I spent 5 years yoyo dieting. I'd get on track for a little while, lose a couple pounds, completely stop, repeat…..
Trying every diet, the good, the bad, the crazy.. The fad, the unhealthy, and of course all the good ones too. I've done all the MLMs, I've fallen for the “try this product today” 1-800 commercials, i've tried all the pills and shakes. I never stuck to anything long enough to see the progress I wanted, I wanted overnight results. And as soon as I’d start seeing results, that's when I would fall off the diet wagon. Nothing worked, and I hear people say that a lot. But in reality it's not that what I was doing wasn't working. The problem is that *I* wasn't putting in the work. I hadn't set my mind to it in a way to actually follow through.
Of course I wanted to lose weight. I hated the way I looked. I'd get embarrassed going places. Felt ashamed when I ate poorly. Try to get dressed up to go somewhere and end up crying in the bathroom, surrounded by a dozen outfits I'd tried on, because “nothing looks good on me”. I was so miserable ‘being fat’ that at the time I really did think I was fully committed, I was giving it my all. But knowing the effort I'm putting into it now, I simply wasn't. Until I was. I woke up one day towards the beginning of 2021, decided it was time to make a change (again) and that was that. I'd done it a hundred times, I got back in gear with dieting. Started making changes, and started losing again. (((What i did and my actual diet journey that time is another story that i'm happy to share this is just about that damn number)))
So, over all those years, with all the ups and downs and struggles. All the on and off dieting. All the weigh-ins, all the fads, all the tracking, all of the everything.. I had ONE GOAL. I had this number in my mind. Burned there… *This is my goal. I just have to get to this number. 20 more pounds until this number. 10 more pounds until this number* spending a crazy amount of time calculating- if i lose X pounds a week thats X pounds a month and i can hit that number by X day* This number was the end all, be all, the pillar of my success, THIS WAS MY FINISH LINE!
Then one morning, like the weight loss obsessed person I am, I went straight to the bathroom when I woke up, of course had to pee first, then hopped on the scale.. Right there in bold red was my magical number..
150. This was it, I hit my goal, finally after so long, I was done.. But wait... DONE?!?!? HOW CAN I BE DONE. Enter internal crisis mode!! What the hell do I do now? I've been focused on this number for a long time and it's here.. I look in the mirror… but.. This isn't the body I want.. What about this tummy roll… what about this pudgy bit at the top of my inner thighs.. What about all this flabby junk under my arm.. This can't possibly be right.. *kitten*…. I go sit down…. And there I am … crying, sad, disappointed, let down, pissed off, because I finally hit my weight goal. Crazy right? I'd spent years obsessed with that number, and when it came down to it and I got what I wanted I still wasn't happy with myself. After composing myself, I began the process of analyzing my reaction. I have a psychology degree for christ sake, i should be able to figure myself out.
The obvious issue was I put too much emphasis on that number, we (mostly) all set a number goal, which is fine and reasonable and a great thing to do. But we too often become obsessed with it. When you take into consideration the physical difference between a body builder that weighs 200lbs and a donut addict that weighs 200lbs.. Well body fat % is a *kitten* lol So it makes sense that while you can set a number goal, it absolutely isn't reasonable to think that # is where you will be happy. It's also just the simple thought of being done. If you work towards a specific goal for so long then achieve it, it can leave a sense of, well what do i do now.
So what's the point of my story.. Just to share. to maybe relate to someone who's been there. To offer you some insight. To tell you that those magical numbers we set for ourselves are just that.. Random numbers WE set for ourselves. To say, setting a lot of small goals may work better for some people than one main goal. To tell you that if you fall on and off and on and off and feel like you'll never actually get there.. You still can. To say you can try all the fad diets, and crash diets, and supplements and pills and none of them are a quick easy fix. There is no quick easy fix.. I hate the cheesy quotes “well your body didn't get this way in a month, you can't undo it in a month” blah blah.. I hate it, but it is true lol. Nothing you do or try is going to ‘work’ until you are in the right mindset for it to work. YOU have to do the ‘work’.
Since hitting my goal weight” i've continued to lose weight, but more slowly, what i'm really seeing now is loss of inches! I've switched my focus to making those actual “real lifestyle changes” everyones always going on about LOL. I'm eating real, healthy foods and I'm even actually starting to really enjoy exercising. But more importantly, I'm done focusing on a number and am just focusing on ME. I still weigh myself almost every day, but I have no weight goal. My goal is to simply be happy with myself, and I think that should be everyone's goal.