Comments about what I eat
Ann262
Posts: 265 Member
I absolutely HATE it when someone, especially my husband, comments on what I am eating. I know I am super sensitive because, when I was a child, weight was an issue and kids are super mean. When I would eat lunch, they'd say things like "no wonder you are so fat". I was eating a sandwich. Kids can be terrible.
Still, I sometimes get comments from my husband about what I am eating. I just hate it! "That's too much salt!" when I am salting my eggs OR "I never eat sweets" when I am having one of my planned sweet treats.
Sure, I could probably lose weight a lot faster if all I ate were lean proteins, fruits and vegetables but I would be super uncomfortable.
I am not the only one this bothers. The company I work for has a staffed fitness center. One of my friends used to work there. He transferred out because he hated that every time he went to lunch, people would be checking out his plate to see what he was eating. "Hey fitness center guy..watcha eating?" He HATED that.
Comments from the peanut gallery about what I am eating are annoying.
How about you?
Still, I sometimes get comments from my husband about what I am eating. I just hate it! "That's too much salt!" when I am salting my eggs OR "I never eat sweets" when I am having one of my planned sweet treats.
Sure, I could probably lose weight a lot faster if all I ate were lean proteins, fruits and vegetables but I would be super uncomfortable.
I am not the only one this bothers. The company I work for has a staffed fitness center. One of my friends used to work there. He transferred out because he hated that every time he went to lunch, people would be checking out his plate to see what he was eating. "Hey fitness center guy..watcha eating?" He HATED that.
Comments from the peanut gallery about what I am eating are annoying.
How about you?
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Replies
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My BF still occasionally comments, even though he should know better (my weight loss proves I know what I'm doing). I just give him a grumpy look and he realizes he should have shut up 😁
I don't get many comments otherwise, but that's due to lock-down of course. My colleagues used to comment regularly, but more out of culinary curiosity, nothing to do with any judgment.
My mom judges me quietly. Ever since I've lost weight, I feel like she's' monitoring' my choices like a hawk: am I refusing or accepting the appetizers she's offering, what portion size am I eating, am I eating dessert or not,... She doesn't actually say anything though, but yeah, it's a bit annoying.6 -
Most people have a notion about weight loss requiring a special way of eating. They learn this the same we we originally learned it by hearing it and reading it EVERYWHERE.
All we really need is a calorie deficit. You can lose weight just as fast eating all fast food and treat food as the same amount of calories of lean proteins and vegetables. Ideally you would eat balanced nutrition but it need not be all healthy.
I do not really hate that people watch what I eat. I pity them for still believing a lie. I take it upon myself to continue losing to show them they can be free of this ridiculous notion that outside of reasonably balance nutrition that food matters as much as everyone wants them to believe.
Your husband really needs to shut up though and support you. If he is not a trained registered dietitian what makes him think that he can guide you? Even if he is at a fairly healthy weight or losing weight it does not make him an expert on anyone but himself. Obviously do not tell him to shut up. Tell him you need his support not his comments. Explain that his comments are making things harder on you.10 -
Yep...part of my weight issues as a kid to begin with were from shame. I'd have a family member who would make comments like "is that diet food?" or "Maybe you should be exercising instead of eating that". Sometimes he'd just straight out call me fat.. When I'd tell him he was hurting my feelings with his comments or that they were uncalled for, he'd feigned a crying face like I was being whiny, and then say he was "just helping". (I wasn't the only one he'd pick at in the family). I think I'd eat more out of spite and emotions because of how badly it frustrated me.
I'd say it's funny now because I'm a lot smaller than he is...but I also want him to be healthy so he can live as long as possible and continue a good quality of life, so it's not funny at all. I don't get the comments anymore, though.
It annoys me in general if people come over and look at my food and make comments at work about what I'm eating. Usually it's not as a means to judge, but it still bugs me. Leave me alone and let me eat in peace! Lol3 -
dragon_girl26 wrote: »Yep...part of my weight issues as a kid to begin with were from shame. I'd have a family member who would make comments like "is that diet food?" or "Maybe you should be exercising instead of eating that". Sometimes he'd just straight out call me fat.. When I'd tell him he was hurting my feelings with his comments or that they were uncalled for, he'd feigned a crying face like I was being whiny, and then say he was "just helping". (I wasn't the only one he'd pick at in the family). I think I'd eat more out of spite and emotions because of how badly it frustrated me.
I'd say it's funny now because I'm a lot smaller than he is...but I also want him to be healthy so he can live as long as possible and continue a good quality of life, so it's not funny at all. I don't get the comments anymore, though.
It annoys me in general if people come over and look at my food and make comments at work about what I'm eating. Usually it's not as a means to judge, but it still bugs me. Leave me alone and let me eat in peace! Lol
Often times,I think the comments are well meaning...or meaningless. It bugs me all the same.3 -
Most people have a notion about weight loss requiring a special way of eating. They learn this the same we we originally learned it by hearing it and reading it EVERYWHERE.
All we really need is a calorie deficit. You can lose weight just as fast eating all fast food and treat food as the same amount of calories of lean proteins and vegetables. Ideally you would eat balanced nutrition but it need not be all healthy.
I do not really hate that people watch what I eat. I pity them for still believing a lie. I take it upon myself to continue losing to show them they can be free of this ridiculous notion that outside of reasonably balance nutrition that food matters as much as everyone wants them to believe.
Your husband really needs to shut up though and support you. If he is not a trained registered dietitian what makes him think that he can guide you? Even if he is at a fairly healthy weight or losing weight it does not make him an expert on anyone but himself. Obviously do not tell him to shut up. Tell him you need his support not his comments. Explain that his comments are making things harder on you.
Yes, I think you are right. People have this idea that someone losing weight should eat lettuce and cottage cheese all the time.
Generally, my husband is very supportive, just every now and then, he will make a comment...4 -
There's a couple of different tacts you can take.
If my co-workers were truly being annoying about my eating choices, I would likely choose to eat outside whenever possible. Maybe even get a nice walk in before returning to work.
You can take the approach of reflecting the question back on them, which doesn't have to be rude (but can be in the proper circumstances:
"Oh. Why are you interested?"
"If you tell me what you're having for lunch first."
"Same old same old...how about you?"
"Nothing interesting...say, I what happened with (life stuff with other person)."
You can also take the route of drowning them with information (a favorite tact of mine):
"Hey, I've started on MyFitnessPal and I'm working on logging all my foods so I can keep track of my eating habits. Oh, exercise too! See...here's what I've had so far today...." (keep going until they kinda regret asking). [I really like this approach because most people aren't really interested in your eating or exercise habits and they'll stop asking. Or if they're actually nice and supportive they'll be nice and supportive.]
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Also, it may be worth considering if your co-workers are really overstepping boundaries, or just trying to make small talk. (But it could well be both.)10 -
It has taken me a while to learn this, but setting boundaries really helps with this, and you can use it with people who are well-intentioned (which I think is most people, to be honest) and people who are more malicious but like to disguise it as "helpfulness." You are allowed to tell people, "Please don't comment on what I am eating. I know you mean well [if you're pretty sure they do], but it's my business and I am handling it. Thanks." And then don't let it fester and get weird. Repeat as needed. I have deliberately cut short the amount of time I spend alone with my mother-in-law because she is very nosy about these things and speaking directly would do more harm than good (anything I tell her also gets broadcast to about a million relatives, so I've learned to just not say anything I don't want absolutely everyone to know). But if it was my husband, I'd be more direct.
I too had a relative who harped on what I ate whenever I saw her as I was growing up. In hindsight it's pretty obvious that she had/has an eating disorder. I'm actually more mad that my parents didn't stop her or say anything to me afterwards about it, but they had their own (different) weird attitudes about food that I picked up on and have been slowly unraveling. She also bullied her own children about food and other things and that's manifested in their own lives in different ways.
It's freeing to realize that often times these comments say more about the commenter than about you. I invite suggestions and advice from a few trusted people in real life but that's it.5 -
Back in the pre-Covid days, my company provided a buffet lunch every day.
This is one of the reasons I gained weight in the first place....unlimited free food.
When I changed my eating habits, I would only hit the salad bar part of the buffet. I found that both the weight loss and maintenance strategy that worked for me was small breakfast, small lunch, big dinner.
Nearly EVERY day, someone would comment on my salad lunch. "Oh, you're being so good! You're so healthy! I wish I had willpower like that! Is that all you're having? I'd be starving!" Etc.
It got so bad that I no longer ate in the lunchroom...just got a to-go container and ate in my office.
I never responded to any of the comments, just shrugged my shoulders or said "yep". I probably should have said something like, "Well, you should see the steak, potatoes, wine, and dessert I'm having later!" But, why waste my breath.6 -
kenyonhaff wrote: »There's a couple of different tacts you can take.
If my co-workers were truly being annoying about my eating choices, I would likely choose to eat outside whenever possible. Maybe even get a nice walk in before returning to work.
You can take the approach of reflecting the question back on them, which doesn't have to be rude (but can be in the proper circumstances:
"Oh. Why are you interested?"
"If you tell me what you're having for lunch first."
"Same old same old...how about you?"
"Nothing interesting...say, I what happened with (life stuff with other person)."
You can also take the route of drowning them with information (a favorite tact of mine):
"Hey, I've started on MyFitnessPal and I'm working on logging all my foods so I can keep track of my eating habits. Oh, exercise too! See...here's what I've had so far today...." (keep going until they kinda regret asking). [I really like this approach because most people aren't really interested in your eating or exercise habits and they'll stop asking. Or if they're actually nice and supportive they'll be nice and supportive.]
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Also, it may be worth considering if your co-workers are really overstepping boundaries, or just trying to make small talk. (But it could well be both.)
LOL!! I love the drown them with information approach. hahahaha1 -
Agreed. Super annoying.
Good ideas above. Alternatively, I think I would put my energy into developing an ability to let the comment roll off my back. That would be a useful ability long term in many situations.3 -
And what about comments about exercise? My mother-in-law is staying with me right now. I work out Mon thru Fri on an elliptical in our basement. This past Saturday AND Sunday, she said to me, “Aren’t you going to go downstairs? She already knows I always take one rest/recovery day (and sometimes two) on the weekends!4
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Have you told your husband how you feel about him saying things like that? Set the boundary. I've told my husband explicitly that I don't want him to be my Food Police and he's respected that. The words "should you be eating that" or any variation thereof have never left his lips.
You're an adult, you're fully capable of making and enforcing rules about how people are allowed to treat you. If Mom wants to make judgy sounds about what you're choosing to put in your mouth, then she can do that all by herself, you aren't obligated to stick around and listen to her. Your loved ones have choices about how they treat you and if you tell them that they're doing something that upsets you and they continue to do it, they have made the choice to upset you and can live with the consequence of you being upset. Get upset. Leave the room, the house, the restaurant. End the call. Cancel the visit. Your happiness matters too, even if you're fat.
For coworkers and other less-intimate relationships, deflect, change the subject, return awkward to sender.8 -
I don't recall anyone ever commenting on what I eat...if they did, I'd probably just think it was weird and stare at them blankly and make them feel really uncomfortable.8
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cwolfman13 wrote: »I don't recall anyone ever commenting on what I eat...if they did, I'd probably just think it was weird and stare at them blankly and make them feel really uncomfortable.
I have had people comment. That flat, blank, unblinking stare until they go away works well. That said, most comments I get are less 'health/food police' and more "OH LOOK AT YOU BEING ALL HEALTHY" type comments.0 -
Funny enough, I get the strange looks when I eat "unhealthy" things, on the rare occasion. lol1
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Oh no, if my husband said something to me like that, I would tell him in no uncertain terms that it ticks me off. Same thing with my kids.
I do feel self-conscious sometimes if I'm the "healthy eater" in a group that someone will say something. I just am a self-conscious person in general, though. That used to alter what kinds of foods I would eat, too, if I thought I would stick out by choosing a salad, for example.1 -
I was the vegetarian weirdo long before I was the calorie-counting weirdo or the weight-losing weirdo . . . like 40+ years before. Comments about what I eat kind of roll off my back at this point, mostly. I figure that at best I can only marginally influence what other people do or say, but - sometimes with effort - I should be able to completely control how I feel about what they say, or how I respond to it.
If someone seems genuinely interested in what I eat or why, I'll talk about it. Otherwise, it's boring at best, rude at worst, and the discussion will *not* continue one way or another.
I admit I can't speak to the immediate-familial side of it, as I'm a childless widowed orphaned only child . . . that has its down-sides, but it does mean they can't push my buttons about how I'm eating (parents and husband never did, anyway, in any problematic way). Husband specifically was just not a guy who'd be unpleasant about something like that; if he said something that hit me wrong despite good intentions, he would've been responsive to my asking him not to do that. (He was *not* vegetarian, BTW, and we were happily married for 20+ years.) With a partner, I'd always let them know how I felt about it (can't expect 'em to read minds), and expect them to be supportive of any reasonable request.
If others are being jerks, I think that oughta be their problem: I don't need to give it headspace. If they think they're being funny, they often want a particular reaction: I don't particularly care to give them the one they seem to be looking for. An eye-roll or unemotional "what a stupid remark" stare are options, as is making fun of the question. In a group conversation, ignoring them, talking to someone else can also work. 🤷♀️3 -
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And what about comments about exercise? My mother-in-law is staying with me right now. I work out Mon thru Fri on an elliptical in our basement. This past Saturday AND Sunday, she said to me, “Aren’t you going to go downstairs? She already knows I always take one rest/recovery day (and sometimes two) on the weekends!
Oh brother....and does she also think you need to lose weight? It is the passive agressiveness of the comments when they come from someone who feels that way that make them most annoying.0
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