I'm lost...

amandaeve

Hi there everyone!
I'm sitting here after eating myself to the point of sickness for the past 2 days while wearing my "fat pants" that somehow also got too tight. I want to get out of this rut, and I figure my brain should focus on one thing, and take it one day at a time. But what do I focus on? I'm staring at all these apps, podcasts, meditations, charts, journals, blogs, trackers, and now again, mfp. I'm feeling overwhelmed. What do you think?

Should I focus on improving my mood, because depression makes me disregard my goals in the moment and eating satiates my emotions? Should I focus on my sleep because eating helps me stay awake when I'm nodding off? Should I focus on the hunger scale because it's simple and helped me get to peak fitness in 2018? Should I focus on tracking because that's what helped me lose 85 pounds back in 2006? Should I focus on ignoring my overeating because I'm stressed and maybe I shouldn't be pressuring myself? Should I focus on exercise, because that helps my mood, sleep, and stress, even though I have been stuffing my face after recent workouts and the fullness has been the main thing derailing my workouts for the past 4 months?

Here's a little background on me. I am diagnosed with recurrent major depression, so I tend to have low self esteem and naturally make choices that hurt me. I am diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia, which means I feel like I haven't slept for days, fall asleep spontaneously from feeling exhausted, even though I am actually sleeping really well. I have always been physically active. I gained too much weight after college and successfully lost 85 pounds in 2006. Since then, I lose and gain the same 15 pounds every few years. Most recently I've been gaining ever since my home town burned down and management changed at work in a bad way, both Oct. 2020. I'm lucky that all the changes with COVID haven't negatively impacted me. I don't care so much if I lose weight, but I have a big bike ride coming up and I am trying to train for it. But I am eating so much that I'm losing my gains by putting on weight (weight impacts FTP, Vo2max, etc.). Help and advice appreciated. Thank you all.

Xellercin

Are you currently in therapy to manage your condition? I would start there.

AnnPT77

I agree that reaching out to your medical/therapy team is the right answer. We random idiots on the internet are not likely to be much use, honestly, I'm sorry to say.

The one observation I have is that you've listed a lot of options, and it seems like maybe you're maybe ruminating on them in circles. Until you can get a real solution rolling, one silly but practical thing might be to start . . . anywhere, rather than circling.

For example, take a look at your 2nd paragraph in your post. That's a list of options. Center it on your screen. Take a pointy pencil or equivalent. Close your eyes. Put the pencil point on the screen. Open your eyes.

Whichever "should I focus on" item the pencil is closest to: Do it. Do it now, or as soon as humanly possible. And reach out to your support team, for sure.

AnnPT77

I agree that reaching out to your medical/therapy team is the right answer. We random idiots on the internet are not likely to be much use, honestly, I'm sorry to say.

The one observation I have is that you've listed a lot of options, and it seems like maybe you're maybe ruminating on them in circles. Until you can get a real solution rolling, one silly but practical thing might be to start . . . anywhere, rather than circling.

For example, take a look at your 2nd paragraph in your post. That's a list of options. Center it on your screen. Take a pointy pencil or equivalent. Close your eyes. Put the pencil point on the screen. Open your eyes.

Whichever "should I focus on" item the pencil is closest to: Do it. Do it now, or as soon as humanly possible. And reach out to your support team, for sure.

westrich20940

I agree with what's already been said but can offer a couple more pieces of advice depending on what you are currently doing.

1. Go for a walk - outside - every day that you can. Doesn't have to be fast, long, or strenuous. Just get out in the sun/fresh air. This should help to get you a bit more active and also help with some of your depression (not all of it and continue to seek professional treatment for that).
2. Don't focus on rehauling your entire diet or doing calorie restriction, etc. Add something to what you are eating that will help you. So - if you just ate a lot of what you would consider 'unhealthy' food....add some fruit or fresh veggies to that.

Sending good vibes.