Do you get fed up of constantly feeling not good enough because of weight?

I have been physically active for over half my life, and proud of it, so even though I disliked the weight I would gain, then lose, then gain, then lose, I still was proud of the fact that my body could do the things that it could do. I looked at myself as a successful long distance hiker, not a fat person. Now I see myself as a runner, not just an old woman. I've never been beautiful or fashionable, but I have run 5 marathons, walked from Georgia to Maine and Mexico to Canada and Canada to Mexico. So what if I don't have a perfect body?

Weird trait of mine and I hate it but I've always compared myself to others. Very sad and pathetic the way my brain used to work. I'd walk into a class room and look around to see if I was the largest one there. I have(or had) some serious deep-seated issues surrounding my size. Ever since I've gotten to within a "normal" size, I no longer do those particular things. But some days I still feel I don't measure up. There are always going to be things about ourselves we're not happy with; if it's not weight, it'll be hair, nose, hands, eyes, whatever. Well, if you're like me, there will be.

The problem with not feeling good about myself is it creates a bubble around me, one that projects lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes it even projects an aura of being snobbish because I feel uncomfortable looking at people or talking with them. I tend to avoid reaching or to others or striking up conversations.

I wish I could 'fake it til I make it' but I don't.

And for all of the above, I know therapy would help.

I'm glad you know therapy would help. It was a huge factor for me to be able to have excellent sense of self and confidence when I was at my heaviest.

In fact, at that point in my life, despite being obese, I had the highest sense of self esteem and self respect that I had ever had. I had finally separated my self worth from my appearance.

Only by doing that was I able to dedicate myself to legitimate, loving self care. By learning how to take really excellent care of my body and my health, I ended up with the healthiest and leanest body I have ever had.

A nice looking body did not increase my self worth, it was a reward I got for valuing myself and investing in my health and well being.

I enjoy being lean and looking good, but it does not define my value as a person. Which is why when I regained some weight due to illness and medications, my self esteem didn't drop. I was frustrated, sure, but I was frustrated with what my body was having to go through and the weight was evidence of my suffering, not some stain on my performance as a person.

What I learned to accept is that excess weight comes from somewhere. The more you can understand why it's there and have compassion for yourself as to why it's there, the easier it is to focus on resolving those causes and be your own biggest cheerleader in tackling those challenges.

If you're a stress eater, the answer isn't to beat yourself up every time you over eat. The answer is to understand the stresses and find healthier ways to cope with them instead of just trying to strip yourself of the one coping mechanism you have.

If you're overworked and eating poor quality foods, the answer isn't to pressure yourself to spend more time and energy that you don't have on cooking for yourself every night. Focus on finding convenient ways to eat healthy so that eating well actually makes your life easier, not harder.

If you treat exercise like a punishment you put your body through for having too much fat, then you will probably hit it hard briefly and then spend most of the year sedentary. The answer isn't to punish yourself more, it's to find ways to exercise that actually feel good, that make your days better and less stressful. Maybe at the beginning that's just a bit of stretching, or a short walk around the block while listening to your favourite music.

If you learn to value yourself regardless of your weight, and learn to always give yourself compassion, you will be able to stop trying to lose weight from a place of shame and self bullying.

Imagine a child who is struggling in school. What approach will work best? Calling them stupid and piling on more homework? Or caring about what's going on with them, figuring out why they're struggling, and then giving them supports to make school work easier??

Caring about yourself is the most powerful weight-loss tool you can possibly have.