Confess.
gravaged2668
Posts: 12 Member
How did you eat at your worst? I'll start. This could be any given day in a time not that long ago.
Breakfast: Breakfast burrito at random drive though. Big one. I assume 1200 calories or more. Several cups of coffee with all the fixings.
Lunch: Fast Food Combo. Large with a Diet Coke and Sweet Potato fries if available. (Sweet potato fries are better for you right?)
Dinner: Brace yourselves. Chipotle burrito with extra rice and double chicken. The tortilla can't handle it? Bandage it up with a second tortilla. An order of steak tacos on flour tortillas. Large coke. Chips and Guac. Stop at another store and grab another 20oz coke for later and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Eat it all while watching whatever show is being currently binged.
It feels a little rough when I read it back to myself. Glad those days are over. Kind of.
Breakfast: Breakfast burrito at random drive though. Big one. I assume 1200 calories or more. Several cups of coffee with all the fixings.
Lunch: Fast Food Combo. Large with a Diet Coke and Sweet Potato fries if available. (Sweet potato fries are better for you right?)
Dinner: Brace yourselves. Chipotle burrito with extra rice and double chicken. The tortilla can't handle it? Bandage it up with a second tortilla. An order of steak tacos on flour tortillas. Large coke. Chips and Guac. Stop at another store and grab another 20oz coke for later and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Eat it all while watching whatever show is being currently binged.
It feels a little rough when I read it back to myself. Glad those days are over. Kind of.
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Replies
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For the most part, my diet for meals wasn't so bad. We cook at home and incorporate lots of fruits and veggies. My issue was portion control and binging on snacks out of boredom or stress. Some examples:
* eat a little piece of chocolate because I'm stressed... do it again an hour later... and again and again until a very large bar of chocolate was consumed in a day
* sitting to watch TV with a box of Triscutts and cream cheese... eat the entire box and half the container of cream cheese
* eating an entire bag of tortilla chips in one sitting (usually in front of TV or browsing internet)
I did all of these things pretty regularly and often over ate at dinner.9 -
Before I found this site, I was running an in-home daycare and lived alone. I bought stuff *for* the children. Ex. a box of graham crackers but they were lucky to have any(course never ate them plain so add peanut butter). I'd make pasta for lunch, munching my way through making lunch, then having lunch with them, then after they laid down for quiet time, I'd have a pb&j sandwich, or 2. I'd buy a half gallon of ice cream couple times a week. I'm the only one who ate it. I just ate constantly. And it wasn't even great stuff, just anything to keep stuffing my emotions down deeper. The only reason I had fruits and veggies in the house was because the state required certain amounts for daycare. So I ate those too.
Pasta, bread, crackers, ice cream, peanut butter, cheese, cookies, sugar, fat, oh my.
When I'm on the healthier path, I fill up on fruits, veggies, lite bread, peanut butter, 0% plain yogurt, some lean meat but not a lot, lite bread but not a lot, oatmeal. Such a difference.9 -
My big problem was not in the bulk of my food but what I added to my food - and missing protein.
TYPICAL DAY, THEN?
Breakfast: Coffee with 1/4 cup of cream and 2 sugars, plus 2 slices of toast with butter.
Lunch: 2 turkey sandwiches - couple of tbs of mayo + 2 ounces of turkey (between both...) some lettuce and tomato. Or 1 sandwich and salad with lots of veg, drowned in ranch.
Dinner : Steak or chicken + starch + green veg. Again... add lots and lots of butter to the starch and sometimes veg.
Snacks MOST days? Handful of chips, piece of cake, a brownie or a candy bar. Problem being I'd do that every 2 hours because I was missing tons of protein.
Typical Day Now?
Breakfast - Coffee, 1 cup of almond milk + stevia + Sugar free nesquick, 2 eggs, 3 pieces of turkey sausage, 1 piece of toast
Lunch: 2 turkey sandwiches. 4 ounces of meat per sandwich, mustard instead of mayo. If 1 sandwich and salad, sald gets dressed with some kind of light dressing or vinegar
Dinner: Protein source + starch + green veg. Butter only if the starch is a baked potato and measured. Otherwise more garlic and pepper.
Snacks: Exactly the same. Chips, cake, brownie, ice cream or candy bar.
I haven't really cut anything out of my diet wholesale. For a while I did reduced calorie bread and low fat dairy or whatever but I'm past the point of that being useful and raising my calories to maintenance adding that stuff back - just in lower amounts and less frequently.5 -
Yesterday I went to the drive through and decided to "treat myself" to a bagel with cream cheese and a hot chocolate (I usually eat scrambled eggs with spinach and green tea for breakfast now). When I went to log it it came out to 780 calories! I couldn't believe it and in the past I guess I would have thought nothing of eating that for breakfast.
But having said that I still eat "at my worst" sometimes. Most of my meals are healthy but I have trouble moderating snack foods like chips and chocolate.3 -
Breakfast I was usually good. A couple eggs, hash browns, toast/butter, either bacon or sausage & OJ. Around 800-900 calories. Lunch I may skip or eat a McDonalds double cheeseburger/FF with soda. Around 900 calories. Dinner could be anything I was in the mood for. Let's go with one of my favorites: Macaroni & Cheese, 2 hotdogs with buns and soda. Over 1400 calories. Just inputted all that in food diary just for fun: 3235 calories. Not to mention the chips I frequently ate. So a big difference from the 1450 calories I now consume!1
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At my 'worst', it was:
- cereal for breakfast or occasionally savory foods (dinner leftovers, crackers with hummus,...)
- bread with toppings, or dinner leftovers
- home-cooked meal - protein with vegetables (no starchy food, because "the calories", but my vegetables were doused in olive oil ) or occasionally a pasta dish
- a whole bag of Japanese rice crackers after dinner (200gr, probably 900 calories) or even potato chips (1000+ calories) while vegging out in front of the television all evening after work
- some fruit while watching TV with my BF before going to sleep
My diet wasn't that bad, but bad portion control/calorie awareness and too much snacking, while simultaneously elevating my couch potato-ness to an art form.
Biggest differences now: higher protein intake, more lean meats (less minced meat/sausages, less salami etc on my bread), way less olive oil with my vegetables, starches no longer 'forbidden' (risotto and potatoes fill me up for relatively few calories), snacks only according to how many calories I have left over and a way higher activity level.3 -
In 12 Step Programs this is called a drunkalog. Widely regarded to be unhelpful.6
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The difference between this thread and a "drunkalog" is that food isn't forbidden. We have to eat foods. I'm finding it quite insightful to see how small changes in diet can have huge impacts on calorie consumption and health. @wunderkindking 's response is a great example of how small changes to condiments can make a big difference.11
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wilson10102018 wrote: »In 12 Step Programs this is called a drunkalog. Widely regarded to be unhelpful.
Good thing this isn't a 12 Step Program. If this sends anyone running for the nearest Dairy Queen I'm sorry. I do however, think that the ability to be honest about the way things were or have been or might still be in contrast to the changes people are making is useful as a wake up call or a reminder of progress made.
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My diet overall was never really particularly horrible. I've never been one for huge portions as I don't enjoy being uncomfortably full. I've been lean and fit most of my life until I graduated college. At that point I went from being a very active person to working behind a desk. As diet goes, somewhere along the line I developed an affinity for sodas and could easily have 3-6 per day...I also developed quite the appetite for craft beer. I'd wager those things were where most of my excess calories came from. The only negative I can think of food wise was that I didn't eat nearly enough vegetables and fruits.
When I first started losing weight, all I did was cut out sodas and significantly reduced my craft beer consumption and started walking everyday...I lost a good 15-20 Lbs from that alone before I ever even heard of MFP.2 -
dralicephd wrote: »The difference between this thread and a "drunkalog" is that food isn't forbidden. We have to eat foods. I'm finding it quite insightful to see how small changes in diet can have huge impacts on calorie consumption and health. @wunderkindking 's response is a great example of how small changes to condiments can make a big difference.
Well, it isn't any big deal to me, but reveling in the debasing excesses of the past is not my idea of healthy dialogue. I'm also not a fan of hot dog eating contests. And, of course, there is nothing wrong or forbidden about alcohol.3 -
wilson10102018 wrote: »there is nothing wrong or forbidden about alcohol.
If you don't like this thread, that's fine. Different strokes for different folks and all that.7 -
First thing I thought of when seeing this thread:
My worst was in my 20's, pre-internet so it was harder to get good quality info on diet and exercise, not that I cared much then anyway. Just your typical eating too much at restaurants, too many large milkshakes from fast food places, too many cookies. I actually honestly believed too that the strawberry milk at Whole Foods was the same as regular milk health-wise.
One night I probably had 8K calories in a restaurant in one sitting, including many drinks, a large steak meal with an additional steak placed literally on top of the first steak, and a dessert so large the waiter claimed nobody ever finishes it, which I did finish. I remember it being the size of a large salad bowl, basically filled with all of their desserts at once: cakes, lots of ice cream, lots of cream, maltesers, and I was using a bar of chocolate in one hand to help shovel it all onto the spoon. It was a race against a friend, the kind of dumb thing we do at that age. He lost the race, because he went too fast at the start and ran out of steam, under-estimating how much dessert was there.3 -
Retroguy2000 wrote: »First thing I thought of when seeing this thread:
My worst was in my 20's, pre-internet so it was harder to get good quality info on diet and exercise, not that I cared much then anyway. Just your typical eating too much at restaurants, too many large milkshakes from fast food places, too many cookies. I actually honestly believed too that the strawberry milk at Whole Foods was the same as regular milk health-wise.
One night I probably had 8K calories in a restaurant in one sitting, including many drinks, a large steak meal with an additional steak placed literally on top of the first steak, and a dessert so large the waiter claimed nobody ever finishes it, which I did finish. I remember it being the size of a large salad bowl, basically filled with all of their desserts at once: cakes, lots of ice cream, lots of cream, maltesers, and I was using a bar of chocolate in one hand to help shovel it all onto the spoon. It was a race against a friend, the kind of dumb thing we do at that age. He lost the race, because he went too fast at the start and ran out of steam, under-estimating how much dessert was there.
That character hit me too. Lol
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dralicephd wrote: »wilson10102018 wrote: »there is nothing wrong or forbidden about alcohol.
If you don't like this thread, that's fine. Different strokes for different folks and all that.
Right.
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I'm in...
Every morning I would have a full breakfast.. nothing crazy.
Couple Eggs, couple bacon, couple toast, lots of butter.
Then on my way to work every day I would stop at Macdonalds and get
2 Sausage Egg Mcgriddles, or other sandwich combo, with 2 hashbrowns, and a coffee.
Then for Lunch I would take off to Tim Hortons, or a pizza place, or DQ etc.
Another 1200+ calories I figure of take your pick.
Then when work was done, I would drive home, then stop at another restaurant and get..
A whole supper, maybe 2 big macs, Large fry, with a Dessert for example.
Then Go home for Supper and not tell anyone I just ate supper. And eat...
The same sort of suppers I eat now, but larger portions and with Carb sides.
I Couldn't stop... I literally would feel like *kitten* until I got more food in me. I was so sugar addicted it was insane.
Oh and sometimes I would just stop and get a box of Ah caramel squares and eat all 8 packages in my car in the parking lot. Yahooo!
It doesn't take long to get to 500+ when you eat like that.
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I would say "generally" I prepared healthy meal options BUT.. and yes the BUT is the problem..
I would "snack" .. and snacks started as a few chips.. and graduated up to a whole bag in one sitting
Plus I often purchased a single serve lolly or chocolate, while in town doing errands, and eat that on the drive home.
I live with a household full of teenagers (who eat like food never existed before today) and a hubby who has much larger calorie needs than me, so I fell into the habit of eating similar portions to them.
In general, and overtime, these extra and unnecessary calories added up!!4 -
Breakfast: omelet made with lots of butter and olive oil (back when I could eat eggs), a large hummus and falafel sandwich with enough hummus to squeeze out of the sandwich (like at least 100 grams and 300+ calories worth), greek yogurt, or leftovers from yesterday's lunch.
Lunch: my main meal, mostly home-cooked, usually containing lots of oil (like fried then braised vegetables) or something on rice in large portions.
Dinner: usually lighter than other meals, but, again, lots of olive oil, like mature broad beans with oil, cumin, lemon juice, and tomatoes.
Snacks: every time I passed by the kitchen I would nibble on something. Fruits, vegetables, whatever is on the counter...etc, but mostly vegetables. I also snacked on lots of nuts while working or playing games. Nuts have always been and still are my achilles heel, that's why I rarely have them in the house now.
Occasionally, like once every 1-4 months I would get something delivered like pizza or McDonald's, and sometimes when I feel like it, I bought chips or chocolate, maybe once or twice every 1-2 weeks. In the summer when it's hot I bought ice cream, usually a single serving, usually a couple of times a week.
My main issue back then was eating frequency and calorie density because high fat foods in satisfying portions meant high calories. The first thing I noticed when I started logging is how much olive oil and generally high fat foods (that most people consider "healthy") I was eating, so that was the easiest place to start cutting down. Working on my habitual nibbling throughout the day was much harder. It's hard to look away when there are nut stuffed dates on the counter.3 -
wilson10102018 wrote: »dralicephd wrote: »The difference between this thread and a "drunkalog" is that food isn't forbidden. We have to eat foods. I'm finding it quite insightful to see how small changes in diet can have huge impacts on calorie consumption and health. @wunderkindking 's response is a great example of how small changes to condiments can make a big difference.
Well, it isn't any big deal to me, but reveling in the debasing excesses of the past is not my idea of healthy dialogue. I'm also not a fan of hot dog eating contests. And, of course, there is nothing wrong or forbidden about alcohol.
So you're participating in this dialogue.......why? Topic asked for confessions of prior eating habits. I think it's inspiring(TO ME) to look at the way I used to eat, compared to now, and see what I've learned, changes I've made and how I want to stay where I am going now. It reminds me to never go back there. It is what has pulled me away from my 2.5 months of emotional eating back to what I was doing before. I IMO don't think it's much different than gazing at before pictures or checking out the 'if it didn't have calories' thread.
But we're all entitled to our own opinions.
And as far as 'nothing wrong with alcohol' it's all in the moderation factor, as with everything else.
ETA: one more benefit I've found from reading stories such as the ones being posted, is that I realize I'm not alone in this struggle, this endeavor. When I was going through it, I felt like the most abnormal, strangest, greediest, sneakiest person out there. And it's always nice to see that you're not alone. Not strange after all, just need to do some work.11 -
really, i didnt eat that different as far as foods go at dinner. QUANTITIES were different, for sure, though. seconds or even thirds were normal. i was never one much for breakfast, so me not eating that very often has always been normal.
definitely more sodas (full calorie dr pepper, always)
definitely more sweets (unlimited quantities, at least it seems that way, now)
a lot more chips and empty calories and mindless eating/snacking during the day
add all that to little to no physical activity and that was how i reached almost 400 pounds.
it feels a lot better being 230 pounds lighter and a lot more active. Life is a lot more fun LOL
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@callsitlikeiseeit That's an amazing accomplishment!3
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@callsitlikeiseeit That's an amazing accomplishment!
im nothing if not stubborn LMAO
now its all habit. i couldnt eat the quantities i used to if i TRIED. it would make me sick.
still have a bit of weight to lose (about 30-40 pounds). working on that and training for my first spartan race this spring. that might kill me. it probably will. at least ill fit in a normal casket LMAO6 -
wilson10102018 wrote: »dralicephd wrote: »The difference between this thread and a "drunkalog" is that food isn't forbidden. We have to eat foods. I'm finding it quite insightful to see how small changes in diet can have huge impacts on calorie consumption and health. @wunderkindking 's response is a great example of how small changes to condiments can make a big difference.
Well, it isn't any big deal to me, but reveling in the debasing excesses of the past is not my idea of healthy dialogue. I'm also not a fan of hot dog eating contests. And, of course, there is nothing wrong or forbidden about alcohol.
not much amuses you......5 -
I recently did the math on the weight I’d regained over the last year, and it came down to an extra ~100c a day. Pretty surprising. I’d been beating myself up about how much of a glutton I must be. That’s just half of one granola bar per day. Not really an interesting confession.
But here’s the thing: I also started paying attention to my activity level by looking at my steps, and found that, most weekdays, I was getting MAYBE 500 steps a day. Frequently less. MFP was set to “not very active” and was still showing lots of negative calorie adjustments. I reach 0 adjustments at 1k steps. So I’m working on a daily walking habit to get up to an average of 5k steps, which gives the ~100c I needed. Still not “active”, but no longer completely immobile.
After a period of deficit to get to goal, I’m reassured that I won’t have to completely reinvent my eating habits. Just be attentive to my intake and move more, which I need to do for health anyway.
TL;DR: I confess to being a sloth, not a glutton.11 -
I recently did the math on the weight I’d regained over the last year, and it came down to an extra ~100c a day. Pretty surprising. I’d been beating myself up about how much of a glutton I must be. That’s just half of one granola bar per day. Not really an interesting confession.
But here’s the thing: I also started paying attention to my activity level by looking at my steps, and found that, most weekdays, I was getting MAYBE 500 steps a day. Frequently less. MFP was set to “not very active” and was still showing lots of negative calorie adjustments. I reach 0 adjustments at 1k steps. So I’m working on a daily walking habit to get up to an average of 5k steps, which gives the ~100c I needed. Still not “active”, but no longer completely immobile
After a period of deficit to get to goal, I’m reassured that I won’t have to completely reinvent my eating habits. Just be attentive to my intake and move more, which I need to do for health anyway.
TL;DR: I confess to being a sloth, not a glutton.
it wouldnt surprise me if thats about what my steps were back then. now my average (on a normal lazy day) is 4-5000 but thats because we live on a farm and even on a lazy day, at a minimum, I have to feed and water the livestock. back then, with my ex, i did NOT live on a farm and have those types of chores.
now if my husband is home to do those chores and i can get away with NOT helping (and guilt wont really let me not help, at least at night).... you can halve that. but thats really really rare. maybe one day every couple of months.1 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »wilson10102018 wrote: »dralicephd wrote: »The difference between this thread and a "drunkalog" is that food isn't forbidden. We have to eat foods. I'm finding it quite insightful to see how small changes in diet can have huge impacts on calorie consumption and health. @wunderkindking 's response is a great example of how small changes to condiments can make a big difference.
Well, it isn't any big deal to me, but reveling in the debasing excesses of the past is not my idea of healthy dialogue. I'm also not a fan of hot dog eating contests. And, of course, there is nothing wrong or forbidden about alcohol.
not much amuses you......
Its funny that you say that. My principal problem is guilt for how lucky I am and have been. I can't think of anything in my life I want for or would even change. I love this program and I love dieting and counting calories. From day 1 I've lost weight exactly as planned, now 72 pounds down to 170. Maintained without gain for two years. My graph has no peaks and valleys, only a nice gentle slope and a two year plateau.
And, my only sadness is having to stand by and see others in pain, and frustration. A drunkalog is the manifestation of that pain. Let's call it a "bingealog" as relates to compulsive eating. Would you think that a person recovering from obsessive sexual fantasies would benefit from recounting the fantasies of the past to laypersons in a forum?2 -
wilson10102018 wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »wilson10102018 wrote: »dralicephd wrote: »The difference between this thread and a "drunkalog" is that food isn't forbidden. We have to eat foods. I'm finding it quite insightful to see how small changes in diet can have huge impacts on calorie consumption and health. @wunderkindking 's response is a great example of how small changes to condiments can make a big difference.
Well, it isn't any big deal to me, but reveling in the debasing excesses of the past is not my idea of healthy dialogue. I'm also not a fan of hot dog eating contests. And, of course, there is nothing wrong or forbidden about alcohol.
not much amuses you......
Its funny that you say that. My principal problem is guilt for how lucky I am and have been. I can't think of anything in my life I want for or would even change. I love this program and I love dieting and counting calories. From day 1 I've lost weight exactly as planned, now 72 pounds down to 170. Maintained without gain for two years. My graph has no peaks and valleys, only a nice gentle slope and a two year plateau.
And, my only sadness is having to stand by and see others in pain, and frustration. A drunkalog is the manifestation of that pain. Let's call it a "bingealog" as relates to compulsive eating. Would you think that a person recovering from obsessive sexual fantasies would benefit from recounting the fantasies of the past to laypersons in a forum?
You may be looking at it too narrowly. There may be instances of people who view their past as something shameful that holds them back, but there are many who view it as a way to look forward to the future, even if they didn't like their past self much.
For many people, looking back means looking forward. Recognizing what habits lead to outcomes that don't align with current goals and what changes helped get closer to said goals helps keep these changes in mind. This is part of managing current food intake for many people.
You don't "quit" food, so learning as much as you can about your eating habits and how to make weight management easier based on your experience is part of it. It's not the same as the strict and clear lines of abstinence where you're comparing a past with alcohol to a present with no alcohol, eliminating the entire thing from your life.
Moreover, and this is just me and how I feel, complacency and feeling satisfied with what I'm doing as if the past me didn't exist blind me to potential pitfalls and setbacks. I also feel it's unfair to the past me to deny my own existence and actions which felt right at the time, just like my current actions feel right. Personally, I don't look down on my previous eating habits and never hated my past morbidly obese self, even when I was morbidly obese. No, I haven't magically become a whole different person just because I lost weight, I am still me and I'm still prone to the same old habits and motivations that, if left unchecked, will lead to outcomes that don't align with my current goals, so it's something I need to keep an eye on.7 -
wilson10102018 wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »wilson10102018 wrote: »dralicephd wrote: »The difference between this thread and a "drunkalog" is that food isn't forbidden. We have to eat foods. I'm finding it quite insightful to see how small changes in diet can have huge impacts on calorie consumption and health. @wunderkindking 's response is a great example of how small changes to condiments can make a big difference.
Well, it isn't any big deal to me, but reveling in the debasing excesses of the past is not my idea of healthy dialogue. I'm also not a fan of hot dog eating contests. And, of course, there is nothing wrong or forbidden about alcohol.
not much amuses you......
Its funny that you say that. My principal problem is guilt for how lucky I am and have been. I can't think of anything in my life I want for or would even change. I love this program and I love dieting and counting calories. From day 1 I've lost weight exactly as planned, now 72 pounds down to 170. Maintained without gain for two years. My graph has no peaks and valleys, only a nice gentle slope and a two year plateau.
And, my only sadness is having to stand by and see others in pain, and frustration. A drunkalog is the manifestation of that pain. Let's call it a "bingealog" as relates to compulsive eating. Would you think that a person recovering from obsessive sexual fantasies would benefit from recounting the fantasies of the past to laypersons in a forum?
i cant speak to obsessive sexual fantasies (where the ever loving eff did THAT come from) but having been in a 20 year long SEVERELY abusive marriage, i CAN tell you I LEARNED from THOSE mistakes (as in the TYPE of person he was and the red flags given LONG before i married him), and have no problem discussing and reflecting on those mistakes, just as I have no problem looking back on the mistakes I made which resulted in severe weight gain (you could probably say they were tied up together, my therapist certainly would). If you do not LEARN from your past, the saying goes and the historian in me will agree, you are doomed to repeat it.
In any case, I dont know that any of us are SAD on this thread. Maybe sad for how we treated our bodies. I am certain we ALL wish we could eat whatever we want and not gain weight LOL meet my husband. he's one of those mother effers who CAN (lord I hate him for it LOLOL) but... he also never sits still. never. ever ever ever. he makes speedy gonzales look lazy LMAO
In short, I think you may be projecting your OWN feelings about food and your previous eating habits on everyone else on this thread, and if the topic bothers you, perhaps you should not read and follow it.12 -
I. I think if you are someone who can equate how you used to eat with obsessive sexual fantasies you are an outlier in some regard and would benefit from some psychological, professional, assistance regarding intrusive thoughts. Some people have those. Not everyone does.
For me this is a thread of 'I learned things'.
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My worst was during my doctorate because I worked 16 hour days including weekends, had no time to cook and no access to a fridge at the hospital. The hospital cafeteria was gross and way too expensive for my broke *kitten*, and there were no stores or restaurants nearby, and even if there were, I didn't have so much as 10 minutes in my day to go find food.
So I would bring non-perishables like granola bars, but mostly lived on endless coffee with a ton of cream in it just to get calories and stave off gut rot, and then get home exhausted and inhale an entire frozen pizza and drink wine until I fell asleep. Repeat for a few years.
Everyone in the program gained a ton of weight except for the ones who abused Adderall, or the ones who still lived with their parents who made them balanced meals and sent them to school with sandwiches.
Even then, we all looked like total dumpster fires by the end of it. No one came out looking nearly as healthy as they started, but it was a matter of survival, we did our best, so no shame here.3
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