably just think it was weird and stare at them blankly and make them feel really uncomfortable.8
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cwolfman13 wrote: »I don't recall anyone ever commenting on what I eat...if they did, I'd probably just think it was weird and stare at them blankly and make them feel really uncomfortable.
I have had people comment. That flat, blank, unblinking stare until they go away works well. That said, most comments I get are less 'health/food police' and more "OH LOOK AT YOU BEING ALL HEALTHY" type comments.0 -
Funny enough, I get the strange looks when I eat "unhealthy" things, on the rare occasion. lol1
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Oh no, if my husband said something to me like that, I would tell him in no uncertain terms that it ticks me off. Same thing with my kids.
I do feel self-conscious sometimes if I'm the "healthy eater" in a group that someone will say something. I just am a self-conscious person in general, though. That used to alter what kinds of foods I would eat, too, if I thought I would stick out by choosing a salad, for example.1 -
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I was the vegetarian weirdo long before I was the calorie-counting weirdo or the weight-losing weirdo . . . like 40+ years before. Comments about what I eat kind of roll off my back at this point, mostly. I figure that at best I can only marginally influence what other people do or say, but - sometimes with effort - I should be able to completely control how I feel about what they say, or how I respond to it.
If someone seems genuinely interested in what I eat or why, I'll talk about it. Otherwise, it's boring at best, rude at worst, and the discussion will *not* continue one way or another.
I admit I can't speak to the immediate-familial side of it, as I'm a childless widowed orphaned only child . . . that has its down-sides, but it does mean they can't push my buttons about how I'm eating (parents and husband never did, anyway, in any problematic way). Husband specifically was just not a guy who'd be unpleasant about something like that; if he said something that hit me wrong despite good intentions, he would've been responsive to my asking him not to do that. (He was *not* vegetarian, BTW, and we were happily married for 20+ years.) With a partner, I'd always let them know how I felt about it (can't expect 'em to read minds), and expect them to be supportive of any reasonable request.
If others are being jerks, I think that oughta be their problem: I don't need to give it headspace. If they think they're being funny, they often want a particular reaction: I don't particularly care to give them the one they seem to be looking for. An eye-roll or unemotional "what a stupid remark" stare are options, as is making fun of the question. In a group conversation, ignoring them, talking to someone else can also work. 🤷♀️3 -
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And what about comments about exercise? My mother-in-law is staying with me right now. I work out Mon thru Fri on an elliptical in our basement. This past Saturday AND Sunday, she said to me, “Aren’t you going to go downstairs? She already knows I always take one rest/recovery day (and sometimes two) on the weekends!
Oh brother....and does she also think you need to lose weight? It is the passive agressiveness of the comments when they come from someone who feels that way that make them most annoying.0 -
OP I totally understand where you are coming from. Just before covid kicked off I moved back in with my parents due to a break up and boy was I shocked at the language used around food and appearance in this house. Please understand I love my father dearly but here are a round up of some of his frequently used comments:
"Wow that's a huge meal!"
"You are a pig".
"Are you really going to eat all of that?"
"Don't you think you need more food? You're so restrictive".
"I saw *insert name* today and she has really put on weight/aged/offended him somehow with appearance".
"You lot just live off of junk".
"Why do you eat so many vegetables? It is weird".
"How come you haven't gone to the gym today?"
"You go to the gym too much".
"You're obsessive about exercise".
"I couldn't eat that it is so bad for you".
"You will get fat".
I don't take any notice of this as an adult but I can certainly understand how my sister and I developed disordered eating habits as teens. I do however flip my *kitten* if he says it to my nieces. Comments on food, weight and appearance are so unnecessary.6 -
ExpressoLove11 wrote: »OP I totally understand where you are coming from. Just before covid kicked off I moved back in with my parents due to a break up and boy was I shocked at the language used around food and appearance in this house. Please understand I love my father dearly but here are a round up of some of his frequently used comments:
"Wow that's a huge meal!"
"You are a pig".
"Are you really going to eat all of that?"
"Don't you think you need more food? You're so restrictive".
"I saw *insert name* today and she has really put on weight/aged/offended him somehow with appearance".
"You lot just live off of junk".
"Why do you eat so many vegetables? It is weird".
"How come you haven't gone to the gym today?"
"You go to the gym too much".
"You're obsessive about exercise".
"I couldn't eat that it is so bad for you".
"You will get fat".
I don't take any notice of this as an adult but I can certainly understand how my sister and I developed disordered eating habits as teens. I do however flip my *kitten* if he says it to my nieces. Comments on food, weight and appearance are so unnecessary.
The juxtaposition of "You lot just live off junk" and "Why do you eat so many vegetables? It is weird" is dynamite.
(I'm sorry you have to deal with comments like this).4 -
janejellyroll wrote: »ExpressoLove11 wrote: »OP I totally understand where you are coming from. Just before covid kicked off I moved back in with my parents due to a break up and boy was I shocked at the language used around food and appearance in this house. Please understand I love my father dearly but here are a round up of some of his frequently used comments:
"Wow that's a huge meal!"
"You are a pig".
"Are you really going to eat all of that?"
"Don't you think you need more food? You're so restrictive".
"I saw *insert name* today and she has really put on weight/aged/offended him somehow with appearance".
"You lot just live off of junk".
"Why do you eat so many vegetables? It is weird".
"How come you haven't gone to the gym today?"
"You go to the gym too much".
"You're obsessive about exercise".
"I couldn't eat that it is so bad for you".
"You will get fat".
I don't take any notice of this as an adult but I can certainly understand how my sister and I developed disordered eating habits as teens. I do however flip my *kitten* if he says it to my nieces. Comments on food, weight and appearance are so unnecessary.
The juxtaposition of "You lot just live off junk" and "Why do you eat so many vegetables? It is weird" is dynamite.
(I'm sorry you have to deal with comments like this).
Thanks, I feel fortunate I am resilient enough in my adulthood to not let it bother me in a harmful way, but it is very frustrating energy to be around!5 -
ExpressoLove11 wrote: »OP I totally understand where you are coming from. Just before covid kicked off I moved back in with my parents due to a break up and boy was I shocked at the language used around food and appearance in this house. Please understand I love my father dearly but here are a round up of some of his frequently used comments:
"Wow that's a huge meal!"
"You are a pig".
"Are you really going to eat all of that?"
"Don't you think you need more food? You're so restrictive".
"I saw *insert name* today and she has really put on weight/aged/offended him somehow with appearance".
"You lot just live off of junk".
"Why do you eat so many vegetables? It is weird".
"How come you haven't gone to the gym today?"
"You go to the gym too much".
"You're obsessive about exercise".
"I couldn't eat that it is so bad for you".
"You will get fat".
I don't take any notice of this as an adult but I can certainly understand how my sister and I developed disordered eating habits as teens. I do however flip my *kitten* if he says it to my nieces. Comments on food, weight and appearance are so unnecessary.
Yep, I heard a lot of this kind of stuff too growing up..usually the "you eat too much junk" kind of comments or constantly commenting about people in the extended family putting on weight. Now the junk comments are mostly aimed at my mother (well, and my aunt, too) instead of both of us. 🙄 I have never fully understood how that is supposed to be "helping".4 -
I was working a job and one guy kept commenting on my reasonablely sized healthy meals and asking why I ate like that.
I just said I wasn't looking for a gut like he had. Never heard any comments again.11 -
Honestly, my 'real' problem in life is less commentary on food and more my mother's primary love language being feeding people. I only see her occasionally so not a huge deal, I just eat but man do I understand more about why I was obese now.6
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wunderkindking wrote: »Honestly, my 'real' problem in life is less commentary on food and more my mother's primary love language being feeding people. I only see her occasionally so not a huge deal, I just eat but man do I understand more about why I was obese now.
I'm an "acts of service" person and it definitely manifests as feeding people too. I don't think it *has* to be a bad thing, but definitely has the potential to be. Not that I'm happy that I've had weird and hurtful comments made to me, but it's definitely taught me to ignore the temptation to make comments about food to others, and to try to not be offended if people don't eat something that I make them, even if they're blatantly rude about it. (The rudeness only happened one time and it still stings a little. I analyzed the situation about a million different ways - probably overkill - and concluded it wasn't on me, the guest was just rude. Oh well.)
For me, I just remember that my showing love, however I do it, is about the act of giving and less about me getting any kind of reward or praise. I try to love unconditionally even in the small things. I think a lot of people offer affection with strings attached, even in family dynamics, and it just makes things super toxic.
(I'm not saying that was your family situation, just musing out loud with your thought as a springboard!)4 -
penguinmama87 wrote: »wunderkindking wrote: »Honestly, my 'real' problem in life is less commentary on food and more my mother's primary love language being feeding people. I only see her occasionally so not a huge deal, I just eat but man do I understand more about why I was obese now.
I'm an "acts of service" person and it definitely manifests as feeding people too. I don't think it *has* to be a bad thing, but definitely has the potential to be. Not that I'm happy that I've had weird and hurtful comments made to me, but it's definitely taught me to ignore the temptation to make comments about food to others, and to try to not be offended if people don't eat something that I make them, even if they're blatantly rude about it. (The rudeness only happened one time and it still stings a little. I analyzed the situation about a million different ways - probably overkill - and concluded it wasn't on me, the guest was just rude. Oh well.)
For me, I just remember that my showing love, however I do it, is about the act of giving and less about me getting any kind of reward or praise. I try to love unconditionally even in the small things. I think a lot of people offer affection with strings attached, even in family dynamics, and it just makes things super toxic.
(I'm not saying that was your family situation, just musing out loud with your thought as a springboard!)
I absolutely love and adore my mom, to be clear. No resentment there, just realization.
I think for her it's not just that she shows love via feeding, but also that she hinges her self-worth on people eating the food. Not praise, but eating it/not rejecting it, because it feels like a rejection of love to her. She's sincerely hurt if that doesn't happen. Our compromise has worked out to she cooks, I eat, and I *don't* take food home with me. So it's a one meal event a few times a year and okay, rather than dragged out.
I could probably have a more serious discussion with her, but given the geographical distance between us it's just not worth any upset. And it is absolutely an act of love and I value it for that. I just can't take two pies and a cake (real example) home with me. I'm a moderator rather than abstainer but there are limits.4 -
People really shouldn't comment on other people's food/eating choices. You never know what someone has in their past or is going through now. Having struggled with an eating disorder most of my life it can be very triggering still to have anyone comment on my eating or food choices. My husband is pretty good about it now (17 years together) but it took him quite a while to get used to not making any comments. Not that he said anything really negative but depending on the day the smallest thing can set someone off.2
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ExpressoLove11 wrote: »OP I totally understand where you are coming from. Just before covid kicked off I moved back in with my parents due to a break up and boy was I shocked at the language used around food and appearance in this house. Please understand I love my father dearly but here are a round up of some of his frequently used comments:
"Wow that's a huge meal!"
"You are a pig".
"Are you really going to eat all of that?"
"Don't you think you need more food? You're so restrictive".
"I saw *insert name* today and she has really put on weight/aged/offended him somehow with appearance".
"You lot just live off of junk".
"Why do you eat so many vegetables? It is weird".
"How come you haven't gone to the gym today?"
"You go to the gym too much".
"You're obsessive about exercise".
"I couldn't eat that it is so bad for you".
"You will get fat".
I don't take any notice of this as an adult but I can certainly understand how my sister and I developed disordered eating habits as teens. I do however flip my *kitten* if he says it to my nieces. Comments on food, weight and appearance are so unnecessary.
Wow, you get it! I love my husband dearly too and he IS very supportive of anything and everything I try to do but he IS kind old school about things. These comments ARE passive aggressive and are annoying.
I am glad you stick up for the nieces.1
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