Do you get fed up of constantly feeling not good enough because of weight?

moss11

Just dawned on me today that for more than 50 years of my life, I have felt (second class) because I am not the size I ought to be. Never been massively overweight usually one and a half to two stone over. Constantly thinking, why can't I just eat without feeling guilty, or how are all these people slim and I'm not. 50 years, of trying and the only time I properly lost weight was when a family member was very ill and I lost my appetite.
Do we all feel like this or is it just me?

NYPhotographer2021

moss11 wrote: »

Just dawned on me today that for more than 50 years of my life, I have felt (second class) because I am not the size I ought to be. Never been massively overweight usually one and a half to two stone over. Constantly thinking, why can't I just eat without feeling guilty, or how are all these people slim and I'm not. 50 years, of trying and the only time I properly lost weight was when a family member was very ill and I lost my appetite.
Do we all feel like this or is it just me?

Hugs. I feel like that also sometimes. I finally learned to just love myself, my body. It has carried me through many storms in my life and is still strong, albeit a bit bigger than I'd like. But that is going down. But I'm doing it for me, for my health. I'm too old to care what others think of me now. Yes, it would be nice to appreciated for looks, but I'm really hoping I will be appreciated for what's inside more. And it sucks it took me this long to get to this place.

spiriteagle99

I have been physically active for over half my life, and proud of it, so even though I disliked the weight I would gain, then lose, then gain, then lose, I still was proud of the fact that my body could do the things that it could do. I looked at myself as a successful long distance hiker, not a fat person. Now I see myself as a runner, not just an old woman. I've never been beautiful or fashionable, but I have run 5 marathons, walked from Georgia to Maine and Mexico to Canada and Canada to Mexico. So what if I don't have a perfect body?

NYPhotographer2021

spiriteagle99 wrote: »

I have been physically active for over half my life, and proud of it, so even though I disliked the weight I would gain, then lose, then gain, then lose, I still was proud of the fact that my body could do the things that it could do. I looked at myself as a successful long distance hiker, not a fat person. Now I see myself as a runner, not just an old woman. I've never been beautiful or fashionable, but I have run 5 marathons, walked from Georgia to Maine and Mexico to Canada and Canada to Mexico. So what if I don't have a perfect body?

Beautifully stated!

moss11

Interesting responses thank you. Yes I am strong and do lots of things, so should be grateful of what I can do. Need to stop comparing and second guessing.

TxTiffani

moss11 wrote: »

Interesting responses thank you. Yes I am strong and do lots of things, so should be grateful of what I can do. Need to stop comparing and second guessing.

Ah yes, “comparison is the thief of joy”. I, too, get sucked into comparing and degrading myself. I’ve been a little mad that I wasted my younger years hating my body, but never sticking to it long enough to get to where I want to be.

I am working on my mindset, though, and I find that if I’m doing things each day to better myself, whether that be eating well or getting some exercise, I feel proud and hopeful rather than depressed, defeated, and disappointed. I WILL reach my goal this year and I’m making right decisions every single day that my future self will be proud of and thankful for!

ReenieHJ

Weird trait of mine and I hate it but I've always compared myself to others. Very sad and pathetic the way my brain used to work. I'd walk into a class room and look around to see if I was the largest one there. I have(or had) some serious deep-seated issues surrounding my size. Ever since I've gotten to within a "normal" size, I no longer do those particular things. But some days I still feel I don't measure up. There are always going to be things about ourselves we're not happy with; if it's not weight, it'll be hair, nose, hands, eyes, whatever. Well, if you're like me, there will be.

The problem with not feeling good about myself is it creates a bubble around me, one that projects lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes it even projects an aura of being snobbish because I feel uncomfortable looking at people or talking with them. I tend to avoid reaching or to others or striking up conversations.

I wish I could 'fake it til I make it' but I don't.

And for all of the above, I know therapy would help.

kshama2001

ReenieHJ wrote: »

Weird trait of mine and I hate it but I've always compared myself to others. Very sad and pathetic the way my brain used to work. I'd walk into a class room and look around to see if I was the largest one there. I have(or had) some serious deep-seated issues surrounding my size. Ever since I've gotten to within a "normal" size, I no longer do those particular things. But some days I still feel I don't measure up. There are always going to be things about ourselves we're not happy with; if it's not weight, it'll be hair, nose, hands, eyes, whatever. Well, if you're like me, there will be.

The problem with not feeling good about myself is it creates a bubble around me, one that projects lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes it even projects an aura of being snobbish because I feel uncomfortable looking at people or talking with them. I tend to avoid reaching or to others or striking up conversations.

I wish I could 'fake it til I make it' but I don't.

And for all of the above, I know therapy would help.

I almost mentioned this on another thread, but apparently saved it for you

One good thing about the pandemic is the expansion of tele-health. I find this incredibly convenient, and I especially like it for therapy.

I hear ads for various remote mental health options on several of my favorite podcasts. Here's one:

https://www.betterhelp.com/faq/

I'm with the VA and have not used that service myself, but it is something I'd consider otherwise. It's a shame their FAQ page does not address insurance. It looks like it does not go directly through insurance, but with some policies you can be reimbursed some amount if you use an out of network provider.

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/does-health-insurance-cover-therapy-for-mental-health-or-do-i-have-to-pay/

Here's one that does take insurance: https://www.talkspace.com/insurance

Xellercin

I'm glad you know therapy would help. It was a huge factor for me to be able to have excellent sense of self and confidence when I was at my heaviest.

In fact, at that point in my life, despite being obese, I had the highest sense of self esteem and self respect that I had ever had. I had finally separated my self worth from my appearance.

Only by doing that was I able to dedicate myself to legitimate, loving self care. By learning how to take really excellent care of my body and my health, I ended up with the healthiest and leanest body I have ever had.

A nice looking body did not increase my self worth, it was a reward I got for valuing myself and investing in my health and well being.

I enjoy being lean and looking good, but it does not define my value as a person. Which is why when I regained some weight due to illness and medications, my self esteem didn't drop. I was frustrated, sure, but I was frustrated with what my body was having to go through and the weight was evidence of my suffering, not some stain on my performance as a person.

What I learned to accept is that excess weight comes from somewhere. The more you can understand why it's there and have compassion for yourself as to why it's there, the easier it is to focus on resolving those causes and be your own biggest cheerleader in tackling those challenges.

If you're a stress eater, the answer isn't to beat yourself up every time you over eat. The answer is to understand the stresses and find healthier ways to cope with them instead of just trying to strip yourself of the one coping mechanism you have.

If you're overworked and eating poor quality foods, the answer isn't to pressure yourself to spend more time and energy that you don't have on cooking for yourself every night. Focus on finding convenient ways to eat healthy so that eating well actually makes your life easier, not harder.

If you treat exercise like a punishment you put your body through for having too much fat, then you will probably hit it hard briefly and then spend most of the year sedentary. The answer isn't to punish yourself more, it's to find ways to exercise that actually feel good, that make your days better and less stressful. Maybe at the beginning that's just a bit of stretching, or a short walk around the block while listening to your favourite music.

If you learn to value yourself regardless of your weight, and learn to always give yourself compassion, you will be able to stop trying to lose weight from a place of shame and self bullying.

Imagine a child who is struggling in school. What approach will work best? Calling them stupid and piling on more homework? Or caring about what's going on with them, figuring out why they're struggling, and then giving them supports to make school work easier??

Caring about yourself is the most powerful weight-loss tool you can possibly have.

ythannah

ReenieHJ wrote: »

Weird trait of mine and I hate it but I've always compared myself to others. Very sad and pathetic the way my brain used to work. I'd walk into a class room and look around to see if I was the largest one there. I have(or had) some serious deep-seated issues surrounding my size. Ever since I've gotten to within a "normal" size, I no longer do those particular things. But some days I still feel I don't measure up. There are always going to be things about ourselves we're not happy with; if it's not weight, it'll be hair, nose, hands, eyes, whatever. Well, if you're like me, there will be.

I was the same, although at the opposite end of the weight spectrum. Tall, lanky and gawky didn't exactly fit the ideal for female attractiveness either. Although I do think we all have aspects of ourselves that we're not happy with and unfortunately those things tend to be the ones that we focus on so they loom large for us when they might not even be noticeable to others.

ReenieHJ wrote: »

The problem with not feeling good about myself is it creates a bubble around me, one that projects lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes it even projects an aura of being snobbish because I feel uncomfortable looking at people or talking with them. I tend to avoid reaching or to others or striking up conversations.

I could have written this. Several very candid friends of mine have told me that their first impression of me was that I was "aloof" and they were surprised to learn that I was really a friendly person.

ReenieHJ wrote: »

I wish I could 'fake it til I make it' but I don't.

I've tried. My acting ability isn't that good, I wasn't fooling anyone. And I quickly got fed up with feeling inauthentic.