We need help selecting a diet
vaindioux
Posts: 6 Member
Hi
Married couple in our mid 50’s. I m a little overweight and my wife more than me.
We have a hard time sticking to what we say when we decide to eat better.
How do you find the willpower?
I have more willpower than my wife but still not enough.
She wants us to go on nutrisystem but I haven’t had the time to look into it yet.
I can’t do the low carb diet, it constipates me so don’t mention that one.
Thxs so much
Pat
Married couple in our mid 50’s. I m a little overweight and my wife more than me.
We have a hard time sticking to what we say when we decide to eat better.
How do you find the willpower?
I have more willpower than my wife but still not enough.
She wants us to go on nutrisystem but I haven’t had the time to look into it yet.
I can’t do the low carb diet, it constipates me so don’t mention that one.
Thxs so much
Pat
4
Replies
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I'm not sure people can give actual advice on this one but this is what I did when my doctor said he wanted me to lose weight. I googled a bunch of diets I'd heard of and picked the one that would let me eat the way I wanted...just not as much as I wanted.
You just need to figure out what's sustainable and pleasant for you and your wife.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be the same way of eating either.
Just make sure you're eating less calories than you burn because that's the secret to weight loss.9 -
I'm not sure people can give actual advice on this one but this is what I did when my doctor said he wanted me to lose weight. I googled a bunch of diets I'd heard of and picked the one that would let me eat the way I wanted...just not as much as I wanted.
You just need to figure out what's sustainable and pleasant for you and your wife.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be the same way of eating either.
Just make sure you're eating less calories than you burn because that's the secret to weight loss.
I'll second this. We don't know what kind of foods you currently eat and we don't know what kind of foods you enjoy eating, so you'll have to explore the options yourself.
For someone like me, who was eating a pretty balanced diet, just too much of it and too many snacks, all I really needed to do was reduce my portions and tweak the foods I was eating (eating less of the high calorie foods that weren't very high on the yumminess scale or not very filling, more of the lower calorie foods that I liked and found satiating,...).
Your situation might be similar or it might be very different. Between you and your wife things might be different too.
The key thing, IMHO, is that if you want to change your diet significantly, you're better off doing it gradually and not doing a big overhaul all in one go. Changing habits is best done gradually if you want it to stick.
Also, don't make changes you can't imagine following long-term. Don't go and eliminate all of your favorite foods just to follow some diet you read about, for example, or decide to never eat restaurant food/fast food/dessert/potato chips/... again if that isn't realistic long-term. The more unpleasant and hard to follow you make your diet, the less likely it is you will successfully lose weight AND keep it off long-term.17 -
Another ditto here. Use the trackers. Don't go wild with outrageous plans that doom you to failure in short order. Start out just tracking everything that goes into your mouth and find out where you stand. Then start to cut calories little by little. Permanent weight loss is a long-term commitment (the rest of your life, in fact), and slow and steady changes in your eating habits and activity levels are what's most likely to show you long-term success, not a "diet". When it comes to calories, burn more, consume less. Small goals that you can easily achieve are far more likely to succeed than major changes that only serve to discourage you and end up in failure. A ten-minute walk every other day becomes a ten-minute walk five days a week becomes twelve minutes every day and so on. The slow and steady building of good habits is the ticket. Improve a little every day. Go for it!8
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Unless there are special medical conditions, eat fewer calories (and move more) to lose weight. Shoot for 80-90% of your calories from nutrient dense foods like veggies, fruits, lean proteins, whole grains lower fat dairy. The other 10-20% can be whatever to fill in your calories
The USDA MyPlate is a good general guide
https://www.myplate.gov/eat-healthy/what-is-myplate
As someone else said, you and your wife don't have to eat the same things but should generally follow the MyPlate template.
Good luck.
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I lost 90 pounds in my 50's by using good old fashioned CICO (calories in calories out). It wasn't a trendy or complicated diet. It was just a way of eating that I could do for the rest of my life. I could eat whatever foods I enjoyed but I had to burn more calories than I was eating. Pretty basic.
Where do I find the willpower? My husband is ten years older than I am and has never cared about what he eats (still doesn't). He has one of those snappy "days of the week" pill cases containing his medication for type 2 diabetes plus a couple of other issues that I would call "lifestyle ailments". I knew that would be my future if I continued eating the way I was and that became my motivating factor.
I've always exercised regularly and I've always eaten fairly well so for me it was a matter of learning about portion control. Perhaps that would be a good place for you to start? Use an app like MyFitnessPal to figure out how many calories you should be eating to lose at a comfortable rate and then just dive in. That's what worked for me, but I'm not you, of course.10 -
As far as motivation, do you want to be able to get off the toilet unassisted until the day you die? Getting to a proper weight, maintaining it with a balanced diet and getting some exercise are critical.11
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SuzySunshine99 wrote: »
I did that one, too. 😉
I don't really do willpower or motivation, hedonistic old hippie that I am. I believe in the power of finding relatively easy, relatively happy habits that lead to eating a reasonable calorie level without unnecessarily much struggle. If it took profound motivation, determination or willpower, I'd still be obese, instead of in year 5+ of maintaining a healthy weight after previous decades of obesity. 🤷♀️10 -
Hi
Married couple in our mid 50’s. I m a little overweight and my wife more than me.
We have a hard time sticking to what we say when we decide to eat better.
How do you find the willpower?
I have more willpower than my wife but still not enough.
She wants us to go on nutrisystem but I haven’t had the time to look into it yet.
I can’t do the low carb diet, it constipates me so don’t mention that one.
Thxs so much
Pat
If I focus on foods that satiate me, very little willpower is required
I've long known I don't find fat especially filling, but then I decided to reduce fat for a medical condition, and that made creating a calorie deficit much easier for me.
I'm not even technically "low fat" - I'm just staying under the MFP default of 30% fat and the saturated fat default, when previously I would often go way over.
Because I'm doing this with fat, I've also reduced foods like baked goods, so my carbs are coming from foods like fruits, veggies, grains, legumes, etc., which I find filling. I also made a point of hitting my fiber goal as well.
(Note: satiety is very individual, so what fills me up may not be the best macro mix for you.)
Here's a good article:
Understanding satiety: feeling full after a meal
...Tips on how to feel fuller
So how can we best try to enhance these feelings of fullness to help us control how much we eat? Here are some top tips for helping you feel fuller:- Foods high in protein seem to make us feel fuller than foods high in fat or carbohydrate, so including some protein at every meal should help keep you satisfied. Foods high in protein include meats such as chicken, ham or beef, fish, eggs, beans and pulses.
- If you are watching your weight, opt for lower fat versions, using leaner cuts of meat, cutting off visible fat and avoiding the skin on poultry as this will help reduce the energy density of the diet, which can help to enhance satiety (see below).
- Foods that are high in fibre may also enhance feelings of fullness so try to include plenty of high-fibre foods in the diet such as wholegrain bread and cereals, beans and pulses and fruit and vegetables.
- Alcohol seems to stimulate appetite in the short-term and therefore drinking alcohol is likely to encourage us to eat more. Alcoholic beverages can make you forget about your intentions to eat healthily by making you lose your inhibitions. Alcoholic drinks are also calorific, so you should cut down on alcohol consumption if you are trying to control your weight.
- The ‘energy density’ of food has a strong influence on feelings of fullness or satiety. Energy density is the amount of energy (or calories) per gram of food. Lower energy density foods provide less energy per gram of food so you can eat more of them without consuming too many calories. Low energy density foods include fruit and vegetables, foods with lots of water added when cooking such as soups and stews, and lower fat foods. Click here for more information on energy density.
Read more: http://www.nutrition.org.uk/healthyliving/fuller/understanding-satiety-feeling-full-after-a-meal.html1 -
Hi
Married couple in our mid 50’s. I m a little overweight and my wife more than me.
We have a hard time sticking to what we say when we decide to eat better.
How do you find the willpower?
I have more willpower than my wife but still not enough.
She wants us to go on nutrisystem but I haven’t had the time to look into it yet.
I can’t do the low carb diet, it constipates me so don’t mention that one.
Thxs so much
Pat
If I was going to do a named diet, it would probably be South Beach. Phase I is the most restrictive in that it's pretty low carb, but it's typically only for two weeks before moving to stage II. Stage I typically results in a pretty big chunk of weight loss in a couple of weeks, much of which is water weight. Stage II reintroduces fruits, whole grains, etc. and is usually run until total desired weight loss is achieved. Stage III is basically maintenance stage.
I would say I eat pretty similar to Stage III for both weight loss and maintenance...which is basically eat well for the most part with indulgences here and there. I tried it with my wife years ago when we were still dating...I found Stage I to be too restrictive for my taste (not to mention unnecessary for myself), but Stage II was pretty easily doable. I didn't really need to lose weight as I was at a healthy weight, but I lost about 10 Lbs and got pretty dang lean. My wife started with Stage I for a couple weeks and then into Stage II. As I recall, we ran it for a couple of months.
Even if you just used Stage III, it's more likely than not to lead to weight loss as it is very whole foods focused and as a general observation, it seems a lot of people lose weight focusing largely on whole foods...not to say it's a gimmee as calories are king...but often a switch from lots of high calorie, low nutrient processed foods and eating out, etc to whole foods produces good results.
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Hi
This is the OP
I want to thank everyone for their answers.
Like most of you said, we have failed many times trying to just eat lettuce or carrots (Meaning a healthy diet).
The switch from bad food to very good food was just too hard and we failed each time.
We are going to stop huge portions gradually and get on the treadmill.
I talked to 2 guys about my age at work ( Mid 50’s) and they are both in great shape.
They both said the same “Portion control” and they both told me they eat everything but in small portions.
We are starting soon
Pat11 -
Quite often, just logging what you eat can make a change in your diet as you become more aware of which foods are high calorie but not that satisfying. Some things in your regular diet may be very easy to drop. i.e. my husband once lost 20 lbs. just stopping his very high coca cola consumption. For me, seeing how many calories are in even fairly healthy restaurant meals was eye opening.6
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You don’t need help with selecting a diet but maybe selecting a food scale. I bought mine at Costco. Best purchase ever. Otherwise you are winging it.5
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The best way to get more willpower is to make the right choices easy. Trying to do something hard that you don’t enjoy will always lead to failure in the long run.
My suggestion is always to start by logging for a week or even two weeks without trying to change a thing. This will get you in the habit of measuring and logging, and when you are done you can look at your current way of eating and see where you are. There may be substitutions which are easy to make, such as not putting mayo on a sandwich.
Then think about not only what you eat but also why you eat the way you eat. Is it easier, cheaper, are you bored, does your favorite place to sit and talk serve fattening food, do your best friends eat huge desserts in front of you, do you enjoy cooking?
In my case, in order for my diet to be successful long-term, I needed to change the way my family ate. My husband is a very slow eater who doesn’t eat much and will sit and toy with his food for an hour and a half, expecting me to keep him company long after I’m finished. I would eat my food, still be hungry, then he would offer me his food! It was torture to sit there still hungry watching him shove food around like a bored toddler when I still wanted more food. Part of our solution was that I told him we weren’t doing that anymore, when I was done eating I was leaving, and if he wasn’t done he could keep going alone. Amazingly enough he didn’t starve to death - he decided to eat a little faster, and take a little less on his plate. And for me, meals went from a constant struggle with willpower to something I did and then got on with other parts of my life.
I doubt you have this exact situation but I’m sure you have situations which place temptation in your path! I changed my drive home temporarily so I didn’t drive past the corner where I always stopped for a snack. Driving past always made me hungry out of habit and all it took to stop snacking was turning one street earlier.
BTW I hate treadmills personally - but it turns out I love running and walking outdoors. Try to find an activity you look forward to.5 -
Agree 100% with the scale purchase to eliminate the guesswork.L1zardQueen wrote: »You don’t need help with selecting a diet but maybe selecting a food scale. I bought mine at Costco. Best purchase ever. Otherwise you are winging it.
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Hi
Married couple in our mid 50’s. I m a little overweight and my wife more than me.
We have a hard time sticking to what we say when we decide to eat better.
How do you find the willpower?
I have more willpower than my wife but still not enough.
She wants us to go on nutrisystem but I haven’t had the time to look into it yet.
I can’t do the low carb diet, it constipates me so don’t mention that one.
Thxs so much
Pat
There is no magic - sorry.
You do this or you don't do this - a function of how much you want to lose the weight.
As for "which diet?", just count calories and leave out all the faddy "low carb" or whatever nonsense.
Good luck!1 -
If you are used to large portions understanding what a serving is will be eye opening.
When I first started I was hungry ALL the time & felt obsessed with food which made it much harder to stick to my MFP calorie limits. I learned to eat smaller bits more frequently. I would eat breakfast, a mid morning snack, lunch, a mid afternoon snack, dinner & a small treat after dinner. I tried to keep my snacks under 100 calories. Fruit was my favorite but I also discovered fiber one bars. I never get enough fiber. Those little sweet bites, especially the brownie, made me less deprived. My late night treat was often a lindt truffle which was about 36 calories or 1-2 Hershey's kisses. You need to learn to eat more slowly & savor each bite. Eating slowly helps you to listen to your body & understand the signals that you are, in fact, full.
Adding exercise & reducing the calories you drink -- soda, juice & alcohol being the biggest culprits -- also helps.
You may want to invest in a food scale. That really helps with portion control.
Good luck!4 -
If you were entertaining the idea of a program and willing to spend the money, it might be worthwhile to consult a nutritionist that can help develop something that incorporates foods you love while identifying some of the foods that individually, for both you and your wife, that your bodies may not like. It’s expensive but might help both with diet and accountability.
Personally, I do think calories in-calories out works, but not all calories are created equal. Through my current journey I have found a number of foods that are “healthy” but my body doesn’t particularly like and were hindering my potential— for example, cheese. It was like a food group of its own, but I’ve learned that my body doesn’t process some well, while others are okay. It came down to learning how they are made and processed. Artificial sweeteners was another. Although not healthy, more than likely, it was a way to cut calories. I dropped them and moved to honey and molasses. I saw the drop on the scale.1 -
NerdyScienceGrl wrote: »If you were entertaining the idea of a program and willing to spend the money, it might be worthwhile to consult a nutritionist that can help develop something that incorporates foods you love while identifying some of the foods that individually, for both you and your wife, that your bodies may not like. It’s expensive but might help both with diet and accountability.
Personally, I do think calories in-calories out works, but not all calories are created equal. Through my current journey I have found a number of foods that are “healthy” but my body doesn’t particularly like and were hindering my potential— for example, cheese. It was like a food group of its own, but I’ve learned that my body doesn’t process some well, while others are okay. It came down to learning how they are made and processed. Artificial sweeteners was another. Although not healthy, more than likely, it was a way to cut calories. I dropped them and moved to honey and molasses. I saw the drop on the scale.
Just to expand/clarify: In parts of the US (and maybe some other places) anyone can call themselves "a nutritionist" with no training at all, or do so with only limited education/certification. "Registered dietitian" is the term for degreed professionals here, and finding someone with sound credentials is a good plan. "Nutritionist" has that same meaning, of a degreed professional, in some other places, I gather. Caveat emptor, always. 😉4 -
Good clarification and very true!2
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Lobsters have a couple of "herd" defences on their way into our gullet: they co$t a lot (absent a lobster farmer/fisherperson relative) and they have a shell that makes us work hard to get through it to the food!
When I first started logging food, accurately, to the gram, BEFORE consuming a single bite, while carefully choosing and verifying the entries i was going to use... it was remarkable how many "spur of the moment that I can live without" bites disappeared from my eating day. Plus I started being more conscious of when I was getting hungry because trust me, it is not fun to be "fainting and salivating", but not eating because you haven't finished logging yet (did I ever tell you about my old pediatrician's tip of "eat an apple a half hour before your meal"?--that did come to the rescue a couple of times so I could actually finish logging!)
And while learning to log was not painless (yes, it was a bit of work, and yes, it did way way easier as time went on)... losing these extra "spur of the moment" / "not really worth it" calories most definitely was a painless way to drop SOME of the lbs I dropped!
And it requires ZERO planned changes.
All that is really required TO START is to log, review the log, and evaluate whether the items you logged were worth it to you! Worth it for satiety, for taste, for fun... just plain WORTH THE CALORIES you spent on them!3 -
Lobsters have a couple of "herd" defences on their way into our gullet: they co$t a lot (absent a lobster farmer/fisherperson relative) and they have a shell that makes us work hard to get through it to the food!
When I first started logging food, accurately, to the gram, BEFORE consuming a single bite, while carefully choosing and verifying the entries i was going to use... it was remarkable how many "spur of the moment that I can live without" bites disappeared from my eating day. Plus I started being more conscious of when I was getting hungry because trust me, it is not fun to be "fainting and salivating", but not eating because you haven't finished logging yet (did I ever tell you about my old pediatrician's tip of "eat an apple a half hour before your meal"?--that did come to the rescue a couple of times so I could actually finish logging!)
And while learning to log was not painless (yes, it was a bit of work, and yes, it did way way easier as time went on)... losing these extra "spur of the moment" / "not really worth it" calories most definitely was a painless way to drop SOME of the lbs I dropped!
And it requires ZERO planned changes.
All that is really required TO START is to log, review the log, and evaluate whether the items you logged were worth it to you! Worth it for satiety, for taste, for fun... just plain WORTH THE CALORIES you spent on them!
What! Apples are carbs! Don't you know? Carbs make you fat!
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OK: I decided to not be a *kitten* and crack jokes about sugars and fats and which ones are easier to store as fat when fat storage takes place...
Now. If satiety and satisfaction based on logging are not enough for a base direction.... to our rescue: our world's tax dollars at work!
National nutritional guidelines galore!
Some make more sense than others, and it's not always the ones you think!
http://www.fao.org/nutrition/education/food-dietary-guidelines/en/1 -
Check with your physician first before starting a diet, but if you have no medical issues, you can start making healthier choices right away!
Nutrisystem works for lots of folks, but you still have to add your own veg. Learning how to make good choices is key to making a life change permanent. My vote would be for nutritional education over a plan per se.
I wore my willpower out years ago! So, I decided my primary goal was to improve my health. Getting my figure back is a bonus!
Speed is not my driving force. Taking time to appreciate each step forward is helpful.
As a sugar addict, I first cut out my trigger foods and drink. No sodas of any kind, reg or diet. No candy, cakes, or treats. I replaced these with plenty of protein, leafy greens, water, and fiber-concentrating on nutrient dense choices.
By day 3, cravings for sweets no longer ruled my life. By end of the second week, my family could eat sweets in front of me.
Before long, I was able to have an occasional small sweet-example: full fat butter pecan ice cream single scoop on cake cone-without me wanting to bathe in a vat of it!
I also set my daily calorie goal at a range. This gave me freedom to have more on those days I needed more without beating myself up for it.
Which brings me to an important thing-be kind. To yourself and each other. If you slip, the next meal is a new start.
As a couple, you have advantages and disadvantages. Built in support is great! But there is also a danger of tying your success or failure to each other. Be accountable mainly to yourself and your spouse is a bonus😉.
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Hi
This is the OP
I want to thank everyone for their answers.
Like most of you said, we have failed many times trying to just eat lettuce or carrots (Meaning a healthy diet).
The switch from bad food to very good food was just too hard and we failed each time.
We are going to stop huge portions gradually and get on the treadmill.
I talked to 2 guys about my age at work ( Mid 50’s) and they are both in great shape.
They both said the same “Portion control” and they both told me they eat everything but in small portions.
We are starting soon
Pat
Yes, "portion control" is certainly much more useful advice than just eating lettuce/carrots - did you mean that literally? A diet is not healthy without fat and protein 1 -
What is working for me: I started by honestly logging what I was eating, then making small healthier adjustments to that. Slowly my diet changed into something that is both sustainable for me and that I enjoy.1
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