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Congratulating undereating
scarlett_k
Posts: 812 Member
in Debate Club
This is entirely anecdotal but I wondered if anyone else had noticed this. I frequently see people commenting on friends' statuses congratulating them on under eating. Anything from a couple of hundred calories to half of their daily allowance is applauded. Yet meeting their goal or being slightly over is either ignored or sometimes even commiserated.
It seems there's a toxic mindset that prevails on MFP friends feeds despite the forums largely being on the side of encouraging people to eat as much as they can while still losing weight (that's generally the feeling I get anyway, perhaps your mileage may vary.)
Any insight why there seems to be such a juxtaposition between the general feeling from the boards and "friends" comments? Or am I just imagining this?
Of course the person may or may not actually be undereating (e.g. I have my calories set to maintenance and eat a varying small deficit or at maintenance at the moment), but it's the comments that irk me.
It seems there's a toxic mindset that prevails on MFP friends feeds despite the forums largely being on the side of encouraging people to eat as much as they can while still losing weight (that's generally the feeling I get anyway, perhaps your mileage may vary.)
Any insight why there seems to be such a juxtaposition between the general feeling from the boards and "friends" comments? Or am I just imagining this?
Of course the person may or may not actually be undereating (e.g. I have my calories set to maintenance and eat a varying small deficit or at maintenance at the moment), but it's the comments that irk me.
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Replies
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I haven't seen it.
I see many more comments on the community boards by people expressing concern when someone reports 800 or 1000 calories a day.
But maybe my friends aren't your friends4 -
I was under the impression that simply being under the calorie goal was being congratulated, but I must say I haven't paid that much attention. I wonder how many people actually look at someone's diary (to see how much they were under) before commenting on/liking their post saying they stayed under their calorie goal ?
I honestly refrain from commenting on these posts, because without knowing what weight loss rate they have selected (or knowing their overall amount of calories for the week) it's impossible to know if someone is doing well or not.1 -
Because there's a segment of users on this site that certainly behave as if they have eating disorders (though obviously none of us can diagnose via the internet). Any health and fitness community is going to have a corner or two tainted with ana/mia content at minimum. Mods are good about shutting down VLCD discussion and things like that but they're here.6
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Guess I haven't noticed it either? Now I'm sure it'll be one more thing I'll obsess about looking for.
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Well, the feed isn't moderated, so that's one thing.
The other thing is that it just says, "So-and-so completed her Food diary and was under her goal" so people just click "Like" because, yeah, that's the main goal of most people - to be under and lose weight.
With that said, there is a lot of eating disorder folks on this site and many of them stay off the forums. If it bothers you, why not just unfriend them?6 -
When I would complete my diary and have that post to my feed, I noticed I got more likes and congratulatory comments if it "was under my calorie goal." I've since turned that setting off, so it isn't shared to my feed, though I do like the little bit of satisfaction from clicking "complete" every day so I still do it. I definitely think there's some disordered thinking that hangs around sites like this, but in that case I think it's perhaps a bit of a false dichotomy - thinking that under the calorie goal means sticking to the plan, while going over means off plan. Even on days I'm over that line, I'm still averaging at the deficit I want, and "over" is generally 50-100 calories, not hundreds or thousands.
I have a hunch like @Lietchi that people aren't actually looking at the diaries. I don't have a ton of friends but I don't generally look at their diaries even if I could; I just don't have the time or inclination to do so. I would if they asked for help or if I suspected something fishy based on their other feed posts, but other than that I'm not going to check. I often go on a "like" spree with my feed where I just want to let people know that they aren't posting into the void and that their efforts are seen and noticed. But maybe I should be more selective about which posts I'm hitting that for, if I suspect something might be amiss. I'm just not as much into using that social aspect of MFP and prefer the forums instead.7 -
I was under the impression that simply being under the calorie goal was being congratulated, but I must say I haven't paid that much attention. I wonder how many people actually look at someone's diary (to see how much they were under) before commenting on/liking their post saying they stayed under their calorie goal ?
I honestly refrain from commenting on these posts, because without knowing what weight loss rate they have selected (or knowing their overall amount of calories for the week) it's impossible to know if someone is doing well or not.
I think it is largely this, the newsfeed item that gets posted is "XXXXX completed their diary for the day and was under their calorie goal" so unless you look at their diary you dont know by exactly how much.
Furthermore, there are alot of great users on the forums, but I dont think that is actually a good representation of users overall. Most of the frequent flyers on the forums are more deeply interested in diet and fitness subjects and have been interested in learning and discussing. I dont know the exact stats, but I suspect forum users are only a small fraction of the people actually using MFP, I would guess a large percent of the user base is largely uneducated or just doesnt pay enough attention to what they are really seeing (ie wouldn't open the diary fo more info)6 -
cmriverside wrote: »
With that said, there is a lot of eating disorder folks on this site and many of them stay off the forums. If it bothers you, why not just unfriend them?
Aditionally, if you suspect another member of having an eating disorder you can also report it (through private message) to one of the staff memembers and they can look into it. Thats nova, betty, or durden at this time, but an updated list can always be found here: https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10028709/meet-our-community-team#latest
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Yeah, that ^^ 4legs.0
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Unfortunately a LOT of people still subscribe to the 'I have to eat rabbit food to lose weight' style of dieting where eating as little as possible is a good thing.
I have found that engaging with people and talking about the dangers of very low calorie goals helps sometimes... it's been 50/50 whether people want to learn more or call you mean for showing concern. :laugh:7 -
For me when I look at my newsfeed all I see is 'completed their diary today and was under their goal' or 'completed their diary today'. I'm not clicking in to their diary. I don't now what their goal is set at. I just go clicking like buttons or saying 'yay' and carry on. I should probably pay more attention, but I also I'm probably not going to.
Another aspect of not looking at what their logging is that I don't know what their goal is and even if I'm staring at the number, I don't know how they got to that number or how common whatever number I'm seeing on a given day actually is.
That said I see a lot of people doing the 1200 or under things on the forum and when/if I notice it on my newsfeed I tend to ignore, or eventually unfriend if I remember i have a newsfeed for longer than the 30 seconds it takes me to click through some like buttons.
But I don't really engage with that aspect of mfp. The communities are where I engage. and HERE I talk to people a lot and scream loudly about not giving up things you really love or radically undereating and sustainability and slower loss.
**ETA:** Yeah, reading the rest of this thread pretty much what everyone said. I'm not looking at diaries. So I don't know if they ate 2500 calories to be under, or 1000.1 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »I was under the impression that simply being under the calorie goal was being congratulated, but I must say I haven't paid that much attention. I wonder how many people actually look at someone's diary (to see how much they were under) before commenting on/liking their post saying they stayed under their calorie goal ?
I honestly refrain from commenting on these posts, because without knowing what weight loss rate they have selected (or knowing their overall amount of calories for the week) it's impossible to know if someone is doing well or not.
I think it is largely this, the newsfeed item that gets posted is "XXXXX completed their diary for the day and was under their calorie goal" so unless you look at their diary you dont know by exactly how much.
Furthermore, there are alot of great users on the forums, but I dont think that is actually a good representation of users overall. Most of the frequent flyers on the forums are more deeply interested in diet and fitness subjects and have been interested in learning and discussing. I dont know the exact stats, but I suspect forum users are only a small fraction of the people actually using MFP, I would guess a large percent of the user base is largely uneducated or just doesnt pay enough attention to what they are really seeing (ie wouldn't open the diary fo more info)
Ah that's an interesting take. I always look at people's diaries as I'm interested and sometimes like talking about what people ate that day (as in "ooh what's that that sounds interesting rather than being judgemental!). I generally remove people if they lock their diaries as I don't see the point of having "friends" with no content to interact with.3 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »
With that said, there is a lot of eating disorder folks on this site and many of them stay off the forums. If it bothers you, why not just unfriend them?
Aditionally, if you suspect another member of having an eating disorder you can also report it (through private message) to one of the staff memembers and they can look into it. Thats nova, betty, or durden at this time, but an updated list can always be found here: https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10028709/meet-our-community-team#latest
What about alcohol abuse? Certainly seen a few people with serious problems. I suspect that doesn't fall into their remit sadly.4 -
cmriverside wrote: »Well, the feed isn't moderated, so that's one thing.
The other thing is that it just says, "So-and-so completed her Food diary and was under her goal" so people just click "Like" because, yeah, that's the main goal of most people - to be under and lose weight.
With that said, there is a lot of eating disorder folks on this site and many of them stay off the forums. If it bothers you, why not just unfriend them?
It's the comments of friends of friends that bother me really, I suppose, so I can't really unfriend someone not on my list. How I wish for a block button! I suppose it's the whole toxic undercurrent that irks me bit clearly I'm in the minority of people who actually enjoy nosing at others' food diaries.3 -
scarlett_k wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »I was under the impression that simply being under the calorie goal was being congratulated, but I must say I haven't paid that much attention. I wonder how many people actually look at someone's diary (to see how much they were under) before commenting on/liking their post saying they stayed under their calorie goal ?
I honestly refrain from commenting on these posts, because without knowing what weight loss rate they have selected (or knowing their overall amount of calories for the week) it's impossible to know if someone is doing well or not.
I think it is largely this, the newsfeed item that gets posted is "XXXXX completed their diary for the day and was under their calorie goal" so unless you look at their diary you dont know by exactly how much.
Furthermore, there are alot of great users on the forums, but I dont think that is actually a good representation of users overall. Most of the frequent flyers on the forums are more deeply interested in diet and fitness subjects and have been interested in learning and discussing. I dont know the exact stats, but I suspect forum users are only a small fraction of the people actually using MFP, I would guess a large percent of the user base is largely uneducated or just doesnt pay enough attention to what they are really seeing (ie wouldn't open the diary fo more info)
Ah that's an interesting take. I always look at people's diaries as I'm interested and sometimes like talking about what people ate that day (as in "ooh what's that that sounds interesting rather than being judgemental!). I generally remove people if they lock their diaries as I don't see the point of having "friends" with no content to interact with.
I mean. People talk on the newsfeed about their lives. There's content there, it's just not food related content. It's life stuff and workout stuff.
But I also have a disclaimer on my profile saying I don't really care about/pay attention to that aspect of MFP. I think it's one of those 'find what you want to be'. I just don't think it's very fair to say that people who don't have open diaires don't have content to interact with.1 -
wunderkindking wrote: »scarlett_k wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »I was under the impression that simply being under the calorie goal was being congratulated, but I must say I haven't paid that much attention. I wonder how many people actually look at someone's diary (to see how much they were under) before commenting on/liking their post saying they stayed under their calorie goal ?
I honestly refrain from commenting on these posts, because without knowing what weight loss rate they have selected (or knowing their overall amount of calories for the week) it's impossible to know if someone is doing well or not.
I think it is largely this, the newsfeed item that gets posted is "XXXXX completed their diary for the day and was under their calorie goal" so unless you look at their diary you dont know by exactly how much.
Furthermore, there are alot of great users on the forums, but I dont think that is actually a good representation of users overall. Most of the frequent flyers on the forums are more deeply interested in diet and fitness subjects and have been interested in learning and discussing. I dont know the exact stats, but I suspect forum users are only a small fraction of the people actually using MFP, I would guess a large percent of the user base is largely uneducated or just doesnt pay enough attention to what they are really seeing (ie wouldn't open the diary fo more info)
Ah that's an interesting take. I always look at people's diaries as I'm interested and sometimes like talking about what people ate that day (as in "ooh what's that that sounds interesting rather than being judgemental!). I generally remove people if they lock their diaries as I don't see the point of having "friends" with no content to interact with.
I mean. People talk on the newsfeed about their lives. There's content there, it's just not food related content. It's life stuff and workout stuff.
But I also have a disclaimer on my profile saying I don't really care about/pay attention to that aspect of MFP. I think it's one of those 'find what you want to be'. I just don't think it's very fair to say that people who don't have open diaires don't have content to interact with.
I get plenty of friend requests from people with closed diaries who post absolutely nothing. I suppose I'm just not that into people posting about their lives, I'm just interested in their diet and progress really.2 -
I haven't really ever paid much attention to the newsfeed part of this app honestly. Part of that may be that, regardless of comments in the forums, many people interpret the calorie goal as a LIMIT, not a GOAL --- therefore think the purpose is to give you a number to stay UNDER rather than a number to aim to HIT.
Same reason there are a lot of people asking, "I'm eating 1200 calories per day, so why aren't I losing weight"...and then basically recoiling when it's suggested to simply eat more. It seems counterintuitive (even though if you actually learn more, it's not). People are also obsessing over the scale moving up a 1lb....so they don't want to be able to directly correlate that increase in weight to them eating at or above their calorie goal.2 -
cmriverside wrote: »Well, the feed isn't moderated, so that's one thing.
The other thing is that it just says, "So-and-so completed her Food diary and was under her goal" so people just click "Like" because, yeah, that's the main goal of most people - to be under and lose weight.
With that said, there is a lot of eating disorder folks on this site and many of them stay off the forums. If it bothers you, why not just unfriend them?
Mostly this; it never states how far under their goal they are for me. I feel it's the same with friends on my list. They "like" when I'm under my goal for the day, but I also have a lot of cool people who simply like it when you complete your diary even if you are over because it shows consistency (something that's important for sustainable weight loss).
I think it might depend on the friends you have on your list?0 -
@scarlett_k I'm glad you brought this up. I don't really understand why that statement is even there. It has an effect on me personally when I see it on my own news feed. I agree with you that it seems to be congratulating undereating.
That being said, I understand what others are saying about not knowing someone else's goals. I don't really pay much attention when it says it about my friends. I'm talking about my own diary and goals. I have to step back from the urge to always be under the goal. It can become a self destructive situation for me because I react negatively when I am NOT under my goal.
I know I could stop completing my diary but, I do find inspiration from the what you could weigh in five weeks message.1 -
@scarlett_k I'm glad you brought this up. I don't really understand why that statement is even there. It has an effect on me personally when I see it on my own news feed. I agree with you that it seems to be congratulating undereating.
That being said, I understand what others are saying about not knowing someone else's goals. I don't really pay much attention when it says it about my friends. I'm talking about my own diary and goals. I have to step back from the urge to always be under the goal. It can become a self destructive situation for me because I react negatively when I am NOT under my goal.
I know I could stop completing my diary but, I do find inspiration from the what you could weigh in five weeks message.
I actually have this.
My solution was to raise my limit manually. I know roughly where I need to be, but I need to NOT see red because my brain hates it. So my 'calorie limit' on MFP is actually higher than it 'should' be. That is the primary reason that 99.9% of the time my diary is 'under my limit for the day'.
Because I made the limit too high.
(This trick would nooooooooooooot work for most people)5 -
I think there's a particular group of people on any weight management site who use the program to track their undereating in an attempt to lose weight fast. For instance, I suspect some people who post threads about not eating back exercise calories and still losing too slowly just find like-minded friends when the forum explains that's not how MFP works. I also think a lot of people aren't aware that friends of friends can see their comments.
I'm basing this guess on my experience with WW years ago. At that time you were given a number of daily points (TDEE) to spend, and then some weekly points that you could spend any time you liked, but were intended to be used by the end of the week. It was made very clear that those points were part of your goal and should be eaten.
There was an accountability thread on one of the boards that was specific to people who don't eat back the weekly points, and wow, some of those people racked up an impressive amount of exercise while under-eating. Lots of complaints about hunger and back-sliding, with people encouraging each other to hang in.2 -
wunderkindking wrote: »@scarlett_k I'm glad you brought this up. I don't really understand why that statement is even there. It has an effect on me personally when I see it on my own news feed. I agree with you that it seems to be congratulating undereating.
That being said, I understand what others are saying about not knowing someone else's goals. I don't really pay much attention when it says it about my friends. I'm talking about my own diary and goals. I have to step back from the urge to always be under the goal. It can become a self destructive situation for me because I react negatively when I am NOT under my goal.
I know I could stop completing my diary but, I do find inspiration from the what you could weigh in five weeks message.
I actually have this.
My solution was to raise my limit manually. I know roughly where I need to be, but I need to NOT see red because my brain hates it. So my 'calorie limit' on MFP is actually higher than it 'should' be. That is the primary reason that 99.9% of the time my diary is 'under my limit for the day'.
Because I made the limit too high.
(This trick would nooooooooooooot work for most people)
Heh!
I'm the exact opposite: my limit is as low as I think is safe, then I eat slightly over it most days. I'm not a huge fan of the red numbers, but I will eat every calorie up to that line, so I need it to be quite low.
There are a couple of ways the messaging might be better for me: I don't so much have a single calorie goal, but rather a range. So a way to set a range and get a reassuring message for that would be great.
Alternatively, the positive message of "under their goal" might be better if it was "met their calorie goals today". and appeared for anyone within 10% of their goal - thus rewarding people who kept close to their target, rather than undereating.
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I was under the impression that simply being under the calorie goal was being congratulated, but I must say I haven't paid that much attention. I wonder how many people actually look at someone's diary (to see how much they were under) before commenting on/liking their post saying they stayed under their calorie goal ?
I honestly refrain from commenting on these posts, because without knowing what weight loss rate they have selected (or knowing their overall amount of calories for the week) it's impossible to know if someone is doing well or not.
I used to have two under-eaters in my friends list that I unfollowed because their undereating AND getting congratulations for it was triggering me. I do think a lot of the "Good jobs" were from people who didn't know their history and didn't realize they were undereating. But if they'd bothered to read the comments from both the posters and their friends who were attempting to discourage the undereating it would have been obvious.
The discussions here on the forums are more insightful and thoughtful, so that's where I spend my time.3 -
wunderkindking wrote: »@scarlett_k I'm glad you brought this up. I don't really understand why that statement is even there. It has an effect on me personally when I see it on my own news feed. I agree with you that it seems to be congratulating undereating.
That being said, I understand what others are saying about not knowing someone else's goals. I don't really pay much attention when it says it about my friends. I'm talking about my own diary and goals. I have to step back from the urge to always be under the goal. It can become a self destructive situation for me because I react negatively when I am NOT under my goal.
I know I could stop completing my diary but, I do find inspiration from the what you could weigh in five weeks message.
I actually have this.
My solution was to raise my limit manually. I know roughly where I need to be, but I need to NOT see red because my brain hates it. So my 'calorie limit' on MFP is actually higher than it 'should' be. That is the primary reason that 99.9% of the time my diary is 'under my limit for the day'.
Because I made the limit too high.
(This trick would nooooooooooooot work for most people)
This is what I did when I first started, except with (probably) a narrower range. I felt like I was being scolded if over, but obviously I couldn't hit it exactly every day, so I added 50 cals to my goal and would eat within that range most days (plus exercise).1 -
wunderkindking wrote: »@scarlett_k I'm glad you brought this up. I don't really understand why that statement is even there. It has an effect on me personally when I see it on my own news feed. I agree with you that it seems to be congratulating undereating.
That being said, I understand what others are saying about not knowing someone else's goals. I don't really pay much attention when it says it about my friends. I'm talking about my own diary and goals. I have to step back from the urge to always be under the goal. It can become a self destructive situation for me because I react negatively when I am NOT under my goal.
I know I could stop completing my diary but, I do find inspiration from the what you could weigh in five weeks message.
I actually have this.
My solution was to raise my limit manually. I know roughly where I need to be, but I need to NOT see red because my brain hates it. So my 'calorie limit' on MFP is actually higher than it 'should' be. That is the primary reason that 99.9% of the time my diary is 'under my limit for the day'.
Because I made the limit too high.
(This trick would nooooooooooooot work for most people)
This is what I did when I first started, except with (probably) a narrower range. I felt like I was being scolded if over, but obviously I couldn't hit it exactly every day, so I added 50 cals to my goal and would eat within that range most days (plus exercise).
Sometimes that red seemed so angry 😀 so I set mine to maintenance and whatever number left in the pretty green is my deficit.4 -
wunderkindking wrote: »@scarlett_k I'm glad you brought this up. I don't really understand why that statement is even there. It has an effect on me personally when I see it on my own news feed. I agree with you that it seems to be congratulating undereating.
That being said, I understand what others are saying about not knowing someone else's goals. I don't really pay much attention when it says it about my friends. I'm talking about my own diary and goals. I have to step back from the urge to always be under the goal. It can become a self destructive situation for me because I react negatively when I am NOT under my goal.
I know I could stop completing my diary but, I do find inspiration from the what you could weigh in five weeks message.
I actually have this.
My solution was to raise my limit manually. I know roughly where I need to be, but I need to NOT see red because my brain hates it. So my 'calorie limit' on MFP is actually higher than it 'should' be. That is the primary reason that 99.9% of the time my diary is 'under my limit for the day'.
Because I made the limit too high.
(This trick would nooooooooooooot work for most people)
This is what I did when I first started, except with (probably) a narrower range. I felt like I was being scolded if over, but obviously I couldn't hit it exactly every day, so I added 50 cals to my goal and would eat within that range most days (plus exercise).
Sometimes that red seemed so angry 😀 so I set mine to maintenance and whatever number left in the pretty green is my deficit.
Yeah when I was trying to lose I set to maintain and just ate between 1200 calories (rarely) and up to maintenance calories and called it good.
Now I'm trying less hard to lose (I need to lose maybe 3lbs at this point, could go up to 8 but absolutely no more) so I'm set about 150 calories above maintenance for my normal activity level and let exercise create my deficit (I am not a crazy exerciser).
Either way, my GOD there's gonna be green in my end of day profile to save me 'red corrections on your math test' flashbacks!2 -
I took it to mean they stuck to their calorie goal. It could be by 1 calorie or 50 calories. I don’t usually pay much attention to how many but I figured sticking to your calorie goal is a good thing. I don’t assume they are drastically under eating and I’m not congratulating drastically under eating.2
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wunderkindking wrote: »wunderkindking wrote: »@scarlett_k I'm glad you brought this up. I don't really understand why that statement is even there. It has an effect on me personally when I see it on my own news feed. I agree with you that it seems to be congratulating undereating.
That being said, I understand what others are saying about not knowing someone else's goals. I don't really pay much attention when it says it about my friends. I'm talking about my own diary and goals. I have to step back from the urge to always be under the goal. It can become a self destructive situation for me because I react negatively when I am NOT under my goal.
I know I could stop completing my diary but, I do find inspiration from the what you could weigh in five weeks message.
I actually have this.
My solution was to raise my limit manually. I know roughly where I need to be, but I need to NOT see red because my brain hates it. So my 'calorie limit' on MFP is actually higher than it 'should' be. That is the primary reason that 99.9% of the time my diary is 'under my limit for the day'.
Because I made the limit too high.
(This trick would nooooooooooooot work for most people)
This is what I did when I first started, except with (probably) a narrower range. I felt like I was being scolded if over, but obviously I couldn't hit it exactly every day, so I added 50 cals to my goal and would eat within that range most days (plus exercise).
Sometimes that red seemed so angry 😀 so I set mine to maintenance and whatever number left in the pretty green is my deficit.
Yeah when I was trying to lose I set to maintain and just ate between 1200 calories (rarely) and up to maintenance calories and called it good.
Now I'm trying less hard to lose (I need to lose maybe 3lbs at this point, could go up to 8 but absolutely no more) so I'm set about 150 calories above maintenance for my normal activity level and let exercise create my deficit (I am not a crazy exerciser).
Either way, my GOD there's gonna be green in my end of day profile to save me 'red corrections on your math test' flashbacks!
This is interesting... I do the majority of my food logging thru the app (it's just easier for me that way) and the app doesn't do the 'RED' negative values any more - when you go over, it's black and bold. Still green for staying under the value but no more red.
As to the OP, in my case, I know the friends that I have pretty well (we have been friends here for years) and none of them have been the type to under-eat, so I just click like and move on. I did have a couple for awhile who were going under and with those folks I did make comments about how many calories they were missing and encouraged them to eat to the limit. Sadly, those folks have long since gone inactive or dropped off the radar.1 -
wunderkindking wrote: »For me when I look at my newsfeed all I see is 'completed their diary today and was under their goal' or 'completed their diary today'. I'm not clicking in to their diary. I don't now what their goal is set at. I just go clicking like buttons or saying 'yay' and carry on. I should probably pay more attention, but I also I'm probably not going to.
This exactly. I don't look at anyone's food diaries so I'm mainly applauding their commitment to logging, not caring whether they're under or over. My own diary isn't viewable and my goal isn't weight loss anyway. Although sometimes I've looked at my total and I've got one green calorie left and I do chuckle to myself a little "oooh, I'll get an 'under' for this one".
I've always joked that it would be more personally meaningful if my feed said "ythannah met her protein goal today" instead of reporting on the calorie count.2 -
I used to read diaries pretty often when I was first here, and comment, including sometimes when I was concerned that the person was eating consistently too few calories or extremely poor nutrition. Often, that didn't go well.
Eventually I concluded that I really didn't have enough information to judge (though one can learn a lot just from the eating/exercise log), and that the people who were willing to consider such comments were a minority, and for that matter were somewhat more likely to be people who had considered their strategy already and had reasons for what they were doing (such as under medical supervision, on prescribed surgical prep diet, etc.).
Others got offended, hurt, angry. Not worth it.
I have sometimes seen what you're talking about, @scarlett_k, over in friend/timeline-ville : Looks like some people collect a little cluster of fangirls (almost always see this among women, sorry), all of them encouraging each other to unhealthy calorie self-denial (and sometimes lots of exercise) in pursuit of faster loss. Ugh.
Even here in the forums, we get posts that make it clear that some poster thinks support is positive comments, and *only* positive comments, about what a person is doing: That concerns (even factual disagreements about nutrition or the like) are just people being mean. I think that attitude's even more common in the "friends" setting, that belief that friends only say nice things . . . to one's face, anyway.
These days, I usually take a quick look at someone's diary when they FR me (I almost never send FRs myself), and if it looks like they eat interesting things I'll click on their diary-completion messages occasionally and see if they're eating something fun I'd like to learn about, ask a question or make a comment. The ones that look bad to me at first glance, now, I just mostly eye-roll and go on with life, ignore . . . unless they ask me something, or ask for feedback explicitly. (I try to be nice about it if critical, even though sweetness is not really my wheelhouse.)
I'm pretty sure I've had people delete me out of pique at comments, or over not approving of how I eat (or drink, occasionally). I rarely bother to delete anyone, unless they behave in reportably bad ways.2
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