How hitting my weight goal sucked!

kimspiree6601

I spent 5 years yoyo dieting. I'd get on track for a little while, lose a couple pounds, completely stop, repeat…..
Trying every diet, the good, the bad, the crazy.. The fad, the unhealthy, and of course all the good ones too. I've done all the MLMs, I've fallen for the “try this product today” 1-800 commercials, i've tried all the pills and shakes. I never stuck to anything long enough to see the progress I wanted, I wanted overnight results. And as soon as I’d start seeing results, that's when I would fall off the diet wagon. Nothing worked, and I hear people say that a lot. But in reality it's not that what I was doing wasn't working. The problem is that *I* wasn't putting in the work. I hadn't set my mind to it in a way to actually follow through.
Of course I wanted to lose weight. I hated the way I looked. I'd get embarrassed going places. Felt ashamed when I ate poorly. Try to get dressed up to go somewhere and end up crying in the bathroom, surrounded by a dozen outfits I'd tried on, because “nothing looks good on me”. I was so miserable ‘being fat’ that at the time I really did think I was fully committed, I was giving it my all. But knowing the effort I'm putting into it now, I simply wasn't. Until I was. I woke up one day towards the beginning of 2021, decided it was time to make a change (again) and that was that. I'd done it a hundred times, I got back in gear with dieting. Started making changes, and started losing again. (((What i did and my actual diet journey that time is another story that i'm happy to share this is just about that damn number)))
So, over all those years, with all the ups and downs and struggles. All the on and off dieting. All the weigh-ins, all the fads, all the tracking, all of the everything.. I had ONE GOAL. I had this number in my mind. Burned there… *This is my goal. I just have to get to this number. 20 more pounds until this number. 10 more pounds until this number* spending a crazy amount of time calculating- if i lose X pounds a week thats X pounds a month and i can hit that number by X day* This number was the end all, be all, the pillar of my success, THIS WAS MY FINISH LINE!
Then one morning, like the weight loss obsessed person I am, I went straight to the bathroom when I woke up, of course had to pee first, then hopped on the scale.. Right there in bold red was my magical number..
150. This was it, I hit my goal, finally after so long, I was done.. But wait... DONE?!?!? HOW CAN I BE DONE. Enter internal crisis mode!! What the hell do I do now? I've been focused on this number for a long time and it's here.. I look in the mirror… but.. This isn't the body I want.. What about this tummy roll… what about this pudgy bit at the top of my inner thighs.. What about all this flabby junk under my arm.. This can't possibly be right.. *kitten*…. I go sit down…. And there I am … crying, sad, disappointed, let down, pissed off, because I finally hit my weight goal. Crazy right? I'd spent years obsessed with that number, and when it came down to it and I got what I wanted I still wasn't happy with myself. After composing myself, I began the process of analyzing my reaction. I have a psychology degree for christ sake, i should be able to figure myself out.
The obvious issue was I put too much emphasis on that number, we (mostly) all set a number goal, which is fine and reasonable and a great thing to do. But we too often become obsessed with it. When you take into consideration the physical difference between a body builder that weighs 200lbs and a donut addict that weighs 200lbs.. Well body fat % is a *kitten* lol So it makes sense that while you can set a number goal, it absolutely isn't reasonable to think that # is where you will be happy. It's also just the simple thought of being done. If you work towards a specific goal for so long then achieve it, it can leave a sense of, well what do i do now.
So what's the point of my story.. Just to share. to maybe relate to someone who's been there. To offer you some insight. To tell you that those magical numbers we set for ourselves are just that.. Random numbers WE set for ourselves. To say, setting a lot of small goals may work better for some people than one main goal. To tell you that if you fall on and off and on and off and feel like you'll never actually get there.. You still can. To say you can try all the fad diets, and crash diets, and supplements and pills and none of them are a quick easy fix. There is no quick easy fix.. I hate the cheesy quotes “well your body didn't get this way in a month, you can't undo it in a month” blah blah.. I hate it, but it is true lol. Nothing you do or try is going to ‘work’ until you are in the right mindset for it to work. YOU have to do the ‘work’.
Since hitting my goal weight” i've continued to lose weight, but more slowly, what i'm really seeing now is loss of inches! I've switched my focus to making those actual “real lifestyle changes” everyones always going on about LOL. I'm eating real, healthy foods and I'm even actually starting to really enjoy exercising. But more importantly, I'm done focusing on a number and am just focusing on ME. I still weigh myself almost every day, but I have no weight goal. My goal is to simply be happy with myself, and I think that should be everyone's goal.

joanthemom8

You are so right! Although I still struggle with my own "certain number" on the scale, I have been focusing more on the idea of getting fit, avoiding injury and aging in a way that I can stay active (I'm old, lol). I'm 55 years old and I can't believe that after all these years I still deal with this. Hard to teach an old dog new tricks, but I am working on it, slowly and surely. Thank you for your post.

Alicia363sparkrefugee

You have Finish Line Syndrome - what now? I get the term from ONEKIDSMOM. Once an event is over, or a goal is achieved, it can be dangerous territory.
I've learned to celebrate the NSV's - Non Scale Victories. Can I walk faster? Can I walk further? Was I able to tighten a notch on my belt, even though the scale number hasn't changed?
Wishing you much success in your journey!

Sand_TIger

So true! Congratulations by the way on your hitting that number, but double congratulations on the insights you've gained. Those are the awesome part.

For the longest time I thought 150 would be a good number for me. Now that I've reached it I see it's still around 20 pounds too high and that's after building some muscle and such. I'm more fine boned than I thought! I also had an inflated idea of what a healthy weight was. Now for me it's a combination of weight and body fat percentage.

Btrflydog

Thanks for sharing your story. Congratulations not only on the weight loss but the lessons learned along the way.

RunsWithBees

I found that once I hit my goal weight I didn’t quite look like I thought I would, I felt like I looked “soft” and kinda jiggly. It took a couple of years for my skin to tighten up and smooth out and I continued to exercise and challenge myself with movement. It also took a few years of this but eventually I built a bit more muscle especially in my legs/bum and felt like I built up my body into the shape I wanted. I’ve been happy with my body for the past 7+ years of maintenance, goals are good but IMHO you have to look at it as a constant ongoing process, there is no finish line. Also, it takes some time (months?years?) for the brain to catch up and get used to looking at yourself at a different size too, brains can play tricks on us sometimes

grltaz

Oh my gosh. I needed to hear this today. Thanks !!

"Enter internal crisis mode!! What the hell do I do now? I've been focused on this number for a long time and it's here.. I look in the mirror… but.. This isn't the body I want.. What about this tummy roll… what about this pudgy bit at the top of my inner thighs.. What about all this flabby junk under my arm.. This can't possibly be right".

This is SOOOOOO true. Just because we meet 1 goal does mean there are no other goals we want to see. Sometimes, it just takes meeting that big goal to see what else we desire. I actually made it to 177, so close to my 150 i wanted and then thought (foolishly) that i was done. I knew what to do and I was "there". I gained a lot back and now that I am 60, it is harder. Still pushing though and probably will be until the good Lord takes me home. Thanks again. Good reminder.

justanotherloser007

You could try maintenance as your goal as you work on muscle to fat ratio. You just STARTED maintenance!! Congratulations!! Now you begin what Sand Tiger is talking about! Old book last chapter done. New book first chapter started.

wunderkindking

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201107/what-let-down#:~:text=The Dopamine Let-down: After,chosen or the community unappreciative. This is a thing I have experienced in other settings and contexts.

That said I was fixated on 150 as my goal. It was the top of healthy BMI for me. It... wasn't right. I've inched down another 18 or so pounds and it made a difference, but a big old lot of it was that I see other people clothed and me naked, too.

Ie: 150 on other women my height, wearing clothes, looks very different to me than I look, naked, looking at myself. Because of course it does. THE ROLLY SQUISHY BITS ARE ON DISPLAY FOR ME. And I'm not that critical of me.

amioc

You literally could be writing this about me!! Through the years of trying to loose weight I’ve done the same exact thing except get to my “goal number” It’s been going on for 7 years now and I’m 10lbs heavier then when I started 😩!! It’s all my fault but I still feel sorry for myself sometimes.
The only times I’ve got to my goal weight is if I’ve had a sick bug or sometimes due to anxiety but once I’m better it I’m back to square one in like 2 days!
Do you have any advice on how I can get to where you are now? Also what changes etc did you make ?

besshaile

Well - you sure achieved a stellar goal to hit that number - but how wonderful that you've been able to set new goals like inches or stamina. Truth is? I think what we get addicted to is reaching goals. And that's a good thing. I hope you have lots of fabulous goals to work towards now - because hey - you've shown yourself what a great achiever you are.

callsitlikeiseeit

wunderkindking wrote: »

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201107/what-let-down#:~:text=The Dopamine Let-down: After,chosen or the community unappreciative. This is a thing I have experienced in other settings and contexts.

That said I was fixated on 150 as my goal. It was the top of healthy BMI for me. It... wasn't right. I've inched down another 18 or so pounds and it made a difference, but a big old lot of it was that I see other people clothed and me naked, too.

Ie: 150 on other women my height, wearing clothes, looks very different to me than I look, naked, looking at myself. Because of course it does. THE ROLLY SQUISHY BITS ARE ON DISPLAY FOR ME. And I'm not that critical of me.

I have long said ... 'clothing hides a multitude of sins' (be they real or perceived) lol

Marillian

Mega congratulations on all of your success!! OMG, you must be able to hear the voices in my head, because what you wrote is exactly how I feel at this very moment. I've been on my weight loss journey for 5 years. I've managed to get rid of 76 pounds. At the beginning of the year, my loss was 92, and I was 8 pounds away from THE number. While that number isn't my final one, it's the goal I am focusing on. Whenever I get near that number, and I have so many times in the past 3 years, I begin to go into a bit of a panic and then self-sabotage. I've focused on that number for so damn long that I began thinking, what am I going to do when I hit my target weight? For all of my adult life, I've been on some kind of diet or weight loss plan. What will I do when I do hit my target weight?! My main issue right now is trying to get my head in gear and get back to what I need to do to get there. How do you keep that drive going for so long?

wunderkindking

Marillian wrote: »

Mega congratulations on all of your success!! OMG, you must be able to hear the voices in my head, because what you wrote is exactly how I feel at this very moment. I've been on my weight loss journey for 5 years. I've managed to get rid of 76 pounds. At the beginning of the year, my loss was 92, and I was 8 pounds away from THE number. While that number isn't my final one, it's the goal I am focusing on. Whenever I get near that number, and I have so many times in the past 3 years, I begin to go into a bit of a panic and then self-sabotage. I've focused on that number for so damn long that I began thinking, what am I going to do when I hit my target weight? For all of my adult life, I've been on some kind of diet or weight loss plan. What will I do when I do hit my target weight?! My main issue right now is trying to get my head in gear and get back to what I need to do to get there. How do you keep that drive going for so long?

I don't think anyone really does keep it going with drive for so long. I think at some point it has to fade away to the back of your mind and not be the focus of life or thoughts.

That means, ultimately, that you have to use the drive while you have it to really analyze what works and figure out how to get all those things you need to do to achieve the loss on autopilot.

I KNOW that sounds like some cliche or oft repeated and meaningless (until it sinks in) IT"S NOT A DIET IT"S A LIFESTYLE - but that... really is the crux of it. You HAVE to get cruise control set up so when you run out of drive (or gas or motivation) you can take your foot off the pedal and just keep coasting.

tina9572

wunderkindking wrote: »

I don't think anyone really does keep it going with drive for so long. I think at some point it has to fade away to the back of your mind and not be the focus of life or thoughts.

That means, ultimately, that you have to use the drive while you have it to really analyze what works and figure out how to get all those things you need to do to achieve the loss on autopilot.

I KNOW that sounds like some cliche or oft repeated and meaningless (until it sinks in) IT"S NOT A DIET IT"S A LIFESTYLE - but that... really is the crux of it. You HAVE to get cruise control set up so when you run out of drive (or gas or motivation) you can take your foot off the pedal and just keep coasting.

Great metaphor! So true

msapplek

I'd also like to add that we should also consider the toxicity of diet culture! Your description of following years of fad and crash diets, the predators of MLMs and other diet fixes, falling apart because clothes don't fit are very much a result of diet culture. Even tracking calories on MFP is a bit toxic and shouldn't be something we aspire to do for the rest of our lives.

Late last fall, my weight was one pound away from my lowest weight in high school! The scale showed that weight only once, and then I promptly went up 5lbs. I was half-heartedly trying to get down to that weight again for months, but I just didn't have the rigor to be that disciplined anymore.

Then over the summer, I was traveling for 5weeks, and gained another 10lbs, which was a shock (though, 7days a week of unlimited chips and 3-4 drinks every night can do that to a body). But since that weight gain, my menstrual cycle has been regular, which it was not for over half a year, which makes me think that I put my body under a lot of stress when it was at its lowest. And perhaps, my body is much healthier with this 10-15lb extra weight.

So I just want to say whether we look to the scale or lost inches as validation, I think the idea of smaller and skinnier is not always a good one, and definitely, smaller and skinnier does not necessarily equal to health, whether physical or mental. What we put our bodies and minds through in the name of smaller and skinnier feels unkind and oppressive.

TriShamelessly

Best wishes on continued success, however you might define that. For me, personally, it not so much the number on the scale but things that I am not able to do when I am heavier. I can be "fit" and do those same things regardless if I am +/- 10 pounds from a certain weight. But I no longer focus on the scale weight.

Sixteen_Tons

TriShamelessly wrote: »

Best wishes on continued success, however you might define that. For me, personally, it not so much the number on the scale but things that I am not able to do when I am heavier. I can be "fit" and do those same things regardless if I am +/- 10 pounds from a certain weight. But I no longer focus on the scale weight.

Testify brother! I know the number I want to hit, but, more importantly, I know the activities I want to be able to do.

Congrats kimspiree6601 it's a very tough row to hoe, & you did it! Now developing a lifestyle that makes it easy to maintain.

rheddmobile

Marillian wrote: »

Mega congratulations on all of your success!! OMG, you must be able to hear the voices in my head, because what you wrote is exactly how I feel at this very moment. I've been on my weight loss journey for 5 years. I've managed to get rid of 76 pounds. At the beginning of the year, my loss was 92, and I was 8 pounds away from THE number. While that number isn't my final one, it's the goal I am focusing on. Whenever I get near that number, and I have so many times in the past 3 years, I begin to go into a bit of a panic and then self-sabotage. I've focused on that number for so damn long that I began thinking, what am I going to do when I hit my target weight? For all of my adult life, I've been on some kind of diet or weight loss plan. What will I do when I do hit my target weight?! My main issue right now is trying to get my head in gear and get back to what I need to do to get there. How do you keep that drive going for so long?

The thing is, if you reach your goal weight and go right back to the way you used to eat, you will gain the weight right back, because that’s how you gained it in the first place! Not everyone is “on a diet” but everyone HAS a diet. Every person has to eat the right amount of food to sustain their body appropriately at a healthy level of activity. There is no after you get there, because there is no “there.” The finish line is your life.

So, you want to live a happy, healthy life, right? The key is building habits which make the things you have to do to be healthy also the things which are easy and pleasurable. In my case, maintaining a 125 lb weight loss for the 4th year so far, I eat chocolate flavored oatmeal with raspberries and almond butter and a bunch of other stuff to the tune of over 500 calories almost every day. It’s great for my blood sugar and what’s better is I wake up thinking, “Yay! It’s breakfast time!” Because I eat a big breakfast I don’t snack. It works beautifully for me. But it probably wouldn’t suit you, or anyone else reading this. Because you have your own things that give you joy. Figure them out and eat them, because your calories are too precious to spend on food that doesn’t give you joy. I like to run, I get angry now when I’m not allowed to run due to weather or time constraints. Running keeps me healthy and fit. And I love it. You might hate it. But you love something, find that something whatever it is, and do it.

rheddmobile

OP: I like your attitude towards your future goals, but don’t forget to celebrate the goal you reached, even if it turned out not to be your final goal. You did a thing! You set a goal, you made a plan, and you saw it through. You know now that you can do whatever you decide to do because you are awesome!

buddharivet

For 11 years, my goal was to get under 250 pounds. And I finally did it. March 13th 2021. So I found myself needing to reset my goals. I am 52, and at 250, I had lost 200 pounds, so I have quite the issue with loose abdominal skin. And I decided that my reward to myself for reaching 250 was going to be a consult with a plastic surgeon for skin removal surgery (can’t spell the actual name). And it turned out that I qualified for my insurance to pay for it right then and there, but the surgeon prefers for her patients to be within 30-50 pounds of their top “normal” BMI before she will perform the surgery. So, I got a new goal! 191 pounds, which is a BMI of 29.9, so that I would only be only 5 BMI points away from “normal”. With all of that said, I’m starting to feel pretty “normal” looking (except for my extra skin, it’s HUGE!) as I am. And I am currently at 227. Which is only 18 pounds away from her “50 pound” maximum of 209. think if I can get down to 209 and then have skin removal surgery (15-20 pound loss) I will be ready to start doing maintenance! I once had a PCP tell me that my ideal weight was actually 200 pounds, and that was at a time when I weighed 250 pounds, so I was reasonably close to 200. And I’ve always worn “big” sizes, and therefore felt “big”, but when I look at pictures of myself from high school and college Now, I looked totally normal. Except when I got down to 153. Then I looked emaciated. And I was in pretty good shape at the time. So those are Some of the pieces in my “it might not be best to weigh 159 (24.9 BMI)” puzzle. See, not everyone is necessarily suited to even fit into the BMI categories when they’re *not* a serious athlete. The last thing I wanted to mention was, someone brought up not being able to wrap your head around your weight loss and make it part of your psyche. I have absolutely experienced this! As soon as I got below 240, every time a doctors assistant (video visits) asked me how much I weighed, I had to look it up on my phone, or I would say something like, “320”. And they would be very confused as to how I had gained so much weight so fast. The number on the scale is Completely Not Real to me. I can’t comprehend it. I spent 16 years over 250 pounds, and most of it over 300. I can’t “get” it. But what are Real to me are the Non Scale Victories! Being able to comfortably cross my legs for the first time since 2004. Having my endocrinologist tell me that my type 2 diabetes is in remission (no meds, no symptoms for the last 6 months). Holding a dress up in my hands and thinking “ There is No Way in Hell that this thing is going to fit me!” And having it fit just fine. That stuff is real. And from what I have heard from everyone here, just because you hit your “magic number” on the scale, whatever it may end up being, that stuff Never Stops! There’s always room for improvement. Especially when you’re my age!