Confess.
Replies
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There are two periods in my life that I would consider the worst. One is when I would try to diet to lose some weight, and either restricted too severely or just wasn't eating the right kind of things to keep me satiated for longer periods. This lead to some pretty serious binges--to the point of extreme nausea and sometimes trying to make myself vomit (which never worked due to my fear of vomiting). Some of my favorite things to binge on were trail mix and those frosted animal cookies with pink frosting. Thinking about them now more than 20 years later still makes me feel a bit nauseous. However, once I got going I could binge on a lot of different stuff. If I was bingeing on sweet stuff, I might switch to salty/savory foods mod-binge.
The 2nd time was in college. I ate a lot of junk and just didn't care. That's probably a pretty typical pattern though, but because I already had a bit of a weight problem, I think my moderation of those foods was even worse than your typical college student and the freshman 15. I barely ate anything nutritious--like sleeves of saltines with tons of peanut butter was a typical meal, or ordering an equivalent of DW's blizzard from the local I've cream place and having it delivered, or cheese sticks upon cheese sticks with ranch dressing.
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I had tea or coffee for breakfast.
And then I would get deep into a project.
And I would forget to eat. Then I would become ravenous, and stuff myself with whatever was available. Thereby overeating.
This was my typical day for decades.2 -
I don't remember, really. And that was part of the problem. If foods I liked (even kind of) presented themselves, I tended to eat them. Food is tasty, I like pleasure, y'know? If you'd asked me on Wednesday to list the things I'd eaten on Tuesday, I would've have had mildly limited ability to do that.
Mostly, I eat the same foods now (in maintenance) that I ate when when I was class 1 obese, just in different portion sizes, proportions, and frequencies. Probably a few things have dropped out of my eating completely, or nearly so, as not worth their calories, but not dramatically many.wilson10102018 wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »wilson10102018 wrote: »dralicephd wrote: »The difference between this thread and a "drunkalog" is that food isn't forbidden. We have to eat foods. I'm finding it quite insightful to see how small changes in diet can have huge impacts on calorie consumption and health. @wunderkindking 's response is a great example of how small changes to condiments can make a big difference.
Well, it isn't any big deal to me, but reveling in the debasing excesses of the past is not my idea of healthy dialogue. I'm also not a fan of hot dog eating contests. And, of course, there is nothing wrong or forbidden about alcohol.
not much amuses you......
Its funny that you say that. My principal problem is guilt for how lucky I am and have been. I can't think of anything in my life I want for or would even change. I love this program and I love dieting and counting calories. From day 1 I've lost weight exactly as planned, now 72 pounds down to 170. Maintained without gain for two years. My graph has no peaks and valleys, only a nice gentle slope and a two year plateau.
And, my only sadness is having to stand by and see others in pain, and frustration. A drunkalog is the manifestation of that pain. Let's call it a "bingealog" as relates to compulsive eating. Would you think that a person recovering from obsessive sexual fantasies would benefit from recounting the fantasies of the past to laypersons in a forum?
I think that's kind of ridiculous, as a (supposedly) general observation. Eating 100 calories over maintenance daily, on average, is 10 pounds gain per year. That's easy. A lot of us do it that way, approximately. Add in a tendency to have less active jobs, less active hobbies/lifestyles as we age, and weight gain happens. Similar effect, if we've grown up in families where overweight was the norm, so overeating seems normal.
Certainly, pain, frustration, compulsion, binging is a thing for some. Maybe it was a thing for you? It's not how all of us got fat. Various low-drama lifestyles will result in excess weight, given some time.
Like you, I love counting calories. It lets me maximize pleasure within minimizing negative side effects. While I can't claim the level-line maintenance of extreme angelic virtue, I've been at a healthy weight (normal BMI) for 6+ years, and am around BMI 20-21 these days. Close enough.6 -
I've been on and off MFP for years (and my weight has reflected that). This time I really wanted to do things differently so that I could keep the weight off for good. To that end, I decided to check these message boards for the first time.Eating 100 calories over maintenance daily, on average, is 10 pounds gain per year. That's easy. A lot of us do it that way...
Understanding this simple concept has been a true light bulb moment for me. I've seen this expressed in a few other threads, but it is really highlighted here. Seeing how many people in this thread gained weight because of really small changes (and therefore lost weight by reversing those small changes!) has been a light bulb moment.
It's such a testament to how wrong our diet culture gets it. You don't have to starve yourself or workout for hours every day. Over time, small changes can and really do lead to big results.
I'm thankful for this thread.
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I've stayed out of this thread, and really haven't read past the OP, because it didn't feel like a healthy place for me. I don't want to think of what I eat as a sin that needs to be "confessed." But I came across this article that seemed relevant, and thought I would post it. Make of it what you will.
https://www.thelily.com/tiktoks-what-i-eat-in-a-day-trend-can-be-harmful-heres-why/2 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »I've stayed out of this thread, and really haven't read past the OP, because it didn't feel like a healthy place for me. I don't want to think of what I eat as a sin that needs to be "confessed." But I came across this article that seemed relevant, and thought I would post it. Make of it what you will.
https://www.thelily.com/tiktoks-what-i-eat-in-a-day-trend-can-be-harmful-heres-why/
I'll agree that 'confess' sounds quite bad, but I think most of the people replying are taking it in a 'this is what I've learned'/'how far I've come' kind of way.
I don't think we're doing anything similar to what is talked about in that article, but I'll admit to not being easily triggered, with regards to food anyway - I can imagine that some people would prefer to stay away from these kinds of topics.5 -
right? if i were triggered easily, I wouldnt be able to go to the grocery store, or see my husband sit down and scarf down a bag of chips or tub of ice cream. In even more practical terms, I wouldnt be able to moderate the portion sizes of the junk foods I eat (because I do eat them, regularly).
I don't personally believe that total avoidance of an item or topic is a successful coping mechanism for long term healing or success in any matter. But that is years of therapy and weight loss success talking
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^^^^ She said it perfectly5
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Focus on the things you want more of. Talk about it, fantasize about it, brag about it as so many above have done. You'll get more of it. You don't have to have shame or regret but if you put it in the preset moment, it is your priority.
I usually tell my divorced buddies, "let's not talk about her anymore - good bad or indifferent." I think that is good advice too.2 -
I think that looking back for me, helps me. I remember how I used to eat, how mindlessly I would go back for 2nds and not even think about it. I ate pretty normally, just more than what my body was capable of handling and staying slim. Add in that I stopped being active and worked at a desk job where the most walking I did was to the printer and back (5 feet if that) and to the restroom. So because of this thread, I was able to remember how I used to be. And the changes I've made since then. It's been very therapeutic for me, and reading everyone else' "confessions" has also helped me to see that I wasn't the only one who ate like that.
An alcoholic in a 12 step program, looking back like this might trigger them. But that would be because even one drink could send them back into a spiral of drinking again. We still have to eat. I eat what I did before for the most part, just not as much. Looking back at how I ate, makes me proud of how far I've come, and gives me strength to continue on with the rest of my journey. Because if I've made it this far, it's no sweat in being able to keep going.3 -
At my 'worst' included anxiety that was out of control turning into depression for ~7-9 months. Do not recommend.
I would get up (say to myself I can't wait until I get back home and can get back into bed), shower, get dressed, go to work, work, on the way home I'd stop and get fast food and binge. I wouldn't eat all day so rationalized that meant I could eat a lot in one sitting once I got home. I can remember a meal I ate often was ~2100 calories. That, on top of literally no activity other than binging Netflix/Youtube lead to quite a bit of weight gain.
I can definitely eat 2100 (or even more) calories in a day now but I am FAR more active and have lost ~30lbs. Crazy. Hindsight is better though. At the time I knew I was not OK...but looking back I was really really really not OK.8 -
westrich20940 wrote: »At my 'worst' included anxiety that was out of control turning into depression for ~7-9 months. Do not recommend.
I would get up (say to myself I can't wait until I get back home and can get back into bed), shower, get dressed, go to work, work, on the way home I'd stop and get fast food and binge. I wouldn't eat all day so rationalized that meant I could eat a lot in one sitting once I got home. I can remember a meal I ate often was ~2100 calories. That, on top of literally no activity other than binging Netflix/Youtube lead to quite a bit of weight gain.
I can definitely eat 2100 (or even more) calories in a day now but I am FAR more active and have lost ~30lbs. Crazy. Hindsight is better though. At the time I knew I was not OK...but looking back I was really really really not OK.
The anxiety and depression is so tough. It's crazy how you can look back and think, "How did I not see how bad it was?".
I've got a good routine going on right now that has allowed me to be successful for the last 4 months. However, I'm still working from home and my time is really my own to manage the stress as I need to. I return to work in January and I'm apprehensive about how this will change things for me. I'm really going to have to be mindful about how I manage the stress, so I don't fall into those same bad habits (stress eating, not sleeping well, etc.).2 -
It helps me to share my story of how I used to eat and how much I used to struggle. It helps remind me how far I've come even though I still struggle with overeating at times and reinforces that I don't want to get back to that place and that I have the tools not to do so. Although I don't liken myself to an addict, I do know that some recovering addicts find it helpful to share their "bottoms" with others.6
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I've thought about starting a thread like this because I think it would be interesting to see how people ate before vs how they eat now so thanks, op!
During the week I'd eat some kind of sugary cereal for breakfast, went to fast food places and got things like crispy chicken sandwichs or hamburgers, fries, diet coke (I jokingly say the lack of calories in the diet coke counteract the calories in everything else but it was more that I grew up on diet drinks and didn't really like the sugary ones), and probably a piece of pie or I'd stop off at the donut shop and get a couple donuts to eat afterwards.
Dinner was usually some sort of frozen meal or two bricks of top ramen or a big bowl of pasta with butter and parmesean cheese because I always got caught up in talking to people online and I'd suddenly look at the clock and it would be midnight and I figured I should eat something.
Weekends were when I'd order in and frequently ate a small cheese pizza or chicken fried rice or chow mein and ribs from the chinese place or OHMYGOD ROMANO BREAD PUFFS from Numero Uno.
And fast food.
And lots of donuts and pastries and candy bars.3 -
I find this thread really interesting.
I never had an eating pattern when I was nearly 250lbs - I just ate.
I ate and ate and rarely stopped unless I was asleep.
It was totally mindless - every day I would have a slice of cake at work - sometimes 2 that I later realised had around 600 calories per slice.
It would be eaten in 2 minutes flat.
I would have my meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner in huge portions and snack constantly between meals.
Some of the food I was eating was pretty healthy - but the calorie content and portion size was out of control!
I used to put cheese, mayo and butter on everything.
I'd eat fast food maybe twice a week.
Then because I hated my job at that time - I would get home and drink wine - often lots of it!
Then I would eat late at night to not be hungover for work, sleep badly and inevitably be hungover the next day and the cycle would continue.
I used to sometimes log calories and I could reach 4000 calories a day easily.
The difference now is - I don't mindlessly snack, I don't drink midweek, I plan meals and practice IF.
Oh and I no longer have the soul crushing job that made me fat and miserable 😊
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dralicephd wrote: »I've been on and off MFP for years (and my weight has reflected that). This time I really wanted to do things differently so that I could keep the weight off for good. To that end, I decided to check these message boards for the first time.Eating 100 calories over maintenance daily, on average, is 10 pounds gain per year. That's easy. A lot of us do it that way...
Understanding this simple concept has been a true light bulb moment for me. I've seen this expressed in a few other threads, but it is really highlighted here. Seeing how many people in this thread gained weight because of really small changes (and therefore lost weight by reversing those small changes!) has been a light bulb moment.
It's such a testament to how wrong our diet culture gets it. You don't have to starve yourself or workout for hours every day. Over time, small changes can and really do lead to big results.
I'm thankful for this thread.
Yep, I told my story of gaining weight during a brutal program where I starved all day and then binged at night when I got home, but I only gained just over 1lb per month, so it's not like I was eating much of an excess in calories, it's just that it was consistent for 4 years and added up to over 65lbs.
Then I lost it, slowly, over 4 years and lost 72lbs.
In both directions, it was just minor, sustained changes that made the difference between being lean and being obese. Time was the biggest factor.5 -
Y’all are amateurs. To this day I don’t know how I wasn’t many hundred pounds.
I started my morning with a trip to publix to get three or four cinnamon twist donuts, a warm loaf of white mountain bread (“ma’am it’s too hot to slice” “that’s ok” - because I’ll be tearing off chunks on the drive to work), a family size bag of M&Ms, and a big Lindt type chocolate bar or two. Sometimes I’d get a box of chocolate covered Entenmann’s donuts and a couple of varieties of Little Debbie’s along with my candy- oatmeal pies (oatmeal being healthy, right?), and Nutty Bars or Swiss Rolls
oh and I might get a family size bag of Doritos or Salt n’Vinegar chips if I was craving salt on top of sweets
If it was Cadbury’s crispy Easter or Xmas candy season, it was a bonus. Loved those crispy shells with a passion
I’d eat ALL of it at work, along with several Cokes, and fast food for lunch, Popeyes all white meal being the favorite, along with an apple pie or two.
I’d stop at Publix again on the way home and pick up a carrot cake bar or a key lime pie, more candy, and come home and make dinner. Id usually eat 1/2 the cake or pie. Didn’t want my husband to see me eating the whole thing although I thought nothing of eating the candy in front of him and the kids, him being diabetic and them probably too afraid to ask me for any in case I lost control and ate them, too.
The day after Christmas/Halloween/Easter was a highlight. Half price candy, you know.
I calculated once that I easily ate well over 10,000 calories a day.
it was boredom, frustration, greed, gluttony, lots of stuff rolled into one, which turned into a madness for carbs and sugar.
My husband has no idea of the amount I put away, and he witnessed a lot
even now there’s no off switch. Our daughter is visiting from overseas and I asked her to bring me some Christmas specialties. She gave them to me this morning and I’ve already polished off a pack of chocolates and almost a whole sack of glazed gingerbread.
I feel stinking sick, too.
Nowadays I usually savor what I eat, but can still get into this mode where it’s not about tasting or enjoying, but about putting hand to mouth, hand to mouth, whadya mean it’s empty?
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I feel so connected to you right now.
Except for the carrot cake part because ew. I would just scrape off the cream cheese frosting and toss the cake part out.
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yeah. And I forgot the Breyers Mint chocolate chip, too. Half a container, easy. The ice cream was simply a carrier for the chips.
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The worst I remember eating—
breakfast—skipped it
lunch—carrot sticks and raw broccoli (because I love it, not a diet)
after school — half a ham sandwich
supper— 6 oz lean meat, 1/2 a baked potato, or equivalent mashed potatoes, some kind of vegetable, salad with no dressing(again, because I like it that way, still do, not a diet)
so why was I so heavy? 3 full sugar 3-liter cokes a day and almost no sleep. No restful sleep.
i definitely don’t recommend it.
I make myself eat now. And I drink a lot of water.
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Spring's post has reminded me of one of the hedonistic behaviors that contributed to my weight gain: Fun with sensory-specific satiety. Eat a sweet thing. Want a salty thing. Eat a salty thing. Want a sweet thing. Eat a sweet thing. Repeat way, way too many times.
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I can relate so strongly to this! I ate "healthy" overall but there were these days, and that was especially the case in social gatherings and holiday meals (more like holiday buffets, mom goes overboard).
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I relate so much to Spring's post! Not with the amount of calories, but there were days I was probably close! I wasn't much of a cake/donut type of person, but would have it at times. But candy, chips and definitely soda at least twice a day, were part of my daily consumption. I didn't add those up previously, but I could see it adding at least another 500 calories.
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I have never felt so distanced from you. 😋
Mint? Ew. Double ew! 😀
I remember when they came out with the american idol birthday cake flavor ice cream. Me and the half gallon container in front of my computer...it disappeared awfully fast.
Or pints of Ben & Jerry's health bar crunch or chocolate chip cookie dough. One pint was one serving.
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During my University days...I would buy a huge bag of trail mix and/or 'yogurt' covered raisins and polish off either bag while staying up all night writing papers...
I also remember having an entire sleeve of saltine crackers with ranch dressing and sliced cucumbers for dinner...🤨 I also remember eating a huge bowl of seasoned rice for dinner too (usually when I was waiting for my next pay day...'starving student' syndrome lol)
For breakfast I'd go to the University food court and get a bran muffin (cause I thought they were a healthy choice lol!) and a diet coke.
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Oh god...so bad. On a really bad day: breakfast was an everything bagel with butter, two sausage patties, cherry tomatos, maybe some hashbrowns. lunch was whatever I could get my hands on and dinner I would have a healthy meal but then have dinner part two and order delivery from somewhere at like 9 or 10pm then have chips, dessert, and wine. So glad to have broken that cycle but need to remember where I came from. I ate everything and anything!4
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I was at my heaviest in high school. I don't remember much, but I do recall hiding food and would eat the better part of an entire carrot cake with a friend and then trash it after a day or two to hide the evidence. Or an entire bag of Tostitos. Those were my vices- Carrot cake and Tostitos.
One time the dog found the carrot cake under my bed.
My worst eating pattern, though, was probably in my early 20's. I was a healthy weight, but eternally trying to reduce. I would "be good" (i.e. starve) M-F then totally binge on weekends. My rock bottom was fishing chocolate snack bars out of the closet where my roommate stashed weeks upon weeks of Nutrisystem that she never ate. God, those were awful. I can see why she never ate it.
Also, those were in the good ol' fat-is-bad days, and I ate little to no meat (to avoid the fat, naturally). So my diet was almost entirely carbs. Not balanced at all. And I suffered from atopic dermatitis like nobody's business. Funny how my skin totally healed when I had enough fat in my diet.
All of that was when tracking intake was a lot more cumbersome. It involved looking up foods in books and writing intake down on paper with a pencil. I used a lot of artistic license in those days. Lied to myself a lot. Lots of things (like the gargantuan muffins at my company lobby shop) were "100 calories." Yeah, right.
Weighing and logging everything I eat... is it a touch disordered for someone in maintenance a couple decades? I'll cop to that, actually. Maybe it is. But it is hella less disordered than I used to be and the least disordered in my adulthood so far, so I'm just gonna work with that. The online calorie counting tools make it sooooo much easier. Easier for me, anyway, than guessing and watching the scale to find out I guessed wrong. I often say on here if I found an easier way to manage my intake I would do that instead. I just haven't found anything else as effective for me that takes less effort.
I don't know what a drunkalog is, but that was cathartic. Thanks.9 -
I'm reading some of these. There was a time when I was addicted to McDonalds cheeseburger, fries and coke. Since I started a year ago (a year with Vida), I now plan my crap food time. Now, I plan every day what I am going to eat. But yes, I still have within a month either a burger, fries and coke or pizza. But now it is once a month.3
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I'm have been doing substitute teaching for over ten years now. I could drink four chocolate or strawberry milks at lunchtime. That is 600 calories right there - and each one 24 carbs. I ate too. One good thing about the pandemic is the schools were closed. That took away that addiction. I now buy sugar free chocolate syrup (and the taste for chocolate milk is good).3
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Maybe Sunday's after playing Basketball for 2 hours I discovered 5 guys burgers and fries. Double cheeseburger with bacon, regular fries that is enormous and about 350 calories in ketchup alone. Stop at publix for pint of cookie dough ice cream, but I just played basketball so it was fine...🍔😉5
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