Some of you may have seen my posts, and know I've lost a whole lot of weight.
But my story doesn't end there. It hasn't ended at all. I still have weight to lose, though not as much. And in other ways, a new story is just beginning.
Because of the joys of *starting* to get older (at 43? is that older, please tell me no!), or maybe it's genetics (I never liked my mother anyway), or maybe it's just the cosmic gods tormenting me... we will never really know, I've had a quite a few health issues this past year. Some have been chronic for years (such as my migraines), others are new developments- in an otherwise (weight aside) textbook healthy woman. My blood work and labs have been literally spot on perfect for at least the past 6 years. Some of the issues I've had... they've not yet found a REAL reason WHY. So... being a medical mystery is always fun. In any case, I am on daily meds for some things and others we treat as we need to- basically treating symptoms while trying to find the source.
As a result of the medications, my once (borderline almost TOO low) blood pressure is now in the normal range, but the high normal range. My resting heart rate, once in the low 50s, is still in the normal range but high for ME, and now in the mid 60s. For this reason, and the fact my meds have affected my appetite, and I generally can't eat much, earlier this year my doctor placed a 'cease and desist' order on all cardio for me, as it causes BOTH to skyrocket into dangerous territory. Even if it didn't, he fears I wouldnt be able to eat back enough calories.
Bear with me, I have a point to all this.
At my MONTHLY checkup and labs(yes, monthly) earlier this week, he gives consent for me to do STRENGTH TRAINING - still no cardio- but all the weights and strength training I want. This morning, I went and met with a trainer at a local gym. I'll spare all of the details, but we spent about two and a half hours between discussions and assessments of where I am.
And that assessment? Made me want to CRY. It was not that long ago that I could do an hour on the elliptical without even THINKING about it (no, he didnt try to have me do cardio, he knows my doctors orders and is following them lol). I literally had to FORCE myself not to get emotional over the fact my stamina and endurance for things that I thought should have been EASY were NOT.
Logically, I know the answer.
1- I basically have NOT worked out at ALL in over a year. I have LOST strength and muscle mass. I KNOW this. I KNEW this going in. Regaining that is one of my GOALS.
2- I am working muscles and muscle GROUPS I've never really WORKED before. not intentionally, in any case. of COURSE I can't do much! I am starting at square one. Just like the very first day I got on the elliptical... and could only last 4 minutes. I have to view this... like that.
Just as the elliptical got easier...this will too. I've paid for 12 sessions with this dude. 6 weeks. I am betting that money, that in 6 weeks... I will be able to do MORE than I was TODAY. and THAT will be a win.
SO.... when you, who have just started your weight loss journey for the first time, or maybe the 10th time, are feeling discouraged? Know that you are not alone. That there is someone out there, who lost more than twice what she currently weighs, has taken on a new challenge... and had her butt handed to her on a platter today. And fought back tears in front of a perfect stranger (I am NOT an emotional person. I am the QUEEN of compartmentalization! JUST ASK MY THERAPIST!) And even with that near emotional breakdown...she is NOT giving up. And she WILL be back at that gym Monday morning at 10 am. And she WILL have her butt handed to her again. And she'll go back Thursday morning. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
If there is one thing that I am.... it's stubborn.
And I bet you are, too.
Hang in there. It gets easier. Wash, rinse. repeat.